The Lord of the Pokemasters (all Ummmmers must read!)

[Craig]

i quite enjoyed that chapter, because maybe I'll nake an appearance in the next one! Hey, ya never know.

Im interested in seeing what part Gabi will play..

keep up teh good work.

[CharizardILG27]

Great Story! Oooo i cant wait untill we get to the Return of the King. I wonder what the Mount Doom (Crack of Doom ) would be. heh anyways keep up the funny work

[DannyBoy]

Wow. even though I had a short part it was still funny! Oh and the name seems very intresting. This was a funny chapter! Thanks for putting me in to. Keep up the good writing.

[Venasaur89]

Hi, nice fic Mikey!

Ummm....can you post a list of people who are in the fic and are gonna be in the fic?/
thanks.

[Mikey]

OK, I have been so extremly busy that it has become hard to do anything. But as of now, expect the last part of Fellowship of the Pokemasters tonight. We will then get into Two Imaginary Houses which will run into December, and after viewing Return of the King, Return of the Pokemasters will begin!

[Venasaur89]

Uhh..u didn't answered my question.



can you post a list of people who are in the fic and are gonna be in the fic?/

[Mikey]

Venusaur, the people that will appear in the fic are suppsoed to be surprises. When they appear, you will see who they are.

Here's part 4B, which ends The Fellowship of the Pokemasters. Enjoy!

Mikey and the others got off the boats and started a small fire. "We cross the lake in broad daylight. Leave the boats in the open and we'll continue on foot. Perhaps the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys won't see us." Mikagorn said picking up some supplies. "We cross AIMdor from the North." Nateli stood up. "Easy as pie. First we have a labyrinth of razor sharp *****es, followed by a stinking land of old baby diapers as far as the eye can see." He roared. "That is our road." Mikagorn grinned. "I suggest you take some rest and recover your strength master dwarf." He then grinned. Nateli was now pissed off. "We should leave now!" Kylegolas said to Mikagorn. "No, Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys patrol these shores. We must wait till they approach, that way they won't see us." Mikagorn replied. Kylegolas turned his head. "How much ****ing weed did Tinadriel give you?" He asked. "I only smoked a few blunts." Mikagorn grinned and began to giggle.

"I am not worried about the eastern shore. Something draws near. I can feel it because it is turning me on." Kylegolas then remarked. Zak brought some old logs to feed the fire as Nateli continued to *****. He then looked around. "Where's Mikey?" He asked. Chiko leapt up and began to search for his lost master. Mikagorn looked around and saw Mikomir's sombrero shield sitting without an owner.

Mikey began to track through through the forest looking around. He soon came to a giant *** of a statue that had fallen and begun to erode. "None of us should wander alone. You least of all. So much depends on you." Mikomir said appearing randomly carrying a pile of strap ons. "What are those for?" Mikey asked. "Hey, just because I have a fetish is no reason for you to attack me! Back off! Tinadriel got me hooked on these things!" Mikomir roared and rubbed his head against them. "Want one?" He asked holding the dangling thing out. "You sick freak!" Mikey roared and began to back off.

"I know why you seek solitude." Mikomir grinned and began to approach. "You suffer; I see it day by day. Are you sure you do not suffer needlessly?" Mikey just looked at him without talking. "There are other ways Mikey; Other paths that we could take." Mikey glared at him. " I hear what you say, and it would seem like wisdom except for the warning in my heart." Mikomir rolled his eyes. "You can't have a warning in your heart. That pain is probably a mild heart attack!" He roared.

Mikomir then began to approach. "We are all afraid." He grinned. "But to let that fear drive us to destroy what we have; don't you see that it's madness?" Mikey glared at him. "There is no other way!" He roared and stepped away. "If you are planning on raping me I'd rather you not! Getting it from Tina was enough for the rest of my life!" He then added in. Mikomir then became enraged. He chucked the strap ons and roared. "I ask only for the strength to defend my people! If you would but lend me the forum!"

"NO!" Mikey roared and backed away. "Why do you recoil I am no rapist." Mikomir said and began to approach. "You are not yourself." Mikey replied. "What chance do you think you have? Alone in the woods. You're defenseless and vulnerable. I could rape you so easily and take the forum for myself! If I don't, Hunter will, and you will beg for death before the climax!" Mikormir screamed.

Mikey turned and began to run in a stereotypical woman being chased by killer fashion. Mikomir began to chase him. Mikey ran screaming, turned around and stopped, screamed louder, turned back and continued to run. After several minutes of this, Mikomir caught up and tackled him to the ground. He then began to try to de-clothe Mikey. "Give it to me baby!" He yelled. Mikey screamed and put the forum on. In an instant, he was still visible.

Mikomir was confused. Mikey stopped struggling as if he thought he could get away. At this, Mikey kicked him and began to run. "I can still see you!" Mikomir yelled. Mikey stopped and ducked and covered. "You'll take the forum to Hunter! You'll betray us! You go to your death, and the death of us all!" Mikomir roared looking around for the now invisible Mikey. "Curse you!" He yelled getting up. He then stumbled and fell down the hill.

"Mikey? Mikey?" He cried. "What have I done?" With the forum still on, Mikey got up from his crouch and began to run up an old statue. He hid against the side and peeked out over the edge. The eye of Hunter was plainly visible in front of him. "Peekaboo!" It grinned. Mikey stumbled and fell as he tore the forum from his hand. He landed with a thud on the ground.

"Mikey?" Mikagorn said stepping up. Mikey began to cry as he backed away. "It has taken Mikomir!" He yelled. "Where is the forum?" Mikagorn said approaching. "Stay away! You won’t rape me!" Mikey roared. "Mikey? I swore to protect you!" Mikagorn yelled. "Can you protect me from yourself? Or am I too attractive to you too?" Mikey asked. With that, he opened his hand to reveal the forum. Mikagorn slowly approached and put his hand in Mikey's, closing his. "I would have probably gone with you to the end, and to the very fires of AIMdor." He said. "I know." Mikey replied. "Look after the others, especially Chiko. He won’t understand." Mikagorn nodded.

He the noticed Mikey's light saber was vibrating. "Go Mikey!" He yelled and turned drawing his light saber. "GO!" He yelled again and shoved Mikey. "Ow you bully!" Mikey replied and began to punch Mikagorn. "Oh Jesus Christ!" Mikagorn yelled and shoved Mikey who tumbled down the cliff. Mikagorn rounded the corner to see thousands of Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys roaring with pleasure. They then charged as Mikagorn began to use the force. He chopped his way through many as more came. Loads of violence ensued and lots of unneeded explosions because everyone likes those.

To the side, one Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey turned to another. "Arg, you would never suspect that one man could take on 50 of us at a time matey." He yelled. The other one nodded. Meanwhile, Chiko searched the forest for his lost master. Back at the action, Mikagorn began to climb some random stairs he found as more Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys poured in to get slayed. More violence continued.

Mikagorn was suddenly knocked back by a Robot Pirate Ninja monkey. He was about to be slain when the Ninja Turtles leapt into battle. Everyone loves Ninja Turtles! "Kawabunga!" Michelangelo yelled. "Turtle power!" They yelled in unison and leapt at the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys laughed as their Ultra Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey general fired a bazooka from his shoulder showering them all in turtle goo! "Well that was random and pointless." Mikagorn yelled and leapt back into battle for more violence.

"Find the Halflings!" The Ultra Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey General roared as his Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys started to run. More violence started as Kylegolas entered the fight with his trusty sniper rifle. Even Nateli began to hit people with his ax guitar. Gallons and gallons of violence ensued. Meanwhile, Mikey stumbled down the cliff on his escape. The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys closed in and he ducked behind a tree.

Zak and Jay looked at him. "What a moron. Like a tree will hide him!" Jay yelled. The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys passed Mikey up without noticing. "Wow, what incredible irony." Zak replied. He then motioned for Mikey to come hide with them. Mikey shook his head. "What's he doing?" Jay asked. "Isn't it obvious? He's masturbating!" Zak replied. Mikey shook his head and motioned down the hill. "Oh, I mean he's leaving." Zak grinned.

Jay leapt out. "No he's not!" He yelled. Zak followed and they soon realized they were spotted. "Run Mikey!" Zak yelled. The two then pointed to Mikey. "Hey, he's over there! Get him!" They yelled. Mikey's eyes opened in shock and he began to run down the hill. The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys paid no attention to him and came after Zak and Jay. "That didn't work!" Jay yelled and the two began to run.

Meanwhile, more and more violence continued as Nateli, Kylegolas, and Mikagorn slayed the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. Back at Zak and Jay, the two were now nearly caught. As a Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey prepared to cause violence to them, Mikomir leapt randomly from the forest to save them, but missed and tumbled down the hill. The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys stopped to laugh hysterically. Mikomir came back up brushing himself off, and held up his Light Saber.

Lots of violence ensued as Mikomir defended the little Jay and Zak. He then pulled out his party blower and began to blow into it. Kylegolas head from far away. "The party blower of TPMdor!" He yelled. "Mikomir!" Mikagorn responded. After some violence, the three began to head towards the sound to provide aid. As more violence continued, the Ultra Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey General made it to the top of the hill and spied Mikomir.

Mikomir continued to cause violence as the general aimed and fired a bazooka into his chest. Mikomir fell to the ground and panted, then got back up and caused more violence. The General roared and fired another bazooka into his chest. He fell again, and after more time, he got back up. "Isn't it weird that extras in movies die in one shot, but important people take hundreds to go down?" A Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey said to another. "And isn't it more awkward that he didn't explode from the force of the first?" It replied.

Sentimental music played as more and more bazooka shots fired into poor Mikomir. After standing there and doing nothing for the past 10 minutes, Zak and Jay lunged to help, but were immediately grabbed and taken away by the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys leaving Mikomir alone with the general. He aimed his bazooka straight at Mikomir's face and prepared to fire when he was suddenly struck from behind by Mikagorn.

The two began to duke it out with much violence and explosions. Mikagorn was knocked into a tree as the genral chucked a sombrero shield. It struck him, but only got him caught in the tree. Mikagorn managed to break free as the general smashed his light saber into the tree. More violence continued as Mikagorn got back up. The general then launched a bazooka but it was deflected by Mikagorn's sword. (Pretty impossible huh?) As more violence continued, Mikagorn finally managed to stab the general in the stomach. He then pulled his light saber out and cut off its head.

As Mikagorn turned to leave, the head bounced against his leg. "Fight me!" It roared. "But you're immobile." Mikagorn replied. "Tis just a flesh wound! I can still bite you to death!" It roared back. Mikagorn sighed and stepped on it.

He then began to run towards a fallen Mikomir. "They took the little ones!" He muttered. "Lie still." Mikagorn replied. "Mikey, where is Mikey?" Mikomir asked. "I let him go." Mikagorn replied. "Then you did what I could not." Mikomir replied. "I tired to take the forum from him." Mikagorn put his hand on the dying man. "The forum is beyond our reach now." He said. The two talked about failure and such, you know unimportant crap. Finally, after Mikagorn sweared not to let the white city fall, Mikomir died…

With a kiss to the lips, Mikagorn stood up with tears in his eyes. Mikey was now back at the boats. With the forum in hand, he heard Hanadolf's words in his head. "All you have to decide is what to do with that time that is given to you." It repeated. Mikey clutched the forum and grabbed a boat to shove off. Sentimental music played as he did.

Chiko soon appeared calling for Mikey. "Go back Chiko!" He yelled. Chiko began to wade towards the boat. "I'm going to AIMdor alone!" Mikey yelled. "Course you are and I'm going with you!" Chiko yelled as the water got up to his knees. "You can't swim!" Mikey yelled. Chiko suddenly remembered this and fell down. He began to flail in the knee deep water as if he couldn't swim. After some time, he stopped and Mikey pulled him in. He then was fine again.

"I made a promise Mr. Mikey that I would leave you. But I don't keep my promises." He grinned. The two began to cry and hugged each other in the boat. After some time, they let go. "This doesn't make us gay does it?" Mikey asked. "No, just cause two wet guys hug and make out in a boat doesn't make us gay. We were just caught up in the moment." Chiko replied. "We didn't make out." Mikey remarked. "Oh of course we didn't." Chiko grinned. "What were you daydreaming about now?" Mikey asked.

After letting Mikomir float off a waterfall, Nateli, Kylegolas, and Mikagorn returned to the boats. "Hurry, Mikey and Chiko would have reached the Eastern shore." Kylegolas said getting in a boat. He then saw no one was following him. "You mean not to follow?" He asked. "Mikey's fate is no longer in our hands." Mikagorn replied. "Then it has all been in vane. The Fellowship has failed." Nateli replied. Mikagorn put his hand on Nateli's shoulder. "Not if we hold true to ourselves." He grinned. "Ew, get your hands off me you sick ****!" Nateli yelled.

"We will not abandon Zak and Jay to tourment while we have strength left. Leave all that can be spared behind. We must travel light. Let's hunt some Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey" Mikagorn then said and rushed into the forest. "Oh! I wanted to see them suffer!" Nateli yelled and chased after with Kylegolas not far behind.

"There it is; AIMdor. I hope the others find a safer route." Mikey said standing on top of a hill with Chiko. "Stripper will look after them." Chiko replied. "I don't suppose we'll ever see them again." Mikey then added in. "We may yet Mr. Mikey. We may." Mikey turned to him. "I'm glad you're with me." He grinned. With that, the two headed down the hill toward AIMdor together while Sentimental music played on….

THE END OF FELLOWSHIP OF THE POKEMASTERS!!

[Lady Vulpix]

Funny! Sentimental music, and Ninja Turtles against Ninja Monkey Robots! Yes, I do know they were pirates too. Keep it up!

[RJdude]

Sorry I haven't read this in a while.

Anyway, very funny as always. The cameo by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was hilarious. I can't wait for The Two Imaginary Houses... keep it up!

[Mikey]

Thanks people. Since I can't wait for part 5 myself, it may be up by the end of the night!

[Mikey]

Ok, I got bored and really wanted to do this...so here is part 5A and the beginning of...

The Two Imaginary Houses



The scene opens on the same Mountain our favorite Fellowship tracked under in the last installment. After needlessly drifting the camera over the mountain for what seems like ****ing hours, WHY WON'T WE GET TO THE MOVIE? We then start to hear a familiar voice.

"We are not to be raped! Dark molestation shall not avail you! You shall not pass!" Hanadolf yelled. Brillrog snorted and moved to molest Hanadolf. "YOU SHALL NOT..." Hanadolf roared but Brillrog stepped on him. Blood oozed from below its foot. Brillrog was now saddened by the loss of its potential prey, and it quickly tried to rape what was left, but tripped and fell into the chasm below. "No!" Mikey yelled as he was pulled away by Mikomir. Spit wads were striking everywhere as they ran.

Brillrog was now falling fast fighting the bloody pulp of Hanadolf. It tried desperately to rape him, but Hanadolf would not allow it. He began to stab at Brillrog with his trusty light saber. He was only an arm and a head now, but he did some damage. After lots of violence and falling for hours, the two crashed into a large lake below...

Suddenly, Mikey awoke from his wet dream. "Hanadolf!" He yelled and breathed heavily. "What is it Mr. Mikey?" Chiko asked getting up from his position next to him. Mikey laid back down. "Nothing...just a wet dream." He replied.

After some more rest, the two began to scale the rocky cliffs on their way to AIMdor. They soon came to a section where AIMdor was viewable in the distance. "AIMdor, the one place we don't wish to see any closer. The one place we are trying to go, and it's just where we can't get. Face it Mr. Mikey, we're lost." Chiko said turning to him. "I don't think Hanadolf meant for us to come this way." Mikey rolled his eyes. "That idiot? Of course he did. He always manages to find the hardest paths to places."

The Eye of Hunter suddenly got closer and Mikey clutched the forum. "Mr. Mikey? It's the forum isn't it?" Chiko said putting his hand out. "It's getting heavier." Mikey replied. "How is that possible? According to the law of matter, matter can't be created nor destroyed." Chiko replied and sat down. Mikey continued to breathe heavily and took some water out. "What food have we got left?" He asked. "Let me see." Chiko replied fishing through his bag. "Oh look, we have matzah bread! And look, more matzah bread!" He then replied. He then took a bite and grinned. "I don't usually like foreign food, but this Jewish stuff, it's not bad." He grinned. "Nothing ever dampens your spirits eh Chiko?" Mikey grinned. Chiko turned to see a large number of black clouds glooming. "Those rain clouds might." He said.

The two headed on slowly up the mountain. "This looks strangely familiar." Chiko said as they passed a large rock in the shape of a *****. "It's because we've been here before. We're going in circles!" Mikey roared. "No we aren't Mr. Mikey. It's more of a hexagon." Chiko replied pointing. Mikey looked to see their feet prints in a shape of a hexagon 2 ft in diameter. "Wow, we haven't gotten very far." He said surprised.

As they started off again, Chiko suddenly smelt something. "Aw what's that horrid stink?" He asked. "Can you smell it?" Mikey approached him. "Yes, I can smell it. We aren't alone." He said in a raspy voice. Night came and the two slept against a large section of the mountain. From above, strange noises started. A very ugly and half naked child wearing some sort of childish blue hat started down the mountainside. "The thieves, the thieves, the filthy little thieves. Where is it? Where is it autism? They banned it from us...my precious. Curse them, we hates them, they don't understand autism! It's ours it is, and we wants it!"

Mikey and Chiko suddenly awoke and grabbed the poor autism child from the mountainside. He cried out in shock and began to fight back. He then saw the forum and leapt at Mikey desperately trying to get it from him. Chiko tried to pull him off, but the creature pushed him away and kept at it. Finally, he was pulled struggling as Mikey backed away. Chiko held him hard, but the creature soon bit his neck and began to scratch at him. Mikey pulled Sting from his belt and placed it at the creature's throat.

"This is Sting...you've seen it before, haven't you...Bjarni?" Mikey roared. Bjarni paid no attention and continued to claw at Chiko. "Release him, or I'll cut your throat." Mikey commanded. Bjarni slowly did as ordered, then let out a large scream.

Morning had come and Mikey and Chiko pressed on. Chiko now had the struggling Bjarni tied to a leash. "It bans, it banses us! Please understand autism, it freezes! Take it off us, please only for me!" He yelled. "Quiet you!" Chiko replied. Bjarni began to let out a low wail. "It's hopeless; every Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey in AIMdor is going to hear this racket." He yelled. "I say we tie him up and leave him here." Bjarni yelped. "No, that would ban us...ban us!" Chiko glared at him. "It's no more then you deserve!" He yelled.

Bjarni fell to the ground and began to moan as Mikey stepped up. "Maybe he does deserve to be banned, but now that I see him...I do pity him." He said. Bjarni suddenly smiled and slowly approached them. "We'll be nice to them if they don't bann us! Please, take it off us...only for me?" He grinned. "We swears to never spam again! We swears!" Mikey glared at him. "There's no promise you can make that I can trust." He said. " We swears to serve the mastar of the precious! We will swears on on...the precious! Please understand autism!" He wailed. "The forum is treacherous, we will hold you to your word." Mikey replied. "Yes, on the precious...on the precious!" Bjarni replied.

"I don't believe you!" Chiko yelled and ran at him. Bjarni cowered away but Chiko pulled back causing Bjarni to fall back. Mikey grabbed Chiko and pulled him back. "Chiko stop!" He yelled. "He's lying. He's not sexy enough. If we let him go he'll throttle us in out sleep!" He yelled. Bjarni clasped his neck and breathed heavily. Mikey approached him. "Do you know the way to AIMdor?" He asked. "Yes¡K" Bjarni replied. "You've been there before?" Mikey then asked. "Yes...¨ Bjarni nodded. Mikey took the leash and pulled it off of him. "You will lead us to the Black gate." He said. Bjarni raced along the hills motioning for the hobbits to keep up.

Meanwhile, the herd of Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys ran along the valley. Zak and Jay were among them. "Zak? Zak?" Jay wailed, but Zak didn't respond. One of the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys stopped and put his hand up. "What is it matey, what do your robot scanners detect?" One said to him. "Arg, tis man flesh!" He responded. "They picked up our trail mateys!" One yelled and the group took off faster. As they went, Jay bit off his Weed of Molsteon and spat it to the ground.

A few miles away, Mikagorn lay his head against the ground. "Their pace has quickened! They must have traced us." He yelled and began to run. "Come on Nateli!" Kylegolas roared. Nateli tiredly ran toward them. " 3 days and nights pursuit. No food, no rest. No sign of our quarry but some fair rock can tell!" He yelled and chased them. Action music played as the three made their way across the open spaces of Middle Net. Nateli seemed to lag behind the whole way. (Exercise more instead of playing guitar all day! >:O)

It wasn't long before Mikagorn found the Weed of Molesteon. "Not idly do the Weed of Molestoreon fall. They must be close, less then a day ahead of us!" He yelled and pressed on. Nateli fell down the hill and slowly ran after them. "I'm wasted on cross country. We dwarves are natural sprinters. Very dangerous over long distances. Kylegolas stopped and petted him on the head. "Just keep thinking that." He grinned.

Suddenly, a large amount of energy was soaked into him. "What the **** was that?" Nateli asked. "I don't know." Kylegolas replied. "Here's Mikomir!" He suddenly found himself saying. "Oh **** no! Oh **** NO! Mikomir is inside me now!" Kylegolas roared. "Wow, this is a nice body to take over." Mikomir replied through Kylegolas. "So firm!" Kylegolas began to punch himself. "Get out of my body you queer!" He roared. "No, I think it's hot!" Mikomir replied through Kylegolas. Nateli began to walk away. "What a weird ****." He whispered.

The group came to a large hill that gave them a view of the upcoming lands. "SPPhan...home of the donkey lords. There's something strange at work here. Some evil gives speed to these creatures." Mikagorn said. "That or they are just on speed." Kylegolas found himself saying. Mikagorn looked at him funny. "It wasn't me, it was Mikomir. He possessed me!" Kylegolas said. Mikagorn rolled his eyes and began to run. Kylegolas pulled ahead. "Kylegolas, what do your elf eyes see?" He asked. "The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys turned northeast. They are taking the Hobbits to Imaginary House 1! Oh, I also see some hot stable boys." He yelled. "I didn't say the last part." He then said. Mikagorn was in shock. "Suziemon!" He said.

At Suziemon's Imaginary House, Suziemon continued to look into her Seeing Miss Cleo. "The world is changing...who now has the strength to stand against the armies of Imaginary House...and AIMdor. To stand against the power of Hunter and Suziemon...and the union of the two Imaginary Houses." She said. "Together my ***** Hunter...we shall rule this middle net!" Down below, the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys continued their work of destroying the telephone poles. Suziemon approached to watch.

"The old world will burn...the forests will fall, a new order will rise. We will drive the machine of war with the sword and the bazooka and the banana of the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey." She grinned as more Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys were harvested. "We have only to remove those who oppose us." She then headed towards the wild men she had found at the local pub. "The horseman took your lands; they drove your people into the hills to scratch the living off rocks. Take back the lands they stole from you. It will begin in SPPhan." She roared as the Wild Pub men took off into SPPhan.

Lots of violence and burning and explosions ensued as the Wild Pub men took over SPPhan. A random woman with no importance to the story put her kids on a horse and told them to head to the capitol of SPPhan. She said she'd find him there then sent them off. As she watched them go, she was blown to bits by a bazooka. More violence happened as the city exploded. "SPPhan my lord, is ready to fall." Suziemon grinned.

At the capitol of SPPHan, the king's men brought his dying son into the throne room. Lady Gabrielyn (Lady Vulpix) rushed into the room to see what was happening. There, her brother Craomer (Craig) was tending to the king's sons wounds. She walked to the king's throne to give him the news. King Joedon (SerebiiPP) was now old and weary from Suziemon's hold on him. "Your son is wounded my lord." Gabrielyn said to him. "He was ambushed by Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. If we don't defend our country, Suziemon will take it by force." Craomer added in.

"That is a lie!" A very ugly man said stepping out of the shadows. His name was Simon Wormtongue. (Greenshirt) "Suziemon the Admin has always been our friend and ally." He roared. King Joedon whispered something into his ear. "Robot Pirate Ninja Moneys are roaming free across our lands. Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys bearing the white slap of Suziemon." Craomer said tossing a Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey helmet.

Simon Wormtongue glared at him. "Why do you lay these troubles on an already troubled man? Can you not see, your uncle is weary by your sexual arousal for war." He said. "sexual arousal for war?" Craomer said grabbing the ugly Simon Wormtongue by his neck. "How long was it since Suziemon bought you? What was the promised price Simon? When all the men are dead you take you share of the liquor?" Craomer asked. Simon turned his attention to Gabrielyn, who was leaving the room. "Too long have meshed my sister. Too long have you haunted her steps." Craomer roared.

Simon broke free and grinned. "You see Craomer, too much have you talked. You are banished forth from the Kingdom of SPPhan, under pain of rape." He grinned pleased with himself. Meanwhile, Mikagorn and the others continued after the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. "They run as if the very dominatrix whips of their master were behind them." Kylegolas said. "Yeah, it turns me on." Mikomir grinned through him. Night was now falling as they continued.

"We're not going no further till we had a breather." One of the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys roared. "Get a fire going. We'll roast some bananas!" One roared. Taking this time, Jay waddled to Zak. "Zak, Zak?" He asked. "I think we might have made a mistake leaving the Shire Jay." Zak responded. The Robots Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to slash at the nearby Telephone poles, causing a large roar. "What was that?" Jay asked. "It's the poles." Zak replied. "You remember the old forest, folk used to say there was something that made the poles grow tall, and come alive." He said. Jay began to laugh. "Are you high?" He asked. "A little!" Zak grinned back.

"I'm starving, we haven't had anything but bananas for three stinking days!" One of the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys roared. "Let's eat those little things!" Another yelled pointing at Zak and Jay. "They are not for eating." The general replied. "What about their *****es? They don't need those. Oh they look tasty!" One yelled. Suddenly, a bazooka imploded one of the nearest Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys and they all began to feast on its remains.

Zak and Jay began to crawl towards the Telephone Pole forest. Suddenly they were grabbed from behind. "Go on, squeal for me! It'll turn me on before I eat you!" A Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey grinned. Suddenly, a sniper rifle bullet struck his back. Hundreds of donkeyman raced into the group and began to slaughter the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. As usual, lots of violence, drugs, sex, alcohol, and explosions followed. Jay turned to see a donkey ready to sit on him, and he screamed.

[Lady Vulpix]

I'm in! Yay!

Great chapter, Mikey! Each chapter is falling together better than the previous one! I especially liked your characterization of Bjarni. Priceless! And Mikagorn's possession of Kylegolas! XD

[RJdude]

You're funniest yet. You did such a great job on Bjarni, he's hilarious. *Crosses fingers for...


**Lord of the Rings Spoilers**






A more painful death to Bjarni then they gave to Gollum.*






**End Spoilers***

[Mew Trainer Rose]

Nooooo! The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were killed! *cries and sings a verse of the song "Turtle Power" in their memory*

Battles and violence galore! Weee!

I'll read the other chap later, busy with some other stuff right now.

[CharizardILG27]

this is exellent!! My favorite "chapter" was the ending of the fellowship, the one were the 2 go on the boat and sail away. Everything is very funny, but it also relates to the books/movies. Very funny, and cant wait for more Bjarni!


I am also starting to write a funny version of Harry Potter it will also include people from here, even though i dont really know too many people here. It should be up within the next week.

[Mew Trainer Rose]

erm...matzah isn't bread. It's just matzah. Like koala bears aren't bears, they're just koalas. and matzah get triring when you have to eat it for more than a week, without any bread. Ever tried to make a sandwich with matzah? darn near impossible....uh, anyway...

hehe. Bijarni on a leash. i remember that part in the book, but this way's much funnier. obviously. *tosses Bijarni a doggie biscuit*

[powermudkip]

Uh...I just a little bit and I was wondering which Hunter is the evil one? ^^;

[Mikey]

The evil Hunter is the one we all hate in Ummmm. (GameWizard)

[powermudkip]

*wipes sweatdrop*
Yay!I'm not the evil one!
Most people hate me also so I wouldn't be surprised if it was me.;_;

[DannyBoy]

WOw that was a funny *** chapter! Mikey sure does have some strange wet dreams...creepy! Bjarni brings the best comedy to this. I wonder if he reads this, imagin he could post, i wonder what he would say...hm...But I think its funny as hell! Great job! Keep it uP!

[Lady Vulpix]

Rose, this was Elven Matzah, it has different properties. Like... It can satiate your stomach, and it's tasty.

And yes, technically it isn't bread, and neither koalas nor pandas are bears, and orcas aren't whales either. And what's worst... almonds and hazelnuts belong to the nuts family, but nuts don't! But that's just what people call them, so I guess we can live with that.

[Mikey]

Finally, part 5B is complete. Here we go!

Meanwhile, Mikagorn, Kylegolas, and Nateli continued their track after the wee hobbits. Suddenly, the sound of many donkeys was heard. Mikagorn led Kylegolas to a nearby rock to hide, but Nateli was too slow. (EXERCISE YOU FAT ***! >:O) The donkeys came over the hill and trampled the fat dwarf like hell. "Ow, ow that hurts! Stop it!" He screamed. Mikagorn sighed. "Riders of SPPhan, what news from the mark?" He yelled. The riders instantly turned their donkeys and headed back towards Mikagorn, trampling Nateli again.

In an instant, they formed a hexagon around the travelers. The donkey-men then threatened them with their spaghetti noodle sticks. Craomer and his donkey pushed through the crowd. "What business does an elf, a man, and a dwarf have in the riddamark?" He asked. "There are 4 of us! Mikomir still lives inside Kylegolas!" Nateli roared getting up. His head was covered in blood and he had hoof marks everywhere.

Craomer dismounted his donkey and angrily approached Nateli. "I would cut off your dick drawf…if it sprouted more than a half an inch from your waist." He said. Kylegolas quickly pulled out his sniper rifle. "You would die before your stroke touched that magnificent *****!" He yelled. Kylegolas then found himself looking around. "It was Mikomir!" He screamed. Mikagorn calmed him down as Kylegolas began to cry.

"I am Mikagorn, son of Psychotorn, this is Nateli son of Goiter, and Kylegolas of the woodyland realm. We are friends of SPPhan, and Joedon your king." He said. "Hey you forgot Mikomir you buttpipe!" Mikomir said through the sobbing Kylegolas. "Joedon no longer recognizes friend from hoe. Not even his own kin." Craomer said removing his helmet. At this, the soldiers pulled their noodles away.

"Suziemon has poisoned the mind of the king and claimed lordship over these lands. My company is of those loyal to SPPhan, and for that we are banished." Craomer then said. "The white admin is cunning…she walks here and there they say; as an old prostitute, dressed in colorful and revealing clothing. Everywhere her spies slip past our nets."

"We are no spies!" Mikagorn roared. "We track a couple of Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys westward across the plain. They took two of our friends captive." Craomer looked shocked. "The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys are destroyed. We slaughtered them during the night!" He wailed. "There were two hobbits…did you see two hobbits with them?" Nateli roared. "Since when do you care about them?" Kylegolas blurted out. "They would be small, only chodes to your eyes." Mikagorn said. "We left none alive. We piled the carcasses and burnt them." Craomer said pointing the smoke in the west. "They make great powder for smoking once they're cremated." He added in grinning.

"Dead?" Nateli said saddened. "They may be alive, we are still sort of stoned from the cremated Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey bodies." Craomer said giggling. Craomer then whistled causing two donkeys to approach. Two men were seated on them. "May these donkeys bare you to better fortune then their former masters." He said. "Hello? We're still here!" One shouted. Craomer took a bow out and shot both of them. "May they bare you to better fortune." He said again.

Craomer then got back on his donkey. "Look for your friends...and trust a hope. As I said we are high." He said then whistled. With that, the donkey-men rode on. "We ride north!" He yelled. The donkey-men turned to see North was a large mountain. "We ride west!" Craomer then said. "You came from the west." Kylegolas replied. "We ride south!" Craomer then said and the donkeys headed off. In the process they trampled Nateli again….

Mikagorn rode one donkey and Kylegolas rode the other. Nateli was dragged by a rope on the back of Kylegolas's. They arrived at the death site to find the ash's of the many dead Robot Pirate Ninja monkeys. Nateli was the first to rush to them. As Mikagorn and Kylegolas dismounted, he poured some of the ashes into his pocket for later, "We'll see if its as strong as they said." He grinned. He then noticed something on the ground. "Its one of their wee belts!" He said holding it up. He then looked around. "Its one of their wee pants." He said. "And there we shirts, and their wee boxers!"

Mikagorn looked around. "Two hobbits lay here!" He said. "They took off their clothes. They had sex, and went into Fagorn Forest for seconds." He said looking up. "So they are in Fagorn Forest naked?" Nateli asked. "Guess so…" Mikagorn said disgusted. "Oooh, I can't wait to find them!" Kylegolas grinned, and then hit himself. "God damnit Mikomir!" He yelled. "Curse you!"

In the forest, Jay and Zak ran skipping and naked. "La la la la la!" They said giggling. Suddenly, a lone Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey appeared. "I'm going to rip off your filthy little dicks!" He yelled. Jay and Zak began to skip faster. They hid behind a tree, but realized that was a ****ty hiding spot. Soon they climbed a telephone pole. "He's gone!" Zak grinned still naked. Suddenly he was pulled down. "ZAK!" Jay roared.

Two large eyes soon appeared on the telephone pole and Jay freaked out. "Ewww, its naked get it off!" The pole yelled and grabbed Jay. "Let's put a maggot hole in your belly matey!" The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey roared, but he was suddenly flattened by the telephone poles foot. "Run Zak!" Jay yelled. Zak got up and began to skip away, but was picked up. "Little nudists!" The pole roared. "It's talking Zak, the telephone pole is talking!" Jay giggled. "We must be high!" Zak grinned. Jay and Zak looked down for a moment to see large banana below with feet. It seemed to be dancing. "It's peanut butter jelly time!" A song ran out as the banana danced. "See we are high!" Jay grinned. Suddenly, the banana was flattened by the pole's foot.

"Pole, I am no pole! I am an AT&T!" The telephone pole roared. "Pole header…Shepard of the forest!" Zak grinned. "Polebeard (Link 10) some call me. Others call me Matt!" The pole grinned. "And whose side are you on?" Jay asked. "Side? Well let's just say I don't play for the team that skips naked with other men if that's what you're asking!" Polebeard roared. "No, the good or bad side!" Jay fixed. "Oh, well, I am on nobody's side because nobody is on my side, little nudist! Nobody cares about telephone poles anymore!" Polebeard grinned.

"We're not nudists, we're hobbits!" Zak replied. "Hobbits? Never heard of a hobbit before." Polebeard said. "Sounds like nudist mischief to me!" Polebeard roared. "They come with beach parties, they come with colonies; ****ing, sucking, pounding, smacking, ******! Destroyers of the perfectly good beaches, curse them!" Polebeard roared. "No you don't understand! We're hobbits, half-lings, shire folk!" Zak roared. "Maybe you are and maybe you aren't. The white moderator will know!" Polebeard grinned. "Suziemon!" Jay said in despair.
Meanwhile, after countless wrong turns and trips to the bathroom, Bjarni finally lead the hobbits out of the hills. "See, see, we's leads you out! We don't spam, nevar!" Bjarni said happily. "Hurry hobbitses hurry!" He grinned. "Very lucky we find you! You would've spammed and we put you back on topic!" He said. Mikey looked out over the valley and continued down the hill. Bjarni smiled at Chiko. "Nice hobbit!" He grinned.

The three continued into a smelly wet land. Chiko's foot fell into some piss. "Ugh, this is yearn, he's lead us into an old diaper disposal!" He roared. "A diaper disposal, yes yes! Come mastar, we will take you through safe parts where you can't spam!" Bjarni said motioning for them to follow. "Come hobbits come, real quickly! Soft and quick as shadows we must be to not be banned!" Bjarni continued to talk as they waded through the diaper disposal. "I found it I did! The way not to spam! Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys don't use it, they don't know it! They spam for miles and miles! We don't spam, nevar!"

The three headed on for a while. Chiko then began to see many faces in the piss. "There are banned things, banned faces in the pee!" Chiko roared. "All banned, all rotten. Elves and men and Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeyses. A great battle long ago! The Band Diaper Disposal, yes that s their name! They all spammed! We don't spam though! Understand autism! This way, don't follow the lights!" Bjarni said. Chiko sort of stumbled. "Careful now, or hobbits get banned and join the others, and light little blunts of their own!" Bjarni roared.

Mikey stumbled off course to look at the banned people in the peeepee. Soon he found himself pulling the forum out. It was as if the banned people really wanted it. And soon, he found himself falling face first into the fesses of the diaper disposal. For a long time, Mikey was confronted by the banned people, till he was suddenly pulled out by Bjarni. "Don't follow the lights! Please only for me? We don'ts get many chances not to spam!" Bjarni roared. "Mr. Mikey are you all right?" Chiko yelled rushing to him.

That night, Mikey began to fondle the forum. "So bright, so beautiful! Ah precious!" Bjarni began. He was obviously talking to himself. "What did you say?" Mikey asked. "Mastar should be resting, mastar can't spam or he'll be banned!" Bjarni replied. "Who are you?" Mikey asked. "Mustn't ask, not its business! We'll hit you with our new hammer!" Bjarni roared. "Hanadolf told me you were one of the old river folk!" Mikey said stepping up to him. "Cold be hand and bone, cold be travelers far from home!" Bjarni began to poetically say. "He said your life was a sad story!" Mikey roared. "They do not see what lies ahead when sun is down and moon is dead!" Bjarni roared. "You were not so very different from a hobbit once were you? ROB?" Mikey asked.

"What did you call me?" Bjarni asked. "That was your name once, wasn't it…a long time ago? Before the forum gave you autism?" Mikey asked. "My name?" Bjarni grinned. "Robby!" He chuckled. Suddenly, a large wail was heard from above. "Black riders!" Chiko roared! "Hide, hide!" Bjarni roared. Mikey suddenly remembered the light saber poke and fell down injured. Chiko grabbed him and pulled him under a tree. "They will ban us, they will ban us!" Bjarni wailed. "I thought they were banned!" Chiko roared. "No you cannot ban them!" Bjarni roared.

Up above, a Rachwraith rode on the most frightening creature of all…a giant PARAKEET!!!!1111 AHHHH! "Theys on wings!" Bjarni cried. Mikey felt himself grab for the forum. "They are calling for it, they are calling for the precious!" Bjarni giggled. Chiko slapped Mikey out of it. The giant Parakeet circled again, and then flew off. "Hurry hobbits, the black gate is very close!" Bjarni said stepping out.

Meanwhile, in Faggorn Forest, Nateli tasted something on the trees. "Yuk, Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey semen!" He yelled. The group continued on through the woods. "These are strange tracks." Mikagorn said while investigating. "The air is so close in here." Nateli added in. "This forest is high…very high!" Kylegolas said. "Oh I love it when you get all knowledgeable! You know exactly how to turn my crank!" Mikomir wailed through him.

Kylegolas ignored him. "The poles are speaking to each other!" He said. Nateli pulled out his axe guitar. "Nateli, lower your axe!" Mikagorn said. "They don't like rock!" Kylegolas turned to Mikagorn and spoke in Jeevanish. "Something is out there!" He said. "Hey, don't speak that!" Mikomir roared. "I'll admit I dig accents, but I want to understand what you're saying!" He roared. "What is it?" Mikagorn asked. "The white moderator approaches!" Kylegolas replied. "We cannot let him speak for he will put a spell of us!" Mikagorn replied. Everyone pulled out their weapons.

A blinding flash of white light the scene and Nateli chucked his axe guitar only to see it break in half. Kylegolas's sniper rifle bullets missed and Mikagorn's sword caught on fire. Everyone backed away and began to cry. "You are tracking the footsteps of two young hobbits." A voice rang out. "Where are they?" Mikagorn roared. "They passed through here the day before yesterday." The voice replied. "They met someone they did not expect. Does that comfort you?" Mikagorn looked confused. "Not really…" He replied.

The moderator then revealed himself. "Who the **** are you?" Nateli roared. Ugh, I had to explain this to the hobbits too!" The moderator roared. "Ok, when I fell, that Brillrog raped me for many days. I finally managed to kill him, but I slipped out of thought and mind. I was covered in Brillrog semen, and so I am now the white mod you see before you. But I am now Chrisdolf. (Chris)." He said angrily. "But, you were Hanadolf before you fell!" Mikagorn said confused. "Yeah, well the readers hated Hanada being Hanadolf, so I'm a better person, so shut up and live with it!" Chrisdolf said. "Anyways, I am Chrisdolf the white, and I come back to you now…at the turn of the tide!" He grinned. Nateli turned to Kylegolas. "This is all ****ed up now!" He yelled.

[Lady Vulpix]

Hanadolf became Chrisdolf? Weird!
And I didn't know robots had semen. I guess you learn something new every day.

Nice chapter, Mikey!

[Mikey]

After seeing Return of the King I have been inspired to shift into over gear. Because of this, you can expect maybe 3 parts this weekend, and much more over x-mas break. I have yet to decide if I should do Return of the Pokemasters now or once it comes to DVD to do a better interpretation. Hmm, have some thinking to do.

[crimson_flygon]

wow I am actually posting at fanfiction, of course I am repeating the words of many people XD but when you find a fanfic like this you have to come out and say how great it is, so here I go

YOUR FANFIC ROCKS MAN! IT IS SO FUNNY I SAT THEIR LMAO FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES STRAIGHT! GOOD JOB AND KEEP IT COMING!

Yeah I love it, I would put a funny quote and laugh at it but there are so many it is impossible to pick just one. It rocks, I am speechless.

[RJdude]

Nice to see a new chapter up. Very funny... Hanadolf turning into Chrisdolf was kinda weird, but other then that, good chapter... can't wait to see how you do RotK (best... movie...ever).

[PNT510]

Now I only read the first 3 chapters, but anyone who found this story funny should be killed. This is by far the stupided thing ever written.

[Mikey]

Originally posted by PNT510
Now I only read the first 3 chapters, but anyone who found this story funny should be killed. This is by far the stupided thing ever written.

People have different senses of humor. To each is own, stop insulting me and go away! >:O

[Mikey]

I have finally managed to complete part 6A. Enjoy

PART 6A

"One stage of this confusing, pointless, and stupid journey is over, another begins. War has come to SPPhan. We must ride to Clitoras with all speed." Chrisdolf said as the group journeyed out of the forest. When they reached the tree line, Chrisdolf stopped and let out a low whistle. "What's he doing?" Nateli asked Mikagorn. "I don't know, he's probably gone crazy from the Brillrog rapage." Mikagorn replied. Chrisdolf sat there for some time waiting, but nothing happened. Suddenly, he let out a loud shout. "Katirefax (Katie), get your white horse *** over here this instant!" He screamed.

From the valley below, a beautiful white horse came trotting up the hill. But instead of a horse head, this horse bore the head of a red haired woman. "That is one of the Merhas, unless my eyes are cheated by ecstasy." Kylegolas said. The group waited as Katirefax continued up the hill. "It sure is taking its sweet old time." Nateli yawned. After what seemed like hours, the horse made it to Chrisdolf. "Katirefax is the lady of all horses, and has been my friend for about a week now." Chrisdolf said petting it. "I hate you." Katirefax replied.

It took some convincing, but Katirefax finally allowed Chrisdolf to mount her. The group then took off across the valley towards Clitoras. Meanwhile, back in Faggorn Forest, Polebeard continued up the mountain with the two naked hobbits. "My home lies in the forest here, the roots of the mountain. I told Chrisdolf I would keep you safe, but that would involve work, so I don't think I'll be keeping that promise." Polebeard informed them. "The poles have grown wild and dangerous, like the girls in Girls Gone Wild, they would rape you if they can. There are too few of us now, too few of us AT&T's left to manage them."

After climbing for some time, Mikey and Chiko finally made it up. "The Black Gate of AIMdor!" Bjarni wailed as they came over the top. Down below was a small black picket fence with lots of flowers and gardens. The two seemed confused, and looked at Bjarni. "Hunter is also an outdoor designer and gardener, yes precious!" He grinned. "He likes to makes Black Gate look pretty so guestses will come and visit him."

Chiko turned back to Mikey. "I think Gafer would have a thing or two to say if he could see us now." He said. "Mastar says to show him the way into AIMdor, so good Robby does what mastar says! She, we don’t spam!" Bjarni said approaching Mikey. "I did…" Mikey replied. Behind the Black Gate, the armies patrolled. Two small white towers with balconies stood to each side of the fence. The many guards watched over the area from them while smelling the pretty flowers.

Suddenly, a large amount of people came from the trail towards the Black Gate. "We can't get past them!" Mikey said sadly. Bjarni tried to hide himself behind the rocks as he cried to himself. A horn blew from behind the gate and two Kelly's began to open it. Mikey turned to Bjarni. "It's just a weak little picket fence. Why do they need Kelly's to open it?" Mikey asked. "Hunter is lazy!" Bjarni grinned. Mikey shrugged and turned back. "Look, the gate is opening!" Chiko whispered. "I noticed!" Mikey replied.

Chiko moved slightly to get a better look. "I can see the way down!" He whispered. Suddenly, the rock he was on gave way and he began to slide down the mountain. "Chiko no!" Mikey wailed. He immediately jumped down after him. "Mastar!" Bjarni cried. Some of the people marching towards the gate heard the ruckus and made their way towards the fallen Chiko. Mikey made it there first and tried to pull him out. The people were closing in fast and Chiko wouldn't budge.

Mikey thought fast and placed himself over Chiko to hide him. The people approached, and to their shock they saw a tiny person on top of another. "Aww, they're just engaging in public display of affection." One of the people said. The others began to say how cute it was, and then they turned to leave. "Let's let the lovers be." They grinned.

When the people were gone, Mikey got off of his friend. "That was close." He said pulling him from the ground. He then turned and peered out at the gate. The army was nearly through. " I do not ask for you to come with me Chiko." Mikey remarked. "I know Mr. Mikey, but I don't know the way home so I have to." Chiko replied. "I doubt even pretending to be lovers will hide us in there." Mikey waited a few seconds more. "NOW!" He yelled and the two lunged.

Suddenly, they were pulled back by Bjarni. "No, no mastar! They'll ban you, they'll ban you! Don't take it to him! Please, only for me!" Bjarni wailed. "He wants the precious, always he is looking for it, and the precious wants to go back to him! But we mustn't let him have it! I'll hit him with my hammer if he takes it!" The gate was now beginning to close. Mikey tried to go again, but Bjarni pulled him back. "Nom there's another way, more secret, a dark way!" Bjarni wailed.

"Why haven't you spoken of this before?" Chiko growled. "Because mastar did not ask! We don'ts want to spam, and going that way means spamming!" Bjarni replied. "He's up to something!" Chiko roared and shoved him away. Mikey looked at the pitiful child in his stupid blue hat. "Are you saying there's another way into AIMdor?" He asked. "Yes! There's a path, and some stairs, and a tunnel!" Bjarni replied. Mikey thought about it for some time.

"He's led us this far Chiko." He finally said. "Mr. Mikey, no!" Chiko replied. "He's been true to his word." Mikey added in. "Lead the way Robby." Mikey replied. "Good Robby, always helps!" Bjarni grinned and started to head off. Mikey followed and Chiko reluctantly followed suit. The black gate slammed shut behind them.

The horses came over the hill to see Clitoras in the distance. "Clitoras, and the crappy hall of Menopause. There grows Joeden, King of SPPhan, whose mind is overthrown. Suziemon's hold over Joeden is now very strong." Chrisdolf said. Inside the throne room, Gabreilyn held an old and nasty Joeden's hand. "My lord, your son is dead. My lord, Uncle, will you not go to him?" She said. Joeden stared at her but had no emotion in his eyes. "Will you do nothing?" She asked.

"Be careful what you say. Do not look for welcome here!" Chrisdolf said and had Katirefax rush down the hill. The others followed. Inside, Gabrielyn grieved by her cousin's bedside. From the shadows of the doorway, Simon Wormtongue slowly entered. "Oh, he must have died some time in the night." He hissed. "What a tragedy for the king to loose his only son and heir. I understand his passing is hard to accept especially after your brother has deserted you." Gabrielyn smacked him and pushed away. "Leave me alone! Stop thinking with your snake!" She roared.

"But you are alone, and vulnerable. And, I find thinking with my snake quite fun!" Simon grinned. "Who knows what you've spoken to the darkness in bitter watches of the night when all your life seems to shrink. Your so fare, so cold, and I am so very horny. It's been a long time since I got any; I'm quite desperate." Simon continued. "Your words are poison!" Gabrielyn shrieked and kicked him in the balls. She then rushed from the room as Simon clenched his injured groin.

Gabrielyn looked out across the balcony. She soon noticed some men on horseback approaching. Suddenly, the gown she was wearing tore from her body and floated down towards the entering men. She quickly rushed back inside wearing nothing but her undergarments. "Oh, what a pretty gown, get it for me!" Mikomir begged Kylegolas. "I am not wearing woman's clothing." Kylegolas replied. "Why not, it's fun!" Mikomir replied.

The men rode farther into the city as all the people stared at them. "What the **** is up with them? They all act like no one ever comes here!" Nateli roared. The group made it to the throne room and were greeted by a guard. "I cannot allow you in front of King Joeden so armed Chrisdolf, by orders of Simon Wormtongue." The guard said. The group began to hand their weapons to the guards. "Kylegolas, do not give them the vibrator I hid in your back pocket!" Mikomir roared. "Where the **** did you get a vibrator when you're a ghost and inside me?" Kylegolas demanded. "I stole it from a hooker ghost!" Mikomir grinned.

The guard tried to take the vibrator but Mikomir quickly made Kylegolas hit him. "It's mine!" He roared. Kylegolas sighed. "It's not mine!" He said. The guard looked angry. "See what you're doing to my life?" Kylegolas roared. When all the weapons were given, Chrisdolf turned to the guard. "Your staff." The guard said. "Oh, you would not part an old man from his walking stick." Chrisdolf said sadly. "You're like 18 years old." The guard replied. "Tell them it's your vibrator. They let you keep it then!" Mikomir said through Kylegolas. Chrisdolf sighed. "It's my vibrator." He grinned. "Ok then sickos!" The guard said and opened the doors.

As the group headed to the throne, Simon turned to his master. "My lord, Hanadolf the Mod is coming." He hissed. "The curtsey of your hall is somewhat lessened of late." Chrisdolf roared. "He's not welcome." Simon roared. "Why should I welcome you Chrisdolf? You're a Pokemasterer." Joeden replied. "A just question my liege." Simon grinned. "Late is the hour in which the mod chooses to appear! Ill news is an ill guest!" Simon said getting up. "Be silent! Keep your drunk tongue behind your teeth!" Chrisdolf roared.

"I did not pass through fire and death to say three words to a stupid drunk and horny retard." Chrisdolf finished. He then held up his staff. "I told you to take the moderator's staff!" Simon roared. The guards approached the group to reclaim the staff, but violence soon began. Guard after guard was knocked away as violence erupted everywhere. Chrisdolf began his chant as Nateli knocked Simon to the ground. "I would stay still if I were you, and no touching. I know how horny you are." He roared.

"I release you from this spell!" Chrisdolf said holding out his hand. Suddenly, Suziemon began to speak through Joeden. She laughed drunkenly for awhile, then spoke. "You have no power here Chrisdolf the Mod!" She roared. Suddenly, Chrisdolf took off his grey robe to reveal nothing! He was nude! Suziemon freaked out and immediately gave up her hold on Joeden. "Oh my god that was the most vile thing I have ever seen!" She roared with disgust as she left his body. Chrisdolf grinned and put on his white robe.

Joeden slumped down and was caught by Gabreilyn. He slowly turned back into his old self. "I know your face. Gabrielyn!" He grinned. He then saw Chrisdolf. "Breath the free air again, but be careful, it may contain pot smoke." He said. Theoden slowly got up. "Wet have been my dreams of late." He said. "Your fingers would remember their own strength better if they grasped your dic…." Chrisdolf began. "Why not just let him grasp his light saber?" Mikagorn cut in. "Ah yes!" Chrisdolf replied and handed Joeden his light saber.

Simon tried to squirm away, but Nateli held on. He then began to hump his leg and Nateli finally let go. Simon rushed from the building as Joeden chased him. "Your witchcraft would have had me crawling on all fours like a hooker!" He roared. "Send me no from your side!" Simon begged. Joeden grew tired and raised his light saber, but Mikagorn stopped him. "No my lord. Enough blood has been spilt on his account." He said. Simon got up and ran off down the hill and out of the city like a little girl.

"Hail Joeden King!" The guards yelled. Nobody moved. "Bow you idiots!" The guard roared. Everyone got down on their knees. "Bow, not kneel!" He roared again. After several times, they managed to get it right. Joeden then turned and looked around. "Where is my weed?" He roared. "My lord, your son is dead and you only care about weed?" The guard asked. "Yes, weed is more important than family!" Joeden roared and rushed back into his throne room to find some.

[DannyBoy]

That was great! Bjarni was stupid but great. You really make the character Bjarni just like the real one and thats good. Also the end was great! Caring more about weed then his son. Who would ever guess a king to be a stoner. Great job keep it up!

[RJdude]

lol, very funny chapter... you've got Bjarni down perfectly, and the whole thing with Joeden wanting weed was funny... keep it up.

[Lady Vulpix]

Nice chapter! And kicking Simon was fun, though I'll have to find myself a gown that will not betray me.

[Moonlight Espeon]

Er.. XD Being a cave troll is kind of fun. Extremely hilarious fic. XD I laughed all the way through it. I would quote the funny parts, but it'd take up the whole thread. Some of the parts were disturbing though oO *being amused and disgusted at the same time* XD

[Mikey]

Thanks for the replies all. Just to let you know, part 6B is in the making and should be up sometime within the next few days.

[Mikey]

Ok, I didn't expect to get sick that week. Sorry for not getting it done. Part 6B SHOULD DEFINATLY be up by Sunday though.

[Lady Vulpix]

DEFINATLY?
Hmm... Anyway, here I'll be.

[Mikey]

Here is part 6B. It's rather long but I enjoyed writing it. Here you go.

Joedon now stood outside the tomb of his son picking dandelions that grew around it. "Mama had a baby and the head popped off!" He grinned snapping the flower part off the stem. Chrisdolf sighed. "Don't you even care that your son is dead?" He asked. Joedon shrugged. "His loss. Look at it this way, now he won't have to be all sad when I die!" Joedon grinned and took another puff of his weed. He then realized that the blunt was ending and looked around for more. Sadly, he couldn't find any.

Soon tears began to form in his eyes. "No parent should have to go without weed." He cried. After bawling, he began to crumble to the ground in tears. "The blunt was strong in life. Its spirit will find its way to the halls of your four fathers." Chrisdolf replied, but Joedon continued to sob. Chrisdolf then looked up to see the two children who had no importance to the story ride up on the horse. The little girl seemed angry, and she showed it by shoving her brother off. "You're too big to ride fag!" She screamed.

The children were let into the city and told of what had happened to their village. Afterwards, they told Gabrielyn of their hunger. Gabrielyn smiled and led them to the door. "You're not important anymore. You can go now!" She grinned and shoved them out. She then turned to King Joedon. "They had no warning, they were unarmed. Now the Pub men are moving through the westfold vomiting and staggering as they go." She said.

Gabrielyn then turned to see the door had opened again. The little girl stepped in. "Where's mama?" She asked. Gabrielyn smiled. "Oh, your mother was probably killed very brutally by the pub men dear. Her head is probably lying separated from her body somewhere. Let's play a game! It's called find mommy's torso!" She said and shoved the girl back out. Chrisdolf sighed and turned to Joedon. "This is but a taste of the terror that Suziemon will unleash. All the more potent she is driven out of hatred of Hunter. Ride out and meet her head on!" Chrisdolf demanded.

"Draw her away from your woman and children." Chrisdolf finished. Joedon didn't look convinced. Chrisdolf sighed. "And your weed?" He added in. Now Joeden looked worried. "You have 2000 high men wandering aimlessly throughout Middle Net now as we speak. Craomer is loyal to you. His men will return and fight for their king." Mikagorn remarked. Joedon got up. "They will be 300 leagues from here by now." He roared. "They're high, how far can they actually go?" Nateli roared. "Craomer cannot help us." Joedon remarked. "Look they are passing by here right now!" Nateli pointed out the window as the horseman road by.

"I said Craomer cannot help us!" Joedon roared. "I know what it is you want of me, but I will not brig further harm to my weed. I will not risk open war." Nateli began to munch on the food that was spread out on the table. "Open war is upon you, whether you would risk it or not." Mikagorn replied. "When last I wasn't high, Joedon, not Mikagorn, was king of SPPhan." Joedon barked. Nateli took a sip of beer and burped like the rude little **** he is. "Then what is the king's decision?" Chrisdolf asked.

"By order of the king, the city must empty! We make for the refuge of Elm's Teats! You cannot bring any of your belongings. Everyone must spare them so that they may each take a sack of Joedon's weed to safety." The King's guard informed the city. "Elm's Teats! They flee to the mountains when they should stand and fight! Who will defend them if not their king?" Nateli roared. He looked out to see Craomer and his men ride by again and sighed.

"He is only doing what he thinks is best for his weed." Mikagorn replied. "Elm's Teats has saved them in the past." Chrisdolf shook his head. "There is no way out of that bosom, Joedon is leading them into a trap. He thinks he's leading them to safety. What he will get is a massacre. Joedon has a weak will so I fear for him. I fear for the survival of SPPhan. He will need you before the end Mikagorn. The people of SPPhan will need you. The defenses have to hold." Chrisdolf informed him.
"They should hold, but no promises." Mikagorn replied. Chrisdolf then turned to Katirefax who was nestled all warm in her stable. "The grey pilgrim, that's what they used to call me. 300 lives of men I walked this earth and now I have no time." Chrisdolf said to himself. "I think you need to see a psychiatrist about that self talking thing. Seriously, I'm worried 'bout you man." Katirefax said as he mounted her. "Good luck, my search will not be in vein." Chrisdolf informed Mikagorn. "What's to search for? Craomer and his men wander by here every five minutes!" Nateli roared as the horsemen came by again.

"Look to my coming on the first light on the 5th day. At dawn, look to the east!" Chrisdolf said and road out of the stable. "What was that again?" Mikagorn asked. Kylegolas shrugged. Crhisdolf and Katirefax exited the city plowing over random people as they went. Inside, Gabrielyn began to practice with a light saber she had found. As she turned around her arm met another light saber, cutting her. "Ow, son of a *****! What the **** did you do that for?" She screamed as Mikagorn panicked. "I thought you had skill with a blade! I meant to counter your saber!" Mikagorn cried.

After the blood stopped, the two began to talk. "The women of this country learned long ago that those without swords can still die upon them. I fear neither death nor pain." Gabrielyn informed him. "What do you fear my lady?" Mikagorn asked. "A cage, you know, one of those show girl ones where you dance half naked in for money. I don't want to be an old hooker dancing in one till youth and old age accept me. And all chance of valor has gone beyond recall of desire." She replied. "You are a daughter of kings, a shield maiden of SPPhan. Unless your father goes poor, I do not see that as your fate." Mikagorn replied. "Me however, I was known as Stripper once. So I know how to cage dance till the cows come home!" He grinned and began to dirty dance.

The city began to empty as everyone carried Joedon's weed out. They followed him as well as they could, but the weed was heavy and he had a donkey. Meanwhile, in Suziemon's Imaginary House, Simon Wormtongue had finally arrived. The two began to talk about Joedon's plans. "Joedon will not stay in Clitoras. It's vulnerable he knows this. He will expect an attack on the city. They will flee to Elm's Teats." Simon informed Suziemon.

"The great bosom of SPPhan." He added in. "It will be a slow road. They will have women and children with them." He finished. Suziemon smiled. "That means we have time to go the pub!" She grinned. The two grabbed hands and happily skipped out of her Imaginary House towards the pub. After some time, they returned drunk to the Imaginary House. Simon followed Suziemon to the basement. "What's down here?" He asked. "Kitty has been busy. She's been multiplying!" Suziemon grinned. She then turned to one of her robot pirate ninja monkeys. "Send out your Kitty riders!" She giggled.

Meanwhile, Bjarni was busily trying to catch a fish in the river. Well, he was trying but Autism children have hard times. After awhile, his stupid blue hat fell off and he was forced to catch it instead. "Hey sexy don't go getting too far ahead!" Chiko roared. "Why do you do that?" Mikey asked. "Do what Mr. Mikey?" Chiko asked. "Call him names, run him down all the time." Mikey replied. "Cause that's what he is Mr. Mikey. There's not left in him but lies and deceit. It's the forum he wants, and he'll spam to get it." Chiko replied.

"You have no idea what it did to him. What it's still doing to him!" Mikey roared. "Didn't it give him autism?" Chiko asked. "Yes, but you don't understand autism!" Mikey roared. "I want to help him Chiko." Mikey added in staring at the retarded boy playing in the water. "Why?" Chiko asked. "Cause I have to believe he can come back." Mikey replied. "You can't save him Mr. Mikey. Autism is a disease." Chiko remarked. "What do you know about it? You don't understand autism!" Mikey roared. Chiko frowned and walked by him.

"I'm sorry Chiko. I don't know why I said that." Mikey replied. "Well I do, it's the forum. You can't take your eyes off it. I've seen you. You've not eaten, you barely sleep. It's giving you autism! You have to fight it!" Chiko remarked. "I know what I have to do Chiko! The forum was entrusted to me. It's my task, mine, and mine alone! We don't spam, understand autism!" Mikey roared back. "Can't you hear yourself? Don't you know who you sound like?" Chiko asked.

That night, the group set up camp and went to bed. However, Bjarni remained awake. "We wants it, we needs it! Must have the precious, only for me!" He said to himself. "They stole it from us! Sneaky little hobbistes, they don't understand autism!" Suddenly, the Robby portion took over. "No, not mastar!" He replied. "Yes precious, meanies! They will cheat you, hurt you, bann you!" Bjarni took over. Robby once again responded. "But mastar's my friend!" He said. "You don't have any friends, no one likes a people who can't spell, talk, or type!" Bjarni added in.

Robby put his hands over his ears. "I'm not listening, you don't understand autism!" He cried. "You're a liar, and a thief! Spammmerrrr!" Bjarni grinned. "Go away, please only for me?" Robby cut in. "Go away? Ha, where would you be without me? BJARNI, BJARNI! Only I can spell! It was me, we survived because of me!" Bjarni roared. "Not anymore, mastar looks after us now! We don't needs you! Leave now and nevar come back, please only for me?" Robby roared. Bjarni was in shock at Robby's new found strength. "Leave now and nevar come back, please only for me?" Robby repeated. After saying it a few more times, Bjarni disappeared.

Robby was in shock. "We told him to go away, and away he goes precious! Robby is freee!" Robby grinned and began to dance. Morning came and Mikey was greated by a pair of bunnies on his stomach. "Look, look, look what Robby finds! They are young, they are tendar, they are nice! Eat them, eat them!" He grinned and began to bite into one. "You'll make him sick you will, behaving like that. There's only one way to eat a brace of coneys!" Chiko roared.

Chiko began to roast the rabbits as Robby cried. "You stupid fat man hobbit! You's ruins it!" He cried. "What's to ruin? There's hardly any meat on them." Chiko replied as Mikey began to walk away. He heard a weird sound in the distance and went to investigate. "What we need is a few good taters." Chiko remarked. "What's tatars precious, what's tatars?" Robby asked. "Po-ta-toes! Boil them, mash them, put them in a stew. Lovely big golden chips and a nice piece of fried fish." Chiko began but Robby interrupted by spitting. "Even you couldn't say no to that." Chiko smirked. "Oh yes we could! Give it to us raw and wriggling, you keep nastee chipes!" Robby roared and began to walk away.

"You're hopeless." Chiko remarked. Meanwhile, Mikey continued through the forest. Chiko realized he was gone and ran to find him. Mikey peered over a cliff to see an army of midgets walking along the valley. Chiko and Robby joined him. "Who are they?" Chiko asked. "Wicked tiny people! Servants of Huntar! They are called to AIMdor. The dark one is gatharing all evil to him. He will soon be ready to unleash his war upon Middle Net!" Robby replied.

Mikey began to back away. "We have to keep moving, come on Chiko!" He said. Suddenly, a large creature emerged from the forest as it followed the midgets. Mikey looked at Robby. "It's a giant Donphan!" Chiko grinned. The creature lumbered into view as more appeared. "Aren't Donphans small and don't exist?" Mikey asked. Robby giggled. "This is Pokemastars, we have Donphans! I killed them in my story, but these ones are harder! They were given steroids by the midgets, and so they are big now!"

Large sniper towers were mounted on the backs of the Donphans. "No one at home is going to believe this!" Chiko grinned. Suddenly, sniper bullets rang out through the forest, hitting several midgets. The Donphans became started. One began to use roll out. As it did, the sniper tower on its back went with it, smashing on the ground as it rolled. Mikey and Chiko began to freak as the Donphan used roll out right towards them. Suddenly, it diverted direction and rolled on. The other Donphans bellowed and followed as the midgets screamed for their lives.

"We've lingered here too long." Mikey whispered and began to head off. Suddenly, he bumped into a strange man. Mikey was surrounded. Chiko tried to help but was also caught. Robby was nowhere to be seen. Another man emerged from the group. It was RJmir. (RJ Dude). He looked at the two hobbits then to the ones holding them. "Bind their hands." He said and walked off.

Meanwhile, the SPPhan people continued towards Elm's Teats. Nateli rode a donkey as he talked with Gabrielyn. "It's true you don't see many dwarf women. In fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they are often mistaken for dwarf men." Nateli sighed and recalled that night he picked up a dwarf hooker only to find out she was a man. Suddenly, the donkey sped on causing him to fall off. Gabrielyn laughed and helped him up. That night, Mikagorn rested while recalling moments with Samwen he had before leaving.

He had just woke up from a night with casual sex, and the two began to talk. "You told me once that this day would come." Mikagorn said in Jeevanish. "This is not the end...it is the beginning. You are to go with Mikey." Samwen responded. They continued to talk about stuff no one cares about. Samwen said some **** about the Even Star, and they then made out and all that other crap.

"Where is she? The woman that gave you that jewel?" Gabrielyn asked stopping Mikagorn's daydream. Mikagorn then had another flashback about Ozanrond saying some other boring crap about letting Samwen go with her people and for Mikagorn to stop thinking with his dick. He then recalled telling Samwen, upsetting her, and him giving her back her virginity. "It was a gift, keep it!" She said. "My lord?" Gabreilyn interrupted. "She is sailing to the undying lands with all that is left of her kin." Mikagorn replied.

Two SPPhan guards began to pull ahead and scout the area. As they made it to a pass, they stopped to look around. From above, a Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey was mounted on a Kitty. It leapt down on to the nearest guard and began to maul him. "KITTY HAT YUO!" Suziemon's voice sounded out over the valley as her precious cat mauled the guard. Kylegolas rushed in and shot the Kitty with his sniper rifle. He then killed the robot pirate ninja monkey on board. "A scout!" He roared. "Oh, he was hot!" Mikomir said through him. Kylegolas sighed.

Mikagorn rushed in to soo what was going on, then rushed back. "What is it? What do you see?" Joedon asked. "Kitties, we're under attack!" He replied. Everyone began to panic and cry. "All riders to the head of the...aw **** it just follow me!" Joedon roared as everyone began to follow him. Kylegolas came to the top of the hill to see many Kitty riders advancing towards them. "You must lead the people to Elm's Teats!" Joedon said to Gabrielyn. "I can fight!" She replied, but Joedon smacked her. "Do as I say *****!" He roared. Gabrielyn sighed and told everyone to follow her.

The riders made it to the top of the hill where Kylegolas was sniping kitties with his sniper rifle. He then flung himself onto Nateli's donkey and the two cavalries rushed towards each other. When they made contact, mauling and violence began immediately. Lots and lots of violence and drugs and alcohol began to ensue as the cavalries fought to the death. "KITTY HAT YUO!" Was heard whenever a kitty mauled someone.

Nateli fell off his donkey and was immediately attacked by a Kitty, but he managed to kill it. It fell on him and he began to cry. Lots more violence happened, and some minor sex as well. Lots and lots of violence kept going on as many kitties, people, robot pirate ninja monkeys, and donkies were killed. A robot pirate ninja monkey tried to hurt Nateli, but he broke its neck. Then, another kitty came at him, but Mikagorn killed it.

Lots more violence happened. Mikagorn was then knocked from his donkey. As he struggled to gain control of the kitty that attacked him, more violence happened. He managed to knock off the robot pirate ninja monkey, but the kitty he was on decided to commit suicide and jumped off the cliff with Mikagorn still on it. The battle ended when the violence downisized, and Mikagorn was no where to be seen! What happens next, find out later!

[Lady Vulpix]

Oh... Suspense!
That was good. Mikagorn recalling his stripper days and dancing for me. XD
Though I felt sorry for the poor unimportant girl. ;o
And R.O.B. keeps getting better!
And the Donphans were great!
It was really funny. Keep up the good work!

[DannyBoy]

That was really good! That was amazing espeically the no parent shoudl go without weed! The Bjarni's part with Robby. THis is just to much! This was great! By the way, how was Freddy VS. Jason? Keep it up!

[Little_Pikachu]

I litterally laughed myself to tears over the Bjarni bit and the whole autism thing XD Maybe I'm a bit drunk, but I'm sure it'd be funny if I was sober too.
Ah, more Suziemon please! ^_^ how dare they leave her out of the Best Villian category in the awards

Also:
"And whose side are you on?" Jay asked.
"Side? Well let's just say I don't play for the team that skips naked with other men if that's what you're asking!"

XD You're a genius, Mikey.