The Feelings Thread

[Gavin Luper]

Shadow Wolf - Egad, sad story indeed. Well, I can only sympathise and say that I'm glad you feel free enough to talk about this in this thread, once again. It's sometimes useful just to get it out, to know that other people have heard what's in your head and heart, and then maybe you can begin to move past it all, even slowly. I guess the only real advice I can offer is that you alone have the power to change yourself and your life. Will power can achieve amazing things - you can change your outlook, your personality, whatever you wish, if it is troubling you. I've seen it happen before, I've done it myself, so I have every confidence that you, too, can break through. And hell, if things get really bad, there's no shame in talking it all out with a psychologist, seriously.

Thanks for your kind words of encouragement. I caught a pretty bad cold, probably due to my wild night out in the cold and rain, so I've spent the last week recovering from that. I didn't drink at all this past weekend and I'm trying to re-evaluate my priorities ie. health, but for some reason the allure of writing myself off continues to rear it's ugly, juvenile head. To be continued ...

In other news, I've kind of found myself in a relieving position as a bank manager for potentially the next month. It's not official or permanent but I've basically found myself running the bank branch I used to work at. It's a surprising challenge. Part of me feels like a corporate sell out (but hey, it's only during uni break) - the other part of me is kind of excited to experience a new level of pressure. First day was today - it was insanely heavy. More to follow.

Based on today, I'm starting to wonder if I'm one of those people who thrives on stressful situations. Can anyone relate?

[Shadow Wolf]

OK, sorry for bringing it, but I could've sworn that this thread was stickied or it was active.

Gavin: Well, I'm not sure, to be honest. I do remember making a presentation that was supposed to take one month in a matter of hours (it was that hard, and I was forced to give orders to my classmates), but it put so much pressure in me that I ended up crying in front of all my classmates in the day of the oral report. So working under pressure is a double-edged sword for me.

*sighs* OK, here's another depressing chapter of my story (don't worry, no one has to read it, I just felt like I need to write to replace the lack of someone to hear me out):

Today, my big brother came again and, just like every time he comes, he lectures me and tries to convince me to join the National Guard. He always says that $1300 monthly helps everyone, plus bonuses and so on. My whole family goes on his side and give subtle but offensive opinions (e.g. my dad said today: The stupidest decision of my life was to reject joining the National Guard... yep, a subtle way to say that I'm an idiot).

My thoughts: I know all of the benefits and so on... but I don't plan to sell my values for money. I know that armies are related to war, and it's also related to violence and pain. I've seen the traumas of veteran soldiers, the bloodshed left on battlefields, and more of that.... but I prefer not to keep talking, as I don't want to cause any commotion.

The point is that i don't want to join it, and I don't plan to join it anytime soon. I just feel like I'll be relinquishing my happiness for money (I don't want to have anything to do with wars and anything related to it) I don't know if anyone else shares my point of view, but at least I hope that I'm understood when I speak about this.

I know, I seem like a little kid whining about things that probably no one cares. I just think that it is best to write it somewhere, since I feel like my parents don't care about my opinion; so practically I have no one to listen to me anyways (if you saw my earlier post, you will know why)

Well, sorry for all the rambling and all the whining... I wish I did not have to share this, but if I don't write it down somewhere, I'll probably have it hurting my head.