This is better than the first but, whats with the big 4 banners. It makes it hard 2 read with all that there. You did make this original with him getting Staryu as his starter and then going to Johto. Some of your sentances could be fixed up a bit. You could combine some into one using comas and using other connecting words like and, another, alothough...... If you have word you can right click and and look in the thesaurus for other words. Grammar needs a little work on. Since this is the beginning its ok but you should start to make your chapters at least a page or two on word. I say this once again to help. Also which would help make it longer would be more description in the chapters. You could describe where he is, what he looks like, what others look like, where he is going, what he is feeling, and things like that could def add length into chapters. Also after a paragrpah double space so its clearer to read. But I think you will get better and fix that banner stuff. But this was good with the different starters and where he is going. That makes it different. Keep it up! and I will keep reading to see how you progress!