[GAME] Twisted Wishes v.8 (LV Approved)

[DivineAll]

Granted. However, like most video game movie adaptations it's horrible. In fact, this one is so horrible is caused the second great video game crash and killed of any future aspects for any video game based movies.

Also,

Granted, you are equipped with a strange device called job-hunting gun, which is said to enable you to hunt down any job. By shooting in the air, you instantly get a job application descending from heavens and you fill it up since it's really easy. The only flaw is that the job isn't well paid.

I wish this were true.

[Fett One]

Granted, but it is only good for 1 use and Blademaster already used it.

I wish the U.S.A. had internet speeds as fast as the speeds in Japan.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. Japan's internet speed suddenly begins to slow down with each passing week, and with that, so does the U.S.A.'s general internet speed. By the 5th week, well, the internet in both countries ends up being slowed to a crawl.

I wish it was impossible to develop allergies to anything.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted but now the allergy medicines are useless.

I wish I could save my hometown from an attack of Gozilla.

[Fett One]

Granted but you die saving Finland.

I wish to become a speed reader.

[Blademaster]

Granted. Time speeds up whenever you read something, leading you to a very early death.

I wish I had the Holy Hand Grenade.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, but you end up getting arrested just like the knights in the end of Monty Python And The Holy Grail. What's more, you then are crusified with ropes like in Life of Brian.

"Always look at the bright side of life..."

I wish time wasn't against me.

[Fett One]

Granted, It is now on your side but that means everything has stopped to crawl accept for yourself, thus leaving you all alone.

I wish all current tv shows could be watched on the internet legally and without charge.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. The only TV shows you get to watch legally on the internet for free are all of your least favourite shows.

I wish Sega had included Michael Jackson among the music composers for Sonic the Hedgehog 3 in the game's credits before he died.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, but Sega also has adjusted a peculiar time lock system inside the game and once Michael Jackson is dead, you'll no longer hear the music in the end.

I wish Nokia learned a lesson and quit making cell phones so that they can return to rubber-boots industry and fill the world with nice rubber-boots. Nice rubber-boots.

[Fett One]

Granted but the boots come in horrible colors that no one likes.

I wish sugar is good for people.

[Blademaster]

Granted. It already is.

I wish I had a neverending calendar that was always set to the correct month.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. You end up getting such a calendar in a language so foreign, the pictures included with the calendar make you think it was made by martians (guess where I got the idea? Hint hint...look at what's immediately below your username)

I wish that it was impossible for any living creatures (humans included) to have a bad attitude.

[Fett One]

Granted. Everyone is now super happy and suffers from extreme pain due to the huge smiles that are on everyone's face 24/7.

I wish to own a huge collection of sports cars.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted but they are just toy cars made of a fragile material that breaks up once you touch them.

I wish to master Pokemon TCG.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. As you get better and better at Pokemon TCG, some of the later players think that you are cheating, and they decide to quit playing with you, realizing more and more that you cheated to get "better" at Pokemon TCG. Hate to tell you, but being accused of cheating at a card game can get you a one-way trip DOWN...don't believe me? Why don't you watch the 1000 Ways to Die clip called "Texas Fold 'Em"...you'll see the ultimate price a person can pay for cheating at a card game.

I wish the next person knew how to untwist this already twisted wish.

[Blademaster]

Granted. Nothing happens.

I wish I had a bottomless bottle of clean drinking water.

[Fett One]

Granted but you lose it after only having it for 5 minutes

I wish there were no more earthquakes.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. Instead of earthquakes, they are replaced by fissures, that begin to swallow up everything in their path, and these ones have much higher accuracy than the measly 30% accuracy of the move in the Pokemon games...in other words, these fissures are guaranteed to cause mass destruction to everything they swallow up.

I wish it was impossible for people to get cavities in their teeth throughout their lifetime, no matter how much sugar or other acidic foods they consumed.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, now they just become super fat.

I wish the local Supermarket wasn't that far away.

[Fett One]

Granted. It moves closer to your house but its a much smaller store, which only has enough room for 2 shelves.

I wish there was enough food in the world to feed everybody.

[Blademaster]

Granted. The water level, however, remains unchanged.

I wish I could play a musical instrument, preferably reasonably well.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. You begin to learn the piano, but after a bit of practice of playing it, you decide to play this. As a result of hitting the wrong note, you wind up like Daffy...but much worse, as the resulting explosion blows you up into millions of pieces.

I wish I didn't need to post a YouTube link to grant a tricky sounding wish.

[Fett One]

Granted. From now on all of your posts are tongue twisters.

I wish to own a sports franchise.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted. Every sportsman in your teams uses now Star Wars-esque R2-D2 clothes. Sure looks funny but isn't very practical.

I wish I could grant wishes in microseconds.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. As a result of granting wishes too fast, you begin to gradually shrink with each wish you grant, until you are shrunken down so small, that you can only be seen by a microscope. Unfortunately for you, this microscope has the power of a magnifying glass when it comes to having the sun pass through it...before you know it, you end up getting fried, just like an ant getting the same fate if you hold a magnifying glass in the sun against it.

I wish the next person's wish was made in a way that when twisted by another person here, would make its way into the funny papers.

[Fett One]

Mikachu Yukitatsu, I'm a Star Wars fan so that actually sounds interesting even if it is impractical.

Granted but the wish will occur in a weeks time.

I wish more animes were on youtube.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Fett One, that was the actual reason why I used Star Wars in my reply.

Granted. One new extra anime clip is put on youtube every year. Those clips last for 5 seconds and include Sailor Moon and Vegeta preparing to battle.

I wish I could enjoy cooking more.

[Blademaster]

Granted. It becomes an obsession for you that eventually consumes your life.

I wish I had the fastest reflexes in the world.

[Fett One]

Granted but as a result you are banned from playing sports since no one can keep up with you.

I wish to own a real Transformer.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted. The power it gives to you ends up with you using it for EVIL. You wreak havoc across the world.

I wish they made a good movie based on J.R.R. Tolkien's Silmarillion, and it should be better than the book.

[Knight of Time]

Granted, but the company that makes the movie decides against releasing the movie into theaters or even on any format that would allow you to watch it on your TV, thus ruining your chances of ever getting to see it.

I wish Blademaster would get to meet his cousin Madeblaster someday.

[Fett One]

Granted but the meeting goes so badly that Blademaster becomes a recluse and no one ever hears from him again.

I wish shows that have seasons end in cliffhangers don't get canceled before the cliffhanger is resolved.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted but all the cliffhangers get only one solution from this forward. An explosion. Gets repetitive. Cartoon cliffhanger -> an explosion. Detective story cliffhanger -> an explosion. Soap opera cliffhanger -> an explosion. Cliffhanger cliffhanger -> an explosion.

I wish I found a perfect way to use shadowing in my drawing style.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. As your drawings begin to get shadows in them, making you think they are looking better, a mysterious white flash hits you, and by the time it does, you resume your work. But as a result, your pencil(s) begin(s) to white out your drawings mysteriously, and pretty soon, your drawings end up ruined.

I wish there was at least one newcomer to this game posting here every week.

[Blademaster]

Granted. They answer all the wishes before you can, which makes you eventually ragequit this game.

I wish I got smarter with every day that passed.

[Fett One]

Granted but you eventually become so smart that a computer is the only thing that can keep your mind stimulated since you lose all interest in everything else.

I wish two wrongs make a right.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted. Now everyone doesn't care about doing wrong in the first place, only to find out the second wrong isn't easy to make as it leads to good.

I wish the 'Submit Reply' button was changed into a 'Stupid Reply' button for some fun.

[Blademaster]

Granted but you eventually become so smart that a computer is the only thing that can keep your mind stimulated since you lose all interest in everything else.

So basically now, but with me getting smarter instead of dumber? Sign me up!

Also, granted: Lady Vulpix changes it back before anything noteworthy can happen.

I wish everything I ate or drank was totally healthy for me.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. But as a result, the amount of weight you gain from everything you eat and drink is multipled by 10, and before long, it forces you into exercising much harder in order to keep from gaining too much.

I wish Nintendo might consider making the 5th generation of Pokemon the last.