Holy crap, Herman was priceless. X3 Seemed like every time he opened his mouth, win came out.

Quite an unexpected reason behind Totod... er, Croconaw's being all crazy-bitey as he was, but in hindsight I can't believe it didn't occur to me beforehand that he was just teething--it makes sense, after all.

Speaking of said pokémon, I rather liked the way his evolution was handled. There was a bit of added realism about the fact that it was shoiwn to have some rough side effect on him--it is, after all, a relatively rapid and fairly dramatic metamorphic process we're talking about here.

Particularly great notes this time around, too. I'm impressed with the amount of thought you've put into Cecilia's character. This fic in general strikes me as something that's really got a lot of thought and care put into it, for that matter. Might be a big part of why it's turned out as nicely as it has so far, I reckon. ^^

Highlights:

“Hey Herman,” Maisy said, winking.

“This lemon is delicious,” the man said, raking his teeth into the zesty flesh of the yellow fruit. Maisy watched his face contort wildly; Herman was a senile old bat.

“Anyone come through yet?” she asked, leaning against the opposite wall.

“Pickles,” he murmured, licking the fruit.

“Thanks,” Maisy replied. Herman’s Slowpoke was chewing its own tail, suckling it slowly. It’s eyes were facing different directions.

“Are your boobs bigger?” Herman asked inquisitively.

“I don’t think so,” Maisy replied, stretching her top over her chest. “Do you?”

Herman dropped his lemon and swung forward on his rocking chair; in one swift motion his face smashed against the counter and he rolled onto the floor, groaning. Maisy chuckled at the perverted old man as the door opened from Ilex Forest.
Again, Herman wins hard. X3 Both with regards to what he says and what he does, actually.

“Lovely to meet you boys,” Maisy said. “Good trip?”

“No.”
A very fitting response. X3 The bolding there was a nice touch, too.

“I want you to be happy on my team, pal,” Milo said. He held a hand out for Totodile.
The moment I read that, I was anticipating, with a sort of sadistic glee, bitiness from Totodile on the horizon...

“But if you keep acting like this, I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”

Totodile walked over to Milo’s outstretched hand inquisitively. All-too-quick his eye sparkled and he opened wide, sinking his teeth into Milo’s palm.
...And I was not disappointed. X3 Bitiness amuses me. It just does. X3

His fingers twitched and jerked as Totodile screwed his eyes shut; an instant later, the gator fell from his grasp and hit the ground clumsily. Milo, still feeling pain sear through his hand, opened his eyes to see two thick fangs embedded in his palm.
Damn, that's... actually kind of a disturbing image. o.o; Kinda neat in an odd way at the same time, though.

Milo was interrupted when tendrils of sticky silk flew in every direction. Paras’s aim was appalling, but the little bug tried its best to aim for Milo’s hand. After getting a mouthful of the curious silk in his mouth, Milo decided to bend down and allow Paras to work a bit closer to the wound.
...And there's a rather amusing image. XD

“You’ll improve your aim with time,” Jake mused, watching as Paras snipped the end of the silk string. Milo looked at his hand, wrapped in the suspiciously warm string and bound tight.
XD Ew... Nice use of detail there. X3

“He’s evolving!” Jake shouted. The creature grew, with big, spikier ridges bursting along his head and down his spine. Milo saw stronger, bigger claws develop and a much stockier frame, all the while noting the intense heat emanating from the Pokemon.

“Scizor, hold back,” Oscar said quietly.

The evolution seemed to take a few minutes; Milo saw a much more forceful jaw take shape and the light start to soften. Croconaw, as the creature was now called, had a bright blue hue and a royal blue coloured set of ridges, like Totodile. A sash-like pattern across its chest was the same vanilla-tint of the creature’s bottom jaw. The three boys looked at the alligator as he stared at his claws.

“How do you feel?” Milo said. The Pokemon turned and vomited in the grass, groaning.

“Poor guy,” Jake said. “Imagine what it must be like to evolve.”

“It’s like going through puberty in four minutes,” Oscar stated.
Again, nice handling of his evolution. ^^