Crazy like a Fox (ZOMG Phoenix is writing again! For the first time since 2004!)

[Negrek]

I did say I would review eventually!

This is a rather uncommonly-attempted sort of story; Breezy wrote a 'fic a long while back along these lines, though it ended after the first chapter. Better luck to you with this one--it's a pretty cool idea.

Anyway, just going to begin as I normally do, reading through again and looking for any proofreading-ish issues that catch my eye...

- The use of "Teddy Ursa" to describe John in his intro paragraph is somewhat awkward. First, you say that he was nothing less than a very large Teddy Ursa, and then, a couple sentences later, you say that kids would describe him as being as soft and huggable as a Teddy Ursa. Essentially, it reads like you're saying, "He was really just a great big teddy bear. And he was as soft and huggable as a teddy bear." It kind of sounds redundant and awkward; saying one implies the other, if you know what I mean.

Also, I have to admit that the "Teddy Ursa" thing initially threw me as it did some other readers. I think it might help (or would've helped me, anyway) if you were to de-capitalize it. I spent a while trying to figure out if it was a play on some celebrity or somebody I was supposed to know (well, okay, it sort of is, but whatever) because the capitalization suggested to me that it was supposed to be a proper name.

- "The one that was turned into a fine arts center a few months back?"

Typo.

- "Being extremely possessive of their little trinkets, the Emersons had gone to great lengths to protect their treasures, installing elaborate security... and rooms of their estate, among other things."

And typos.

"...he cannot possibly pass the ability to do so on to his son."

Because you would say "He passed on the ability," not "He passed onto the ability," or something along those lines. Also, I think unto would work there as an alternative.

- The Oxford comma needs more love. I keep tripping over your lists and having to read them twice because whenever I see a list without the Oxford comma, I read it like something like this: "Eggs, milk, cheese-and-yogurt." I am not prepared for the lack of pause!

(I was not being entirely serious about that, if you couldn't tell. You can use or omit the comma however you like, of course, but I really do find it easier to read with the comma in and the unusual number of lists in this chapter made me really notice its absence.)

So! Not much to go over there; good job in proofreading and, uh, knowing grammar and stuff in general, I guess.

With regards to the actual story thus far, I like it overall. This introductory chapter gave us a good look at the main characters and also helped to establish the "case" and then "solution" and episodic format of the story. However, I didn't really enjoy the way that the information was presented in this particular installment. The fact that Sterling was only retelling the facts relating to a previous case, not actually solving one himself at the moment, meant both that the characters were not as fully explored as they could have been in this chapter and that, in general, it came off as a bit "talky."

The introductory portion of the introduction, where Sterling and his hat-loving tendencies were initially described, wasn't bad and is true to some specific genres of writing (of whicher, err, I can think of none at the moment, but whatever), but I'm really more a fan of showing the characters' personalities through their actions and allowing the reader to make judgements of their character for themselves. For example, if you had just done a scene where Sterling had arrived at the site of a case and was interacting with some of the major players, such as the police on the scene or some witnesses or whatever, and we'd very quickly get the picture that he's a quirky ninetales guy who talks funny, has a creepy grin, and likes to wear loud hats. The sort of "this is how it is" summary/intro on the characters wasn't pulled off poorly or anytyhing, but I think that it contributed to the sort of static feel of the story.

Sterling's case was recounted, rather than witnessed directly in the text, and as a result the case was made a little more confusing and a little less interesting than it could have been. First of all, there were tons of names and pokémon flying all over the place, and for someone with a chronic lack of ability to remember peoples' names and little exposure to the various characters involved meant that I had a bit of trouble distinguishing between the major players in the little crime. You did do a good job of giving the rich family more snobby names, but for some reason I kept on thinking that Morris was the raichu (I swear that's a better name for a raichu than an empoleon). In any case, just getting all the information relating to the case set in front of us via a fairly objective assessment did make for a decent enough puzzle, but not a really good story, if you know what I mean. What was going on in the background wasn't terribly exciting, either. Basically, it was a couple of guys sitting around, talking. They were bored, and I was kind of bored as well. Little things, like Sterling's movement around the room and fascination with his feather, gave it a bit of variety, but overall the setting and action were more a vehicle for the delivery of information than anything else. You didn't even get much milage out of Sterling's lovably eccentric character; with John being very used to his friend's quirks, we didn't even get the inherent humor that comes of setting a slightly out-there character upon a bunch of innocent, normal people who are totally unprepared for him.

Also, one thing that I still can't figure out and spent a lot of time trying to decide on was how, exactly, the characters are portrayed in the story. There are no humans in this world, but then are the characters just normal pokémon, or are they some sort of anthro? There seemed to be conflicting messages about this throughout the prose. For example, right at the beginning you refer to "a man like Sterling," while later on you describe him very blatantly as a "nine-tailed fox." The world certainly seems to be designed in a way that would make much more sense for anthros (I mean seriously, why would you even invent doorknobs when only like 20% of the pokémon population would be able to use them), but at the same time the characters occasionally took actions that would really only make sense for pokémon, like Sterling leaping onto his desk. Unless I'm getting quite the wrong picture of Sterling's house and his study, any normal-sized adult male leaping onto the desk would experience a bit of head trauma, or at least lose his hat. Or perhaps I've just become too accustomed to the rather ridiculously low ceilings of my house, although you said it was a ranch house, so...

In general, I just didn't found this story to present the case in a rather uninteresting fashion and not offer much in the way of story around it, either. It was a pleasant read, because your writing was in general spot-on and the characters are generally likeable and kept consistent, but I didn't really like the way that it was set up.

So, I did enjoy this, but I'd like to think that some of the later chapters will be better and that we'll get to see Sterling in action rather than just being exposed to his actions via his own recollections. You've got the solid base of good characters and an unusual premise to work off; I'm sure you'll be fine. In any case, good luck with the next installment, and I look forward to it!