I actually wrote a parody of these once. Let me dig it up...okay, when reading this you need to understand that I was a member of an online Pokémon community where the term "lamer" was common slang for "idiot".
How NOT to get Pokégods
by Poryhedron
You all know about the famous S.S. Anne truck, right? The one you have to Surf east off the dock to reach, and there should be Mew there? To get the pokégods, the first thing you need to do is Surf off that dock, but west instead of east until you find a small island with an item ball. That's TM 52: Lamer. Teach Lamer to a Jigglypuff and evolve it into Wigglytuff. Now you're ready to catch some Pokégods!
Flareth and Flarachu:
First, use the Game Shark Code that gives you the item for Surfing without a pokémon. Take Wigglytuff to the Secret House in the Safari Zone. Face the guy who gave you HM 3 and use Lamer. The guy will complain that he gives away all these Surf HM's and can't keep any for himself! Give him the Surf item and he'll offer you a choice of Flareth or Flarachu. Take either, and trade with someone who chose the other to get both of these fiery pokégods.
Psybird and Psybur:
If you get at least 160 pokémon in your Pokédex, a new item will appear in the Pokédex menu: Copy. If you try to use it, you'll get the "OAK: This isn't the time to use that!" message. With Wigglytuff in your party, go to the Rock Tunnel and find the guy who says "When you finish your Pokédex, can I have it?" (He says this after you beat him in a trainer battle, so fight him if you haven't yet.) Use Lamer on him and he'll repeat his plea, offering you a special pokémon for it. Go into your Pokédex, choose Copy, and the Pokédex will create an exact copy of itself! Give this to the guy and he'll offer you Psybird or Psybur. Just like Flareth and Flarachu, choose one and trade for the other.
Houou:
Put Articuno, Zapdos and Moltres into your party with Wigglytuff (if you've already evolved Articuno into Charticuno, get another Articuno by trade or Game Shark.) Go to Route 1 (where Ash saw Houou in the anime,) stand in the little spot near Viridian City that you can only get to by jumping down a ledge, and, after making sure one of the three birds is first in your party, use Lamer. Houou will appear. Fight it with only the three mythical birds and catch it. If you use any other pokémon, Houou will Whirlwind you away.
Millenium and Chrono Mew:
Play through the game until you've racked up exactly 255 hours. Then, with Wigglytuff and no more than three other pokémon in your party, go to Vermillion City and visit the construction site. You'll find they still haven't gotten past step one--that Machop is still tamping the land! Face the man in charge, use Lamer and he'll say it's because two time-power pokémon have slowed time in his area. He'll ask you to help him. Say yes, and you'll go into a trainer battle with the man. He'll send out Millenium, then Chrono Mew. Beat him and he'll give you both! After this, check the clock. You'll find it will never go past 255 hours. This is because Millenium and Chrono Mew are helping you now!
Togepi:
If you don't have a Poké Doll to spare, go to Celadon City and buy one. Visit Professor Oak's Lab, and with the Poké Doll at the top of your items, use Lamer on the lady in the front room. She'll say how cute the Doll is and can she have it? Say yes and she'll give you Togepi for the Poké Doll!
Charticuno:
With Articuno in your party, go to Cinnabar Island and visit Blaine (you may have to withdraw the Secret Key to get back into his Pokémon Gym.) Use Lamer on him and he'll ask if you want to hear more about the Moltres incident (ask around the Gym if you don't know about this. The Moltres incident is what made Blaine decide to become a great fire pokémon trainer!) Say YES and Blaine will start talking. It'll be mostly covered in "..." like the story the president of the Pokémon Lovers' Club told you before he gave you the Bike Voucher. Eventually, Blaine will say he's got proof; when Moltres appeared to him, it dropped several feathers and Blaine collected them. He'll offer one to you as a momento. Accept it, use it on Articuno and it'll evolve into the Fire/Ice type Charticuno!
Venustoise and Nidogod:
Take Wigglytuff, Nidoking, Nidoqueen, Venusaur and Blastoise to Bill's seaside cottage. Stand outside, facing the door, and use Lamer. There'll be a flash, and the music will be interrupted by a crash and then stop. Go in, and Bill will be standing next to his teleporter. Talk to him and he'll say he's been thinking about the time he got mixed with a pokémon; that was not a good thing, but it had possibilities. He's added a combiner option to his teleporter, and he'd like to test it. He'll ask if you can help him. Say yes, and he'll take Venusaur and Blastoise, put them into the two chambers and press a button. After another flash, Venustoise will appear and he'll give it to you. Then, talk to him again and he'll say he wants to do another test just to make sure everything's okay. Give him the Nidos, and he'll go through the whole thing again, this time making Nidogod.
Pikablu:
Catch an extra Staryu and find Eric in Fuschia City (the guy who's wondering where Sara is.) Face him and use Lamer. He'll say Sara got a new pokémon. Now, find Sara (she's in the Safari Zone.) Use Lamer on her and she'll say she doesn't want her new pokémon anymore. Trade Staryu to her and she'll give you Pikablu! (It's nicknamed URLAME.)
Sapasaur, Charcolt, Rainer, Locustod, Beepin, Raticlaw, and Spooky:
These are all evolved forms of regular pokémon. To evolve them you need the "Lame Stone", which can be found in one of the old computers in the basement of Cinnabar Island's Pokémon Mansion. Stand in front of a computer and use Lamer; if the Lame Stone doesn't pop out, try another computer until you find it. Like an HM, the Lame Stone can be used over and over. Use it on these pokémon:
Venusaur - Sapasaur
Charizard - Charcolt
Blastoise - Rainer
Butterfree - Locustod
Beedrill - Beepin
Raticate - Raticlaw
Gengar - Spooky
Eevee evolutions:
First, get three more Eevees, by trade or by Game Shark--it doesn't matter how you get them. Go to Celadon Department Store and buy one of every Stone they have there. Then, use Lamer on the Clerk and he'll find a Moon Stone buried among the other Stones he has for sale. Buy that, too.
First, go to Mt. Moon and find the lone rock in a small room on the lowest floor. This is actually the core of the original Moon Stone, the meteorite that fell on Mt. Moon in prehistoric times. Face the core, use Lamer, and use the Moon Stone on Eevee. It'll say it won't work, but then the Moon Stone you're using and the core of the meteorite will glow, and Eevee will evolve into Lunareon.
Next, go to Viridian Forest and face the large tree that's by itself at the Viridian City end. Use Lamer and the kid standing there will get that "!" word balloon. He'll say, "You're here for Foleon, aren't you?" Say YES and he'll open a door in the tree. Go inside and use the Leaf Stone on another Eevee. The tree will glow, and Eevee will evolve into Foleon.
Finally, go to Celadon Mansion, enter from the rear and visit the man who knows everything. Use Lamer on him and he'll say, "So you want an Omneon, eh? Too bad you don't know how, and I do, because you're a lamer and I KNOW EVERYTHING!" He'll take the Fire Stone, Water Stone, Thunder Stone and your last Eevee and turn away so you can't see what he's doing. There's a flash, and he'll turn back to you and give you Omneon!
*Missingno:
You all know how to fight and catch Missingno, right? Ever wonder why it's all garbled? It's that way because it's SICK. If you can cure it, you'll get to see what a Missingno really looks like, but none of the Pokémon Centers will know how to cure it. To cure it, you'll need a "Lamer Potion" that can only be found in the Pewter Museum of Science. Bring Wigglytuff to the Museum, go to the top floor, read the plaque at the space shuttle, and then use Lamer. The door of the shuttle will open and you can go in and get the Lamer Potion. Use it on a Missingno and it will clear up!
Once you've gotten all of these pokégods, you're ready for the ultimate challenge. With Wigglytuff and any four pokégods in your party (you should only have five pokémon,) go back to the island where you got the TM for Lamer, stand where the item ball was and use Lamer. Another pokémon will appear. This is Mewthree. This is your only chance to catch it, and if it ever goes in the PC, it will become a Caterpie. Good Luck!