Time [PG13]

[Chikoo]

[color=steelblue]Timé

=o Would you look at this, my first fanfic. I hope it's good. The main concept of my story is Time Traveling. (I dunno whether it's been used before.) Please tell me what you think of it, I have Chapter 2 ready, but I wanna know if you all like it or not or how it could be improved. Thanks. ^__^
Rated PG-13
For: Violence, Evil Pokemon, and deaths.

The year is 2282 AD. The land is New Kanto. For over 100 years, the Kalice Clan has taken over the Pokémon world. Few survive and manage to escape. Others, however, are killed by the massiare put into concentration camps where their days of existance are counted. This is the story of Ryan, a 12-year old boy who is capture by the clan.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Ryan pass it to me!"
Without hesitation, I threw the ball at Nancy's face.
";__; Ryan, I'm telling mommy!" Nancy cried.
"Wait..Nancy!" I said trying to catch up with her, but she kept on running faster and faster. "Nancy, wait!" I could perfectly hear Nancy's loud crying swiftly moving along the village, but in an instant, the crying stopped.
"Well, whadda we have here?"
"Nancy?" I tried to catch my breath from all the running. "Nancy...why did...you..." I paused. Looking up, I realized that Nancy was caught by a Tyranitar.
"Well, it's little Nancy Kleiver, ain't it?" Tyranitar gasped. "Why were you running like crazy?! What is the problem with you?!" Tyranitar roared. "Don't you know little kids aren't supposed to be running like that? Especially at this time of the day?"
I gasped, turning to see atop the clock tower. It was there! Running for my life, I dodged towards Tyranitar and managed to recover Nancy from its grasp.
"Brother, I'm sorry..I didn't mean to..." Nancy whimpered.
"Don't worry, Nancy, we'll be OK." I tried to cheer up my sister. Looking in my pockets, I found what I was looking for. A Pokéball. Although I was still running for my life, I managed to throw the Pokéball to let out Natu.
"Na...tu?" he said, hovering alongside of us.
"Natu, they're after us!" I said. "Use future sight, it might come in handy later on!" Natu's eyes turned purple, a sign that Future Sight was going into effect.
"Na!" Natu screeched when finished.
"Now we need to find a hiding place!" I ordered my Natu to look around. "Hurry Natu, they're right behind us!"
"Ryan, I'm scared. ;_;"
"Don't worry Nancy, it's all going to be alright." I said. I could hear the voices of the different Pokémon behing me.
"This boss is going to be pretty glad when we tell him we found the Kleiver kids." one Sneasel said.
"But should we bring them to the boss dead or alive?" another Sneasel snickered.
"Let's worry about that after we capture them!" One Umbreon said, jumping high in the sky. The Umbreon jumped high enough to entrap us.
"Don't worry, Nancy, it's all going to be fine." I tried to calm my sister down. I tried looking for Natu in the morning sky above us, but I had no sight of him.
The Umbreon, Tyranitar and Sneasel came closer and closer. Worried about my sister's life, I went ahead and tackled an Umbreon. The Umbreon fell to the floor, and I ran once again. My shoulders were starting to hurt because my sister wasn't what you would call skinny.
"Nancy! Stop choking me!"
"^_^; Sorry brother."
Suddenly, I came to a dead end. But then, suddenly, we all heard a soothing scream of a creature coming above. It wasn't Natu, it was way bigger than Natu. Looking up at the sky, I noticed that the bird looking creature kept lowering in altitude, until suddenly it came to the ground.
Its beautiful wings sparkled and some of its beautiful colored feather pluffed away, bringing new life to dead weeds and flowers nearby. I saw my sister's face in amusement. The gigantic creature itself had a bright flash that spread around the bird's surrounding.
"Look, brother! It's a phoenix!" Nancy said. At that point, I had no idea what it was. I turned to see my attackers and saw their faces in pain. The light the bird was emitting was somehow damaging the evil Pokémon! They suddenly began to de-evolve (the term used when Pokemon go back a stage in evolution) to their basic Pokémon stages. The Tyranitar became little Larvitar while the Umbreon became plain Eevee. Something was going on with Sneasel, though.
"Brother, look!" Nancy said pointing at was now a black egg. The Sneasel was once again an egg! The same thing happened to the rest of the clan.
"Ryan..." I heard this voice inside my head. "Can you hear me?"
"Yes." I said.
"It is me, the phoenix, who is talking to you." the voice inside me said. I turned to see the Phoenix, who now wasn't emitting the light. I recognized that Pokémon. It was the legendary Ho-Oh.
"You shall listen, child, as these are the words that will change your life forever. My name is Ho-Oh, the phoenix of light, destroyer of evil." the voice said. I put Nancy down. "And today, our paths cross. Today, is the day that our hero is awakened. Today is the day in which you will begin your journey to destroy evil and once again bring happiness and tranquility to everyone's lifes."
Suddenly, more Tyranitar came. However, they were badly greeted by my Natu's future sight attack. And there it was, my Natu returned.
"Tu!" it said.
"That Natu of yours," Ho-Oh's voice said, "pocesses the gift of time traveling, doesn't it?"
"No." I answered within me.
"Then I shall teach it to it." Ho-Oh's glow returned, touching my Natu. "Now Natu learned how to use Time Warp."
"Time warp?" I asked.
"This attack allows you to travel in time. Natu emits a ray of light, which forms into a hole in time."
At that moment, I told Nany to go home, which was actually a little tent made of cardboard. In that concentration camp, we had absolutely NOTHING. No food, no shelter, no clothes and no communication. Everyone in our camp, which we called village, expected to die. Our hopes for survival were gone. Ever since Giovanni V took over the Pokémon world, Pokémon themselves have started to perish. Common Pokémon such as Pidgey and Rattata were now considered rare. Any Pokémon, now in fact, was considered rare. With only 5,000 Pokémon left in the world, Pokémon training became useless. Gyms close down and just two weeks ago, Giovanni made them illegal.
"But why should I travel in time, Ho-Oh?" I asked.
"So you can save humanity." Ho-Oh started. "You don't understand. But by tomorrow, humanity will no longer be."
"What?"
"Tomorrow is the final day, Ryan, and we need you to save us." Ho-Oh answered. "The few legendary Pokémon, including myself, have chosen you to save the world."
"o_O Why me?"
"Because you are the only person left who pocesses a pure soul. Ryan, you are our only hope. Please, travel in time and destroy Giovanni V's evil Pokémon.
"What evil Pokémon?"
"Over 300 years ago, Giovanni I ordered scientists to create a Pokémon that was both powerful and evil. However, the Pokémon soon understood that evil was not a good option, and escaped what was then Kanto. Now, Giovanni V has found that Pokémon. However, now it is the evil Pokémon who is manipulating Giovanni!"
"*gasp*" I gasped.
"And now Ryan, you have to travel in time back to 1999, to destroy the evil Pokémon and Giovanni! We cannot let Earth perish like this, Ryan, we just can't!" Ho-Oh said. A tear of fire rolled down the bird's eye. "Please, Ryan, you are our only hope."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

[SWAMPERT1]

Great chapter for your first try. It has a good length and the only thing i can recomened is keep writing(cause im interested in your fan-fic ) and say what the pokemon look like, what the buildings looke like, what the surroundings of your charactheres look, what people look like,ect. So ya just keep goin and like me you'll heep getting better. GOOG JOB

~SWAMPERT

[Mikey]

Wow, cool fic! Just seemed a little strange that normal Pokemon can talk, but its cool anyways. Can't wait to see what happens next!

[A Grilled Fish]

What's with the 'é' in Timé?

Oh well, good start - I would like it if this story took an unexpected turn, which may happen in future chapters.

Suggestions:

PLEASE do't use that annoying color, I can't see the text against my black background. I had to highlight all the text so I could read it. Err... another suggestion but not requirement is to spend more time on each sentence. For example: "I found what I was looking for. A Pokéball." This could be written "I found what I was looking for: a Pokéball." Yeah.

However, these are minor suggestions. Overall:

7/10 so far. However, I would have to see more to really give a good rating.

WRITE MORE!