Minty Thrill (if it bleeds, we can kill it)

[Drago]

*blows off the dust* ...Wow. Sure does suck to be a reader of Thrill, no? Absolutely, after a muscular FIVE MONTHS of inactivity, I come regailing you with a new chapter! Well, an old chapter, but you know what I mean.
So what took me so long? Well, I blame it all on the fact that Microsoft Word itself gave up on Minty Thrill.
It said, AND I QUOTE...
There are too many spelling or grammatical errors in "Minty Thrill" to continue displaying them. To check the spelling and grammar of this document, choose Spelling and Grammar from the Tools menu.
Wowsers trousers!

In all honesty, actually, it's because I work now. A lot. Having a job sure does take away the time usually spent writing about the tales of a young boy and his Pokemon. Additionally, I had trouble coming up with new quips to chuck in here, so don't be surprised if the first half is a lot better than the second.

Crystalmaster Mike: If nothing else, I'm hoping that people will remember me for depicting a Golem's fingers being snapped off. It's a special achievement in my life. And woo for sidekicks! They distract from the poorly-formed plot, you see.
Sike Saner: Thanks for your support, Sike! I must admit, I feel a smidgen guilty about my latest nominations so it's really provoked me to bite the bullet and get this current chapter out there. ...Good to see I've still avoided the dubious writer's block award, though.

MINTY THRILL
Chapter the Twenty-Third
Meet Meat

5:47 AM. A female reporter and pudgy cameraman are running down a windswept hill, their clothes ripped and tattered. They look terrified, and together make quite the cliché, and perhaps the opportunity for a clever joke.
“Oh god Vern!” the reporter cries, “They’re catching up!!”
Vern puffs intensely, instinctively trying to film what is going on behind him as he runs. Because of this, and his exceptional girth, he is starting to fall behind.
“I just…can’t do it…” he wheezes, collapsing in a heap and panting for breath. His partner doesn’t even look back. She continues running, losing her only remaining shoe in the process.
“Waaaaait…” Vern cries weakly, tears stinging his eyes and blurring his vision. He lifts a hand toward his panicked co-worker. Within moments, a patch of the earth next to Vern lifts up like a lid, sending clods of dirt everywhere in the process. Two huge grey claws reach out and prop themselves over Vern’s body, greedily pulling him back down the hole. The patch of ground falls back into place like a trapdoor. The camera rolls free of Vern’s gasp and rolls onto its side, still recording Vern’s muffled screams.
Watching the film, one could see the reporter tearing further into the distance, until she stops dead in her tracks. She throws her hands up defensively as, in a flash, a blue bird swoops down and snatches her up in its talons. Her screams fade as the camera’s battery run flat, and then the image onscreen flicks off. The red light dies and the camera stops whirring. There is silence.

Kyle
********************
I sighed deeply and blinked a couple times in fatigue as I searched for evidence along the walking path leading out of Attiles City. Now that I had Freegan and Kroop on the lookout in Attiles, I could take some time to find Anthony using other means. I would’ve contacted someone in nearby Basusu Town, but the township lacked a single phone. I hadn’t been there in sometime; it was likely there wasn’t even a police unit.
I pulled a branch aside, and my hand stopped short of brushing against a strange orange, caterpillar-like bug. I took a couple crouched steps back. It peered up at me through its large yellow eyes and tilted its head curiously.
“What in the hell is this thing? I muttered. It hunched the middle segment of its body up and let out a strange, low growl.
“Settle, settle.” I muttered, “I’m on my way…”
It opened its mouth wide and leapt at me, leaving a small cut in my neck from its sharp horn.
“Ow!” I snapped, my hand slapping against my neck as I walked away, “Damn thing! Damn! Damn!”
It reared before again leaping at me. This time I was able to duck past its assault. I grabbed hold of my intercom, keeping my eyes on it at all times.
“This is Officer Riddells, reporting something wrong east of Attiles.” I said firmly, hiding my nervousness, “Under attack by some kind of Caterpie/Weedle hybrid…”
There was a garbled laughter, before I got the response, “Sure Kyle, we’ll send some help right after we deal with this horrific Pidgey assault on fourth and main!”

By this time, the creature had crawled onto my foot, lashing against me with all its might. I wailed loudly, before kicking it off and sending it smacking into a tree. It stumbled around dizzily for a moment, before crawling back into the foliage.
I fell back, and rubbed my leg. What the hell was that thing? And why was it so aggressive? Call me paranoid, but I was starting to get a feeling that Anthony was doing something with these Pokémon on a much grander scale than originally anticipated.

Tony
********************
“Well, we’re about to head off!” I called out to Daisy and Theodore, who probably should’ve been nursing his throbbing nose right now. Leaves, Chase and Jimmy stood behind me and Chase had a strange smile on her face, inconsistent with her earlier resistance. Did she perhaps have a wedgie fetish she felt I could fulfil? …I somehow didn’t doubt it, considering my earlier dealings with that Buffy chick. Neither here nor there. Were you aware that I have just filled this paragraph with unnecessary fetish discussion? Me neither! When did that happen, anyway? Personally, I like it when women sneeze. Oh yeah. Hot.

Theodore lumbered out from whence he came and wiped away a tear. “Ah, my little Chase is growing up. Going out and duelling with great beasts of destruction. Your mother and I are very proud that you’re so bravely willing to go on such a suicidal journey. We’re going to miss you terribly.”
“Daddy, what are you saying?” Chase asked quietly.
“Goodbye, Chase m’dear.” Theodore said in a solemn tone.
“What?” Chase snapped, suddenly back to her old self, “What are you talking about? That wasn’t the plan, dad! You were supposed to ice this whole arrangement!”
“Chase, I’ve considered the matter further.” Her father replied, “Your mother and I were watching the news this morning, and apparently there has been a sudden outbreak in attacks by creatures that could possibly be Pokémon. These attacks seem to be coming inevitably closer, and we don’t want anything to happen to you. We feel as though you’d be safer with these two boys and their Pokémon.”
“But daddy!” Chase whined, “I’ve got my own Pokémon!”
“A Golem, Cleffa, Teddiursa and a Phanpy to stand against the legions of enraged Pokémon?” Theodore scoffed, “Not a chance. I may not like these two fellows…”
“And I thought we were just starting to become chums.” I whimpered.
“But I’m sure that their Pokémon will be more than enough to protect you.”
“Umm, not really…” I muttered to nobody in particular.
“Before you go though, boy.” Theodore addressed me, “This mobile phone was sent here specifically for you a short while ago.”
“Really?” I gasped, and snatched the phone, “Is it real?” I dropped it to the floor and stepped on it to test its authenticity. A few pieces broke off, including the button for the number 9. Success! It broke just like a real phone should.
“Just go before I change my mind!” Theodore rumbled in a rather Shakespearean tone, before turning away and returning to his lair.

Shrugging, we resumed our excellent journey, though Leaves and I quickly discovered that having people walk with you was rather bothersome. Jimmy was walking so slowly you’d be excused for thinking he was actually a large tree in disguise, and Chase had already begun a tirade.
“So where to first, crew?” I cut her off in a loud voice, feeling quite pleased with having a posse. This was my chance to paint the town red! Or failing that, a lovely shade of burgundy.
“Well if I really have to go through with this stupid quest…” Chase muttered, “We might as well visit Meat along the way. He’ll give us a ride to Kurabusu.”
I frowned in great confusion. Meat was going to drive? I tried to picture being the passenger of a car operated by an oversized porkchop who was complaining about the weather.
“Who’s Meat?” I asked.
“Meat’s my cousin.” Chase replied in the first calm reaction of the day, “He thinks he’s some kind of rock star. He’s kind of a loser, but he’s ok. He lives just off that way.” Chase pointed off in the near distance. I’m fairly certain I could just about make out a building that looked like a small assembly hall of some description. Hadn’t noticed it on my way up, but honestly I wasn’t exactly on an ‘assembly hall hunting extravaganza’ at the time.

I started towards the building, but stopped when I felt a vibration in my pocket. I gasped lightly while snatching out the culprit; the newly acquired mobile phone.
“Damn.” I snapped, “I thought my magic beans were growing.” I nodded the others off to walk on ahead, and stabbed furiously at the buttons before actually getting the phone to start working.
“Hello, Tony Chambers, worker for a small but honest cause.” I said casually.
“Well Tony,” the person on the other end responded, “That cause is about to become a whole lot bigger! You just may be the last hope for all mankind!”
“Oh ok.” I muttered. There was a long, awkward silence before I gave in and meekly asked who it was I was talking to.
“It’s Professor Gum, Tony!” he said sternly, “Are you thick or something?”
I pinched a segment of skin before nodding confidently. “Yup, apparently.”
I could hear a voice talking to Gum before he continued. “Ahh, right. Jess wanted to know how Lido’s going?”
I bit my tongue lightly. She actually hadn’t really been doing much for a while now. Her training had come to quite a standstill.
“It’s great!” I gushed, “She’s evolved! …Nine times!”
“Right.” Gum replied flatly, “All exaggerated lies aside, I had to tell you that time for our world is running out!”
“Then why didn’t you call earlier?” I accused.
“Well sorry…” he apologised, “Had a bit of memory loss lately. Did I tell you that the day you left town, something knocked me over the head and sent me right into the lake? Haven’t been quite the same since then…”
Flashback to me being the cause of that accident, resulting in an unconscious professor and the loss of a foreign clock. Bizarre.
Again, an awkward pause. “…Yup. Evolved nine times.”
“Doubtless you’ve heard about the recent Pokémon attacks…” Gum began.
“Better start doubting.” I said with a gulp.
“It doesn’t ring any bells at all?” Gum groaned.
I grinned slightly. “Like Quasimodo with acousticophobia.”
“In any event,” Gum continued, annoyance mounting, “These Pokémon are none like we’ve ever seen before!”
“Truly?” I responded, feigning interest.
“It seems that, practically overnight, Furudo has been overrun with dozens of new Pokémon species. Intensive research is a necessity, but so far the only thing people are arguing is whether they should dub these species the ‘Ruby’ or ‘Sapphire’ Pokémon.”
“What about Emerald?” I perked up, “Ruby is soooo tacky…”
“Don’t you start too.” Gum grumbled, “The point is, they’re so absorbed in this, they don’t really care about all the damage that’s being done! So while everyone else is bickering, I’ve come up with a solution!”
Gum held his prize up high above his head. I can tell because the item collection music from Zelda randomly rang out across the sky.
“You see, I’ve created a serum that counteracts this unidentifiable substance seething through these Pokémon, thereby reducing their aggression. I’ve sent it to every single trainer I know of, and I’m nowhere near done, so I’ll have to leave you now with your mission. Using Pokémon storage capabilities, I’ll send you a Pokémon carrying the serum through the phone. You have to take this serum and inject it into any new Pokémon you come across.”
“How will I know if it’s one of the angry ones?” I asked meekly.
“I’ve sent out the signal that updates your Pokédex. All taken care of.” He replied proudly. I pulled out my nasty scratchy black Pokédex and eyed it warily. Had Gum actually hacked into it without my knowing? What else could he have accessed within it? Hopefully he didn’t bother looking at the sketch program…
“It’s up to you to make sure this threat doesn’t spread beyond Furudo, Tony… I’m sending the Pokémon carrying the serum now, just hit 9 on your phone to receive it. …Also, please stop doodling breasts on the Pokédex. It’s pretty sad.” He scolded. I bit my tongue, bitter that my artistry had been brought to a screeching halt.

Regardless, I was ready to press 9. Indeed I would remain ready, because my phone of course had lost its 9 button when I tested it out earlier.
“Oh bum.” I gulped, and scanned the keypad nervously. The world was depending on me and this stupid phone was preventing me from fulfilling my duties! A 9! A 9! My kingdom for a 9!
After significant pummelling, the screen was shattered and the aerial was snapped clean off, but still no life-saving Pokémon in sight. Cautiously, as though I was breaking an important law, I pressed the 8 button instead, hoping for a similar result. Fantastically, a message onscreen declared there was ‘1 BALL 4 TONI’.
“Great!” I cheered. Spelling mistakes aside, it’d do. I confirmed the delivery, and reached into the back of the phone. There was a tiny hole for receiving such things, though it’s possible it was just a hole caused by the amount of ass-kicking it had received. Regardless, after a lengthy struggle I managed to rip the ball out, along with some odd green metal thing. I had once been told it was a ‘motherboard’, but it felt cold and indifferent to me, most unmotherly. I threw it aside, and felt around for a moment for the fatherboard. Nothing. Best to continue.

I opened up the ball, and out shot a strange little critter with the serum in its mouth. I pointed my possibly virus-laden Pokédex at it and got the scoop.
Mareep… a very… friendly Electric sheep… that conducts large amounts of electricity… within its wool. The females… tend to have more wool… than males.
But something appeared amiss. The picture on the Pokédex suggested a woolly yellow sheep, but the Mareep before me was pretty much bare. Other than a patch of wool on her head, she was just a sad, scrawny little blue shivering sight.
“Righto.” I muttered, grabbing the serum from her mouth. She looked up at me inquisitively and tilted her head to the side. Hopefully she was going to be a lot less of a hassle than my other Pokémon, though it was a shame that someone had gotten to her with a razor first. I shook my fist in fury towards the entire nation of New Zealand, before returning her into her ball and running ahead to catch up with the others.
“Hey, before I forget…” Chase muttered, reaching into her back pocket, “For getting so far in the tournament, I’m supposed to give you this runner-up prize.” She handed me a shiny bronze Pokéball.
“Oh great!” I bubbled.
“A level 73 Exeggcute.” She finished.
“…Oh.” I squeaked, the smile disappearing from my face.
I HATE Exeggcute! They’re so…pointless and stupid! Why bother?? I’ve got a Mareep, who needs some smelly old Exeggcute? I crammed the ball into my right back pocket (the unhappy pocket), hoping never to see it again.

By this time, we had arrived at Meat’s door and Chase was banging on it furiously.
“Open up, Meat!!” she hollered, “Or this door is coming down, I swear it!” That was enough to prompt Meat, with his tall frame, spiky black hair and pierced chin, to open up.
“Whoa, Chase!” he said in a surfer-like voice so cliché you’d think he was voiced by Keanu Reeves (though on our budget, more likely Pauly Shore), “Didn’t think I’d see you around here in a while.”
“I’ve been trying hard to avoid it.” She said icily, shoving her way into the abode. Meat shrugged and closed the door behind them.
“Well, that’s done!” I said chirpily.
Jimmy rubbed his chin pensively “Though perhaps we should be inside?” he muttered.
“Bulba!” Leaves snapped, rubbing his snout gingerly after having the door slammed on it.
I looked confused, or at least put on an expression I believe portrayed confusion, and followed inside. There was a small stage with about a hundred folding chairs stacked up in front of it, no doubt it got cramped when they were all set up. There was a hallway ahead that lead to the bathroom and, a little way off, what looked like a kitchen. Not much, really.
I could hear Chase already snapping about this, that or the other from the kitchen. Shrugging, Leaves, Jimmy and I ambled in that direction.
“So what is it you do anyway?” Chase muttered, “I mean, it’s not like you can make a living off a one-man rock concert.” She added coldly, “Especially not when that guy’s a nobody.”
“Well it’s all a most excellent trick, you see!” Meat said with a wide grin, “Right, so I’m up on stage blowin’ people’s minds like you wouldn’t believe, and while I’m doing this, Haunter’s sending out some weird vibes or something that makes people start seeing famous people. Kiss, Linkin Park, you name it. I keep things quiet so nobody gets suspicious, plus I can charge killer prices for the tickets.”
“You’re getting rich off getting people high?” Chase spat, “You sleaze, there’s nothing you won’t do.”
“Baby, the only thing that’s too low for me is the pay!” Meat cackled. Quote of the forever. “And you’re one to talk, seeing how uncle Theo used to be like the biggest drug dealer in Kurabusu…”
“Shut the hell up!” Chase said furiously, storming off into another room. I wanted to storm off too; lord knows I would have had more fun today had I known that while I was back at the ‘nome Dome.
“Anyway guys,” Meat turned his attention to Jimmy and I, seeming unfazed by the fact we had of course let ourselves in, “I’ve got a concert on tonight, but tomorrow morning, I’ll give you a ride to the city for sure.”
Jimmy’s face lit up upon hearing about the concert. “Perfect!” he said giddily, “That’ll be a great chance for me to teach you a thing or two about the rock and roll, young Meat!”
“Dude, I’m 37…”
“Yes, you see, I was quite the rocker in my younger days!” Jimmy declared, proudly strutting about like some kind of peacock, “I won… that’s right, WON… the under 7’s competitive drumming competition!”
“Really?” I said in awe, “When’d you do that?”
“On my 12th birthday.” He replied, snatching the news article from his pocket with a picture of him holding his trophy while the toddlers around him bawled.
********************************
Thanks in part to my extensive past in lighting design, my assistance was invaluable in setting the stage up. I was especially pleased with my contribution, though Meat had been so busy with his stuff he hadn’t even thought to look over at the lighting right behind him. He peered over his shoulder finally, and his eyes bulged (with excitement no doubt!) when he saw what I had done.
“Dude?” he gasped, “What the hell did you do?”
“I rigged all eight of them up, just like you told me!” I said, hurt.
“What’s with all these amplifiers, man?” he groaned, “I told you to rig up the lamps!”
“Oh whoops.” I muttered, biting my tongue, “I thought you said rig up the amps…” I looked nervously over at the wall, where despite all logic I had managed to plug the amplifiers into the lighting circuitboard. “Never you mind, though.” I turned each amp on, and much to my relief, each one had a tiny red light on it that indicated it was turned on. “See? Lighting.”

My moment of technical genius was cut short as Meat’s Jigglypuff, Roll, entered the room. He marched about with his sunglasses and sparkly coat, took a swipe at me and yelled out some indecipherable Jigglypuff threats with a curious British accent, and then exited.
“Umm Meat?” I said quietly, “I think your Jigglypuff just called me a bitch.”
“Ahh don’t mind him.” Meat said in a disinterested tone, “He’s just getting in character. Tonight he’s playing Elton John!”
“A duet with Elton?” I gawked, “He doesn’t even play rock and roll, what’re people gonna say when a guitar comes out of his piano?”
“Just a CD player with some piano, dude.” Meat replied, “Roll presses that and out comes the piano. He does his own vocals though, somehow Haunter’s vibes can also make it sound just like Sir Elton.”
“That’s pretty cool…” I said with a nod, “So what does Rock do, then?” I pointed over to Meat’s Geodude, sitting in the corner and looking mean.
“He sits in the corner and looks mean.” Meat handily confirmed.
I walked over to Rock and stared it dead in the eye.
“A Geodude, eh?” I muttered, “The last one of you I saw was in outer space.”

There was a long, painfully awkward pause before Jimmy strolled into the room, carrying something cardboard under his arm and looking incredibly pleased with himself.
“Times like these I amaze even myself…” he blathered, “Baby, I’m cooler than Milli Vanilli!” he flashed a smile over at Chase, “Girl, you know it’s true.” He peered about for a moment, “Anyway, I’m a tad rusty.” He walked towards the stage and leant on a tall green machine. “What does this thing do again?”
“That’s a vending machine.” Meat replied flatly.
“Groovy.” Jimmy said with a grin.
Chase shook her head from where she was sitting, as Jimmy snapped his fingers as he strutted along. “Pretty sweet setup here, but it could use a little flashiness, my main man!” Jimmy propped up the cardboard item he had been carrying, revealing it to be something truly terrifying.
“It’s a lifesize cardboard cut-out of me!” he announced proudly. “Look, you can even move the arm up and down so I’m either doing a disco dance or kinda pointing down at the floor.” He fiddled with the arm a couple times, though it wasn’t as exciting as he had made it out to be.
“I could actually use that.” Meat said as he propped it up towards the left of the stage. He stood back to take in how it looked on the stage, and a smile began to creep across his face.

Jimmy continued examining items until he came upon a small silver machine.
“So what’s this one, then?”
“Ahh, well that’s a pretty cool little device that can kinda make up lyrics.” Meat said, still looking at the cardboard Jimmy, “You say a word and it comes up with something nicer. It’s good if Roll blows his lyrics.” From his place in the kitchen, I could’ve sworn Roll called Meat a rude, vile pig. Though it might’ve just been jiggy jig.
“Just say something, and it’ll give you something better.” Meat explained.
“Really?” Jimmy said, bemused.
Truly? The machine buzzed.
“Huh?” Jimmy grunted in confusion.
Pardon? The machine offered.
“Meat, stop this crap!” Jimmy whimpered.
Inner muscular content, cease this fecal matter!
“It’s saying too many big words!” Jimmy cried.
Don’t like big words, huh? Segregation! Quorum! Tercentenary! Antivivisectionist! Transubstantiation! Iconoclast! Iconoclast!!! ICONOCLAST!!
His eyes filled with tears, Jimmy bolted from the room.
Chase groaned as she buried her face in her hands. “I just know things are going to go pear-shaped…”
As if on cue, a mildly discouraged Jimmy brought out his next prop, an oversized cardboard pear with his face on it.
********************************
So it was time for the concert, apparently, as the relatively small hall was packed to the gills. My Pokémon and I sat near the back. Jimmy was backstage, fulfilling his childhood dream of backstage management, while Chase had locked herself into the kitchen to avoid the whole imminent debacle.
Meat, Rock and the hallucinogenic image of Elton John were onstage (there’s something I’m not likely to say ever again), but Elton hadn’t spoken a word so far, Roll nowhere to be found.
Things were getting pretty tense, until finally Roll appeared from among the crowd, wrapped up in a dark blue cloak that hid most of his features.
I had to admit, the fake concert was pretty cool; Roll seemed to pull off a rather convincing Elton John. Can’t say I was too sure about the combination of lyrics between him and Meat, though.

“I’m a rocket man…”
“Shut your mouth!”
“Rocket man…”
“Shut your mouth!”

For some reason, it made me think of an anti-dentist demonstration. Meanwhile, Rock sat onstage, looking mean, and doing some description of dance that looked more like he had had both feet chopped off. Especially strange to see when he really did have no feet. I chuckled a bit when Meat began pummelling all the cardboard cut-outs of Jimmy, pleased to see he had in fact made good use of them.
After a little while it was getting a little mellower and I could actually hear again, so I decided I might engage in some small talk with Mareep. After all, I had to make new Pokémon feel welcome. …Well, except that stupid Exeggcute. Stupid stupid stupid.
“So Mareep,” I began awkwardly as though we were on a blind date, “It’s good to have you join the team. Tomorrow you can meet Klepto and Lido, too! It’s past Lido’s bedtime right now, and Klepto kinda likes stealing things so I thought I’d just leave him in his ball for now. But yeah, these here are your new pals, Leaves and Cubone!”
I peered over at the duo. Leaves was reaching into the waiting pocket of a woman in front of him and Cubone was staring at me, a rotting piece of banana oozing out from his helmet.
“Righto.” I said with a frown, “So what do you think of the concert?”
“Meep! Mareeeeeeeep!” Mareep replied tersely.
“I was thinking something along those lines.” I looked back up onstage, and to my shock the illusion of Elton John was now playing piano upside-down on the ceiling. Obviously Haunter was having an off night. Meat looked horrified for a moment, but the audience members seemed pleased with this new occurrence.
“Whoa, Elton flies!”
“I thought only Billy Joel could do that…”

Meat was still looking quite distressed, though. He wasn’t looking at flying Elton though, but Roll, who was still providing the lyrics off to the side.
“What is this?” he bellowed, “This isn’t my Jigglypuff!” He tore off the cloak and, to my shock, underneath was… A STRANGE PINK THING!! ...Yeah, that sounds like a Jigglypuff but it isn’t. The audience gasped and applauded, probably completely oblivious to what was going on anymore but still cheering loudly. They were high off Elton John and THEY WERE LOVING IT!!
I pulled out the Pokédex, hoping for some information.
Gum’s latest update…identifies this… as a Whismur… further information… is…unavailable. Spyware detected… FREE RINGTONES AVAILABLE!
Jimmy ran out onstage, shrinking away when the Whismur turned and eyed him menacingly. It opened its drooling mouth wide and began chasing after him. He barrelled about the stage as the illusion of Elton John began whirling about wildly. Leaves couldn’t stop laughing at the absurd sight and Cubone was among those who thought it was part of the show, jumping up and down excitedly.
I fumbled around with the items in my pocket, dropping two Pokéballs to the floor. Lido shook her head groggily a couple times before singing merrily (and horribly) along to the now instrumental version of the concert. Klepto circled the room a couple times, looking frantically for something to steal, before crashing into the air conditioner. A panel broke off and the whole room was awash with a frosty chill. The wool-less Mareep’s teeth were chattering as she began shivering furiously. Then, as if just to mock me, Exeggcute escaped from the confines of its ball as well, joining Cubone in the excited hopping. All the while, Rock continued his mad dance.
Somehow, at that moment I realised I really didn’t need any of those drugs from Chase’s dad.

No doubt having heard the chaos, Chase emerged from the kitchen, Pokéball in hand. “Go Troubleclef!” she shouted, “Take that thing down!”
So now joining the confusion was a Cleffa trying desperately to get the Whismur to pay attention to it.
“What to do, what to do…” I began panicking, mostly distressed that Cubone was spilling rotten banana all over the place, “Oh yeah, the serum!” I pulled it out, but tragically realised I had no syringe with which to inject it. I felt about my pockets desperately hoping that somewhere along the way I had acquired something similar without realising it. And success! Hidden deep within my pockets was the venerable and ever so trustworthy Weedle horn! I hastily pourd the syrum into the horn (so why was it hollow anyway? For plot purposes, I suppose), and wedged a spare Pokéball into it to stop it from leaking. It was a bizarre plan, but it could just work.
I charged up towards the Whismur, but with a loud screech it sent me reeling across the room into the babbling crowd.
“Dude, that guy’s got a tail!”
“Man, you must be seeing things… Just shut up and watch Elton John fly.”
From that exchange, I recalled that my tail could be useful in this equation. I hid at the bottom of the stage, hopefully out of range of the Whismur’s vocal attack, and held onto the horn with my tail. I swung it about the stage a couple of times, hoping to get a clean shot.
I felt it hit something, but to my chagrin, when I looked up it was Jimmy pierced in the leg, and he tumbled to the floor.
“That was pretty nice…” he muttered cheerfully.
“Whoopsy.” I gulped. The Whismur leapt atop his back, and I decided to try another blind swiping rage while it was distracted. After a couple swings, I felt impact. When I looked up, the pink troublemaker was stumbling about. It fell to the floor, and I shot a triumphant fist to the air.
“Yeah!” I hollered, “I got it!”

“Oh my god, you’ve killed Troubleclef!!” Chase wailed. I slapped my head, cursing my poor skills at distinguishing the difference between a Cleffa and a Whismur.
“Screw this.” I snapped, and grabbed the walkman from my pocket. I wrapped the headphones tightly around the horn, swung it around a few times and then flung it towards the Whismur. Its eyes widened as the makeshift hammer throw event was headed right for it.
Tragically, just before connecting, Meat marched up to catch the Whismur, and instead caught the Weedle horn in the rear.
“Aww Hölle!” I whined, stamping my foot on the floor. The horn fell to the stage and, curiously, the Whismur poked the tip. It shook its pricked finger for a moment, and then sat down, overcome with a calm feeling.

An almighty roar rose from the crowd. It no doubt was an exciting series of events, but when I looked back towards the stage, I found that it was the Elton John image that was getting the ovation, spinning at a rapid pace upside down, and now completely in the nude.

…What in the hell was Haunter’s problem, anyhow?
********************************
Meat held a cup of coffee in his shaking hand as he eyed the invoice he had gotten just minutes earlier. It was the next morning, and everyone was getting ready to leave.
“What’s it for, anyway?” I asked meekly.
“I’m getting sued!” Meat spat bitterly, “Apparently Muse did the exact same performance back in October!”
“What?” I gasped, “So you’re telling me they got attacked by a Whismur while a naked illusion of Elton John span on the ceiling?”
“Well, not exactly.” Meat replied, shaking his head, “It was actually a Clefable at their concert, and they had the real Elton John spinning naked on the ceiling.”
“Damnation!” I snapped, “Their innovation never ceases to amaze me…”

I sighed deeply, and sat down at the table.
“So what’re you so bummed about then?” Meat asked, resting an arm on his knee.
“It’s just… I worked so hard in the ‘nome Dome, fought through all those battles, and what do I get? An Exeggcute. A lousy, level 73 Exeggcute.”
“Well, what’s wrong with it?” Meat queried.
“I don’t like Exeggcutes.” I muttered.
“Yeah so? Maybe this one will be different. Maybe this is going to be the Exeggcute to turn you around, make you a believer. I think that in an ideal world, you could love something purely because of what it is.”
“…Yeah?” I sniffed.
“Exactly. And either way, there’s nothing really wrong with it. An Exeggcute is pretty strong, and at level 73 it could really turn your team around. In fact, I think this could be just what makes you a master trainer!!”
“Yeah!” I shouted proudly, “I just never gave it a chance! I’m looking forward to training my Exeggcute! …But first… Where the hell is it?”
Jimmy then burst into the room with a frying pan. “Made breakfast before we go.”
I looked into the pan, to see what Jimmy had made…

…And I turned pale.