[GAME] Twisted Wishes v.8 (LV Approved)

[Fett One]

Granted. You are now great at playing Madden video games.

I wish vampire tv shows weren't popular.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. In their frustration, the vampires from all the vampire-related TV shows burst out of the TVs, going on a mass attack everywhere until only they are the survivors.

I wish Oslo knew that I don't really watch iCarly.

[Oslo]

Granted. As a matter of fact, he assumed you wouldn't all along since you are not a pubescent girl and does not understand why you'd think otherwise. As a result of Oslo's wish-induced bewilderment, he smacks you in the face with a trout.

I wish I actually had a face-smackin' trout I could use whenever I pleased.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, you'll be able to use it only whenever you're pleased. If you're pissed off or something, you can't use it.

I wish the Finland vs. Denmark Ice Hockey match tomorrow to end 10 - 9. For Finland's victory.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. But in the middle of the game, Finland loses their best player to a freak injury, and he ends up having to forfeit his hockey career due to the severity of the injury. Guess that means the score might not necessarily be 10-9 Finland.

I wish there was an upcoming platform game with an unlockable "hard mode" that when played, gives you one life with no ways to get any extra lives, no continues, and is the only way to unlock something really good such as Sound Test if completed.

[Fett One]

Granted but once you beat it the sound that plays is a guy cursing you out.

I wish to never feel pain again.

[Crazy Elf Boy]

Granted you now have technically become a leper since they have no pain perception either, enjoy losing your limbs.

I wish I could eat what ever I wanted.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. You manage to get a license to eat whatever you want...the problem is, the license expires in 24 hours, after that, other people get to pick what you can and can't eat.

I wish that the saying "there's a sucker born every minute" was made to apply to a lollipop factory.

[Oslo]

Granted. Since no more than one sucker can be made per minute, that means only 1440 suckers can be manufactured daily... in the whole entire world. As a result, suckers become rare and very expensive. You can never justify purchasing such an expensive treat every again.

I wish "WWII Canada Meat Ration" tokens were an expensive and desired collectors' item.

[Fett One]

Granted but the factory makes the lollipops using new born babies, hence a sucker being "born" every second.

I wish humans have wings that allows us to fly.

[Crazy Elf Boy]

Granted, but due to government restriction our wings are clipped when we are young.

I wish I could pilot a spaceship.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted. First off, I transport you to a faraway planet with advanced lifeforms. You go to a spaceship flying school there and gratuate after 10 years. The only problem is that one year there corresponded 5 earth years and when you finally gratuate, you have to see that the whole space industry has died on your new home planet due to a financial backdown in that whole solar system. You won't even get back to Earth and are stuck there.

I wish Crazy Elf Boy could make it back to Earth from the planet I sent him to.

[Fett One]

Granted but by the time he returns, he is 100 years old so everyone he knew has since died, thus leaving him completely alone.

I wish animals could talk.

[Crazy Elf Boy]

Granted you are now deaf.

I wish the cursive style of writing was never invented.

[Oslo]

Granted. Instead of learning cursive in school, children are now expected to master nautical flags and use those instead of formal handwritten communication. What a wonderful world.

I wish I could go have a drink with Sam Roberts.

[DivineAll]

Granted. In the process, braille writing was never invented, meaning that blind people cannot read now.

I wish I didn't have digestion problems.

[Fett One]

Granted. You have back pain instead.

I wish pennies were more useful.

[Crazy Elf Boy]

They are now used as a form of corporal punishment, where the person is tied up and put into a tube with a giant fan at the bottom. Pennies are then dropped in from the top and the fan is switched on causing the pennies to berate the person inside the tube.

I wish I could actually write my assignments.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, I give you a piece of paper and you write two words: 'My assignments'.

I wish Oslo could go have a drink with Sam Roberts.

[Oslo]

Granted. He does. It's perfect. He then gets invited into the Sam Roberts Band and dies at age thirty from the rock 'n' roll lifestyle. <3

I wish everyone was as observant as Mikachu.

[Fett One]

Granted but now everyone talks about Finland and anime girls.

I wish all medicine was free.

[Crazy Elf Boy]

Granted, but now all medicine is made up of ground up animals.

I wish animals would never have to be ground up.

[Oslo]

Granted. Impoverished humans are ground up instead. Yum.

I wish bacon were healthy.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, bacon becomes healthy and it replaces water and other important nourishment, and eventually mankind becomes so addicted to bacon that countries will rage wars on each other to get more and more bacon.

I wish I was a Sailor Senshi.

[Fett One]

Granted but you are strictly a back up in case one of them can't make it to the fight.

I wish to be pro at using a knife.

[Crazy Elf Boy]

Granted but in a weird twist of equal exchange you lose your hands.

I wish I could survive extreme cold.

[Oslo]

Granted. You are now a living snowman who will melt if the temperature rises above freezing.

I wish the NDPs had attained a majority in tonight's federal election.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted but after attaining the majority they just sit back and don't live up their promises. As politicians usually.

I wish to become a samurai.

[Fett One]

Granted but your first task as a samurai is to fight 100 ninjas, while unarmed.

I wish to invent giant fruit.

[Crazy Elf Boy]

Granted, you have invented the largest fruit ever. However quickly into testing is gains sentience and starts eating everyone.

I wish fruit wouldn't eat people.

[Oslo]

Granted. They just enslave people instead. Phew.

I wish for a chimpanzee butler.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted but it's not housetrained.

I wish for a real Snorlax I could show off to Oslo.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. The Snorlax turns against both you and Oslo, making pancakes out of both of you. Too bad there isn't any maple syrup around, otherwise, it'd be on the both of you.

I wish the White House would go ahead with their decision to release those recent pics of Osama bin Laden from before and after his death so that the world gets to see what they wanted all this time.

[Fett One]

Granted the photos don't really exist so what the government shows the public are photo shopped pics made within an hours time.

I wish eggs taste good with any food you mix them with.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Granted, but now eggs mixed with any food cause a chemical reaction that kills the eater.

I wish I had my own Reality TV show 'Mikachu Yukitatsu Judges' where I let people compete performing various tasks and make them fall off via both audience voting and my own decision and the show has one popular celebrity guest every episode.

[Oslo]

Granted. However, after a disgruntled contestant kills your celebrity judge in cold blood, the show is taken off the air.

I wish it would rain donuts.

[Knight of Time]

Granted. They stick to your body because of their icing, which in this case is iron glue mixed with chocolate...uh oh, looks like this is a very sticky situation for you.

I wish I had the ability to kill terrorists just by looking at their pictures.

[Fett One]

Granted but you have no control over this ability so you end up killing anyone whose picture you look at.

I wish for a movie that stars Bugs Bunny and Donald Duck.

[DivineAll]

Already granted. Go see Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

I wish for a movie starring Mr. T and Lady Gaga.

[Oslo]

Granted. The film turns out to be a porno, but you watch it without knowing this fact. You are, needless to say, traumatized for life.

I wish for a glass of lemonade.