Minty Thrill (if it bleeds, we can kill it)

[Drago]

Sike Saner: Hehe, I'm quite glad you enjoyed that chapter! Also happy to note that a few of those things you listed was new stuff - good to know I'm still throwing in some good stuff.
Gavin Luper: Thanks for reading, Gav! That quote is one of those new things I mentioned... And yeah, you most definitely should read this fic! I'm a fairly big fan, myself. Hehe.

Anyhow, another long unnecessary pause, I know. There wasn't much modification on this chapter though (mostly because I liked the way I had written Nikki to begin with), so theoretically I can get cracking on the next chapter sooner rather than later.

MINTY THRILL
Chapter the Twenty Forks
Oh CURSES!!

A wide grin spread across my face as Meat’s motorbike sped on, bouncing wildly across each mound and ridge. Miraculously, all five of us fit on, although the unfortunate Leaves was left clutching onto Jimmy’s head, screaming all the way. We had nearly arrived a Kurabusu and I couldn’t contain my excitement.
“YES!” I shot up with a cheer, and a huge black bug navigated a kamikaze down my gob. I wheezed, whirled around and coughed it out at Leaves. He frowned at it planted on his nose for a moment, before just licking it up and eating it. It still amazes me just how grotesque that Bulb-is-sore can be.

Meat slowed the bike and we hopped off merrily. A bit early in my case, and I ended up with a mouthful of dirt. Meat gazed up at the sky warily, and then looked over towards a small, non-descript black tent.
“That’s the gym right there guys.” He said quietly, “But I’ve heard that some freaky stuff goes on down there…”
“Well, freaky stuff goes on up here, too.” I muttered, brushing myself off, “And it doesn’t stop me.”
He shrugged, we said our goodbyes, and he sped off into the distance. It wasn’t exactly a dramatic riding off into the horizon, though, seeing as we could see him the entire way back to his place. He was in fact visible for the next half-hour. Not that I timed it or anything. I just watched it the whole time, giddily pretending that he was actually shrinking as he got further away. I’m odd like that.

Afterwards, I whirled around to face my cohorts, who had been amusing themselves for the last thirty minutes with whatever they could find.
“And here we are!” I cried, “Kurabusu City!” Feeling his impending stare, I peered down at Leaves, who was frowning at me. I cleared my throat. “AGAIN!”
“Would you stop screaming for just a minute and hurry up?” Chase snapped, “I wanna get this over with and get something to eat – there was hardly enough eggs for breakfast.” A brief moment of mourning for the exeggcution of my Exeggcute. On the plus side, they tasted fantastic.
I approached the flap of the tent, blowing lightly in the breeze. It did look quite foreboding.
“This looks like it could be dangerous, guys…” I said with a gulp, and looked up into the sky. I suddenly pointed up frantically. “Hey, look at that!!” I shouted wildly. Jimmy and Chase’s heads whipped upwards, and I took the opportunity to kick Leaves into the tent to check its safety. There was a fading scream from within. The three of us stood there blankly, listening until a thud was heard. Then a pained moan.
“Well then, seems like a lark, doesn’t it?” I grinned enthusiastically as I raced in. To my shock, there was a giant hole in the floor, which I didn’t hesitate to fall down – unwittingly, of course.

After a lengthy spurt of plummeting, I found myself landing headfirst on the floor. My brains more scrambled than my poor Exeggcute, at that point I thought I was Richard Nixon. I shot up afterwards in spritely form (though to this day I still believe myself to be Nixon).
“’tis I!” I cried, “The few, the proud, the ME!” I ignored the throbbing pain in my head, neck and ego, and stamped my foot impatiently, waiting for Jimmy and Chase to follow suit.
“Dare ye enter?” a particularly feminine voice rang through the darkness.
“Umm… I thought I already had…” I gulped, “Perhaps I should exit again, if it makes things easier?”
There was a pause, before someone stepped into the light of a swaying lamp. I raised an eyebrow. She was about seventeen, tall, and had thick red lipstick on, just like every second person I meet seems to. She wore a tight black leather top and a short denim skirt. At worst, she was a rather attractive prostitute. At best… well actually a hot prostitute would be pretty cool.
“Show yourself.” She commanded, and I was quick to oblige. I wandered into the light, and an unusual look crossed her face. It was hard to describe, really, I’d never seen anybody pull such a face at me before. Her gaze was hazy, her lips trembled and her eyebrows raised slowly.
“What?” I muttered, confused, “Is there something on my face?” I smacked myself across the mouth. “Nope, nothing.” She giggled lightly, then continued staring starry-eyed.
“What is it?” I whined, “Leaves? What’s going on?” Leaves suspiciously raised an eyebrow. Well, actually, he doesn’t seem to have any eyebrows. So I suppose he suspiciously attempted to raise an eyebrow.
“H-Hi…” she said finally, “I’m Nikki.”
“Oh, alrighty then.” I replied politely, “Greetings, Nicholas!”
Again, she giggled strangely. “No, it’s short for Nicole.”
“And I’m short for storage purposes.” I shot off in what just may be my best ever quip. Again, her response was this indescribable giggle.
Well this is no good… Why bother trying if she’s going to titter at every single thing I say?
“Anyhoosers, the name’s Tony Chambers, the aim’s… pretty inaccurate.” I confessed, to which she seemed pretty impressed.
“So many fun phrases!” she bubbled, “That’s actually pretty clever…”
“Well, I am a very bright chap.” I said with a flourish, “I went to Harvard, you know.”
“Really?” she said in awe.
“You bet!” I grinned, “They gave me a tour and everything!”
She burst out with laughter and, despite the sweatdrop formulating over my forehead, I didn’t bother stopping her. Despite the fact that that was a true story.
“Although…” I muttered, puzzled, “You look a little familiar. Has my Bulb-is-sore stolen your wallet at some point?”
“Oh…” she said with a blush, “I get that a lot. I’m actually the younger sister of Karen. The Dark-trainer of Johto’s Elite Four, and swimsuit model extraordinaire.”
“Ah yes.” I muttered, “Of course.”
…Karen was in an Elite Four?

A door I hadn’t noticed open to the left of me, and Nikki and I quickly looked in that direction.
“You know Anthony, there’s a back entrance.” Chase grumbled.
“Yeah, no need to dive down holes, big man.” Jimmy added, before he noticed Nikki. An expression crossed his face just like the one she had done previously.
“Excuse us…” he said in a goofy voice, before yanking me off towards a corner.
“Jimmy, you look hungry.” I said with a frown, “You aren’t going to eat her, are you?”
He shook his head so quickly it was a blur. “Tony, you’ve found tha bomb!”
“Oh good.” I breathed a sigh of relief. I was worried it might’ve fallen into the wrong hands after all those years in Mrs. Veshuan’s pillow.
He looked around sneakily, “Stand aside my friend, it’s time for me to use my master pick-up line…” he strutted towards Nikki in a style he assumed to be smooth, though in actuality he looked more like Beastly from Care Bears. He flopped his arm over her shoulder and, in his best Sean Connery voice, asked the infamous question, “Hello sweetheart, would you like to inspect my gadget?”

Nikki didn’t even bother with a facial reaction. As if by instinct, she kicked Jimmy across the gut and then drove her elbow across the back of his neck as he keeled over in pain.
Chase raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t see that coming.” She muttered.
“Me neither…” Jimmy wheezed, tears welling in his eyes.
“So anyway, I take it you’re the gym leader.” Chase continued, “I’m Chase Ginnit, heir to the ‘nome Dome.”
“Nikki.” Nikki responded coldly, looking in Chase’s direction for a brief second, but quick to return her gaze to me.
“And with me is Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber.” Chase said with a chuckle, “So is it a bad time to ask for a battle for Chambers? I mean, the kid isn’t bright, but I guess he deserves something for taking such a fall.”
“I think he deserves some respect, for one thing.” Nikki snapped. I felt a horrified chill run through my very existence, anticipating the world to suddenly end.
“Excuse me?” Chase shot back, folding her arms, “I don’t see any reason he deserves my respect.”
“I suppose your respect doesn’t mean all that much anyway.” Nikki chirped. The horrified chill intensified, to the point where a small icicle developed on my nose.
Chase shot one of her most piercing glares. “I’ll have you know, you freak, that I am a highly regarded and much celebrated champion fighter.” She paused for a moment, cracking her knuckles, “Both with and without Pokémon.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” Nikki said with a laugh, “All I see is a pathetic little tramp!”
“Oh gentle Jesus!” I squealed, shielding my eyes from the possibly imaginary hailstorm that seemed to be centralising around me, “I can’t weather this pretend storm!”

Nikki gazed at me sweetly. “Oh Mr. Chambers…” she said softly, “There’s nothing to worry ab-” Her sentence was cut short with a swift slap from Chase across her face. She stood there for a moment, wiped her lip, and a wicked smile crossed her face.
“Now you’re screwed.” She muttered. “You’ve just messed with the understudy of the most powerful witch in Furudo!”
“A witch, huh?” Jimmy leapt up hopefully, “Well, I think I must be the witch, and you’re a bucket of water, ‘coz whenever you’re around, I melt!”
Not at all pondering the absurd femininity of that claim as I indeed was, Nikki casually waved a hand in the direction of Jimmy and Chase. There were a few odd sparkles, and Nikki’s eyes flashed a pale red. A piercing light filled the room, and I shielded my eyes, being driven back by the intense force.
“It’s over 9000!” I wailed.

After a couple seconds it died down. The room echoed with the sounds of Nikki’s cackling, not at all reminiscent of her innocent giggle. I looked across the room and, under the wildly swaying light, I was shocked/horrified/slightly turned on when I saw the result. Jimmy… Chase… they were… One person!
“Oh god!” he… she… heshe gasped, in a bizarre amalgamated voice, “What in the hell did you do?”
“I thought you two fools deserved each other.” Nikki said offhandedly, stretching lazily. Before the profanity-laden response could be said, I cut in.
“People, people, person people, please… I believe we can come to an understanding here. There’s no need for confrontation.”
“What are you on about?” Jimmy and Chase cried, “Look at us!”
“Now listen… Jeice,” I sighed, tapping into my incredible naming intellect, “You were sort of asking for it…” Heshe shot a combination of a cruel/goofy glare at me, and I looked over at Nikki.
“Please, Nikki…” I whined, “I don’t think I’ll get along too well with my cohorts now losing their ability to be plural. I mean, I don’t wanna hang out with a hermaphrodite…” Heshe let out an annoyed groan as I continued, “All I want is a free belt buckle, I didn’t want such a big kafuddle!”
Nikki shrugged. “Well, I suppose I’ll separate them… if they beat me in battle, that is.”
“Alright wench, put yer dukes up!” Jeice snarled, a decidedly Jimmy-esque statement.
“A Pokémon battle.” She snapped, and then looked longingly in my direction. “But I’ll need some time to prepare. Come back tomorrow.”
That was about the best we could hope for. I dragged a furious Jeice out the door, Leaves quick to follow. Of course, he was laughing his head off all the way.
“Don’t worry, I’ll pick up some supplies from the store.” I assured, “Leaves and I are professional cheaters; with some various knick-knacks this one will be in the bag.”
…Or at least, somewhere in the near vicinity of the bag.
********************************
After what could’ve been two hours, Leaves and I returned to the Pokémon Centre where Jeice was waiting for us. Leaves sighed, as though he felt we had just done something completely useless. I dropped my bag on the table, and heshe shot up.
“What did you get?” heshe said anxiously.
“Alrighty then.” I grinned, “The way I saw it, Nikki’s likely going to try to give you another curse, so I got this.” I pulled out a long, silver shaft.
“What is it?” Jeice asked, inspecting it, “A curse protector?”
“Well, not as such…” I muttered, “It’s difficult to find a way to protect against these curses, so I opted to buy a curse warning system. Y’see? You press this button, and it displays a flashing message.”
I pressed said button, and several epilepsy-causing neon lights flashed. “It’s a blindness warning! So if you ever get cursed with blindness, this will tell you!”
Jeice looked at me for a moment.
“So…” heshe said slowly, “You’re saying, that if we go blind… that will tell us.”
“Yup!” I said proudly.
“With flashing colours.”
“Yup!” I repeated, “And best of all, I got it at half price! Marked down from $50!”
“So you payed $25 for that thing?” Jeice groaned.
“Well, no, it was two easy payments of $25. By half price, they meant two halves.”
Jeice shook hiser head, and looked to the floor. “What else?”
“Well, here’s a can of witchaway!” I beamed, proudly pulling out a spray can. I sprayed some in Jeice’s direction, and heshe took a whiff.
“Smells like pine freshener.” Heshe said, raising an eyebrow.
“Damn.” I snapped. “Well, what can you expect? I got it from a hobo in exchange for a kiss.”
Jeice widened hiser eyes. “A kiss where?”
I gulped, and looked down at Leaves, who broke a sweat. “I’d… rather not say.”
“Did you get anything that will actually help?” Jeice grumbled.
“Not really…” I muttered under my breath, “But I did get THIS!” I pulled out a weird, white ball that was letting out a light hissing sound.
“What’s that?” Jeice sighed with disinterest.
“It’s called a ‘smoke ball’.” I muttered, “I don’t know how it works, but I was told it would help if I wanted to end a battle with ease.”
“Are you sure they said with ease?” Jeice gulped, worriedly.
“Well…” I said with a frown, “Maybe he said it with some f’s, but I can’t be sure.”
After many hours of sitting about, weeping about the oncoming loss, and calling me a damned bonehead, Jeice was ready to battle Nikki. Apparently, it was also tomorrow. Time sure flies when you’re talking to a hermaphrodite.

Jeice now stood before the the ominous black tent and took a deep breath. Leaves did the same. Not wanting to be left out, I also took a deep breath, which ended in a very boogery sneeze.
I took a few steps back and then leapt down the hole like Oprah on a baked ham. …Clumsily, but feverishly anxiously.
After much familiar tumbling, I fell right at the feet of Nikki. She was all dressed up in white. She had a long, elaborate white dress, wore a veil over her face and was holding a bouquet of flowers.
“Umm…” I muttered, “Have you just come back from a funeral?” I paused for a moment when I saw the grin on her face. “…A very happy funeral?”
Leaves and Jeice wandered in through the nearby door, and put various looks on their faces. Three consecutive ones, in Jeice’s case.
“And just what is this about?” heshe snapped.
“Well, it’s simple.” Nikki replied, “Should you win, I’ll give Mr. Chambers the buckle, and remove the curse. But if I win… I’ll give Mr. Chambers the buckle…”
“Huzzah!” I cheered.
“And we’ll be wed immediately!” she cried.
“Huzzah!” I cheered.

There was an awkward pause. “…Well?” Jeice muttered, stamping hiser foot, “Aren’t you going to be shocked as to what she said?”
“Well, not really.” I shrugged, “It’s all smiles here.”
“And without further adieu…” Nikki seemed to glide backwards across the floor, “Let’s get this done!” She flung down a black Pokéball and out emerged a plump, purple spiky thing. “What’s that?” I gasped.
“It’s a Gengar!” Jeice answered.
“Go!” Nikki shouted, “Plump Purple Spiky Thing!”
I poked out my tongue. “See?”
“Whatever…” Jeice snapped as heshe held up a Pokéball, “Go! Klepto!”
“Yes!” I whooped, “Go Klep… hang on… THAT’S MY Pokémon!!”
“Well, I thought a Psychic Pokémon would come in handy.” Jeice snapped, “So get to it Natu!” Jeice’s expression suddenly shifted to one of annoyance. “…Even though being Psychic means he’s at a disadvantage to Ghost-types…” then, an offended expression, “Well I thought he’d be okay since it’s also a Poison-type!” heshe shot back at himerself. Talk about self-doubt.
Now the two battlers stood facing each other. There was a dead silence, and a wind seemed to come from out of nowhere to sweep across the field. This is so dramatic! I should make a poem about it…
I stood up tall and put a hand on my chest. “And so it goes… Klepto against the purple thing without a nose.
It fills me with fear… just standing here.
They will soon fight… it will all be all right.
This battle, quite clearly… should only come yearly…
There’s silence, then an echo… like a lizard. …Like a…” I bit my lip. “Gecko.”
Leaves shot an annoyed look at me.
“I shall rhyme no more… For I’m annoying… the Bulb-is-sore.”

Finally, Klepto and Plump Purple Spiky Thing raced at each other. Klepto took flight and chopped through the ghost with his beak. Its eyes widened, and it fell flat on its face.
“Oh my.” I gulped, “Fat… went… SPLAT!”
“Oh my god!” Nikki squealed, “You… you killed my Gengar!”
“Oh no!” Jeice gasped, ignoring the unhealthy amount of oh’s already, “I’m so sorry!!” Heshe then looked suspiciously angry. “Hang on… How can you kill a ghost??”
“Well look at it!” Nikki snapped, “It looks pretty dead.”
I grabbed a forked stick, and poked it. “Feels pretty dead too.” Curiously, I crawled up, and licked one of its spikes. “Blah. Tastes dead.”

Jeice threw down hiser arms, annoyed. Nikki had grabbed a book about ghosts and was frantically flipping through the pages.
“Forget it!” I snapped, “I’ll just continue this myself.” I gingerly picked up the very likely to be dead Plump Purple Spiky Thing and wiggled it around like a plush doll.
“Grr! Grr!” I snarled, and then threw it at full power in Klepto’s direction. “RAAAR!” Klepto’s eyes widened as he was hit with the corpse, and rolled back, unconscious.
“There.” I smirked, and wiped my hands. Jeice looked livid.
“…Oops.” I groaned, “Sorry Kleppers.”

Leaves rolled his eyes and ran onto the battlefield. He looked ready to fight, or at least ready to arm wrestle. Nikki threw down her next Pokéball. Out popped… a weird… bush?
“Yeeaaaaag!” I whimpered, “It’s spaghetti!”
“No…” Nikki replied, looking mysterious, “It’s Spookyghetti…”
“It’s a Tangela, you clods.” Jeice snapped, and pointed Leaves forward, “Now go! Do what you do best!” Leaves nodded, and charged at full speed, past Spookyghetti and towards Nikki. He immediately started frisking her, searching for a wallet.
Jeice groaned, as a sweatdrop appeared on hiser head.
“I meant battle!!” heshe whined, and Leaves (begrudgingly) returned to the battlefield.
“Do what Tony would usually tell you to do!” Jeice commanded.
Leaves began to growl. And growl. And growl. After a couple of minutes, he dug into the ground, looked around sneakily, and pulled out the brass knuckles.
“SAAAAAAAAUR!” he wailed insanely as he hopped towards Spookyghetti, waving his braced fist like a rock on a rope.
Spookyghetti seemed suitably terrified by this bizarre sight, and took off running. They tore about in circles, as everyone watched on with intense interest. Eventually, they had created a ditch so deep I couldn’t even see them.

“That’s it Leaves!” I cheered, “Show them just how well I trained you!” As if on cue, Leaves was thrown out of the ditch, covered with bruises. “Saaur…” he moaned.
“Wh-what happened?” I gasped, as Spookyghetti leapt out. On each of his vines he was brandishing brass knuckles of his own. He looked like a Swiss army knife of brass knuckle wickedness. He eyed off everyone, and then targeted me.
“GEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!” He screeched as he barrelled towards me, flailing his vines around.
I screamed either like a girl or possibly a young woman, and started running. I went through my pockets, looking for some sort of solution to this unfortunate situation.
“Walkman?” I gulped and threw it over my shoulder. It merely bounced off the pursuing beast.
“Tokens?” I attempted and chucked a handful, to no avail.
Finally, I found what I was looking for, and screeched to a stop.
“Mwhahaha!” I cackled insanely, “Now I’ve got it…” I pulled out a CD. “Dean Martin’s Greatest Hits!!”
Spookyghetti looked, well, spooked. I raised the album above my head, then piffed it at Spookyghetti with all my might. It hit him square in the face, and he collapsed to the floor.
“Haha!” I cried, “They don’t call ‘em greatest HITS for nothing!” I bent down to retrieve my beloved album, but my hand was smacked away with a vine. Spookyghetti had gotten to his feet, and was glaring at me furiously. He snatched up the CD and started chomping down on it.
“Noooooo!” I wailed, “You’re eating Dean Martin!” The pursuit began anew. Dammitall!” I groaned, “I just made it mad!”
He opened his mouth, and out came the voice of Dean Martin. “When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!”
“And musically talented!” I went back into my pockets and yanked out a ball. That’s it!” I gasped, “I’ll catch it with a Pokéball!” I hurled the ball at Spookyghetti. It bounced off of him and then let out a wild gust of wind. Smoke began billowing from it everywhere, and only then did I realise I had pelted the Smoke Ball at it. After it all cleared away, Spookyghetti was gone.
All eyes were on me as I contemplated exactly what had just transpired.
“Tony…” Jeice said slowly, “Why do you always have to be the centre of attention?”
“Because it’s my goddamn Pokémon adventure!” I snapped.

Nikki let out a doleful sigh and waved her hand at Jeice. There was another bright flash and Jimmy and Chase were once again apart. Nikki dropped down to the floor and began to weep.
“We’ll… just be outside.” Jimmy said awkwardly, as he and Chase wandered out.
I knelt down next to Nikki, and she looked up at me, tears streaming down her face.
“Uh…” I muttered sheepishly, “Sorry for killing all your Pokémon.”
She stopped snivelling for a moment and sighed. “It’s alright…” she said weakly, “Though I guess you should know they were one day away from retirement.”
She reached down and unhooked a belt buckle that had been strapped to her ankle. She handed it to me and I gazed at it dreamily. It was shaped like the mask from Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3 and Scream 4: A Sore Throat.
“I guess I better be heading off…” I muttered as I started to slowly shuffle away. I stepped towards the doorway and then stood there for a couple painful seconds.
“…Tony?” Nikki said quietly, “I want you to know… that… I love you.”

I looked down at the floor for a moment, then turned in her direction.
“Nikki…” I whispered, “I’ve… never said this before… but, in some way… through everything else, and… without any regret… at least, a little bit…
…I love me too.”

I cackled like a maniac and barrelled out the door, Leaves laughing by my side. Yeah, it was cruel. But it was cruel for someone else, which makes it OK.

Nobody ever forget.
I’m Tony Chambers! I travel the world and I leave pandemonium, broken hearts, and Pokémon corpses behind me!

…Meanwhile, on the other side of the world…
Spookyghetti surveyed the strange, unfamiliar surroundings. He wasn’t sure how he got here, or when he got here. The Smoke Ball was sitting next to him, puffing out steam. A huge Kangaskhan marched up to him. It bent down to get face to face with him.
“…Abendessen.” It hissed.
Fortunately, Spookyghetti knew fluent German. “Abendessen?” he muttered, “Supper?” He looked around, “What about supper?”
Kangaskhan edged closer towards him. It pointed at him. “Abendessen.” It repeated. It was drooling at the mouth.
Spookyghetti’s eyes narrowed. “…Aww Hölle.”