He got a thick tin out from his bag and handed it to Jake, who noted how heavy it was. This was the metal coat used to help Scyther evolve. Jake unscrewed the tin and looked at the gloomy, metal liquid, giving it a sniff. There was a sharp smell, with the depth of petrol.
Oh huh, interesting bit of detail there. I don't think I would have ever imagined what a metal coat smells like.

Tamara seemed oblivious to Jake's remark, and that he was now on the floor. Debbie returned with a tray of drinks, trying her best to balance the tall milkshake, Denise's heavy glass and her own drink - a simple glass of water. Unfortunately, as she crossed the room a trainer and his Butterfree accidentally caused a rogue string shot to trip the girl; she clattered to the ground as the drinks went everywhere, but she didn't even let out a small cry as her clothes were ruined.

"Stupid girl," Denise was heard to mutter.

"Sorry," Debbie mumbled, nursing a cut on her hand.
Hey Butterfree, why don't you wing your way over and apply a nice bit of string shot to Denise's mouth.

"Very, very loud," Bertha said dismissively, as a trainer and his Loudred finished.
A loud loudred. Whoever would have conceived of such a thing?

The hologram ball's a pretty neat concept. Too cool for the likes of Denise, at least in terms of what she deserves, heh. But all karma aside, it is fitting for her to have it since it is such a rare and no doubt expensive item.

Of course it does kinda stink that her way past the first round was pretty much just bought for her, to say nothing of her fraudulent registration, but at the same time I do have to admit that was a pretty cool appeal, visually speaking at least.

"Scary face!"

The column of flames twisted and moved, forming the head of a terrifying hound. Pointed ears, sharp teeth and dark, richer flames forming hollow eye sockets.

The hell-hound had fully formed from the column of fire, its jaw snapping and showing teeth made from sizzling embers. Milo watched as Houndour, still producing smog from his mouth, let out a long, harrowing howl…
One of the coolest uses of scary face I've ever seen, possibly the very coolest.

Jake, however, flicked his hair from his eyes and stared at the woman, and before anyone could say anything he slapped her right across her well-moisturised cheek.
*applauds the hell out of Jake for that*

"We meet again," came a voice.

Milo, clutching his stomach, looked as Oscar emerged from the bushes, clutching a long, leather whip laden with red and white Pokeballs.

"Scizor, get him by the throat."
Oh snap. Hell of a chapter ending there.

The other was completely still, a dull clay colour with expressionless eyes. It floated of its own accord.
Oh cool. :D I like shedinja.

The bug did nothing to evade, and simply hung in the air like a grim decoration.
And I like that as a way to describe a shedinja.

He was about to speak, but Jake's order was drowned out by a terrifying scream. Milo heard the sharp cry and turned back to the match to see Scizor standing there, a thick, crimson liquid dripping from his claws.

Beneath him, Houndour lay defeated, his stomach impaled on a sharp piece of metal that had been ripped from Cecilia's car. Milo's heart sank as he saw the dog's eyes drooping shut, panting as blood pooled out around him. The colour left Milo's face; he could feel sharp prickles around his cheeks and forehead as shock set in.
D:

Poor dear. I wonder if he'll be all right...