Ashley's Quest

[powermudkip]

This is my first fanfic so it might not be too good.
My name isn't Ashley,Ashley will just be the main character.

Chapter 1- Ashley's first Pokemon

Ashley was coming home from the last day of Elementary School.She was thinking about becoming about a pokemon master like her dad,Ash.

Ashley was 13,had brown hair,and loved her dad's Pikachu.She adored Pokemon.She was just like her dad and mom

Misty(her mom)told her that Prof. Gary was giving out starter pokemon.She ran upstairs got her cap and her shoes on.

Ashley ran out while saying,"Hi mom Hi Dad,Bye mom Bye dad,"

She rushed to the lab.She ran into a trainer with blonde hair and a weird hairdo.

He screamed,"WATCH WHERE YOUR GOIN' JERK"

She just ran past him before he would get the chance to say anything else.

She ran into the lab.There was a machine that had 6 Pokeballs on it.She knew what it was for due to her dad's stories.

She said,"Exuse me Professor Gary,I'm here to get my first Pokemon."

"You must be Ash's daughter."

"Yeah,what kind of pokemon do u have for me?"

"Since your the first Pokemon trainer to get here I'll let you get two pokemon"

"Cool!"

"You can have Plusle and Minun,Volbeat and Illumise,or Solrock and Lunastone."

"Plusle and Minun look a lot like Pikachu! I love them"

"Thank you soooo much Professor Gary,I can't wait to tell dad!"

Gary smiled as she left.

Asley ran outside.She stopped by the boy saying,"I have 2 Pokemon and you don't,hahaha"

The boy just glared at her.

"Dad! I got a Plusle and Minun"

"Great honey"

"You should let them out of there Pokeballs and let them meet Pikachu"

"Go Plusle and Minun!"

They were getting ready to use an attack after hearing her talk like that.

"Honey,you shouldn't always say it like that,sometimes when it's just for fun say "Come on out" or something like that"

Pikachu,Plusle,and Minun played around for a while.

They heard someone knocking on the door.Two people dressed in black kicked down the door...

[totodilelover]

Hey, this is a ok story. You need to be more descriptive and a little longer. Don't worry I started out like that. I like that it is different with the starter's and how you got a pair instead of just one. IM really intrested in how your next chapter will be. Keep it up and try hard.

[SneaselReborned]

Well...it needs to be longer. Also, it is very unoriginal. It is also choppy. You need some description to flow through your lines. Too much dialogue, try some words. One final thing: FIX YOUR SIG!!

[Lady Vulpix]

Sounds like a good beginning. Only that Ashley did behave like a jerk. But it's ok, not all protagonists have to be role models. It would be nice to see if her attitude changes with time.

[powermudkip]

Totodile Lover-thanks for being the first one to compliment me ^-^

Chapter 2-Trouble at Home

Ash screamed,"WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

"We're Team Torrent"

The other person elbowed him.

"NO WE'RE TEAM FLAME"

They argued for about 10 minutes.Then said,"We're here for the world's greatest Pokemon Trainer's Pokemon.

Ash screamed,"YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM,THEY'RE MINE!"

Ashley snuck out the back door and recalled Plusle and Minun.
Plusle and Minun were just as afraid as Ashley.

"They aren't going to get you it's ok,we've gotta save dad and mom though."

Laura ran back to see what they were doing.Dad was captured in a cage with 5 Electrode.If he would try to get they would use Selfdestruct or Explotion.Mom was surrounded in Caterpies and Spineraks.Pikachu was stuck in a rubber bag."I'm next,"she said to herself.

"Now, we want you and your pokemon little girl."

"You can't have them,Go Plusle and Minun"

Two little yellow pokemon came out.There tails and cheeks started to glow.They were prepared for battle.They were like Magnets.

"Plusle! Minun! Thunder!"

They're cheeks started glowing even more.Little sparks came out
of their cheeks.Thunder flew from they sky and their tails.
It hit the criminals.Little sparks went across their shirts and pants.
It didn't do anythingThe Two were wearing rubber and prepared for any electric attack.

"Minun,Helping Hand!Plusle Thunderbolt"

Plusle's cheeks started glowing again.Instead of coming from the sky the Thunder Bolt just came from it's cheeks.The Thunderbolt hit them burning the rubber.The two screamed.

Dad somehow managed to escape by using Bayleef's Reflect.
Misty,on the other hand used Politoed's Ice Beam to freezes the bugs.

The two ran away as quick as the could screaming,"Our name are Josh and Liz,we'll be back!"

Ashley jumped for joy.She hugged Plusle and Minun 'till they couldn't breath,then they Thunderbolted her.Ashley,Misty,and Ash just laughed.

Then Ashley got ready to go out on her long journey.She packed food and clothes.

Ash said,"You should go to Pewter City,after you get the badge tell Brock how I'm doing.You should also meet his son."

Ashley walked out of the door ready to leave home.

TO BE CONTINUED...

[totodilelover]

This was a little better. You could have been more descriptive and made it longer. Did you just write this? If you did take more time on writing them to make them really good and more people will read them.

[powermudkip]

I edited my post so read Chapter 2 again.

[totodilelover]

Yet again chapter 2 is a little better but don't just keep editing them. When you work on chapter 3 think of this take your time plan out what your going to write, be very descriptive, make them long and not short things that can take a minute or two to read. ok?

[powermudkip]

Chapter 3-Change of Plans
Ashley walked out of the door.

The phone wrang.It was Prof. Birch.

Prof. Birch screamed,"It has been stolen,the Heart Change machine has been stolen."

Ash said,"What?!"

Ash ran outside to catch up with his daughter.He ran through the thick grass.A small Pidgey appeared.It chanted it's name.He saw Ashley and a little boy battling.Plusle and Minun were obviously winning.Plusle had just Thunderbolted his Aron and Minun did the same to a Raticate.

"Dad?!,why are you here?"

"You need to go to Hoenn,Professor Birch needs your help,the Heart Change machine has been stolen by Team Flame or Team Torrent or whatever you want to call them"

"Let me finish this battle first"

"Plusle and Minun Thunder!"

Plusle and Minun's Tail started glowing.The sky turned black and Thunder Striked the Raticate and Aron.Then Plusle and Minun's cheeks started glowing and sparks flew straight at the Pokemon.The Pokemon fainted.

The trainer said,"I have one Pokemon left do you wanna fight it?"

"Sure"

"Go Gligar,use Poison Sting on Plusle!"

"Plusle avoid it then Spark"

Little sparks flew all over Plusle.Then one big spark was going straight a Gligar.It didn't do anything.

"What?!"

Dad said,"Honey,you should know that Electic types don't work against Gligars,they're Flying AND Ground types"

Ashley thought,"This might work,Minun Rain Dance!"

Plusle watched as Minun danced while chanting it's name.Rain fell down from the dark sky.Gligar was soaked in water and weak.

"Now Plusle Thunder!"

Ashley watched as Thunder flew down on Gligar.Plusle's cheeks started glowing again.This time it took time to use the attack waiting for Gligar to get even weaker.Thunder struck Plusle this time making it more powerful.Plusle's eyes were yellow because of the Thunder.Thunder flew out of Plusle's cheeks causing Gligar to faint.

"Your Gligar is strong,what is your name?"

"My name is Otto,I know this is rude but I've always wanted to go to Hoenn and I overheard that your going,sooooo... could I come with you?"

"Sure,if it's ok with my dad."

"It's fine with me,"Dad said.

"Here's the tickets,now remember once you get there get the "Heart Change Machine"back,then you can try to get badges."

"Okay!Let's go Otto!"

Otto and Ashley ran to catch the ship but it was leaving.A Mudkip showed up chanting it's name.It looked very hyper and wild.

"If I catch this maybe it can help us cross"

"I think it's too small,we can always fly on my Gligar."

"Yeah but I still wanna catch it!"

"Go! Plusle and Minun!

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Gligar_Man]

that sux... gligar shall never lose again! lol...

[totodilelover]

This is better than the first two. You were descriptive but you could work on making ti be alittle more descriptive. The length of the story should be much longer. Then longer it is and descriptive it is the better it will be. I think if you work on it more I know it will be really great. Keep working hard and I really want to see how your next chapter is.

[powermudkip]

Totodilelover-Thanks for the compliment

Chapter 4-Ashley's First Pokemon and Team Torrent or Flame

The blue and white pokemon sprayed a little bit of water at Minun,it was a Water Gun.Minun tried to avoid it but it wasn't fast enough.It was hurt a tiny bit.Plusle tried a Quick attack even though I didn't make any commands.It was worried about it's friend.Plusle ran as quick as it could,it was like an illusion.It rushed at Mudkip and it was blown away.Mudkip cried in pain.It was severely hurt.Ashley was very proud of Minun.
Ashley took out a red and white divice called a Pokeball.She threw it at the Pokemon screaming,"Pokeball,Go!"

The Pokeball move around then it finally stopped.

"YES,I CAUGHT MUDKIP!Thank you sooooo much Minun and Plusle!"

Ashley hugged Minun and Plusle and they shocked here again.(Ashley:x_X)

"Well,that was your luck,"said Otto.

"Yeah,that's happened before,X_X"

"Hahahahaha,okay we need to leave before Team Flame or Torrent does anything else"

"Let's go!"

The two trainers jumped on the back of Gligar.Gligar chanted it's name.Gligar started flying away from the land and on the way to Hoenn.After about 3 hours they say a huge island.They were trying to land at Littleroot but Gligar had to glide to go down so they ended up in Oldare.Otto recalled the purple pokemon in it's Pokeball.They knew that it would take about one day to get to Littleroot.Ashley went to the Pokemon center to heal her Pokemon.Ashley was glad that Dad had packed her a tent a sleeping bag.She only had one sleeping bag so Otto would have to sleep out of it.

They started walking to Littleroot.They ran into a trainer named
Suzie.She was much older than Ashley(she was 21).She had her hair died the same color as Pikachu.(some red some yellow some black)Ashley could tell that she loved Pikachus.

"Wanna battle?"said Suzie.

"We don't have time to battle we need to get the "Heart Change Machine" back from Team Flame or Torrent or whatever you wanna call 'em"

"My friend May lives in Littleroot,could I come with you?"

"Sure!The more the merrier!"

It was getting dark.They needed to get ready to set up camp.Otto and Ashley started setting up they're tent.Suzie started setting up hers.Suzie's had a picture of a Pikachu and Pichu on it.Ashley asked Suzie what kind of Pokemon she had.
She knew that she had a Pikachu and Pichu but that was it.Suzie told Ashley that she also had a Raichu.

The camp was set up and they went to sleep.They woke up at about 6 AM.Team Flame or Torrent was surrounding them.

"What do you want!?"

"We want revenge"

"Well,you aren't going to get it"

"Go! Mudkip"

The blue and white pokemon popped out.It started to chant it's name and get ready for battle.

"Go Numel!"said Liz,an Ex-member of Team Magma.

The yellow pokemon popped out glaring at Mudkip.

"Go Carvanha!"said Josh and Ex-member of Team Aqua.

The blue,red and yellow pokemon landed in a puddle.

"Go Pikachu!"said Suzie.

The cute yellow Pokemon land on the ground chanting it's name happily.

"Mudkip,Mud Slap on Numel"

Mudkip wet some dirt with I water gun then used its hind legs to kick it on Numel.The yellow fire Pokemon crying in fear and pain.

"Pikachu!Thunder Shock on Carvanha!"

A jolt of electricity came out of Pikachu's cheeks and struck the water pokemon.The blue,red,and yellow pokemon fainted due ot it's weakness.Josh recalled his pokemon with a sweatdrop going down his face.

"FINISH IT OFF MUDKIP,WATER GUN!"

A thin jet of water came out of Mudkip's mouth.It hit the Fire Pokemon and it cried out it's name in pain.Liz recalled her pokemon with a sweatdrop going down her face.

The two criminals ran to Littleroot to steal more machines.The three Pokemon trainers ran after them.

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Little_Pikachu]

Yay, I'm in! Thanks! ^_^

I'm no decent fic critic, but your writing seems to be improving with every chapter, keep it up and by the end of this thing we're gonna have somehting special! And make sure Suzie keeps kicking ***

[totodilelover]

Wow, I have seena improvment with this chapter. It is more descriptive and it has gottin longer. All you have to do is make it just a little bit longer and it will be good. Keep it up abd Keep writing.

[powermudkip]

"Go! Raichu,Chase those criminals!

Raichu chased after the criminals while using an Agility.
Raichu was just a blur to the human eye.It ran in front of them and Thundered them without order.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHH"said Josh and Liz.

"Good job Raichu"

The Heart Change machine had exploded.Team Flame/Torrent blasted off into the semi-dark sky.They screamed as they flew higher and higher.

"I don't even think Gligar could fly that high,"said Otto.

"Thanks Suzie"

The three ran to Littleroot to get Prof. Birch who was an elder by now.We ran into the Lab.

"What's the hurry?"said Prof. Birch.

"We accidentally destroyed the Heart Change machine when we stopped the criminals"

There was someone knocking at the door.Eve'ryone released their Pokemon expecting Team Flame/Torrent.Ashley ordered Plusle and Minun to use a Thunder once they opened the door.Their tails started glow in a fierce way that it had never done before.It was Prof. Birch's daughter,May!May ran away screaming then coming back a few minutes later hoping not to get electricuted again.(May: *-* I see stars)This time she didn't get electricuted.

Ashley felt like a big jerk.She thought that she was even worse than that kid at the time.

"Sorry about what I did,I was expecting Team Flame/Torrent"

"That's ok,"said May in a fake happy voice.(^_~)

"Hey May!"said Suzie.

"Suzie?How did you get here?"

"I came with these guys!They're very nice,you should get to know them!"

Ashley and Otto blushed.

"Whatever you say Suzie..."May whispered to herself.

"Well,we should get going shouldn't we?"asked Ashley.

"You can sleep at our house tonight if you want"

"That would be great!"

"You should call your dad first"

Ashley dialed 252-5250.Mom answered.Her hair was down and she was wearing a cerelean color shirt.Politoed was behind her dancing and acting really cocky playing with Totodile.

"Hey Ashley!I can see that you're at Prof. Birch's lab!"

"Could I talk to dad?"

"Sure!"

Dad got on the phone.Pikachu was on his head smiling.

"Mom told me that you're at Prof. Birch's lab."

"Yeah"

"I caught a Mudkip on the way over here!"

"It's sooooo cute!"

"After today you should start on your way to Petalburg,Then Rustboro."

"Okay Dad,thanks for the info!"

"Bye!"

"Buh-Bye!"

They ran to May's house to go to bed.Her room was upstairs,they had a Guest room downstair by the Kitchen.

Ashley let out all of her Pokemon and introduced Mudkip to Plusle and Minun and vice-versa.Ashley knew they would be good friends.

Ashley got under the covers and fell into a deep sleep.She had a dream that she had become that Pokemon Champion.Mudkip was still a Mudkip.She also had a Torkoal and a Mightyena.She also had a Flygon that was very weird,It would fly in heart shapes when it was around Suzie.(o.O)She woke up realizing it was just a dream.

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Pokemaster Cody]

Originally posted by Little_Pikachu
Yay, I'm in! Thanks! ^_^

I'm no decent fic critic, but your writing seems to be improving with every chapter, keep it up and by the end of this thing we're gonna have somehting special! And make sure Suzie keeps kicking ***

'

This is the first time I've ever seen LP post in Fanfic. Uuuuuuhhhh... yeah keep it up. Your fic is improving, but your going to run out of colors soon. I recommend normal colors so that it's easy to read.

[powermudkip]

Chapter 6-Hunter...A new friend


Ashley walked towards Suzie's bed and woke her up.She rubbed her eyes.

"What time is it?"

"I have no idea,I had a weird dream.I dreamed that I was the Pokemon Champion."

"Well,it was just a dream.If it would really happen...de ja vu!"

"We should wake up Otto.We could get started on the road early if we leave now."

Ashley walked to Otto's bed an nudged him a bit.He woke up yawning and acting like he was in a Pokemon battle.

"Go! Gligar! Earthquake!"

He yawned again.He opened his eyes slowly and layed his head on the bed again.He fell back to sleep.

"OTTO!WAKE UP NOW!WE'RE GONNA LEAVE EARLY!"

He woke up opening his eyes up in a second.

"Okay,Okay!"


"Let's go!"

"We should leave a note."

They left a note saying that they left for Petalburg.They ran out of the door anxious to get to Petalburg.They ran in the tall and stiff grass.They saw a trainer training for a Petalburg Gym challenge.He had dirty blonde hair a blue eyes.He was training his...Plusle and Mudkip!

"Hey,I have a Plusle and Mudkip,too!"shouted Ashley.

"That's really cool!"

"Wanna battle?I'm training for the Petalburg gym too!"

"Sure that would be great!Go! Mudkip!"

A blue pokemon with blue eyes like his trainer instead of black like a normal Mudkip.

"How about we make this a double battle?"

"Sure,Go! Plusle!"

A yellow pokemon with blue eyes like it's pal and trainer popped out.It chanted it's name and made it's tail glow just to entertain the young Mudkip.Mudkip jumped around it's tail chanting it's name continuesly.It was just a baby,but it was very cute.

"I'll use the same Pokemon as you then,Go! Mudkip and Plusle"

Mudkip looked stern unlike the other Mudkip.It was a bit more mature that the other Mudkip.Plusle looked just as stern,making it's tail glow,but not for fun.It was prepared for battle.

"By the way,what's your name?"

"Hunter,yours?"

"Ashley.Let's get this battle heated up!"

"Okay,great!"

"Mudkip,use Mud Sport"said Ashley.

Mudkip found a little space of dirt and used water gun on it.It was now mud.Mudkip rolled in it getting prepared for any electric attack.Plusle was ready to counter any of the other Plusle's attacks.

"Plusle!Thunder Wave on the other Plusle!"said Hunter.

Plusle was concentraiting to much on Mudkip to avoid the bolt of weak of electricity.It couldn't move it was parylyzed.

"Plusle!Are you ok?"

Plusle said in pain,"Plus...le"

It had been parylyzed.Mudkip had to fight on it's own now.It was afraid.It started running in circles because of fear not happiness like usual.

"Plusle!If you can try a Helping Hand to help Mudkip!"

Plusle started clapping.Mudkip started glowing because of the cheer it got from it's partner.

"Mudkip,try a Water Gun on Plusle!"

Mudkip sprayed a fast jet of water at Plusle.Plusle tried to avoid it but it couldn't.Plusle cry in pain.Water had gotten in it's eyes.It couldn't see very well,because of the high speed in went in at.Mudkip blushed a bit.

"Mudkip!Bide!"said Hunter with a smirk on his face.

His Mudkip glowed a red color and Mudkip stood still not moving a mucsle.

"Mudkip!Use a Mud Slap on Plusle!"

Mudkip kicked some of the mud from later into Plusle's eyes.Plusle was crying in fear and pain.A tear fell from it's eye.Ashley's Plusle didn't feel to good about what happened to Hunter's Plusle.It was a Plusle too so it felt sorry for it.

Hunter screamed,"Stop the battle!I don't want Plusle to get hurt anymore!"

Hunter ran crying to the Pokemon center in Oldale...

TO BE CONTINUED...

[totodilelover]

Wow, I have seen a improvement in your writing. You are getting more descriptive. They are getting longer. You could still make them a ittle longer and a little more descriptive. Other than that your story is really good. Keep it up!

[powermudkip]

Thanks again Totodile Luver ^^

Chapter 7-Plusle...

Suzie,Ashley,and Otto ran after Hunter.Ashley had forgotten about her Plusle.She ran back while screaming for Plusle.A wild Poochyena was attacking it."Return Plusle!I hope you feel better now"

The Poochyena began chasing Ashley while barking it's name continuesly.Ashley ran after her group having another reason to run.Ashley screamed as hard as her lungs could allow her to.The people in Oldale started turning on there lights."Were trying to sleep here,"but Ashley kept running.

Otto and Suzie called for Hunter.Ashley had something else on her mind though.The Poochyena's jaws moved up and down in a fierce and terrifyingly.Ashley could see the saliva in its mouth and it even looked scary.The Poochyena chanted it's name in a terrifyingly way.Ashely knew that it was mad.(it's obvious)

She ran and eventually caught up with Otto and Suzie.They ran into the Pokemon Center following the crying boy.Ashley thanked Nurse Joy for making electronic doors.Nurse Joy was startled to here what happened to Plusle.She said,"I'm sorry to say this but...it might be blinded."

"Not...Plusle,It's all your fault Ashley!And your dumb Mudkip!"

"You know Hunter,you didn't have to battle her.You should think about risks before you take chances."

"Your right...*sigh*I just hope Plusle is alright..."

"It might just be blinded temporarilly,"said Nurse Joy after taking some tests.

Nurse Joy brought Plusle to the emergency room.Hunter walked in with her.He watched as Nurse Joy put a mask attached to sleeping gas on Plusle's mouth and nose.It fell asleep instantly.Plusle's eyes closed as Nurse Joy went on to doing surgery.Hunter walked out appoligizing to Suzie,Otto,Ashley and Mudkip.

Suzie set up a bed on a sofa and soon fell asleep,but before she went to sleep she asked Nurse Joy to cure Plusle parylyzis.Plusle jumped around like it was new Plusle.She let her Pokemon stay out while she slept though.Lucky for Otto,Suzie and Hunter,there were three more sofas.

They woke up the next morning at about 7:30.Plusle,Otto,Suzie,Hunter,and Mudkip were up.Ashley slowly opened her eyes.She asked,"How is Plusle?"

"It's great!It isn't blind at all,accually it was never blind."

"Remember,next time we battle you need to be more careful about Plusle."

"I will,don't worry!The next time we battle I'll win!"

"Yeah right!"said Ashley in a playful voice.

"We should get going.We should make it to Petalburg before night."

"Okay!I'll see you there!"

They all walked out of the door except for Hunter.They walked in the grass and saw Team Torrent/Flame training.They obviously were training to either impress their boss or get better so they could beat some trainers and steal their Pokemon.Ashley screamed,"What are you'll up to jerks?!"

"How'd you find us here?"said Liz.

"We just found you,duh."

"...meh,GIVE US YOUR POKEMON,NOW!"said the two criminals.

Ashley turned her cap backwards and said,"Go!Minun!"

Minun Thunderbolted the criminals because of past encounters.Minun's cheeks glew in fury.It's tail pointed straight up and let electricity out of it's cheeks while screaming"Min-un!"The criminals were electricuted but not down."Go!Numel Magnitude!"

The ground shaked.Minun started screaming.Cracks started to appear.Minun fell in one.It was trapped.Minun couldn't move.Minun tried a Thunder because of it's pain.The ground absorbed the electric attack.Minun cried in fear.The ground was starting to close up because it was so long since Numel had used Magnitude.If Ashley couldn't get Minun out it would probably die."Go!Mudkip!Use Water Gun on the ground so Minun could get out after we defeat these jerks!"

"Go!Gligar!Poison Sting on Numel!"

Sharp needles came out of Gligar's wings.It hit Numel and made it poisoned.Numel's face turned green like it was sick."Numel!Ember on Gligar and Mudkip!

Numel's face turned red even though it was poisoned.It opened it's move and little flames appeared in it's mouth.Then needle-like flames came out of it's mouth.It hit Gligar and Mudkip not doing much damage.Eventually Minun crawled out of the thick,dark mud.It was covered in it head to toes."Minun Thunder on Numel,"but the mud absorbed the attack.

"Err...Mudkip Surf!"

Mudkip found a puddle and stood in it,soon a huge tidal wave came out of the small puddle.It hit everyone.It also hit Gligar and Minun.Gligar fell to the ground.The water was too powerful for it's wings to handle."Return Gligar!"

Numel fainted.The two screamed and ran to Petalburg.They were soaked.The tripped over a rock on there way.Ashley,Suzie,and Otto ran after them."Give us back whatever you stole!NOW!"said the group of trainers.

"We didn't steal anything!We were just training to..."

They ran away while Ashley,Suzie and Otto chased them.They saw Hunter on the side of the pathway."What are you'll doing?Who are you running after?"

"Just follow us if you want to know!"

"Okay!"

The criminals ran and eventually got to Littleroot."Go!Plusle and Minun!Thunder!"

Plusle and Minun's bodies glew instead of just their cheeks and tails.Sparks flew from their cheeks and sky.They landed on the criminals.Then the Sparks from their cheeks turned in a big Lightningbolt.It went straight on Liz and Josh.They screamed.The group of trainers ran over the them and went to the Gym."We need the police!"

"What's the hurry?!"said the Gym leader.

"We have two criminals in the middle of a pathway!"

"Okay!"

The gym leader called Officer James.He answered.The gym leader told him about them.The officer rushed to the criminals and put them in hand cuffs.They brought them to jail but that wasn't the end of the team...

[totodilelover]

WOW, I have definitally seen a improvement. THe length has gottin better. Still you should do a little more detail on your chapter's. More detail make's it more intresting. That's what I learned. Keep it up. Can't wait for the next chapter.

[Hanada Tattsu]

I just read this fic, and hey, it's great!

I've really seen a great improvement in you writing!

Keep up the great work!

[powermudkip]

Thanks to Danny(isn't that ur name)and Greg.
Chapter 8-Ashley's Gym Battle...

"What is your name?"

"Brandon,yours?"

"Ashley is my name Pokemon is my numba one game.Get ready to lose cuz I'm ready to battle ya!"

"How many badges do you have?I need to know that first."

"Uhhh...none"

"Then I can't battle you.."

Ashley bright face turned to a gloomy one.Ashley couldn't stand that she made it to Petalburg and she couldn't have her one and only battle with the Petalburg Gym Leader,Brandon.Ashley sat on the ground and sighed.She couldn't believe it.A tear came down from her face.It fell on the floor and made a noise that even a Marril couldn't here."Are you okay Ashley?"asked Otto.

"No,I'm not!"

Ashley ran out of the gym crying."Why can't she battle you?"asked Suzie.

"Every trainer that I battled that was coming for their first badge I won against.So I've figured out a way how to make them have a challenge.They have to get four badges before they battle me.Now I am officially the Fifth Gym Leader."

"You could have told Ashley that though!"said Otto as he pushed Brandon i bit.

"I guess I did deserve that,"Brandon said that as he sighed.

Ashley was running for a town called Daisunia.It was a small town between Rustboro and Petalburg.The town was known for it's Plant-like pokemon.You wouldn't see Sunfloras very often though,they were very rare.Ashley ran.Her hair blew but it wasn't a happy kind of way that it normally did.Otto,Suzie,and even Brandon.Brandon felt sorry for being mean to Ashley."Go!Ninjask!"said Brandon and as he said that he threw a green and blue ball.A dark green-like color pokemon came out.It's wings flapped it's wings rapidly and not one sweat dropped from the Pokemons face.

"Now fly after the girl with brown hair!"

The pokemon also had great eye sight so it could see Ashley even though she was about a half a mile away.Ashley's tears flew all around the road."I'm going to give up,if I can't battle the first gym leader I can't make it to the Hoenn league,the Indigo Plateau or anything.It isn't fair.I'm done with doing what dad wanted me to do so I'm going home,NOW!"

Ashley ran but the Pokemon caught up with her.It got infront of her and stopped her.Suzie and the others weren't that far behind.
They screamed Ashely's name but she still tried to get away from
Ninjask,but the pokemon was too fast.Brandon caught up with Ashely and said,"Ashly the reason why I couldn't battle you is because I'm too good.I didn't want your Pokemon to get hurt.I will battle you when you have 4 other badges though."

"That's why you wouldn't battle me?"

"Yes,it is."

"I'm soooo sorry for running away before you got the chance to tell me that."

"It wasn't your fault,it was mine.I should have told you before you ran off."

"Well,shoulda woulda coulda"

"Yeah,I guess your right."

They all walked to Daisunia Town."Well,I gotta go."

"See ya later Brandon."

"Bye!"

Brandon walked away as he recalled his bug Pokemon Ninjask in it's cool Pokeball the Net Ball.Ashley thought about what type of Pokemon Brandon used.He had a Ninjask a bug and flying type Pokemon.He might use bug pokemon but it was also a flying type so he might train flying types.Ashley would have to find it out the hard way,the battling way.Suddenly a Roselia appeared.It looked very peaceful.It had a tag around it's neck."It must be somebody's,"thought Ashley.

Then a Shroomish appeared but it looked wild."This one's mine!Go!Aron Metal Claw!"said Otto.

The small and cute Pokemon started glowing and a huge claw appeared from its little legs.The claw flew straight at the Shroomish doing severe damage.The little moody Pokemon was on it's face trying to get up."Pokeball Go!"The Pokeball turned once,twice,th...the Pokemon popped out looking angry.

"Argh!Aron Headbutt!"The little Pokemon lowered it's head and ran at the yellow-greenish pokemon.The little Shroomish dodged it and used Sleep Powder.Little particles flew from the Pokemon's head.They landed on the little metal Pokemon and it tried to resist but it fell asleep.Soon it even started blowing nose bubbles."Oh shoot,Return Aron!Rest in here!"Otto got in a pose as if he was as light as air.He spreaded his arms and said,"Go Gligar!Poison Sting!"

Gligar started flapping it's wings and made straight pointy stingers come out of it's wings.They flew at the Shroomish.It was hit and poisoned badly.Shroomish seemed to grow a tail and get taller and skinnier.It got into some kind of defense pose and ready for an attack."Go Premier Ball!"

The new kind of Pokeball flew at the Fighting and Grass type Pokemon.It turned from it's defense pose to and attack one.It hit the Pokeball away and made it hit Gligar.Gligar stayed in the Pokeball so..."Go Raticate!Super Fang!"

The rat's fangs seemed to grow even larger than they were and it ran at the Pokemon.It wasn't ready for the attack so it fainted."Go Great Ball!This better work!"The Greatball move once,twice,then...

TO BE CONTINUED...

[totodilelover]

I have seen a improvement in your writing. You are making your chapter's longer. You story is good but if you want to make it better add more to it. Use lot's of detail and say if you are going to the gym you battle don't end the chapter add more like you leaving and going to the pokemon center and leaving stuff like that and that will make you a better writer.

[Hanada Tattsu]

Great chapter!

I like how Otto got a Breloom, it's cool! Also, nice description and the length is getting better and better!

Can't wait for the next chapter!

[powermudkip]

Chapter 9:Rematch

And he caught it!

~Meanwhile~

Brock was walking to Pallet to see Ash.He started running and his hair moved as if it had it’s own mind.He was in Viridian and then he decided…”Go Crobat!”

The Flying pokemon spread it’s wings and got ready to do whatever Brock,his favorite trainer and owner.”Cro-bat.”said the Pokemon in it’s raspy voice.

“Crobat fly me to Pallet Town,”said Brock trying to sound young again.

Brock got on tried to get on the Pokemon’s back but he was too big since he was now 36.”This won’t work so…Go Steelix!”

The humongous Pokemon popped out of the tiny Pokeball which it had been in for a long time.I tried to stretch out with the little room.(to it)Brock started wondering how it could fit in there.”Steelix,no time to delay we gotta try to make it to Pallet by night!”

Brock jumped on it’s back and said,”Dig!”Brock didn’t want to scare any children.

The huge pokemon burrowed a hole in the ground and dived in.”Not so hard Steelix!”

The Pokemon dug though many rocks and Brock’s Pokenavi blinked.Brock looked at it and noticed that they where in Pallet town.”Steelix go up!”

The steel pokemon changed it’s position and went up.The came out scaring Gary’s kid, Garret.”You should watch out where your aiming that thing!”

“Sorry,I’m just in a hurry to visit my old friend Ash.”

“Ash?My dad told me about him.”

“Is your dad Gary?”

“Yep,Professor Gary the one and only!”
“You know sometimes he can be called Prof. Gay not Gary.But now he’s really nice.I’m here have a rematch with Ash the one and only Pokemon world champion.”

“You’re probably not going to win then.”

“Don’t warn me about that,I know Ash and how much he trains.”

“Okay then Bye”

Brock walked and and eventually made it to Ash’s house which was his old house.There was a sign outside that read ‘Pokemon Master.’Brock knocked on the door.Misty answered.”Brock?…,”then Misty fainted.

“Misty?!”yelled Brock,”are you okay?”

“Brock!”yelled Ash from a distance.Ash could recognize his voice even though it had been about 30 years since the last time they had seen each other.

“Pika!”chanted Pikachu in surprise.

“Hi Pikachu,Ash.What’s up?”

“Well,I was just talking to my Pokemon.”

“I was wondering if you would want to battle me.”

“Sure any battle is a great battle!Let’s take this outside,Misty will wake up soon don’t worry.”

The two friends walked outside getting ready for battle.”Go MarshTomp!”

Ash took out his Pokedex.’Marshtomp the evolved form of Mudkip.Unlike most water Pokemon this Pokemon is immune to Electric attacks because it is also a ground type Pokemon.Trainers should pause before facing it.’

“Okay then,Go Bayleef!”

“Let’s start this battle out.Marshtomp Mud Shot!”

It opened it’s mouth and mud shot out of it’s mouth.The mud flew at Bayleef and Marshtomp had aimed at Bayleef’s feet so it would be slower.Bayleef was struggling to move.”Bayleef NO!”

Brock smirked.

“Bayleef Vine Whip!”

Bayleef used it’s vines and pulls Marshtomp closer to it so it could get out of the mud.Bayleef was let out of the mud.”Bayleef now Tackle!”

Bayleef used it’s vines to sprint at Marshtomp.”Bay-Leef!”

Marshtomp fell to the ground fainted.”Argh!Marshtomp return!”

A red beam came from the Pokeball and Marshtomp went inside the Pokeballfor a rest.

“Return Bayleef you did a great job.”

“Go Ludicolo!”

“How’d you get that?”

“My mom gave me a Water Stone to evolve Lombre.”

“Okay then…Go Quilava!”

Ash’s wish had came true to get a Quilava.”Ludicolo Water Gun!”

“Quilava try a SmokeScreen.”

Quilava opened it’s mouth and some dark smoke came out of it.

Ash heard Quilava chant it’s name in bravery.”Quilava try a Flamethrower!”

Quilava opened it’s mouth and tiny red beams appeared.Then a straight jet of flames flew from it’s mouth and…”Ludicolo counter it with a Hydro Pump!”

Luckily the Flamethrower evaporated the water and it hit Ludicolo.Ludicolo was not really hurt but it wasn’t’ doing that well.It was a grass and water type so it was just like using it on a Ground or Poison type.Quilava started getting overconfident and wasn’t prepared for Ludicolo’s Water Gun it had sed while it was getting hit.”Quil!”

Quilava was hit by the Water Gun and was weak.”Finish it off Ludicolo Giga Drain!”

Ludicolo and Quilava started glowing and it seemed that little particles were coming from Quilava.Ludicolo had sucked up it’s last bit of energy and Quilava fainted.

"Argh,Quilava return!"

"Same with you Ludicolo."

The two Pokemon were sucked up into the beam of light.

"Go..."said Brock.

"Go..."said Ash.

TO BE CONTINUED…

[totodilelover]

That was a ok chapter, the battle could have been a little bit longer. Describe the battles more. For the bayleef and swampert battle, it could have went on longer then one hit and it died. The quilava ludicole battle was ok. Other than that it was ok. Keep on writing.

[Hanada Tattsu]

Pretty good chapter!

Wow, so Brock battles Ash? Heh, I'd like to see that more on the show!

Keep writing!