Banana Porridge

[shazza]

To produce the finest banana porridge, the banana's you use need to be perfect. People believe making banana porridge is an easy task; on the contrary it is an extremely delicate process that only a master can perfect.

After experimenting for 10 months since my health kick, I believe I am the banana porridge master and am willing to pass on my skills to others.



The above diagram exhibits the life cycle the standard supermarket sold banana goes through. I have heard on countless occasions that the greener the banana is, the better the porridge output; this is further from the truth. When a banana is during stages one to three, the milk fails to mix in properly with the banana and the banana is hard and unable to mash adequately.

Seldom do I use a banana during stage four, due to the fact it still consists of the limitations of the first three stages. However, the problems in stage four are not as major as the first three and an eatable and satisfactory porridge can be cooked if done correctly.

Stages 5 and 6 are your best bet, a banana that is as yellow as the sun. The banana by these stages will be soft, easy to mix in with the milk and produce a banana flavoured, enjoyable porridge. Albeit, having a few/many black spots as seen in stage 7 may produce the best porridge of all. It all depends how you control the riped banana. From my observations, a novice will ultimately fail with a stage7 banana but an experienced porridge maker will create the best possible porridge.

How often do you create banana porridge? What is your preferred way of cooking? Do you make any other flavoured porridges?

Enjoy your banana porridge.

[Clark]

I don't make porridge, but I make banana bread. I wait until stage 7 based on your picture, its definitely the best time.

[shazza]

Banana bread? Very nice, I personally have not created my own banana bread but I should do so sometime in the future. I discussed on MSN tonight with a friend and she seems to be quite skilled in banana smoothies. One day I wish to make my meal plan for the whole day entirely based on bananas.

I wonder what a sufficient banana meal would be for dinner?

[Clark]

banana casserole jk lol

the bread is great. im always tempted at work to get the banana jars of baby food hahaha
serious. beats out smoothies..

[Heald]

I'd just like to say this topic is exactly what we're looking for in Misc. None of this political crap that's been infesting these waters for the last few years.

Also, I shall try this banana porridge. Sounds delicious. However, you've left out the most critical point: how to actually make the porridge. You've only listed what types of bananas you use. However, if your banana porridge is simply mashed banana with milk, then fair enough. I'm assuming it is more technical than that, and perhaps actually contains porridge oats.

[Little_Pikachu]

I endorse this thread, however I also want to know exactly what Banana Porridge is.

As for bananas in general, I really hate them to be too green, I like them with a bit of brown on the skin, but not so much that when you open them up the actual banana is covered in random brown squidgy bits. I would probably favour a 6 on your banana chart.

However, Bananas contain a lot of potassium and taking too much of this is as bad as eating too much salt so you shouldn't have more than 5 bananas a week. Also the more brown a banana is, the more potassium it has. Apparently.

[Blademaster]

First and foremost, I'd like to say that this is a topic about bananas.

There's a topic on TPM devoted entirely to bananas and the conversion of said bananas into tasty porridge.

...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!









Right. Now that my initial shock has subsided, I'd like to know the recipe for this porridge and how I can make it. Preferably without burning down my kitchen because I'm a sleep-deprived retard that can barely type straight at this point.

So, please continue. Enlighten us with your porridgey wisdom.

[mr_pikachu]

I, uh... had no idea you were so into bananas, shazza.

As for me, I'd probably go for a 5-6 on that scale. Better to be slightly underripe than overripe. Oh, and banana-flavored snacks are horrid. Banana popsicles make my skin crawl.

[shazza]

Initially I microwaved my porridge from about January to February which resulted in some pretty crappy resluts, but I began using the stove tops when I moved back to my University residence.

Half a cup of oats
1/2-3/4 cup of skim milk
One Stage 5-6 banana in pieces

Mash it all up and stir thoroughly until a smooth paste is created. Sugar or honey is optional. It's basically the central meal I used to lose 28kg.

To be perfectly honest of you, I was predicting this thread to be closed by the time I woke up. I am pleased to see otherwise.

Also, after Ace's note about banana bread; feel welcome to say what you enjoy to do with bananas. But nothing dirty, you got that firepokemon?

[Drago]

I too endorse this thread - if there's ever a topic we've all considered but been too afraid to discuss, it is about bananas. Thank you for showing your courage and delighting us all, shazza.

I must confess, I often let bananas go to waste - I'm not a massively big fan of bananas, yet I'm actually quite fond of banana-flavoured drinks. Banana milk, banana milkshake and... well, that's all of the banana-flavoured drinks I can think of right now.
Banana-flavoured treats like ice cream or popsicles are okay... but there are other flavours I prefer. I've always really enjoyed banana bread, yet I hardly ever have it - it's like one of those rare treats that come once in a while.

I've had banana-flavoured oatmeal before, but it wasn't with real bananas. All the same, it was excellent. I feel enticed from here on to find more banana-flavoured products... I can't think of one I haven't liked yet. And perhaps I'll try harder to consider the banana itself as my viable snack option.

[RedStarWarrior]

I love you, shazza...though, I prefer banana pudding.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

A lady here in Mielikkitalo makes a porridge named Aurinkopuuro, i.e. Sun Porridge. Very tasty. It's made from apricot and so on.

[MToolen]

I've never had porridge. Bananas in and of themselves are nice, but I don't like banana flavored things either on the grounds that they take up the color yellow from more awesome flavors (i.e., lemon).

Man, this is fun. What food-related topic are we going to have next? Pasta? Breakfast? The sky's the limit!

[Austrian ViceMaster Alex]

The only porridge I eat now and then is semolina porridge. It's quite popular over here though it's usually food for smaller kids or the right stuff if you're ill and have sensitive stomach. Semolina porridge looks more or less like grits.

I'm not that fond of bananas so they're pretty much the last thing I'd like to have porridge from. A working colleague of mine loves bananas and he only eats stage 9 bananas (not shown in your diagram). They have pretty much entirely black skin but he says they taste the sweetest. Maybe the latter would make even better banana porridge.

[Dark-San]

'Cuse me, but I think I will skipped the extra carbohydrates. Firstly, banana contain a huge amount of sugar. This also explains why athletes consume them half way into their matches, since simple sugar is easily absorbed by the body. Porridge is nothing but your rice grains boiled to soften the texture. And we all know that rice is a very starchy food. Both starch and simple glucose are nothing but carbohydrates. I would not consume this kind of meal since I am currently following a strict regime of carbo-free diet in order to lose weight. And also an extra advice to diabetics, it is also a good suggestion to avoid this diet entirely.

Also, I preferred to consume my banana raw. Preferably, either option 6 or 7. Option 1 to 4 would be too raw. Consuming them raw will leave a nasty feeling on your tongue.

[MToolen]

I don't think it's carbohydrates in and of themselves that are bad; that's like expecting better performance out of a car by never filling it up. Such diets are not healthy from what I've seen; still, it's your body.

[Andrew]

I make a delicious banana cake cake with cream cheese icing. But I wait till my bananas are perhaps 8 or worse.

But, in saying that, I had pear porridge about 2 weeks ago. I made too much I threw more than half out.

[shazza]

Dieting is all about balance. You need some carbs, you need some natural sugars and sometimes you need some naughty foods to keep you sane. Losing weight is basically a process of calories out > calories in.

Indeed, you might need to go into more details with protein etc but in the end of the day, if you burn more calories than you put in than you WILL lose the weight and anyone that is telling you otherwise is believing media bullshit and/or retarded.

If you do end up losing weight Dark-San, it's not because of your unhealthy approach of no-carbs but rather your caloric intake.

Most media and fad diets usually result in a person losing an unhealthy amount of weight in a short amount of time; once they begin to just be a bit leniant with their food they put the weight back on and then some.

Sigh.

[Zak]

Blademaster, that second pic of the guy in yellow, is it from Saw IV? I'd swear it is...

[Bulbasaur4]

I've never... had porridge before... sounds a lot to me like what we call oatmeal, except tastier... and with more substance. (Although maple sugar oatmeal is pretty darn good).

I agree, if you love bananas then you HAVE to make banana bread. It is absolutely delicious! You could have the banana bread with your banana porridge followed by a banana smoothie or similiar drink of some sort. Plus a banana. XD

[Blademaster]

Blademaster, that second pic of the guy in yellow, is it from Saw IV? I'd swear it is...

...

You know something... I think it is. It must be from the scene where Matthews gets two 100-pound ice blocks to the head.

He must've pissed off Hoffman by refusing the banana cream pie, so he got dressed up as a banana and got peeled. o.o

[PancaKe]

I like banana number 6. It's my favourite one.

Everything should be made from banana number 6.


We sell banana bread at my work for $4 a slice. Its a rip off. Go make your own banana bread you lazy bastards

[mistysakura]

Damn you -- now all I've got in my head is

This shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Anyway, I do like banana porridge But I don't make it because I'm lazy. And I like banana bread better anyway. I make most things with banana #7, but eat banana #6.

[PancaKe]

If you stick a banana in the freezer it turns black.
Try it sometime

[shazza]

If you stick a banana up..... never mind.

[PancaKe]

I'm curious to know just where you stick your bananas, shazza. Aside from in porridge

[shazza]

I said "never mind", gosh!

[Blademaster]

I was curious how black a banana can get once, so I left it on my dresser for a month.

A year later, I found it while cleaning my room. It was totally black, shrunk to the width of an inch or so, and very tough and leathery.

Try making that into porridge.

[shazza]

I was curious how black a banana can get once, so I left it on my dresser for a month.

A year later, I found it while cleaning my room. It was totally black, shrunk to the width of an inch or so, and very tough and leathery.

Try making that into porridge.

Few men know anything above Stage 7 and how to work porridge.

[PancaKe]

I was curious how black a banana can get once, so I left it on my dresser for a month.

A year later, I found it while cleaning my room. It was totally black, shrunk to the width of an inch or so, and very tough and leathery.

Try making that into porridge.

Oh I love you so much right now. I did that once with a bottle of Pepsi Max. I left it outside in the sun for two weeks, then on my windowsill for four months while i went to England, then came back and left it under my bed for another five months, and then gave it to my friend as a birthday present


I can't believe you didn't smell the banana sooner

[Blademaster]

Oh I love you so much right now. I did that once with a bottle of Pepsi Max. I left it outside in the sun for two weeks, then on my windowsill for four months while i went to England, then came back and left it under my bed for another five months, and then gave it to my friend as a birthday present

1. Did he drink it?

2. If the answer to 1. is "Yes.", where is he buried?

I can't believe you didn't smell the banana sooner

This was back when I was thirteen and had literally everything imaginable scattered around my room, mostly under the bed. Any scent the banana may have had was masked by dust, candy wrappers, Silly String, plastic, ozone emissions from my busted-ass TV, and two toads.

All of that, in turn, was masked by my inosmia.

...

Sometimes, having anosmia is a good thing.

[PancaKe]

1. Did he drink it?

2. If the answer to 1. is "Yes.", where is he buried?

I wish he drank it.
He threw it out. What a party pooper.
I also got him a shoebox filled with fun size candy bars.
So he didn't completley miss out.
And no, those weren't out of date.