The Lord of the Pokemasters (all Ummmmers must read!)

**RJdude** · 19th January 2004, 07:37 AM

Hilarious chapter, Mikey. The whole thing with Joeden and his weed, and Bjarni vs. Robby almost had me on the floor (And I'm not drunk). Plus, I made my debut, and its a cool role too... keep it up, can't wait for the next one.

**Mikey** · 22nd February 2004, 10:00 PM

Ok, I know it's been awhile since I have wrote a chapter, but expect the next one to be up within the week. I guarantee it. I'm shifting into overdrive for both fics here!

**Mikey** · 1st March 2004, 06:27 PM

This is the moment you've been waiting for. Part 7A of Lord of the Pokemasters! Part 7B should be up in the coming weeks. Part 8 will be a one parter to finish off THe Two Imaginary Houses, and part 9 will start Return of the Admin. I believe Return of the Admin may not begin till August though as I really would like the DVD to do a better interpretation. For that, part 7B and part 8 may be positioned out so there's not a huge space in between. Anyways, here we go!

Part 7A

The battle was over and the field was littered with many dead donkeys and kitties. Nateli and Kylegolas wandered through the bodies searching for their lost comrade. "Mikagorn?" Kylegolas yelled. "Who cares about him? Let's just head over to the Middle Net Gay Bar and pick us up some new hotties." Mikomir said through Kylegolas. Kylegolas stopped and sighed. "You know, I'm beginning to think that's you talking." Nateli grinned. "Shut the hell up!" Kylegolas said aiming his sniper rifle. He wanted to shoot, but it was best he didn't.

The two continued towards the cliff when they heard a distinct laugh. "Hardie har har!" a Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey giggled. Kylegolas ran over to him. Nateli made it to the little monkey first and placed his ax guitar by his testicles. "Tell me what happened and I will ease your passing." He roared. The monkey seemed scared. "Argh, how is cutting off me balls easing?" He asked. Nateli shrugged. "Fair enough!" He said and backed off.

The monkey then decided to speak. "He's…banned! The lad took a little plank walk off the cliff." It giggled. Kylegolas grabbed the monkey and shook him. "You lie!" He roared. The thing giggled some more when he suddenly cried out in pain and died. Kylegolas turned to see Nateli had brought his ax guitar down on the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey's groin. "What? He was asking for it!" Nateli roared. Kylegolas then discovered Samwen's Virginity Star Pendant thingy in the monkey's hand and rushed to the edge of the cliff. It was only about a two foot fall, and Mikagorn was in plain sight, but they somehow were too dumb to see him lying unconscious just below.

"Get the dead on horses! The kitties of Imaginary House will return…leave the wounded." Joedon roared. Kylegolas looked at him shocked. "Come…" Joedon said and walked off. Meanwhile, the ***** people that didn't take part in the calvalry fight had finally come upon the refuge of Elm's Teats. "Elm's Teats! There it is, we made it!" They yelled and began to head toward the fortress. An old woman came up to Gabrielyn for aid, but she just smiled and walked off. The woman ended up falling and dying.

The doors of the refuge opened and the people began to spill in. More pussies were also present that were too scared to fight. The scene zoomed out to show the whole fortress, which was made out of cardboard but hardened with Viagra. On each side were two large mountains resembling boobs. The two children with no importance to the story saw a woman and ran to greet her. "Mama!" They grinned. The lady turned around. "I'm not your mother you stupid *****! Go away!" She yelled. The girl's brother then poked her. "I win, I found mommy's torso!" He grinned and put down the bloody slump that used to be their mom. The girl began to cry as the kid laughed.

"Make way for the king!" The guards yelled as they road in on donkeys. No one moved and Joedon and his riders ended up running over many of the refugees. Gabrielyn rushed up to greet them, but found out the hottie Mikagorn wasn't present. She then looked sad. "So few, so few of you have returned." She said. Joedon stepped down from his donkey. "My weed is safe…that's all that matters." He said and walked off.

Nateli then stepped up to Garbielyn. "Lord Mikagorn, where is he?" She asked. "He fell…" Nateli responded. She looked bewildered. "Damn, it's always the hot ones that die before I get to screw them!" She yelled and rushed off. "Draw all our forces behind the wall. Bard the gate, and put a watch on the surround." Joedon said as he surveyed the area from the top of the fortress. "And what of those who cannot fight my lord?" His follower asked. "Screw that, everyone fights!" He yelled. "But sir, infants cannot hold swords." His follower replied. "Well they can learn now can't they?" Joedon replied. "Suziemon's arm will have grown long if she thinks she can reach us here."

"Elm's Teats has one weakness. Its outer wall is solid horny cardboard with two large boob towers on each side…except for a small cleavage in the center, which is little more than a tray." Simon Wormtongue informed Suziemon at her Imaginary House. Suziemon was busy pouring alcohol into a large bowling ball. "How, how can fire induce cleavage?" Simon asked. "What kind of device could shatter the boobs?" He then added in getting close to the ball with his candle. Suziemon stopped him. "Alcohol is very flammable! We don't want a repeat of yesterday!" She roared. Simon recalled the previous day where he did the same thing and blew up half the Imaginary House and shuddered.

"If the boobs are breached, Elm's Teats will fall." Suziemon then said. "Even if the boobs are breached, it would take a number beyond reckoning, thousands to storm the teats!" Simon remarked. "Tens of thousands." Suziemon grinned and stepped onto her Imaginary Balcony. "But my lordess there is no such force." Simon replied. Suddenly, many party blowers ran out over the valley as Suziemon revealed her great army of Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys to Simon.

"The new power is rising! Its victory is at hand!" Suziemon roared as the Monkeys cheered. "This night, the land will be stained with the semen of SPPhan! March to Elm's Teats!" Suziemon roared as the scene zoomed out to show the many Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Prate Ninja Monkeys that massed by her Imaginary House. "Leave none unbanned!" She roared. "TO WAR!" She finished and turned to Simon. "There will be no dawn for man…" She grinned.

The army of Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys then began their march towards Elm's Teats. Meanwhile, Polebeard continued to travel through the forest with Jay and Zak. "Look, there's pot smoke to the south!" Jay roared. "There's always pot smoke rising from Imaginary House these days!" Polebeard replied. "Imaginary House?" Zak said in shock. "There was a time when Suziemon would walk in my woods, but now she's all hocked up on boos and crack cocaine." Polebeard informed the two as Zak crawled higher up the pole. "She no longer cares for growing anything unless it makes you high." Polebeard finished. "What is it?" Jay asked as Zak looked out at the Army of Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. "It's Suziemon's army…the war has started." Zak replied.

Meanwhile, Mikagorn continued to lie by the cliff unconscious. He slowly slipped into wet dreams of Samwen as he did. They made out and all that boring crap that Mike likes and drags the story along. Soon, a donkey started to nudge him and Mikagorn regained consciousness while finding he was making out with the donkey! He got on it and the donkey road off.

Meanwhile, Samwen was lying on her bed like the lazy depressed person she is. "Samwen, it is time. The ships are leaving these shores. Go now before it is too late." Ozanrond said entering the room. "I have made my choice." She replied. ~YAWN~ "He is not coming back." Ozanrond said as he approached her bed. "Why do you linger here when there is no hope?" Samwen looked up with tears in her eyes. "There's still hope." She said. Ozanrond laughed. "I used to believe in hope till they announced this is the last season of Angel!" He said.

Ozanrond then began to explain some crap about how even if the war was one, Samwen would still have to watch Mikagorn die. You know, all that boring crap that no one cares about. Samwen then smiled. "But that's why I will get some booty from him, and then leave him for an elf." She grinned. "Samwen, you can get booty in the Undying Lands if that is your desire. There is nothing for you here, only pain. There they have birth control!" He grinned.

More tears came into Samwen's eyes. "Am I not sexy enough for you?" Ozanrond said sitting next to her. "Of course you are father." Samwen replied and the two began to hug. (But none of that sick crap you people reading this are thinking now! PERVS!) With the thought of birth control in her mind, Samwen decided to depart for the Undying Lands while Ozanrond watched her go. "Damn, I almost had some of that!" He said as she disappeared across the bridge.

He suddenly began to here Tinadriel muttering something. "Speak English you sick rapist!" He said in his head. "Sorry, my bad!" She said back. "The power of the enemy is growing. Hunter will use his master Suziemon to destroy the people of SPPhan. Imaginary House has been unleashed. The eye of Hunter now turns to TPMdor, the last free kingdom of men. His war on this country will come swiftly. He senses the forum is close. The strength of the forum bearer is fading. He is weakening and becoming vulnerable. He will be a prime rape target soon. In his heart, Mikey begins to understand. The quest will claim his virginity. You know this, you have forseen it. It is the risk we all took. In the gathering dark, the will of the forum grows strong. It works hard now to find its way back into the hands of men, who are so easily seduced by its sexyness. The young captain of TPMdor has but to extend his hand and take the forum for his own, and the world will fall. It is close now, so close now to achieving its goal. For Hunter will have dominion over all even until the ending of the world. The time of the elves is over; will we leave Middle Net to its fate? Do we let them stand alone?" She said and breathed heavily after letting all that out. "Now back to my raping!" She said and exited Ozanrond's mind.

A map was set out and the scouts were looking at it. "What news?" RJmir asked them. "Scouts report that Suziemon has attacked SPPhan. Joedon will flee to Elm's Teats. We must look to our own borders. Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys! Hunter is mastering an army. Men will be attacked on both fronts by these vile creatures. 500 men are covering Fishgilliath, but it won’t hold." The scout finished. "TPMdor is weak. Hunter will strike us soon." RJmir replied. Down below, Mikey and Chiko were unmasked and stood there looking confused.

"I quite enjoyed the blindfold. It's erotic." Chiko grinned. "My men tell me that you are Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey spies." RJmir said stepping in. "Spies, we're sexier than that!" Chiko roared. "If you are not spies then who are you?" RJmir asked. "We are hobbits of the shire. Mikey Baggins is my name, and this is Chiko Gamgee." Your bodyguard?" RJmir asked. "His sex slave." Chiko replied. "No your not!" Mikey roared as Chiko shrugged. "And where is your skulking friend. The gangly creature. He had a stupid blue hat." RJmir asked.

"There were no others." Mikey replied. "We set out from Ghettodale with seven companions. One we lost in BMGia. Two were my kin, a dwarf there was also, and an elf, and two men." Mikey replied. "Mikagorn and Mikomir of TPMdor." RJmir looked stunned. "You were a friend of Mikomir's?" He asked. "For my part." Mikey replied. "It will grieve you then to learn that he is dead." RJmir said with a sad face. "Not really. What about you Chiko?" Mikey asked. Chiko shook his head. "I wanted to know how he died, he was my brother you **** heads." RJmir roared.

That night, RJmir was called out to the Forbidden jocose. RJmir grabbed Mikey and told him to follow. There, Bjarni was trying to catch a fish. After tripping and falling in, he managed to snag one. He then began to sing the Pokemon theme song as he beat it to death on a rock. "To enter the forbidden jocose bears the penalty of ban." RJmir said. Mikey looked around to see sniper rifles aimed at the autism child. "Shall I shoot?" RJmir asked. Mikey thought it over. Seeing the stupid kid get blown to bits would be fun, but his conscious overcame him.

"No, the creature is bound to me, and I to him. He is our guide! Please, let me go down to him!" He said. RJmir nodded. As Mikey walked away RJmir laughed to himself. "Such a fool to trust an autistic child to guide you somewhere. You'll probably end up in Hogwarts!" Mikey made his way down and motioned to Bjarni. "Robby, mastar is here!" He said. Bjarni stopped eating the fish and turned. "Come Robby!" Mikey said motioning for him to come. "Trust mastar!" Mikey said. "Robby, you must trust mastar!" Mikey said. Bjarni finally started to move. When he made it ashore, he was immediately grabbed by the TPMers causing his stupid blue hat to fall off. "Don't hurt him!" Mikey wailed. "Mastar!" Bjarni cried as he was pulled away. He grabbed his hat as he went. "Understand autism!" He wailed as Mikey watched with guilt…

**DannyBoy** · 1st March 2004, 06:51 PM

Yea, another chapter! That was great! The best part was,

"Samwen, you can get booty in the Undying Lands if that is your desire. There is nothing for you here, only pain. There they have birth control!" He grinned.

I just got a kick out of that. Reminds me of a girl I know who loves booty! Also, the Oz's parts, great again. Love this! I still can't wait for you to do the texas chainsaw fic. I think that would be another great one!

**classy_cat18** · 1st March 2004, 09:25 PM

Oh man, that was hilarious! I have to put down my favorite line:

"Why do you linger here when there is no hope?" Samwen looked up with tears in her eyes. "There's still hope." She said. Ozanrond laughed. "I used to believe in hope till they announced this is the last season of Angel!" He said.

I'll miss Angel, too.

Wait a minute: you're doing a texas chainsaw massacre fic? Is it going to be a funny one?

**Mikey** · 1st March 2004, 10:06 PM

Yeah, I was planning something to do in the time between finishing the Two Imaginary Houses and the release of Return of the King so I can do Return of the Admin. I finally decided on The Pokemaster Chainsaw Massacre, which is a parody of the movie, but now I'm turning it into a somewhat Scary Movie, in which TPM members will be thrown into a bucn hof different horror movies joined together. It will have its own script and won't follow one almost to the pin point like this did. But yeah, that's what I have in the works.

Thanks for the replies

**RJdude** · 2nd March 2004, 06:10 AM

Great chapter, lot's of funny stuff in here, and more RJmir goodness.

Mikey thought it over. Seeing the stupid kid get blown to bits would be fun, but his conscious overcame him.

I laughed hard at this line, especially when I thought about the original.

Well, keep it coming... and I think the scary movie is a good idea.

**Mikey** · 2nd March 2004, 03:29 PM

IMPORTANT!!!! READ!!!!!!!!

I have just now found a very detailed script for Return of the King. This means that we will not have to wait until August to start Return of the Admin! In fact, I may finish The Two Imaginary Houses this week and start it next week! This is going to be the greatest and funniest moments of the fics, so start reading!

**Mikey** · 3rd March 2004, 07:43 PM

Bah, I am swamped with a stupid English essay for the next few days so it may take till SUnday to get the new chapter up. Until then, enjoy this teaser "trailer" for Return of the Admin.....

The scene zooms out over the vast fields of Pellinwhore field. Mt. Ummmm looms in the distance looking danerous and gay as Hunter has decided to redecorate with purple. A vast light shoots up into the sky.
"The eye of the ****** it moving..." Kylegolas says to Mikagorn. "Ohhh, it's giving me hungry eyes! Hungry eyeeeees! One look at you and I can't deny I got..." "Shut up!" Kylegolas then had to yell as Mikomir tried to talk through him.
The scene then changes to the swooping of the Fell Keets on the White Swallow City. It's in the shape of a large white wedding cake. "The end has come..." Ozanrond's voice is heard as Mikey makes his way ip a set of stairs.
*Old Line Cinema* Sentimental music plays as it shows various places of middle Net. It then shows Mikagorn and Chrisdolf talking during the after party of Elm's Teats. "Everyday Mikey moves closer to AIMdor." He says to Chrisdolf. "How do we know Mikey is alive?" Chrisdolf asks. "You're right, we're doomed. Mikey couldn't live if he tried to leave his neighhborhood..." Mikagorn replies and puts his head down.
"Come mastar! Come to Robby, only for me?" Bjarni motions Mikey up the cliffside. "This is your test...you have exactly one hour to finish it and no flunking! Every path you have skipped through dandelions and cotton fields...has lead to this road." Ozanrond says as it shows more scenes of Kylegolas with is sniper rifle and such. It also shows Chrisdolf on the walls of the city looking down at the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army.
"The enemy will never let Mikagorn come to the throne of TPMdor. Well, Hunter is lazy so he might forget, but we'll wait and see." Ozanrond says to Samwen at Ghettodale. "It is time..." Samwen replies. It then shows the elves reforging the dell computer. The dell guy appears on the screen. "Dude you're getting a...." He begins but the sledge hammer comes down and hits him. The dell computer is then shown with water dripping from it. "Give him the computer of the admin." Samwen is heard saying.
It then switches to Mikagorn opening a dell computer box and pulling away the packing foam. He begins to pop the bubble wrap before Ozanrond stops him. "Become who you were born to be!" He yells.
The precious will be ours, only for me!

" Bjarni is then seen saying at a small pond. Suddenly, Chiko appears behind him. "He means to ban us!" Chiko tells Mikey. "Nevar!" Bjarni roars crying. "I'm not sending him away. Come Robby.." Mikey replies grabbing the stupid kid by his hand. Bjarni turns back and smiles his stupid autistic grin and tips his little blue hat to a mad Chiko.
The scene then changes to Mikey and Chiko looking up as purple light shines up into the sky, killing a bunch of birds as it goes. The ***** Queen then lands on a tower riding her Fell Keet as it roars. "The board is set...the pieces are moving..." Chrisdolf begins to say. It then shows a Fell Keet swoop down and annialate a few horsemen. "He is here!" Kylegolas says in shock.
The scene then changes to Mikagorn heading inside the paths of giving head...I mean the dead. It then switches to Mikey rushing through a dark scary cave when Nalob rushes around the corner, her Nala from Lion King head roars and her eight legs make funky noises. OH MY! "We come to it at last.." Chrisdolf is then heard saying.
The scene then zooms out to show the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army massing in Pellinwhore Fields. "I see in your erections the same excitement that would harden me... A day may come when the viagra of men fails. When we forsake our wives and break all bonds of marriage. But it is not this day, this day we fight!" Mikagorn roars as it shows him consoling Gabrielyn. The scene then shifts to Chrisdolf on Katirefax, then to Joedon, *This March* and finally to Craomer crying on the fields. *The Journey ends*It then shows Tinadriel smiling at Mikey as she helps him up. Mikey pulls away as she tries to rape him.
"Whatever happens, stay with me." Gabrielyn says dressed as a man with Zak in front of her. He looks scared

. When Mikagorn's speech ends, the whole Sereherim cheers. *There can be no triumph without mindless banning* It then shows Chrisdolf walking through the ruins of the battle. "All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you." His voice is heard.
It shows a bunch of the characters, then Chrisdolf riding out and shooting a semen beam at the Fell Keets to scare them away from RJmir's fleeing troops.
"We won't see the Shire again..." Zak says to Jay to cheer him up. *No Victory...whatsoever* "You gave away your life's virginity. I cannot give you protection for the men you screw anymore." Ozanrond then says as he walks away from a lounging Samwen. Troops then ride towards the door of the WHite Swallow City, but they don't open and the horsemen crash into it and fall down. It then shows Samwen crying. *No Freedom...whatsoever*
Triumph music begins to play. "We cannot achieve victory....well we can't anyway cause our armies suck." Craomer then says to Mikagorn and Chirsdolf in the WHite Swallow Hall. It then shows the calvalries fighting and the charge of the Donphan. Kylegolas is seen on one trying to bring it down. "Not for ourselves..but I can teach you my stripper techniques to give Mikey a chance..." Mikagorn then says.
It then shows a bunch of random scenes of the Fell Keets, Chrisfdolf fighting, Samwen hugging Ozanrond, A Donphan's foot hitting the earth, and Bjarni's stupid face. It then shows Chiko battered and bruised. "No!" He screams before the title comes up. *THE RETURN OF THE ADMIN*

Well, what do you think of my teaser trailer? lol (P.S- I was bored...and did this as I went along just now)

**DannyBoy** · 4th March 2004, 03:55 PM

Sounds pretty good! I liked the way you wrote it. The old line cinema thing was cool. To bad you couldn't make a real trailer...that would be cool but this i just as good. You mention all are favorite characters. I was wondering if you heard about them making a Hobbit movie. Would you do the prequal of this fic if it did happen? Keep it up!

**Mikey** · 4th March 2004, 06:11 PM

Well, I was in the mood, so here's part 7B of Lord of the Pokemasters. All that remains is part 8, which ends the Two Imaginary Houses. We will then move on to Return of the Admin, which is going to be HILARIOUS!

Part 7B

Bjarni was thrown to the ground in the inside of one of the caves. He screamed and cried as the TPMdorians kicked him forward. He began to rush away clawing at the walls and looking for a place to hide. He finally found a small indent in the wall that he hid in. "We can still see you…" RJmir said walking into the room. "Where are you leading them?" He then asked. Bjarni continued to sob as RJmir grew mad. He picked a rock from the ground and chucked it at the poor autistic child. "Answer me you pathetic spammer!" He yelled.

Bjarni wailed further. "Robby…why does it cry Robby?" Bjarni began to speak evilly. RJmir stared at the stupid child. He was unsure of what was going on, but he knew Bjarni was messed up. "Cruel members hurts us! Mastar tricks us!" Robby wailed. "Of course he did…" Bjarni began to say while rubbing Robby's back. "I told you he was tricksy…I told you he was a spammer…" Robby wailed some more. "But mastar doesn't spam…doesn't spam!" He roared. "Mastar betrayed us!" Bjarni growled. "NOO!! Not its business!" Robby replied. RJmir was suddenly under the impression that he had some bad shrooms earlier to be seeing this messed ****. "Leave us alone!" Robby wailed. "Filthy little spammers…they banned it from us!" Bjarni roared smacking his hand against the ground. "What did they ban?" RJmir asked intrigued. Bjarni turned his head Exorcist style and glared at him. "MY PRECIOUS!" He roared and began to yell as his stupid blue hat slid off his head.

"We have to get out of here. You stay, I'll escape." Chiko whispered to Mikey as they sat in their cave prison. Mikey glared at him. "You can do it. Give me the forum Mr. Mikey…just this one. I'll put it in my laptop and escape…disappear." Chiko said crawling to Mikey. "I can't…" Mikey said turning to Chiko. "You were right Sam…You tried to tell me…I'm sorry. The forum is taking me Sam…if I put it on…he'll find me. He'll see." Mikey replied. "Mr. Mikey, who's Sam?" Chiko asked confused.

RJmir then entered the room and drew out his lightsaber. Mikey and Chiko backed away in fright. "So, this is the answer to all the riddles. Here in the wild I have you…two ******s, and a host of men at my call…and the forum of power within my grasp." RJmir said prodding the forum with his saber. Mikey clung to the wall. This new act of coming on strong was not turning him on. "A chance for RJmir, captain of TPMdor…to prove his quality." RJmir finished.

Suddenly, a great amount of chanting overtook Mikey and he began to look possessed. "No!" He screamed and sliced the light saber away. The plastic bent and it light up and made light saber noises as he did it. Mikey rushed away and clung to the forum. "Stop it…leave him alone! You're not sexy enough for him! Don't you understand? He has to destroy it. That's where we're going…to AIMdor…to the mountain of fire." Chiko roared. One of the TPMdorians entered the room. "Osgilajkjafkfkjadfh is under attack my lord. They call for reinforcements." He said. Chiko continued to talk but no one paid any attention. "Don't you see? It's such a burden. Will you not help him?" He asked. "Prepare to leave…" RJmir said to his man. He then turned to Chiko. "The forum will go to TPMdor…" He grinned.

Meanwhile, Mikagorn road his donkey far and wide across Middle Net. As he came upon the hill, he saw the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army marching along aimlessly. He began to scream like a girl and turned to flee. "Hey wait, thousands of Monkeys and only one stripper means…loads of money!" He grinned and road down to offer his services to the army. After several hours, Mikagorn fled with the cash and road on towards Elm's Teats. His donkey traveled for many miles across the plains, passing a few dogs having sex ad the occasional pub before finally coming upon the fortress.

Mikagorn road his donkey in to find that not a soul cared that he was alive. Nateli pushed past the people to see what the commotion was. "Oh, you're alive? Damnit, you interrupted my bong time!" He roared and turned back into the crowd. Mikagorn sighed and headed off to speak with the king. On his way he came across Kylegolas. "You're late…" He said in jeevanish. "And you were getting it on. I can smell Ultra Mega Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey bodily juices from miles away." Mikomir said through Kylegolas. Mikagorn began to laugh. "I didn't say it!" Kylegolas wept. Gabrielyn turned to see her beloved had returned. "Yes, I still have a chance to get some!" She grinned. She then noticed Kylegolas handing Mikagorn the virginity pendant and she frowned. "So he's got a ***** back at Ghettodale, he's leading me on, and now he's got a male lover? This is turning into an episode of Springer!" She roared and stormed off.

Mikagorn then opened the doors to the king's quarters and stepped inside. As he did, the rug curled under him and he tripped; falling to the ground. He picked himself up and dusted himself off before approaching Joedon and warning him of the coming army. "A great host you say?" Joedon asked. "All of Imaginary House is emptied." Mikagorn replied. "How many?" Joedon asked. "10,000…and let me tell you they have strong pelvic muscles!" Mikagorn roared grinning. "Shush…too much information. K thnx bai!" Joedon shushed Mikagorn. "Don’t worry. They didn't even know what to do with a stripper. It's an army bred for a single purpose…to destroy the world of men." Mikagorn then said. "They'll be here by nightfall…" He then said. "Let them come!" Joedon roared.

"I want every person within these walls baring arms." Joedon then said as he marched along the horny cardboard wall. "But sir, look!" A soldier said and showed Joedon a baby. He put a light saber in the baby's hands and it fell out. "They can't bare arms." He said. "So, then they will be diversions." Joedon grinned and petted the child. Joedon then stepped outside the doors and began to tell his plans to defend the keep. "This is no band of mindless monkeys! These are Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys! Their transmetal bodies are thick and their shields brawn." Nateli roared resting on his ax guitar. "I have fought many wars with opposing Pokemon sites master dwarf…I know how to defend my keep." Joedon said and walked past him. "And if they call us names we can just sue them for slander." Joedon called back.

"They will break upon this fortress like water on rock. Suziemon's forces will pillage and burn. We've seen it before. Homes can be rebuilt, people can repopulate…but my weed must be kept safe!" Joedon said as the group walked along the wall. "Within these walls we will outlast them." "They do not come to destroy your weed Joedon. They come to kill its people…down to the last child." Mikagorn roared as he followed. Joedon suddenly grabbed him. "What would you have me do? Give them my weed and tell them to not harm my men? I can't do that!" Joedon roared. "If this is to be my weeds end, then I'd want to make such and end…which means I want it to go down being smoked!" Joedon roared triumphantly.

"Send out riders my lord. You must call for aid." Mikagorn suggested. "And who will come? Dwarves? Elves? We are not so lucky in our list of friends as you. My people are very unsocial and nerdy. The old alliances are dead." Joedon replied grabbing Mikagorn. "TPMdor will answer." Miagorn squirmed out. "TPMdor? Where was TPMdor when the west full fell? Where was TPMdor when our enemies closed in around us and stole my weed? Where was TPMdor…I need a ****ing smoke!" Joedon suddenly yelled. One of his men handed him a blunt and he lit it up and took a puff. "Now see what you did? You almost gave me a stroke! Good thing I had a blunt to bring my heart level down!" He roared and took another puff.

"The AT&T's have not been troubled by the wars of men and admins for a very long time. But now something is about to happen that has not happened for an age." Polebeard said stepping into a vast clearing. "An AT&T orgy…" He finished. "What's that?" Jay asked. "Tis a gathering…" Polebeard replied. The two hobbits looked around to see many more telephone poles stepping from the forest and into the clearing. "Oh my god Jay they're hideous! Run, I'll try to fight them off!" Zak yelled. "Good, good, many have come. Now we must decide if we shall go to war…" Polebeard finished.

Meanwhile, back at Elm's Teats, every person was fitted with war equipment. Babies cried as they were fitted with armor and sabers too heavy for them and the women wondered why the hell they were fighting. Mikagorn looked around at the chaos. "These are no soldiers…" He said to Kylegolas. "But some of them are hot!" Kylegolas heard himself blurting out. "Most have seen too many winters…" Nateli roared. "Or too few…look at them…they're horny! I can see it in their eyes. And why shouldn't they be? Three thousand against three hundred? It's enough to get anyone excited!" Kylegolas roared. "They are just doing what they feel is right to defend their people." Mikagorn replied. "But they suck! They'll all die anyways!" Kylegolas roared. "Then I shall die as one of them!" Mikagorn roared and walked away. Kylegolas tried to go after him but Nateli stopped him. "Let him go throw his ***** tantrum." He said.

Night was now falling on Elm's Teats as Joedon began to have his servants place his armor on. "Everyone in Elm's Teats has been sent to the armory." His advisor said. "Who am I?" Joedon asked. "You are our king my lord." His guard replied. "Really, I'm a king? That's totally rad!" Joedon giggled. "Sir, are you high?" His guard asked. "Nonsense, how did it come to this and all that other ****. See, I can make a famous Lord of the Ring Speech for you! I am not high, I are very capabibble of leading my arms to victory!" He roared holding his arms out and making them fight each other as he giggled some more. His guard sighed and walked away. Joedon giggled some more then passed out on the floor.

The people of SPPhan massed on the wall, each taking their places to defend it. Mikagorn looked around when he spied a baby leaning against the wall. A saber was over its body and he couldn't see the face because the helmet was too big. "Give me your sword." Mikagorn said. The baby just sat there. The helmet slid slightly off his head and the baby giggled and spit up a bit. Mikagorn sighed and picked the sword up himself. "What is your name?" He asked. "Doggie!!" The baby giggled. Mikagorn began to practice with the saber.

Suddenly, a boy that looked like a woman approached him. "The men are saying we won't last the night. They say it is hopeless." He said sadly. Mikagorn stood up. "Can't you seem I'm busy? Get the hell out of here you stupid he-she!" He roared. The boy ran off crying. "This is a good light saber." Mikagorn then said and took one more swipe. By accident, the saber smacked the baby and sent it falling down the wall. Mikagorn looked over to see it hit the earth and splatter. "****, I didn't do it!" He yelled and ran off.

Mikagorn then began to suit up. He then reached for his sword, but it was missing. Kylegolas held out a dildo to him. "Aww sick, why the hell did you do that?" Kylegolas said to Mikomir tossing it aside. He then regained control of his body and handed Mikagorn his sword. "We have trusted you this far and you have not led us astray…well Nateli doesn't trust you and you did lead us to Antarctica by accident a few times, but you still got us here." Kylegolas said. Mikagorn smiled and put his hand on Kylegolas's shoulder. Kylegolas seemed to enjoy it and he hoped it was Mikomir with that expression. Nateli then entered wearing a dress. "They ran out of armor! Don't laugh!" He roared as Mikagorn and Kylegolas broke into tears.

The three suddenly heard the sound of a giraffe dying calling from across the valley. "That is no Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey horn. Only elves slaughter innocent giraffes to signal their coming!" Kylegolas said and rushed from the room. Outside the walls came a large number of elves marching upon the city. One dragged a dying giraffe behind it that continued to bellow. All carried extra caliber sniper rifles. "Open the gate!" Someone yelled. The gate didn't open fast enough and the elves marched straight into it. Like robots, the whole army continued to march against the door like they were stuck toys. The door soon opened and they continued in.

Kyledir stepped out from the elf army and approached King Joedon as he entered the scene. "How is this possible?" He asked. "I bring word from Ozanrond of Ghettodale. An alliance once existed between elves and men. Long ago we fought and died together. This was a happy time when Buffy and Angel were all new back to back. We're here to honor that allegiance." Kyledir replied. Joedon grinned. "I never watched those shows…" He replied. The elves looked in shock and turned to leave. "The hell with you then!" They roared. Mikagorn then stopped them. "I watched them!" he said. "How do we know you're telling the truth?" Kyledir asked. "Well, there was this one episode when Buffy slayed a vampire." Mikagorn grinned and crossed his fingers. Kyledir grinned, "Oh yes, I remember that one!" He said and motioned his troops to stay and fight.

Night had now fallen upon Elm's Teats and every elf and human were stationed somewhere on the wall waiting for the army to come. Soon, the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys appeared marching below with torches in hand. The scene spanned the wall to find that Nateli couldn't see over. "Aww, you could've picked a better spot **** head!" He roared to Kylegolas. "Shut up and get on your knees!" Mikomir said through Kylegolas. "You scare the **** out of me…" Nateli replied.

Mikagorn approached the two. "Well lad, let's hope whatever luck you live by, it comes to me and I last the night." Nateli grinned. "Your friends are with you Mikagorn." Kylegolas replied. "Screw them; I'm the one that has to last the night!" Nateli roared. It then began to storm as everyone waited countless hours for the army to make it to the wall. After many hours, they finally came close. The monkeys roared and arg'ed as they looked upon their enemies.

"Show them no mercy as they will show you none!" Mikagorn informed his army. A Lone Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey stepped up onto a rock and began to lift his saber. "Make them walk the plank mateys!" He roared. Random babies and stuff cried to try and gain sympathy. Hours of staring at each other followed as each army tried to out breathe each other. "What's happening out there?" Nateli asked. "Would you like me to describe it to you, or would you like me to find you a box?" Kylegolas grinned. "You can describe it." Nateli replied. "Well, once upon a time there was an army of…" Kylegolas began.

The two armies then began to have a chanting competition to see who could yell the loudest. The monkeys won, and the defenders of the wall began to aim their sniper rifles. "And the hot and sexy Kylegolas killed them all with one shot…" Kylegolas finished as Nateli laughed. "Take this!" An old man suddenly yelled chucking a random baby at one of the monkeys. It was struck hard and died on impact. The monkey fell limp and the others began to hop and shriek in common monkey behavior. At this, the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey on the rock raised is light saber and the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army began to charge….

**DannyBoy** · 5th March 2004, 01:22 PM

Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey is the best! I laughed when I read that. Then good ole Bjarni actting stupid once again was great! I can picture how funny it would be if this was real. Good chapter and can't wait for the final part of the Two Imaginary houses!

**Crystal Mew** · 5th March 2004, 10:16 PM

lmao Mikey....great teaser ;P

...although, I sound like such a whore

*cough*

**Mikey** · 7th March 2004, 07:09 PM

Wow, this chapter is very long and it took forever, but here's part 8! The end of The Two Imaginary Houses! Everyone should read, this is one funny chapter!

Part 8

"So it begins…" Joedon remarked as the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began their charge on Elm'ts Teats. The battle had begun. The army was nearing the wall. "Prepare to cause violence with your sniper rifles!" Mikagorn yelled as men and elf pulled his/her sniper rifle and aimed it. As the army approached, Kylegolas gave some much needed advice. "There Transmetal bodies can't withstand a sniper bullet to the balls. No man can!" He roared.
"Fire the violence causers!" Mikagorn roared as sniper bullets began to ring out from the wall. Many monkeys were instantly banned by the sheer violence of the bullets' impacts. "Did they hit anything?" Nateli asked trying to see over. The babies all shot wide and missed. "Give them the violence order!" Joedon roared as his guard ordered their group to fire off their rifles. From the top of Elm's Teats, many bullets rained down banning some more monkeys.

Mikagorn then looked back at those who were behind the horny cardboard wall. "Fire!" He roared. The people let off their sniper rifles and those on the wall were forced to dodge. Many of the bullets banned the people on the wall. Mikagorn used his pole dancing techniques combined with his ultra Power Ranger moves to dodge the bullets. "Ban the enemy you assholes!" He roared.

"Send them to me, come on!" Nateli roared pulling out his axe guitar. The Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys were now very close to the wall. They began to throw ninja throwing stars at the defenders of the wall hitting and banning many. Some launched rocket launchers into Elm's Teats. The defenders were struck hard by the stars and many fell off the wall. After some time, a group of Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys broke through the lines carrying their means of making it up the wall: Mary Poppins's Magical Umbrellas!

Hundreds of the monkeys gripped the handles as the umbrellas began to float up towards the top of the wall. "Mary Poppins's Umbrellas!" Mikagorn warned the defenders. "Good!" Nateli grinned ready to fight. Many umbrellas floated up to the wall now as the monkey army massed below. Mikagorn ordered the troops to replace their sniper rifles with their play school light sabers.

The first of the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys made it to the top of the wall and leapt off their umbrellas. Nateli caused violence to the first one's special area while roaring in anger. Another monkey leapt off his umbrella and caused violence and alcohol to a bunch of the defenders in the general area. Mikagorn ducked a bunch of slices from a Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey and caused violence to its chest. Lots more violence, sex, drugs, and alcohol with explosions ensued as the battle raged on.

Kyledir banned a monkey as one of his fellow elves was thrown from the wall. Tons of violence continued as many more monkeys, people, and elves were banned. Nateli ducked under one and caused more violence to its private area. (Nateli, what's with the groin killing?) "Kylegolas, two already!" Nateli then roared. "I'm on 200,123,000." Kylegolas roared back. "I don't want no pointy dicked outscoring me!" Nateli roared and caused violence to yet another monkey's balls.

Kylegolas caused violence to some more and turned back to Nateli. "200,123,002!" He roared. Nateli paid no attention and continued to cause violence to random Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey's balls. Mikagorn fought on causing some much need violence around the area. An umbrella floated up and he smashed it away. It floated back down into the Monkey army and banned a bucn hof unlucky monkeys that it hit. More umbrellas started to rise as the battle continued. The air was so thick with violence, sex, drugs, alcohol, and explosions that it was hard to see!

Back in the forest, Zak and Jay watched the AT&T orgy in disgust. "Eww, where do you suppose Polebeard will put that huge thing?" Jay asked Zak. "Oh no…not there, awwwwwwwwwww!" Zak said and turned away. After some time, Polebeard approached them breathing heavily. "We have…huff…just agreed." He said. Polebeard then began to scream sounds of enjoyment. Jay and Zak watched him for awhile until he called down. "Yes?" They asked. "I have told your names to the AT&T's and we have agreed that you are not nudists." He replied. "Well that's good news." Jay answered.

"And what about Suziemon? Have you come to a decision about her?" Zak asked. "Now don't get horny master Zakiadoc." Polebeard replied. "Horny? Our friends are out there. They need our help. They cannot cause violence on their own!" Zak replied. "Violence, yes, it affects us all. But you must understand little hobbit, it takes a long time to say anything during an AT&T orgy. Most of the time when you try to talk they tell you to shut up and be a good *****, or something like shove it and take it like a man." Polebeard replied. "Wow…" Jay said and turned away.
More violence erupted on Elm's Teats as the battle continued. "17, 18!" Nateli roared as he continued to cause violence to monkeys' balls. Meanwhile, some Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Turtles began to scale the entrance to Elm's Teats using their shells for protection. Mikagorn ordered his group to divert direction and cause violence to the turtles instead. The sniper rifles shot out banning many, but the turtles kept coming.

"Is this is? Is this all you can conjure Suziemon?" Joedon said to himself. "KITTY HAT YUO!" rang out over the valley. Suddenly, some Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys brought the alcohol bomb to Elm's Cleavage. Another Monkey then began to run in slow motion carrying a torch through the crowd. As he did, the theme music "Chariots of Fire" played.(music from opening of Bruce Almighty when he's running with the milk) Mikagorn noticed this and told Kylegolas to shoot him. Kylegolas aimed, but Mikomir stopped him. "He's too hot to kill!" He roared. "Do it!" Mikagorn yelled, but it was no use.

The Monkey leapt in and light the alcohol bomb on fire, causing a massive explosion and blowing Elm's Teats in half by the cleavage. Bits and pieces of the cardboard wall flew everywhere banning random things. Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys then began to rush into the cleavage. Joedon looked down to see the turtles were beginning to attack the entrance to Elm's Teats. "Brace the gate!" He yelled.

The babies on duty to guard the gate sat there burping up and whatever the hell babies do. The turtles crashed through and began to cause violence to the poor babies. Suddenly, the ultra mega kung fu babies of legend entered the area and began to blow the turtles back out of the gate with their jujitsu. On the upper wall, people began chucking random things down on the turtles to knock them off as the babies of legend attacked.

The monkeys were now entering the cleavage. Mikagorn slowly regained consciousness and got up to see the monkeys closing in. "Mikagorn!" Nateli roared and headed to jump off. He then saw how far it was. "**** that, sorry Mikagorn!" He yelled down and walked away. "Who will save him now?" Some random person yelled melodramatically. ENTER LINK THE HERO OF TIME! Link leapt down in front of the massing army and began to cause major kick *** violence with his spin attack.

Mikagorn ordered the defenders to shoot their rifles. Everyone shot forward, and Link used Nayru's love so the bullets didn't ban him. However, the monkeys aren't cool enough to have that power so many were banned. Mikagorn and his group then charged the monkeys to help Link. Much violence, sex, drugs, and explosions…not to mention alcohol ensued as the two armies clashed. Many were banned, but none kicked more *** than Link.

Kylegolas didn't want to be left out, so he chucked a random shield towards the stairs. He went to jump on it to slide down all cool and heroically, but the shield moved down the stairs first and he missed. What followed was a bunch of aches and pains as he rolled down the stairs and hit the ground. His limbs were all bent in weird directions and he didn't move. Much more violence continued. Mikagorn found Nateli causing violence near him. He apparently used the stairs while Link was kicking ***. He grabbed him and the two ran as the armies continued to ban one another.

After much more of the AT&T orgy, Jay was vomiting. Polebeard approached them again breathing heavier and holding his back like he had too much. ”The AT&T's cannot hold back this storm. We must weather things as we always have." He said. "How can that be your decision?" Zak asked angrily. "This is not our war." Polebeard replied. "But your part of this world!" Zak cut him off. He looked around for support, but the AT&T's were too busy having an orgy. "You must help…please!" Zak pleaded. "You are young and naïve master Zak, but your part in this tale is over. Go back to your home." Polebeard replied.

Zak and Jay were now cleaning up after random AT&T juices hit them during the orgy. "Maybe Polebeard is right. We don't belong here Zak. It's too big for us. What can we do in the end? We've got the Shire. Maybe we should go home." Jay said stepping up. "The fires of Imaginary House will spread. The borders of Buckley will burn, and all that was once good and green in this world will be gone. Don't you see; there won't be a Shire Jay." Zak replied and walked away leaving Jay all sad.

More and more violence continued as the battle raged on. "Fall back to the keep!" Joedon yelled to the armies. "Get your men out of there!" Mikagorn began to rally the defenders. "To the keep!" he yelled as more and more violence spread all around. He then motioned Kyledir to the keep, and he nodded. Nateli had to be pulled away kicking to stop fighting. Kyledir continued to fight when he was suddenly struck by a play school light saber from one of the monkeys. He fell to his knees and was struck again. Mikagorn ran to him, but by the time he got there…he was banned…

Mikagorn then raced to the edge of the wall and punched a Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey off of its umbrella and floated down Mary Poppins style to the army below. "WEEE!" He yelled. The turtles were now smashing against the gate but the babies of legend held it strong. However, they were pushed back by a tree trunk smashing through. "Oh know, a Baby of Legend's greatest weakness! Wood!" They shouted and ran away crying. The turtles then began to throw their ninja stars into Elm's Teats banning many.

"To the gate, draw your light sabers!" Joedon said making the light come out of his saber. Mikagorn kicked a few monkeys as he ran back up the stairs like a little girl. Sniper bullets still rang down from the higher areas of the wall. Joedon made it to the gate, but he was immediately injured and taken away. "You suck at fighting!" Some random person yelled. "We cannot hold much longer!" His guard said as the turtles smashed against the gate. Mikagorn and Nateli entered the area. "Help them!" Joedon roared. "How long do you need?" Mikagorn asked. "As long as you can give me!" Joedon replied.

Mikagorn and Nateli used the magical side entrance to sneak up on the turtles as they pounded on the gate. They peeked around the corner to see the rabid turtles causing violence. "**** that!" Nateli turned to walk away but Mikagorn stopped him. "I'm going to toss you!" He said. "Hell no! Get you hands off me. Nothing gives you the right to touch me!" Nateli roared. Suddenly he was flying through the air, but because of his fatness, he didn't make the distance and fell down below. Moments later he reappeared and climbed up the entrance himself. "That was pointless!" He yelled as he started banning some turtles. Mikagorn leapt in and helped.

Joedon brought in the new barricade to block the door. Meanwhile, the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys brought in their Happy Special Magical Umbrella launchers to launch their umbrellas high enough to make it to the upper walls. They launched quite a few, banning many in the process. The giant umbrellas then began to float up to the upper walls. Kylegolas managed to shoot one of the launchers, causing an umbrella to fall back into the army below.

"Nateli, Mikagorn, get out of there! Stop showing off!" Joedon roared. Kylegolas through down a random rope for them to grab. Nateli pushed Mikagorn away and began to climb. Mikagorn followed and the two scaled Elm's Teats together. More and more violence occurred until Joedon couldn't bare it any longer. "Pull everybody back." He yelled. His guards ordered it and people began to pull back. The gate was soon breached and all was lost. "Elm's Teats is breached! Retreat!" Joedon roared. Everyone began to run like pussies.

Meanwhile, Polebeard continued to walk aimlessly through the forest. He had no idea where the hell he was taking the hobbits, all he knew is that he had to get back to the orgy. "Wait, turn around! Take us south" Jay yelled. "South, but that would lead you past Imaginary House!" Polebeard roared. "Yes, but Suziemon is always drunk so we can slip past unnoticed." Jay replied. "That makes perfect sense." Polebeard replied and turned around.

Meanwhile, Mikey, Chiko, and Bjarni were being pushed on. "The forum will not save TPMdor. It has only the power to destroy. Please, let me go!" Mikey begged, but he was just pushed on. "RJmir, you must let me go!" Mikey roared, but it was no use. Back in the forest, Polebeard emerged near Imaginary House to find many poles were cut down. He began to cry. "Many of these poles were my imaginary friends.!" He roared. "Suziemon! An admin should know better!" He then cried. Suddenly, he called out far and wide. "Another AT&T orgy?" Zak asked.

"There is no curse in the tongues of elvish, AT&tish, or men for this trechery." Polebeard sobbed. "I know one, its called what happens when someone is drunk!" Jay replied. "My business is with Imaginary House tonight…with a rock and stone!" Polebeard then roared. Right on cue, hundreds of AT&Ts began to exit the forest all heading towards Imaginary House. "Come little hobbits, the AT&Ts are going to war. It is likely we go to our doom. The last march of the AT&Ts." Polebeard finished as triumphant music played. Inside her Imaginary House, Suziemon looked out to see the marching telephone poles. "Am I drunk or am I seeing an army of telephone poles approaching?" She asked Si. "You're drunk!" He replied and handed her another beer.

Bjarni was pushed into Osgilalkdsfjglksjg as the others followed. Violence was everywhere as they pressed on. "RJmir, Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys have taken the Eastern shore! By nightfall we'll be overrun!" RJmir's friend RandomGuy said stepping up to him. Mikey was starting to look sick. "It's calling to him Chiko! His eye is almost on me!" He cried. He then watched as if high to see Chiko's voice stop coming out. He laughed a bit at how dumb it looked. "Take them to my father." RJmir said to RandomGuy. "Tell him RJmir sends a mighty gift. A weapon that will change our fortunes in this war."

"You want to know what happened to Mikomir?" Chiko roared. "You want to know why your brother died. He tried to rape Mikey after swearing an oath to protect him. The forum drove your brother mad!" Suddenly, a large rock hit a building causing violence to it. Mikey then began to have his demonic face again. He wasn't sure, but he was starting to think it meant his period was coming. "It's here!" He grinned. "My monthly visitor has come!" He yelled.

Suddenly, the high pitched parakeet calls filled the air as the Fell Keets entered the scene. "Camel Toez!" RJMir roared. The Fell Keets swooped in looking for Mikey. RJMir grabbed him and pulled him aside. Bjarni was pushed crying against a wall. RJmir chucked Mikey in plain sight of the CamelToez. "Stay here, keep out of sight!" He yelled and walked off. "Take cover!" He then yelled as a Fell Keet swooped in low and let loose a massive dropping. Several people were banned when it hit them.

Morning had now risen of Elm's Teats and the monkey army were minutes away from breaking into the last gate. People tried to defend it, but Joedon had given up. "The fortress is taken! Stop wasting your time!" He yelled. "You said this fortress would never fall while your men defend it!" Mikagorn roared. "Well I lied. Ok, I always have to make SPP seem better than everything else!" Joedon roared back. Everyone began to cry as the gate was pounded on again. "Is there no other way to get out?" Mikagorn asked. "There's one way, but Joedon already let his weed escape through there. After, it was plugged up to not allow the monkeys to chase it." Joedon's guard replied.

"So much banning. What can one do against such reckless hate?" Joedon suddenly spoke. Mikagorn approached him. "Ride out with me. Ride out and meet them head on!" Mikagorn replied. "For banning and glory!" Joedon grinned. "For SPPhan!" Mikagorn replied. "The sun is rising!" Nateli said randomly. Mikagorn suddenly recalled something was supposed to happen, but he couldn't remember. He then heard Chrisdolf's voice in his head. "Ride the **** out and meet them, I'll be there to help!" He roared. Mikagorn nodded.

"Yes, let the horn of Elm's Teats sound in the deep one last time!" Joedon roared. "Let this be the hour when we draw light sabers together!" Joedon said putting his hand on Mikagorn. "Eww, get away you sick freak!" Mikagorn replied pushing him off. Nateli went up to blow the horn, but it was too disgusting. "I'm not blowing that dirty thing!" He yelled. Kylegolas pushed him aside. "I'm using to sucking dirty things!" Mikomir said through him and began to blow the horn.

The gate was breached and Mikagorn, Joedon, and many more of the Serehirim road to meet them. Much violence was caused as they banned the monkeys and exited the fortress into the daylight. Turtles and monkeys were knocked away as much violence was caused. Mikagorn then looked to the West but saw nothing. "I'm over here you dumb *****!" Chrisdolf yelled. Mikagorn turned and smiled.

"Joedon King stands alone." Chrisdolf grinned. "Not alone!" Craomer said appearing next to him. He then pulled his light saber out. "Serehirim!" He yelled as many of the previously high cavalry appeared on their donkeys appeared. "To the keep, they have weed!" Craomer yelled and the cavalry raced down the hill towards the massing Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. To assure success, Chrisdolf shot a sticky semen beam at the monkeys to blind them. The cavalry then road in and caused much violence.

Meanwhile, at Imaginary House, the AT&Ts were causing much violence and destroying everything. Suziemon's army tried the best they could to defend themselves, but most of them were as drunk as Suziemon herself. She even came out to inspect what was going on. She looked around to make sure her beer lake was safe, and then went back to chugging her booze. Much violence and bannings were happening as the AT&ts destroyed Suziemon's Imaginary House.

"Break the dam, release the beer river!" Polebeard yelled as they pulled the hinges off the dam and allowed the beer to flow into Suziemon's Imaginary House. She looked out again. "Man, I must be really drunk! My ultimate fantasy of having a house full of beer is coming true!" She grinned. The AT&Ts braced themselves and even drank some beer as it washed by. "Don't drink my beer!" Suziemon yelled and killed a random AT&T with her magic powers. Suziemon's house was taken by the AT7Ts, but it was covered in the greatest defeat ever…gallons of beer!

Mikey was now being drawn by the power of the CamelToez. He left the safety of the open area and walked onto a nearby bridge. "Mikey where you going?" Chiko asked. Suddenly, a Fell Keet baring a CamelToez rose up from under the bridge. It roared menacingly as Mikey pulled the forum out. Whispering was heard as Mikey prepared to slip it in his laptop. The Fell Keet brought its cute little parakeet talons down to grab Mikey, but Chiko pushed him away. RJmir shot a sniper bullet into the beast and it pulled away. Mikey was now aware of what was going on, and it looked like he was being raped!

He instantly pulled his light saber out to stop his assailant. "It's me! It's your Chiko!" Chiko said sadly. Mikey became aware of this and dropped his light saber. "I can't do this Chiko…" Mikey said sadly and leaned against the wall. "I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here, but we are. It's like in the great pornos Mr. Mikey. The ones that really mattered full of darkness and danger, and sometimes you didn't want to see the climax, cause how could the climax not be sticky? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much porn is out there? But in the end, its only porn. Even horniness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the pornos that stayed with you, even if you were too small to know what porn was. But I think Mr. Mikey, I think I do understand. I know now, folks in those pornos had chances of not doing it, but they didn't! They took of their clothes and ****ed till the cows came home; because they were holding on to something!" Chiko said his lengthy statement.

"What are we holding onto Chiko?" Mikey asked as Bjarni appeared next to them. "That there's some good in the forums, and its worth fighting for!" Chiko replied with tears in his eyes. RJmir was listening in and he finally had to interrupt the sexy moment. He grabbed Mikey and smiled. "I think at last we understand each other Mikey Baggins. Release the lovers!" He then replied. "But we're not…" Mikey began, but RJmir wasn't listening.

Chrisdolf lead the important people of the story to the top of a hill on donkeys. "Hunters loss will be terrible, his retribution swift. The Battle for Elm's Teats is over, the battle for Middle Net is about to begin." He said as they looked out towards Hunter's Non Imaginary House. "All our hopes now lie in the hands of two little hobbits, in other words we're doomed!" He then added in.

Mikey and Chiko continued to follow Bjarni through the woods. "I wonder if we'll ever be in a porno?" Chiko then brought up. "What?" Mikey asked turning around. "I wonder if people will ever say, come on, let's watch two hobbits get it on!" Chiko grinned. Mikey sighed. "Not going to happen Chiko!" He replied. "But I couldn't have gotten this far without you!" He then added in. The two shared an intimate moment (not sexual :p) when they suddenly noticed Bjarni was a little ahead. "Wait up!" They yelled and chased after.

"Mastar, mastar looks after us! Mastar wouldn't ban us!" Robby wailed. "Mastar broke his promise!" Bjarni roared. "Don't ask Robby, poor poor Robby!" Robby cried. "Mastar betrayed us! Wicked, tricksy, false! We aught to hit him with our new hammer! Ban them, ban them, ban them both! Then we takes the precious and we'd be the mastar!" Bjarni cut in. "But the sexy hobbit, he knows! Eyes always watching!" Robby cut in. "Then we stabs them out! Bans his eyes and makes him crawl!" Bjarni grinned. "Yes, yes! No, no! It's too risky, it's too risky!" Robby cut in. "We could let her do it…" Bjarni cut in. "Yes, she could do it!" Robby agreed. "Yes precious she could! Then we takes it once they're dead!" Bjarni giggled. "Once they're dead…shhh!" Robby grinned and stepped out from behind the tree they hid at. "Come hobbits, long ways to go yet, Robby will show you the way, follow me…please only for me?" He giggled and lead the two hobbits into the wilderness….

**DannyBoy** · 8th March 2004, 04:27 PM

Good chapter! Good way to end this part! I laughed at the porn and orgy! Poor Zak...he had to witness such a horror! Can't wait for the next part of the fic with the Return of the Admin...should be just as good and just as funny. Keep it up!

**Lady Vulpix** · 9th March 2004, 04:18 PM

Good chapters, and Link's random appearance was funny, but HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO WRITE SO FAST?

I wish you could send me some of your time.

**Mikey** · 9th March 2004, 04:36 PM

Ha, thanks! I actually don't have as much time as you think. It takes about an hour or so to get a chapter done, and during the week I usually have about an hour when I get home, and the time slot from 10 PM onward free. I sometimes spend the time when I get home doing small pieces and do some at night. The first chapter I posted last monday was worked on for like 3 weeks. I did bits and pieces. The other one was done throughout the week and posted Friday. The final one was done in one sitting Sunday when I was bored and had to stay home for a parent party.

I spend a lot of my time hanging with friends, WORKING OUT IS MAJOR, and party hopping and stuff. I usually slack for homework till the last minute (which is why I'm on now, I'm doing a report due tomorrow.) So yeah, I don't manage my school time well. I do my social and leisure stuff before it. :p, I don't know how I manage the grades I do, but I know I manage my citizenship (shudders).

**Mikey** · 10th March 2004, 06:05 PM

Yay! I have completed part 9 of Lord of the Pokemasters. I am happy to announce that we have begun Return of the Admin, and it is amazingly funny and wel thought out. If you love the movie, you'll love my rendition. Tell your friends this is a must read...that means you SAM!!!!!!

The Return of the Admin

It was a calm and beautiful day on a small lake somewhere in Middle Net. Robby placed a wriggling worm onto a fishing pole. "What do we do now fat man?" Robby asked his cousin Barugol (Baruson) who was sitting in the boat next to him. "How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not your dad and you stick the line into the water!" Barugol replied. Suddenly, his pole snagged something.

"Look, I've got a big fish! Robby, Robby!" Barugol grinned trying to pull the fish into the boat. "Come on, pull it in!" Robby grinned. Suddenly, the fish jerked the line causing Barugol to fall into the lake. Robby looked around and peered into the ripples on the surface of the water. "Barugol come back or I will hit you with my new hammer!" He roared but heard no response. The fish pulled Barugol deep below the surface of the water. When he finally let go, he spied a small object buried on the lake bed. Thinking it was a kiwi bird, he nabbed it before swimming to the surface.

Barugol emerged on land breathing heavily. He stood up and peered into his hand to find the One Forum staring back at him. He began to nudge it as Robby waddled up. "Fat man!" He grinned as he approached. Robby placed himself on Barugol's shoulder and peered at the forum himself. "Give that to us Barugol my best friend!" Robby said grinning at the forum and rubbing Barugol's shoulder. "Why?" Barugol asked. "Because it's my birthday and I wants it!" Robby replied.

Robby then pulled away from his cousin and the two began to stare at each other. Robby made a grab for the forum, but Barugol clasped it tightly. They then became more angry and started to fight over it. Robby was knocked to the ground, but managed to get back up. What follows was a nice long game of mud wrestling. (Eww, unpleasant thoughts!) Barugol then went to choke Robby, but he was pushed away. Barugol then stared in horror as Robby pulled a hammer out randomly. In a matter of seconds, he was bashed over the head and fell down dead.

"I told you not to **** with me!" Robby growled and snatched the forum from his dead cousin. The forum began to whisper as Robby proded it. "My….precious…" He whispered. Time went by after this and the forum slowly overtook Robby. He slowly slipped more and more into an autistic state. In a matter of days, the forum turned him completely autistic. "They cursed us! Spammer is what they called us! They cursed us and drove us away! Bjarni, Bjarni, Bjarni!" He coughed as he slowly crept out of the lives of sane people.

Soon, Robby was alone and half naked weeping by a stream. "And we wept precious. We wept to be so alone!" He cried. Many voices began to mutter. Robby was now almost completely Bjarni. "Cruel!" Robby whispers. "Robby…" His Bjarni side grins. Bjarni fished a catfish from the river. "To catch a fish so juicy sweeeeet!" He sung as he placed it to his mouth and took a bite. Soon after he found a dark cave in the Mist Mountains and crawled inside. "We forgot the taste of bread, the sounds of trees, and the softness of the wind. We even forgot our own name." He wailed as he opened his eyes to reveal he has completely turned into Bjarni. "My precious…" He grinned staring at the forum still in his hand….

Mikey and Chiko were now asleep in a small nook somewhere in the wilderness. Chiko was fast asleep but Mikey hadn't slept in days. He made sure Chiko was asleep, then took out the forum and began to fondle it. Suddenly, a small noise startled him and he shoved it away. Bjarni came crashing down from above the cave and hit his head on the ground. "Ows, Wake up! Wake up sleepies! We must go yes, we must go at once! We don't want to spam!" He grinned to them and shook Chiko awake.

Chiko lazily woke up and looked at Mikey. "Haven't you had any sleep?" He asked. Mikey shook his head. "I've gone and had too much. Must be getting late." Chiko replied. "No, it isn't. It isn't midday yet. The days are growing darker." Mikey replied. Suddenly, the ground below them began to rumble. Mikey and Chiko looked out to see Mt. Ummmm had been painted purple with much fancy things set around including several pictures of Elton John. "Hunter must have redecorated…" Mikey said.

"Come on! Must go, no time, only for me?" Bjarni wailed to the two. Chiko stood up and took a gander at their surroundings. "Not until Mr. Mikey has had something to eat!" He shouted. "No time to loose spammer!" Bjarni wailed back, but the two weren't listening. Chiko pulled out some Matzah and handed it to Mikey. "What about you?" Mikey asked. "Oh no, I'm not hungry…leastways not for Matzah." Chiko replied eyeing Mikey. Mikey was a bit uncomfortable. "If you're trying to act all nice to get in my pants, it's barely working…" He replied. "Barely…" Chiko grinned back. "Besides, I can always do that on the journey home." The hobbits began to walk through the baren wasteland. "Come hobbitses, we are close now. Very close to AIMdor. No safe places from spamming here." Bjarni said as he led them on.

Meanwhile, Chrisdolf, Mikagorn, Kylegolas, Nateli, Joedon, and Craomer rode through the forest on donkeyback. Soon they exited the wilderness and appeared at the beer-logged site which was once Imaginary House. There, Jay and Zak were standing on a broken wall smoking pot. "I feel like I'm back at the old ghetto after a hard day's drug ring." Jay grinned. Zak smiled back. "You have two headz!" He replied. The two then noticed the riders coming down the road. Jay began to laugh and Zak stood up to wave, but he soon stopped to inspect his hand. "Wow, I have like the biggest hand in the world!" He grinned staring at it.

The group stopped in front of the two. "Welcome my friends to Imaginary House!" Zak grinned before toppling over and passing out. "You stupid ******s. Give me some of that weed!" Nateli roared. "We are sitting on a field of victory enjoying a few well earned comforts. The ticila jello shots are particularly good!" Jay grinned. Nateli stared at them. "Just give me the ****ing weed!" He yelled. Chrisdolf sighed. "Hobbits…" He said disgusted. "We are under orders of Polebeard who has taken management of Imaginary House." Zak then added in.

The company headed deeper into Imaginary House drinking some of the beer as they went. Soon they came upon Polebeard. "Ahh master Chrisdolf. I'm glad you've come." He said. Wood and water, stock and stone I can master. But there's an admin to manage here, and she's throwing a real fit. She's such a drunken *****!" Polebeard said. "I heard that you stupid woody!" Suziemon said peeking out her Imaginary Window.

"Just go back to your drinking games you stupid ****er." Polebeard yelled back up. "Don't talk to me like that! I am so banning you once I get out of here!" She roared down. "Sure you are…" Polebeard replied. Suziemon suddenly used her powers of drunken magic to burn a random AT&T near him. "There, the next one will be you!" She roared. "You're too drunk to know who you're killing…" Polebeard yelled back up. "Suziemon, just let me kill them!" Simon Womrtongue roared grabbing the Miss Cleo Seeing stone from her Imaginary Room.

Suziemon immediately lunged at him. "You fool; we do not throw away a valuable seeing stone no matter how drunk we are!" She roared. Suddenly, the orb spoke. "I am Asylintir! (Asyline) Miss Cleo was arrested for blasphemy so now I replaced her as your seeing stone!" She grinned. "Oh my god! Get it away!" Suziemon roared. She walked to the window to see the company still below. "Don't you have better things to do then hold me captive? KITTY HAT YUO!" She roared and chucked the Asylintir down from her Imaginary balcony. Jay looked up just in time to see it crash down on his head and put him in a coma.

"Ha I killed your stupid dumb friend!" Suziemon yelled down pleased with herself. Zak lifted Jay from the beer and dragged him away. "Whatever, we're free and you're stuck up there." Chrisdolf replied. Suziemon looked back into her Imaginary House. It was full of beer and other luxuries. "So?" She replied. Chrisdolf then turned to Polebeard. "Suziemon must remain there Polebeard, under your guard." He said. "Aww, let's just kill her and be done with it!" Nateli roared. "No…she has no power anymore…"Chrisdolf replied. "Oh yeah?" Suziemon roared out the window. "You'll see, when all this is over I will be all powerful!"

"The filfth of Suziemon is washing away." Polebeard then replied. Chrisdolf then pulled the Asylintir from the beer. "Bless my woody…" Polebeard said staring at it. "Boooo! BOOOO! I am scary and make you do bad things!" Asylintir began to speak. "Sure you do…" Chrisdolf replied and covered it up. The group then returned to their donkeys and spead off.

That night at Clitoras, the successful Serehirim celebrated their victory at Elm's Teats. Joedon sat at the head of the gathering with Gabrielyn and Craomer to his sides. "Tonight we remember….aw who cares about the dead? Let's do the train!" Joedon roared. Everyone cheered and started chanting. "Train Train!" They yelled. "Come on Ride the Train" began to play. Joedon stepped in front and Gabrielyn grabbed his hips. The rest of the partiers did the same and they began to march around the room doing the cha cha cha cha cha kick left, cha cha cha cha cha kick right fun dance train thing.

Mikagorn applauded and took a sip of his beer. The Serehirim began to train by and Gabrielyn leaved to speak with Mikagorn. She handed him a goblet and smiled. Mikagorn nodded and took a sip. The bottom of the goblet had a tiny note that read…HAVE SEX WITH ME! Gabrielyn hoped he'd see it but he just walked away. Joedon then approached her. "I am happy for you…you'll finally get laid by a decent guy." He grinned. "You are both decent men…" Gabrieyln replied. "It was me and me alone that lead our people to victory at Elm's Teats! He did nothing!" Joedon roared. He then smiled. "Ahh, don't listen to me. You are young and tonight if for you…" He said and walked off.

Zak was dancing on a nearby table with beer in hand. He was trying to dance with Jay, but he was still in a comma so it just looked retarded. Zak began to sing, and then dropped Jay so he could add some lyrics but all Jay did was slump to the table and hit his head. Meanwhile, Mikagorn approached a smiling Chrisdolf. "No news of Mikey…" He whispered. "No word…nothing…" Chirsdolf replied. Mikagorn then looked around sadly. "We have time…everyday Mikey moves closer to AIMdor." He said. "Do we know that?" Chirsdolf asked. "You're right; Mikey couldn't live if he tried to leave his neighborhood. We're doomed…" Mikagorn replied sadly. "Yes, Mikey probably died the moment we left him. Either that or he and Chiko are spending their honeymoon somewhere." Chrisdolf grinned and the two laughed.

That night, the hobbits were sleeping at the edge of a small pool. Bjarni began to talk in his sleep. "Too risky…spammers! Spammers! Ban them, ban them both!" He yelled himself awake. "Shhh! Quiet, we musn't wake them. Musn't ruins it now!" Bjarni said as he headed to the small pool. He stared at himself in the reflection of the water. "But they knows, they knows, they suspects us!" Robby wailed. "What's it saying my precious, my love? Is Robby using his love?" Bjarni asked. "No, not, nevar! Robby hates nasty hobbitses…Robby wants to see them…banned!" Robby replied.

"And we will! Robby did it once, he can do it again!" Bjarni grinned through the pool. Robby recalled himself beating Barugol with the hammer. "It's ours! Ours! We must get the precious, we must get it back!" Robby growled. "Patience, patience my love, only for me? First we must lead them to her!" Bjarni replied. "We'll lead them to the winding stairs!" Robby grinned. "Yes to the stairs and then?" Bjarni asked. "Up, up, up the stairs we go and then we get to…the Pride Rock!" Robby grinned. "And when they go in, there's no coming out. She's always hungry! She always needs to feed! She has to; all she gets is nasty Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys!" Bjarni replied.

"And them doesn't taste very nice does they precious?" Robby asked. "No, not very nice at all! She spams for sweeter meats! Hobbit meat! And when she throws away the bones and empty thongs, then we'll find it!" Bjarni grinned. "And take if for me! Please, only for me?" Robby grinned. "For us…" Bjarni growled. "Yes yes, we meant for us! BJARNI, BJARNI! The precious will be ours once the hobbitses are banned!" Robby remarked and tossed a rock into the water. The ripples reformed and Robby saw Chiko glaring at him.

"Trecherous little unsexy thing!" Chiko roared and smacked him with a pan. "Ahh, no! Mastar!" Bjarni wailed and cowered back. Mikey rushed up and grabbed Chiko. "No Chiko! Leave him alone!" He wailed. "I heard it from his own mouth! He means to ban us!" Chiko roared looking back at the autistic child with his stupid blue hat. "Nevar! Robby wouldn't ban a fly!" Robby replied and then screamed. "He's a stupid sexy hobbit that hates Robby and he makes up nasty lies!" Robby wailed and rolled his head crying. "You miserable little ******! I'll stove your head in!" Chiko roared rushing toward him and beginning to punch him. Mikey expected Jerry Springer to show up any moment.

"Chiko!" Mikey yelled. "Call me a liar? You're the liar!" Chiko roared menacing Bjarni with the pan. "Chiko, we’re lost!" Mikey roared pulling him off of Bjarni. "I don't care! I can't do it! I can't wait around for him to ban us!" Chiko yelled. "I'm not sending him away." Mikey said silently. "You don't see it do you? He's a spammer." Chiko whispered back. "I can't do this by myself Chiko, not without a guide. I need you on my side." Mikey replied. "I am on your side Mr. Mikey." Chiko replied sadly. "I know Chiko, I know. Trust me, come Robby…" Mikey said and grabbed the autistic child by the hand. As they started off, Bjarni turned back and smiled his stupid autistic smile at Chiko while tipping his blue hat. Chiko frowned and followed.

Night had fallen on Clitoras. Mikagorn walked out onto a proch to see Kylegolas staring out at Mt. Ummmm. Its purple Elton Johnish style was clearly visible in the dark. "The stars are veiled. Something stirs in the east. The eye of the ****** is moving…" He said to Mikagorn. "Oh, and it's giving me hungry eyes! 'Hungry eyes, one look at you and I can't deny I got hungry eyes!'" Mikomir said through him. "God I can't wait till he leaves." Kylegolas sighed.

Inside, everyone had fallen asleep. Jay suddenly awoke from his coma and got up. Angry with the Asylintir, he decided to go beat the **** out of it. "Jay!" Zak whispered getting up. Jay turned and was startled by Chrisdolf having his eyes open. He waved his hand to find Chrisdolf was asleep. He nabbed the Asylintir and replaced it with a bong. "Are you high?" Zak asked Jay. "I just want to kick the crap out of it." Jay replied. "Oh yeah, bring it on! I may not have arms or legs but I can roll you to death!" Asylintir roared.

Jay placed the orb down and flexed his weak little arms. "Here we go!" He said and threw a punch. When his hand connected, light began to swirl around it and Jay couldn't pull his hand away. Suddenly, the eye appeared. "Pikaboo I see you!" Hunter grinned through the Asylintir. "He is here!" Kylegolas said outside to Mikagorn. "Oh, maybe now I'll get some man on man action!" Mikomir said through him. The two sighed and rushed to aid Jay.

Jay began to have a seizure as Hunter giggled from the orb. (Wow, a coma and a seizure on the same day) Zak sighed. "I'm going back to sleep." He replied. Suddenly, Kylegolas and Mikagorn rushed in. Mikagorn grabbed the Asylintir from Jay and struggled with it. "I see you too!" Hunter grinned. Mikagorn managed to let go and it rolled away. He slumped down ready to faint. Chrisdolf woke up and immediately covered the ball with a blanket. Zak rushed to Jay who was as stiff as a log.

Chrisdolf smashed Zak out of the way and leaned down. "Fool of a Took!" He yelled. He smacked Jay hard and he snapped out of it. "Chrisdolf forgive me!" He yelled. "Look at me fag! What did you see?" Chrisdolf replied. "There was a marijuana plant in a courtyard of cake…it was dead." Jay replied. "The city was burning!" He then yelled. "Minas Titith, is that what you saw?" Chrsidolf asked shaking him. "I saw…I saw him! I could hear his voice inside my head!" Jay cried like a girl. "What did you tell him?" Chrisdolf asked. "He asked me my name. I told him it was Cruption, and he could call me later. He said he pound me…" "Shut up! What did you tell him about Mikey and the forum?" Chrisdolf interrupted.

The group had now all mustered in the hall of Clitoras. Jay stood on a stool to the side staring scared as Chrisdolf explained what happened. "There was no lie in Jay's eyes. A fool, but an honest fool he remains. He told Hunter nothing of Mikey and the Forum, but they did talk a lot about getting it on later. We've been strangely fortunate. Jay saw in the Asylintir a glimpse of the enemy's plan. Hunter moves to strike the city of Minas Titith. His defeat at Elm's Teats showed our enemy one thing. He knows now that he sucks at warfare. Men are not as weak as he supposed. There is courage still -- strength enough, perhaps to challenge him. Hunter fears this, as he does clowns. He will not risk the peoples of Middle Net uniting under one banner. He will raze Minas Titith to the ground before he sees our admin returned to the throne of Men. If the beacons of TPMdor are lit, SPPhan must be ready for war!" Chrisdolf explained.

"Tell me, why should we ride to the aid of a site that isn't as good as mine? What do I owe TPMdor?" Joedon asked. "I will go!" Mikagorn replied. "No!" Chrisdolf cut in. Mikagorn gave him a look. "Fine, let's send the droid!" He said pointing to a random C3-PO in the corner. "**** the droid!" Chrisdolf replied and used his staff to blow the droid to bits. "They will be warned." He then said. He then turned and walked towards Mikagorn.

"You must come to Minas Titith by another road. Follow the river, look to the Men in Black arriving in the black ships at the sea." He whispered. He then turned to everyone. "Understand this; things are now in motion that cannot be undone…Wait! I could invent a time machine and go back in time to make them undone!" He grinned and began to walk off. "Or we could just finish this." Nateli remarked. "Fine…" Chrisdolf said coming back. Future Chrisdolf watched the scene from his magical orb. "Damn, I almost became a reality!" He cried as he faded out of exhistance. "I ride for Minas Titith, but I won't be going alone!" Chrisdolf then said turning to Jay.

Chrisdolf then headed to the stables followed by Jay and Zak. "Out of all the members of TPMdor Jay, you are the biggest attention whore!" Chrisdolf said as he went. "Where are we going?" Jay asked Zak. "Why did you try to kick its ***? Why do you always try to kick ***, you know you are a *****!" Zak replied. "I don't know, I can't help it." Jay replied back. "That proves you are an attention whore further!" Zak replied. "I'm sorry all right? I won't do it again!" Jay replied. "Damn straight you won't. I'll kick the **** out of you again!" Asylintir roared from Chrisdolf's hands.

Zak then grabbed Jay by the shoulder. "Don't you understand? Hunter is so dumb that he now thinks you have the forum. They have to get you out of here. At least they are claiming that, probably just to get rid of you." He roared. "And you're coming with me right?" Jay asked sadly. "Hell no! I wouldn't be caught dead with you anymore you dumb ****." Zak replied. The two walked into the stable to find Chrisdolf preparing Katirefax. "If you think I'm allowing Jay to ride me like a pony, you can shove it!" Katirefax neighed. "Shut up and prepare for mounting *****!" Chrisdolf replied. Katriefax sighed.

"How far is Minas Titith?" Jay asked Chrisdolf. "Three days as the CamelToez flies, and let us hope we don't have one of those on our tails." He replied. He then leaped onto Katirefax. "What, did you like eat a whale while you were in there? You're one fat *****." Katirefax said squinching. Chrisdolf then pulled Jay up too. "Damn, I'm going to need some serious surgery when this is done. I might consider suing for slave labor!" Katirefax roared. "Here's something for the road." Zak said handing something to Jay. He then pulled it away. "Psyche!" He grinned. "It's the last of the weed, but I want it." He then said.

"But we'll be able to smoke together again soon right?" Jay asked with tears in his eyes. "Nah, you'll be dead far before then." Zak replied grinning. The thought of Jay dying a slow and painful death brough him joy. "Run Katirefax, show us the meaning of haste!" Chrisdolf then roared. Katirefax began to inch her way out of the stable. "Faster you dumb *****!" Chrisdolf roared. "Hey, I'm pacing myself!" She roared back. As the three slowly exited Clitoras and onto the open plains, Zak ran up to the lookout tower to watch them go. As they left, he lit up a doobie and smoked it trying to make Jay jealous.

Meanwhile, a large herd of elves slowly walked through the forest. Samwen followed on a donkey. "Take her by the dangerous road; the one with snakes and giant pandas. A ship waits at the Grey Haven's to take her across the sea. The semi-last journey of Samwen the whore." Ozanrond's voice was heard. Samwen then looked out at the forest. It slowly took the appearance of a small boy running up to an older man. It turned out this man was Mikagorn. He lifted the child up and the two smiled. Samwen then watched as Mikagorn grinned and took the child into the bedroom. With tears in her eyes and becoming increasingly freaked out, Samwen stopped her donkey. "My lady we cannot delay." An elf says approaching her. She suddenly turned her donkey and plowed over him as she rode back towards Ghettodale.

She arrived in a matter of minutes and rushed up the stairs to her father. "Tell me what you saw!" She roared. "Samwen…" Ozanrond replied. "You have the gift of terrot cards; tell me what you have seen!" She roared. "I looked into your future and I saw rape." He roared back. "But there is also sex! You saw my child!" She replied. "Yes, Mikagorn knocked you up and there was a baby." Ozanrond remarked. "But that future is almost gone."

"But it is not lost!" Samwen roared. "Nothing is certain…" Ozanrond commented. "But some things are certain! If I leave him now, I will never find a **** as good as him! It is time!" She replied. It then shifted to Samwen walking slowly up to the shards of the dell computer. "From the ashes a fire shall be awoken. A light from the shadow shall spring. Rebooted will be the computer that was broken." She chanted. It then showed a flashback of Otto hacking the forum. "The crownless again shall be admin." Samwen finished.

The scene then returned to the present. "Reboot the computer ada!" Sawmen said to Ozanrond. Ozanrond ignored her and began to light up a bong. Samwen looked disappointed and she fell to the bed dropping the book she was reciting this whole speech from. Ozanrond picked it up and took her hands in his. "Your hands are cold. The life of the Eldar is leaving you!" He whispered. "It is my choice. Whether by your will or not, there is no ship now that can bare me hence, or any other man who can bare me child!" She replied. The scene than changed to Ozanrond watching his elves repair the dell computer of legend.

Katirefax was now lumbering on through the wilderness. A trip that should have taken 3 days had now lasted 4 1/2 weeks. Both riders were asleep. "Wake up, this isn't a leisure cruise!" Katirefax roared as they crossed into TPMdor. Chrisdolf woke up to see Minas Titith in the distance. "Oh my god, she actually knew the way!" Chrisdolf grinned. "And here I thought we would die." Katirefax then entered the city. It took another few hours to make their way to the top. The scene zoomed out to show that the city was actually shapped like a giant wedding cake with a giant tit on the top.

Katirefax stopped in the Citadel to let the riders dismount. They walked on passing the white marijuana plant. "It's the plant! Chrisdolf!" Jay grinned tugging on Chrisdolf's robe. "Shut the **** up! We'll smoke later! Right now we need to go see Lord Dannythor (Aipom of Doom) though he is not the admin, he is a caretaker to the throne." Chrisdolf roared. The two came to the steps of the Citadel. "Now listen carefully. Lord Dannythor is Mikomir's father. To give him news of his beloved son's death would be most unwise. Also don't tell him his son's gay. He hates that! Oh yeah, and try not to be an attention whore." Chrisdolf finished and they proceeded inside.

"Hail Dannythor, Lord and Steward of TPMdor. I bring you tidings in this dark hour, and counsel." Chrsidolf roared as they entered. Dannythor was sititng slumped in his chair. "Perhaps you've come to explain these? Perhaps you've come to tell me that my son is gay?" Dannythor asks holding up naked pictures of his son and another man. "No actually, he's dead." Jay grinned. "Jay, stop being an attention whore!" Chrisdolf roared, but Jay just stepped up. "Mikomir died trying to save us, my friend and me. He fell defending us from many foes. I offer you my service as it is in payment of this debt." He said. Jay didn't like the idea of being a sex slave, but he wanted to be center of attention, even if it was on his anus.

"Get up you attention seeking bastard!" Chrisdolf said hitting him with his staff. "My Lord, there will be a time to grieve for Mikomir, but who would want to? War is coming. The enemy is on your doorstep. As steward, you are charged with the defense of this city. Where are TPMdor's armies? You may not have friends, and most would rather commit suicide then come to your aid, but I assure you SPPhan will answer. They have no lives anyways; all their time is spent on Middle Net. You are not alone in this fight. Send word to Joedon of SPPhan. Light the beacons." He then said.

"You think you are wise, ****er, yet for all your subtleties you have not wisdom. Do you think the balls of the White Swallow Tower are small? I have seen more than you know. With your left hand you would use me as a dildo for your sick games with AIMdor. And with the right you seek to supplant me. I know who rides with Joedon of SPPhan. Oh yes, the word has reached my ears of this Mikagorn the stripper and I tell you now, I will not bow to this Power Ranger from the North. Last of a ragged house, long bereft of lordship" Dannythor roared.
"Authority does not give you the right to deny the return of the admin!" Chrisdolf replied. Dannythor suddenly lunged from his chair. "The rule of TPMdor is mine, and mine alone!" He said feriously and began to hug his chair. Chrisdolf sighed and smacked Jay. "Let's get out of here *****." He said and the two walk off.

That night, Chrisdolf and Jay stood on a balcony overlooking Mt. Ummmm in the distance. They could hear the slight sound of Hunter listening to "Candle in the Wind." Jay stared at the dominatrix equipment he was given. "So I imagine this is just a ceremonial possession. I mean, they don't expect me to do any actual dominating, do they Chrisdolf?" He asked. "You're the sex slave of the steward now; you'll have to do as you're told Jaygrin Took, dominatrix of the Citadel." Chrisdolf replied laughing. Jay then went over to the balcony and looked out.

"It's so quiet." He said. "It's the deep fart before the crap seeps out." Chrsidolf replied smoking a bong. "I don't want to be in a porno, but waiting on the edge of what I can't escape is even worse. Is there any hope Chrisdolf, for Mikey and Chiko?" Jay asked. "Are you high? Those two are probably having a grand old time getting married in San Francisco by now!" Chrisdolf replied. "Our enemy is ready, well as ready as Hunter can get. His strength gathers, and not jus Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys… (Flashed to the Donphan army)…but midgets as well…Legions of small people from the South. (Flashed to Men in Black sailing from the west.) Men in Black from the coast. All will answer AIMdor's call." Chrisdolf finished.

"This will be the end of TPMdor as we know it. Here the hammer-stroke will fall hardest. If the river is taken, if the garrison of Osgilasjflkajflkd falls, the last defense of this city will be gone." Chrisdolf informed Jay. Jay turned to the admin. "But we do have the White Admin, that has to count for something right?" He asked. Chrisdolf sighed. The scene flashed to a dark woman placing a mean looking helmet on her head. "Hunter has yet to reveal his bitchiest foe. The one that will lead the armies of AIMdor into battle. The one they say no man can kill…The ***** Queen of PCG. (Angel Blossom)" He said nervously.

"You've met her before. She was a PCG mod, but she got demoded and became bitchy. That's why she stabbed Mikey with the deadly Playskool light saber." Chrisdolf informed Jay. Jay recalled the incident at the old strip club. "She is the lord of the CamelToez, the greatest of the nine. Minas Whoregul is her lair." Chrisdolf finished and looked out towards Mt. Ummmm with a worried look.

Mikey, Chiko, and Bjarni were now at the bridge that lead into Minas Whoregul. The whole area glowed an evil yet gay purple. "The dead city. Very nasty place…full of bitches." Bjarni said leading the two towards the Cliffside. "Quick quick! They will see us, they will see!" He then roared as Mikey and Chiko caught up. Bjarni walked to the edge of a cliff and pointed to a set of stairs. "Come away! Look look, we have found it! The way into AIMdor, the secret stair! Climb!" He grinned and started up it. Chiko began to follow him up, but Mikey suddenly heard Hunter calling to him.

He began to wander across the bridge past two gargoyle statues. "No, Mr. Mikey!" Chiko roared but Mikey didn't stop. "Not that way!" Bjarni wailed. The two leapt from the stairs and wrestled Mikey away from the bridge. "No, they're calling to me!" Mikey roared trying to go back. Just as they reached the stairs, a large flair beam smashes up from Minas Whoregul and into the sky. A large amount of birds were vaporized as it went up. Chrisdolf and Jay looked on in shock at the scene.

"Hide, hide!" Bjarni wailed and led to the two behind some rocks. They then looked up to see a Fell Keet rise from the city and land on top of the city gate. The ***** Queen was mounted on the blue and white oversized birdie. The birdie chirped, but it was so loud Mikey and the others had to hold their ears in pain. "I can feel her saber." Mikey cried. The Fell Keet chirped loudly again and the gate below began to open. A large army of Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to march out of the gate. Chrisdolf watched the beam with sadness. "We come to it at last. The great battle of our time." He said.

The army began to march by Mikey and his friends and away from the city. The stairs blocked the hobbits from their view. As the army marched on, the ***** Queen's Fell Keet let out another gigaintic chirp, and then flew from its perche above the gate. It swooped in low over Mikey and let out a large amount of crap from its butt. The white and black droppings smashed into Mikey and co getting them all dirty. "Sick!" Chiko roared. "Come away hobbits! We must climb!" Bjarni said and began to head up the stairs. From the balcony, Chrisdolf continued to stare out into the distance. "The porno is set…the stars are preparing…" He said…

**Lady Vulpix** · 11th March 2004, 07:48 AM

You wrote all that in 1 hour? O_O That's incredible!

Poor Jay... First a comma, then a seizure, then becoming a sex slave...

The random parts were funny, especially the one about the future Chrisdolf.

Craig · 11th March 2004, 09:01 PM

Yay! Return of the Admin, now it will be funnier

lolol

The bottom of the goblet had a tiny note that read…HAVE SEX WITH ME! Gabrielyn hoped he'd see it but he just walked away.

LOL

Dannythor asks holding up naked pictures of his son and another man. "No actually, he's dead." Jay grinned.

LOL!

keep up the good work :-*

**Crystal Mew** · 11th March 2004, 10:02 PM

omfg, I read it! >

now get off my back plz Mikey

j-k I love reading this story, when I have time

I like the rotk edition

I kept saying the real parts of the movies when scenes like 'wake up sleepies! wake up!' X) I love this movie :')

great job Mikey =D

omfg, now you can continue with the next chapter

**DannyBoy** · 12th March 2004, 12:51 PM

"I told you not to **** with me!" Robby growled and snatched the forum from his dead cousin.

Great! Great! I loved this chapter. Each chapter had gotten better and better everytime. I can only imagin how the end will be! I agree with L.V on Jay, all thse bad things...sex slave has to be the worst! Keep it up!

Little_Pikachu · 13th March 2004, 08:51 PM

Yay, Suziemon didn't get cut out

I know technically my part is over now, but it sure would rock if I ran in at the end and killed everyone for taking too long to get on the boat ;D

I'd like to say that you overexaggerated on my characters alcoholism, but nah, you pretty much got it right x_X (I'm drunk while writing this).

Anyway, yes... Another few great chapers. For some reason I still find the Bjarni stuff hysterical

**phaedrus** · 19th March 2004, 03:03 PM

omfgomfgomfgomfgomfgomfgomfgomfg
XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

this so so ****ing hilarious. i've taken time to reread this, and god is it funny. what happened to Link after Elm's whatchamacallit? he needs another cameo.

you also cameoed me without knowing it. i used to be Donkey here, and by putting donkey's in the story, you unwittingly cameoed me 485102385123058 times (approx.)

thanks Mikey.

**Mikey** · 1st April 2004, 02:31 PM

Ok, sorry for the long dissapearance, but I needed a break from the net. Now that I'm back we can expect more fun in Lord of the Pokemasters coming this sunday

**Lady Vulpix** · 5th April 2004, 09:37 AM

That's good to hear. I hope I can do the same soon too.
Just reporting to let you know I'll keep reading.

**Mikey** · 5th April 2004, 02:31 PM

Ok, it was supposed to be sunday for the new chapter, but I had a party I didn't expect and didn't get home until late. Now it's Monday and I have a lot of homework and am going to see the Passion as well, so expect the new chapter within the next few days!

Thanks for being a continuing fan Gabby!

**Mikey** · 10th April 2004, 01:32 PM

Well, after a long break, I have finally completed part 10 of Return of the Admin! Enjoy, and everyone MUST read. That means you Sam!!!!!

Part 10

It was now daylight and Chrisdolf quickly lead Jay through the bright streets of the city. "Jaygrin Took my lad, there is a task now to be done. An opportunity for one of the shire folk to show that they aren't useless and gay." He said as they rounded a corner. Chrisdolf then looked up to see a bong of Minas Titith up above. Jay looked up as well confused. Chrisdolf then turned to the little hobbit. "You must not fail me, or I'll ban your ass so hard it won't even be funny." He roared. Jay nodded nervously and began his climb up to the bong.

Meanwhile, in the ruins of Osgiliasfdljflj, guards rushed towards the water as a large amount boats began their approach. Inside the boats were thousands of Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. One made a splash that angered the leader. "Quiet!" Brianmog (Deck Night) roared. His head was large and pink; not to mention slightly deformed with one eye higher and more squished than the other.

On shore, RJmir noticed the incoming ships. "Quick, come on! To the river quick!" He yelled as they all rushed to the river's opening and took positions behind whatever they could find to hide. Those who couldn't find a spot ducked and covered. "Faster!" Brianmog roared to his ships. "Draw light sabers." RJmir whispered to his men. "But I lost mine!" Someone yelled. "Take this then." RJmir whispered back and tossed the soldier a large amount of bananas. "But sir, Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys love these." He whispered. "I know, we need a diversion and you're not important." RJmir grinned.

The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys made it to shore and began to get off the ships. They rushed past the hiding people and didn't even see the ones that ducked and covered. What they did see was a soldier with food. Quickly, the entire army rushed towards the unimportant soldier and banned him as they ate their fill. "Now!" RJmir roared as everyone leapt from hiding. Lots of violence began as the soldiers fought to ban the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. More and more violence went on as many were banned.

Meanwhile, Jay has made it to the bong of Minas Titith. He quickly made sure the guards were staring right at him, and then casually strolled onto the Bong. "What the **** is he doing?" One of the guards asked the other. They shrug and decide to watch. Jay quickly pulled the doobie from above the bong and lit it up. After a quick puff, he tossed it into the bong and caught it on fire. The bong began to smoke as Jay giggled to himself. "Is he insane? That much smoke will get all of Minas Titith high!" The guards roared standing up. Jay giggled some more as he leapt from the bong, but tripped and smashed his head on the ground.

Chrisolf looked out at the mountain to see the second bong light up. "Amon Din…" He grinned. "The bong! The bong of Amon Din is lit!" A guard roared. Everyone began to cough as weed smoke filled the air. Dannythor peaked out his window in disgust. "Hope is returned in the form of highness." Chrisdolf said to himself. He then looked around to see everyone giggling at nothing. They were all high from the smoke. The bongs were lit up one by one across vast distances. After a long time, they finally reached Clitoras.

Mikagorn sat on a stair step eating from a bowl. He suddenly smelt the hint of weed and looked up to zee the last bong light up. Quickly, he giggled like a girl and began to hop scotch back to the king's chambers. He crashed through the doors giggling like made. "Don't step on a crack or you'll fall and break your back!" He finished his hop scotching and began to inspect his hand. "What is it?" Kylegolas asked. "I smell weed!" Joedon said grinning. He quickly rushed out the door and took in a breath of fresh weed. "Ahhh." He grinned.

"The bong is lit. TPMdor calls for aid." Kylegolas said staring up. "I like Aids!" Mikagorn grinned and went in to hug Nateli. "Get the **** away you high piece of ****." He roared back and shoved Mikagorn down. Craomer and Gabrielyn join the group. "SPPhan will answer. Minas Titith is bound to have more weed. We will go to their aid and get it." He grinned. "Muster the Serehirim!" He roared. A guard began to blow the horn of SPPhan as the Serehirim began to get ready. "Assemble the army at Dungarrow, as many men as can be found. You have two minutes." Joedon giggled to Craomer. "On the third, we ride for TPMdor…and war." Craomer stared confused. "My lord, I can't even mount my donkey in two minutes." He replied. "Fine *****, you have two days then. Oh, I can't do what my lord bids in two minutes because I'm such a goody-too-shoes!" Joedon poked fun at Craomer. With a sigh, Craomer headed off.

"Chrisling…" (Ledian X) Joedon then said turning to his slave. "Make haste across the Riddermark. Summon every able bodied man to Dungarrow. I will make it worth your while." Joedon winked. Chrisling giggled and jumped for joy before going to his task. Joedon smacked him with a dominatrix whip before he was out of sight. He then turned to see many riders on donkies stream out of the city. Mikagorn prepared his donkey as Gabrielyn came by. "You ride with us?" He asked. "Just to the encampment. It is tradition for the woman to farewell the men." She replied. Mikagorn then noticed a light saber under her donkey's saddle. He also noticed a pair of his boxers in her hands. She was sniffing them when she noticed he was paying attention. She quickly stashed them away and gave him a look. "The men have found their captain. They will follow you into battle, and possibly ban. You give them hope." She grinned changing the subject.

Joedon stood alone on the hill. "And so, it is before the walls of Minas Titith that the doom of our time will be decided." He said to himself. Craomer then pushed him aside knocking him off the hill. "Now is the hour, riders of SPPhan. Oaths you have taken, fufill them now! To lord and land! Ha!" He roared. The riders cheered and began to ride their donkies out of the city. Joedon regained consciousness on the ground below but was suddenly trampled by a great many hooves. When he thought it was over, a final donkey baring Zak crashed over him.

Meanwhile, more and more violence continued as RJmir and his men were banned. They were not very good fighters since RJmir didn't know how to lead, and so many were just screaming and running around like little girls. Thousands were banned. RJmir cried as he ran through an archway pursued by Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. "RJmir!" Random Guy roared as he approached. The men began to chuck rocks at the pursuing Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys, but ended up hiting RJmir. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys laughed and walked away.

"Oww, son of a *****!" RJmir cried getting up. "We can't hold them. The city is lost." Random Guy said. RJmir looked around to see his men running around screaming. "Tell the men to break cover. We ride for Minas Titith. They have fought bravely." He replied. "Camel Toez!" Someone shouted as the large tweets of parakeets filled the air. Suddenly, RJmir looked up to see two Fell Keets fly down. One took a monstrous crap on some of the running men while the other swooped in and grabbed a person in its cute little feet. "Break cover! Fall back! Fall back to Minas Titith!" RJmir roared before he began to run like a little girl.

Everyone began to run but Random Guy was hit on the back with a playschool lightsaber and fell down as it made noises. "Retreat retreat!" RJmir roared. The men cried as they made it to their donkies and leapt on. In an instant, they were slowly making their way out of the city. Many were banned as they ran. Random Guy cried on his back as Brianmog approached. He grinned and began to hit Random Guy with a playschool lightsaber. "That doesn't hurt." Random Guy remarked. "Shut up and let all consciousness slip as you are banned." Brainmog grinned. Random Guy shrugged. "The age of men is over. The time of the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys has come." Brianmog laughed to himself.

The donkies slowly walked across the fields towards Minas Titith. The Fell Keets began to circle above and then swooped down. Many began to take craps on the donkies as others flung bird seed around. Others swooped in and grabbed the donkies with their cute little feet. Chrisdolf rode out on Katirefax, but she still refused to go fast. "Come on, we have to save them you freak!" Chrisdolf roared. "I'll do whatever the hell I feel like." Katirefax roared back. It took about an hour, but they finally reached the crying men. The Fell Keets had massacred the group. One cute little Parakeet swooped down and annialated a large amount of donkies and men with its cute little wings. Chrisdolf let loose a large semen beam from his staff catching the Camel Toez in sticky white stuff. They began to shriek and flew off back towards AIMdor. Chrisdolf then turned Katirefax around and the remaining group slowly walked back towards Minas Titith.

After some time the group arrived at the legs of Minas Titith. Like the Legs of BMGia, they easily spread open to allow the donkeymen to enter. "Modrandir! They broke through our defenses. They've taken the bridge and the west bank battalions of Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys are crossing the river." RJmir gasped to Chrisdolf when they entered. "It is how Lord Dannythor predicted. Long has he had wet dreams of this doom." A random guard yelled. "Had wet dreams and didn't even bust." Chrisdolf roared.

Chrisdolf turned Katirefax around and RJmir caught sight of Jay. He turned his head in digust. "Oh my god what the **** is that thing on your lap? It's hideous!" RJmir roared. "What this? This is Jay. Yeah, he is pretty ugly, but he's just a stupid attention whore hobbit." Chrisdolf replied. RJmir perked up at the word. "RJmir? This is not the first Halfling to have crossed your path?" Chrisdolf asked in shock. RJmir shook his head and Jay became excited. "You've seen Zak?" He asked. Chrisdolf shoved the stupid kid off of Katirefax. "Your infatuation is still in Clitoras you nitwit. He's talking of Mikey and Chiko." He roared.

"I saw them in Titthilien, not two days ago. Chrisdolf, they've taken the road to the Mogul Tail!" RJmir said frightened. "And the path of Cirith Mungol." (mung is the stuff that comes out when u press on pregnant woman's stomach if you didn't get that). Chrisdolf said in shock. "What does that mean? What's wrong?" Jay looked worried. "RJmir tell me everything…" Chrisdolf whispered.

The two hobbits were now following the autistic child up the stairs of the mountainside. Mikey slipped and regained his footing. Bjarni made it to a landing and looked down at Mikey. "Careful mastar. Careful! Very far to fall. Very dangerous on the stairs. Come mastar! Come to Robby! Please, only for me?" Bjarni grinned. Bjarni then noticed the forum slip from Mikey's neck and become visible. He backed off, but slowly it drove him to reach for it. "Mr. Mikey!" Chiko roared grabbing his sword. "Don't you touch him!" He yelled at Bjarni.

Bjarni continued for the forum, but then grabbed Mikey's hand and helped him up. "Why does he hate poor Robby? What has Robby every done to him? We never spammed, he's just mean! We should hit him with our new hammer! Mastar carries a heavy burden…Robby knows. A heavy, heavy burden. The sexy one cannot know. Robby will look after mastar, only for him. He wants it, he needs it, Robby sees it in his eyes. Very soon, he will spam for it. You will see the sexy one will spam and take it from you!" Bjarni grinned. Mikey looked down frightened at Chiko and clutched the forum.

The ***** Queen looked out at Minas Titith with her Fell Keet perched on the ruin walls of Osgilalksajf. "Send all legions. Do not stop until the city is taken. Slay them all!" She grinned. "But sir…" Brianmog replied. "Don't sir me! I am a female!" The ***** Queen roared. "Could have fooled me. I can't believe you want to destroy a whole city because they demoded you." Brianmog remarked. "I mean…I want to destroy it, but I just want to for the fun and to take over the world, but you are just weird." The ***** Queen now looked pissed. "Do as I say maggot!" She roared as her Fell Keet began to squawk. "Geeze what a *****." Brianmog whispered walking away. He then turned back. "And what about the white admin?" He asked. "I will **** him!" The ***** Queen grinned.

On the walls of Minas Titith, Chrisdolf stood amonst the soldiers. "Where is SPPhan's armies? Why haven't they come?" Someone asked. "Courage is the best defense you have now. Joedon's army is always stoned when they ride. It will take a while." Chrisdolf informed them. Inside the Citadel, Jay bent down as Dannythor inspected him. RJmir sat close by. "Here do I swear feality and service to TPMdor. In living or dying, or…" Jay stopped. "Continue…" Dannythor grinned. "Or I become worn out from too much dominating." He cried. Dannythor grinned and stood up. "And I shall not forget it, nor fail to reward that which is given." Dannythor giggled handing Jay a whip. Jay sighed and reluctantly whipped Dannythor's behind.

"Feality with pain. Valor with whips and torture. Disloyality with vengeance." He said and turned to RJmir. He then sat down to eat. "I do not think we should so lightly abandon the outer defenses, defenses that your brother long held intact." He then said. "What would you have me do?" RJmir replied. "I will not yield the river nor Pellinwhore unfaught. Osgilfkdslf must be retaken." Dannythor replied. "My lord Osgildjfdlkf is overrun." RJmir replied. "Much must be risked in war. Is there a captain here that still has the balls to do his lord's will?" Dannythor asked.

RJmir began to cry. "You wish now that our places had been exchanged. That I had died and Mikomir had lived." He wailed. "Hell yeah, Mikomir was the greatest dominatrix Minas Titith has ever seen, even better that Lil Kim!" Dannythor roared. "Since you were robbed of Mikomir, I will do what I can in his stead." RJmir then said sadly and ran from the room like a little girl. "If I shall return, think better of me father!" He cried as he went. "That will depend upon what you're wearing when you return." Dannythor replied.

The hobbits were now asleep on the stairs. Chiko dozed off and Bjarni instantly awoke. Carefully, he fished through Chiko's pack and pulled out the Matzah. "Eww, Jewish food!" He cried and crumpled some onto Chiko. After, he tossed the rest down the mountainside and giggled. Chiko suddenly awoke. "What are you up too? Spamming our we?" He asked. "Spamming? SPAMMIMG? Sexy hobbit is always so polite. Robby shows them secret ways that no one else could find, and he says spamming! SPAMMING!" Very nice friend, o yes precious, veru nice!" Bjarni replied.

"Alright! Alright! You startled me that's all. What were you doing?" Chiko then asked. "We were not spamming, we were posting our fanart!" Bjarni replied. "Fine, have it your way." Chiko said and shook Mikey awake. "Sorry to wake you Mikey, but we must be moving on." He said. "It's still dark." Mikey said looking around. "We have ourselves an Einstein here!" Chiko grinned. He then fished through his pack. "It's gone!" He yelled. "What's gone?" Mikey replied. "The Jewish bread!" Chiko cried. "What, that's all we had left!" Mikey cried.

Chiko looked around and then to Bjarni. "He must have taken it!" He roared. "What, no Robby hates nasty Jewish bread!" Bjarni cried. "You're a lying spammer! What did you do with it?" Chiko roared. "He doesn't eat it. He couldn't have taken it." Mikey replied. Bjarni then reached towards Chiko. "Look, crumbs on his jacketses! He took it! He took it! Let's hit him with our hammer!" Bjarni roared. "That's a filthy lie!" Chiko roared and leapt onto Bjarni. He began to punch the poor autistic child but was soon pulled away. "Chiko!" Mikey said pulling him off.

Mikey then collapsed against the wall. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to go so far. Well, I actually wanted to kill him, but let's jusy rest awhile." Chiko replied. "I'm allright." Mikey replied. "No, you're not allright. It's that Bjarni, it's this place, it's that thing around your neck!" Chiko replied. "I could help a bit, I could carry it for awhile. Share the load." The words echoed in Mikey's head as if he was stoned. "Get away!" Mikey roared and pushed Chiko. "I don't want ro keep it! I just want to help!" Chiko remarked. "See see! He wants it for himself!" Bjarni commented. "Shut up you autistic freak! Go away!" Chiko replied. "No Chiko, it's you. I'm sorry." Mikey replied. "But he's a spammer. He's poisoned you against me!" Chiko said with tears in his eyes. "You can't help me anymore." Mikey replied. "Go home." With that, Mikey began to head up the hill. Bjarni giggled and then followed. Chiko sat down against the wall and began to cry like a litte girl.

Meanwhile, RJmir and his crew began their track down the streets towards the legs. However, they forgot it was Mardigraw season and no one was paying attention to their sad departure. People littered the sreets dancing and drinking. As RJmir passed, a few guys stepped up. "Show us your boobs!" One yelled holding up some beads. Rjmir sighed and his troops continued down the road. "RJmir, RJmir!" Chrisdolf said pushing through the crowd. RJmir became excited. He thought Chirsdolf would tell him something nice. "Have fun!" Chrisdolf grinned. He then turned to a random woman and handed her beads as she flashed him. RJmir cried and exited the legs of Minas Titith with his crew.

In the Citadel, Dannythor sat eating at his table. "Can you sing master hobbit?" He asked Jay. "Yes, well good enough for my own people. But we have no songs for great halls or evil times." He said shifting his eyes at Dannythor. "And why should your songs be unfit for my halls? Come, sing me a song." He grinned. Jay sighed and prepared himself. "…She bangs! She bangs, o baby when she moves, she moves! I go crazy cause she looks like a flower and she stings like a bee! Like every girl in history! She bangs, she bangs! I'm wasted by the way she moves…" Jay sang while twirling his arms in a circle. Dannythor then stopped him. "What the **** was that?" He asked. Jay grinned. "I've had no professional training!" He smiled. "Well that's the surprise of the century." Dannythor rolled his eyes.

Outside, RJmir and his crew raced towards Osgiliagjdlkjgs on donkeyback. Dramatic music played as the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys aimed their bazooka rifles and let loose a large amount of missiles. Mardigraw ended and Chrisdolf sat drunk on the steps. Suddenly, a bell bagn to toll. In Osgiliaskflj, several Kellys began to push siege dildo towers across the bridge. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army followed. The war was about to begin…

**phaedrus** · 10th April 2004, 07:35 PM

that was hilarious....

keep it up! :lemon:

**DannyBoy** · 13th April 2004, 12:28 PM

That was pretty damn good! I still laugh at the bong parts. Bongs can be fun and my teacher has one in his room and he says it for science but I think he uses it to smoke with but thats off topic. I think the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys should win some sort of award for being the most strangest things ever! Keep it up!

**Mikey** · 18th April 2004, 12:59 PM

Thanks for the 2 readers.... LOL where did everyone go? READ DAMN U!!!

Anyways, the next chapter should be done within the week. Look for it here!

**Lady Vulpix** · 22nd April 2004, 11:28 AM

Ok, I made it. Sorry, I've been really busy.

Jay's singing was funny. And it was interesting to see the new and enhanced Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. And the argument about the 2 minutes was really funny! XD
And I get to use a light sabre! ^_^ But smelling Mike's boxers? Eww! x_x

Keep it up!

**Mikey** · 2nd May 2004, 12:20 PM

Ok, as promised here is part 11. I think you will enjoy it!

Part 11

At Dungarrow, Joedon rode through the camp looking at the ugly people that were present. "My lord, I greet the, sire!" A random rider said stepping up. Joedon looked concern. "How many?" He asked. The rider looked a little concerned. "I bring 500 from the theud.com my lord." He said. Joedon cocked his head in confusion. "500 lbs?" He inquired. "No, 500 men my lord, what were you talking about?" The rider asked. "I wanted to know how much weed Minas Titith holds you stupid fag!" Joedon roared and continued on.

"We have 300 more from Pokeschool.com, my lord." Chrisling said stepping up. "Where are the riders from Pokesafari.com?" Joedon asked. "That site was shut down my lord. None have come." Chrisling replied. Joedon and Mkagorn rode to the edge of the encampment and dismounted their donkeys. They looked out over the cliff to see many people camped below. "Six thousand *****es. Less then half of what I hoped, and none brought weed." Joedon whispered. "Six thousand will not be enough to break the lines of AIMdor." Mikagorn replied. Joedon turned. "More will come, and they will bring pot." He said hopefully. "Every hour lost hastens TPMdor's defeat. We have until dawn, then we must ride." Mikagorn replied.

A donkey became mad and began to go insane as its rider tried to calm it. "The horses are vulnerable and the men are horny." Kylegolas said looking around. "Me too, and I'm vulnerable!" Mikomir said through him. "They grow nervous near the shadow of the mountain." Croamer commented. Nateli looked down the dark and spooky path. "That road there, where does that one lead?" He asked. "It is the road to the Cumholt. The door under the mountain." Kylegolas replied. "None who venture there ever return. That mountain is a meany." Croamer said and walked off.

Mikagorn approached and looked down the dark and spooky road. It was dark, spooky, and it was a road. (Nice description hey?) There, he saw the faint image of a woman. She flicked him off before disappearing. "Mikagorn!" Nateli said startling him. Mikagorn turned to his friend. "Let's go get layed." Nateli followed up and walked off. Mikagorn smiled and followed.

That night, Gabrielyn sat inside a tent helping Zak into his armor. "There, a true esquire of SPPhan." She grinned. Zak looked a little disturbed. "I want to be an esquire of TPmdor. They're cooler!" He said. She sighed and petted his head. Zak then drew his blade and pointed it at her. "Make me an esquire of TPMdor or I'll cut you!" He roared. Gabrielyn sighed. "It's not even sharp." She grinned. "Yeah, but if I poke you enough you'll cry!" Zak roared. Gabrielyn ignored him. "You're not going to ban Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys with a blunt blade. Come on." She said and lead him out of the tent.

Zak exited the tent pretending to be cool by slashing his blade. Gabrielyn rolled her eyes and kicked him. "To the Smitty you retard." She roared. Zak giggled and skipped down the path. Craomer and Chrisling started to laugh eating nearby. "You should not encourage Zak. He's a *****." Craomer said when he was gone. "You should not doubt him." Gabrielyn replied. "I do not doubt his heart, only the reach of his ****." Craomer laughed. "It will be a cold day in hell before he can satisfy a woman." Chrisling lauhed trying to hold in his food. Craomer turned angrily to him. "Donâ€™t laugh you idiot. You're too ugly to satisfy a woman." He roared. "Why should Zak be left behind? He has as much cause to go to war as you. Why should he be left behind?" Gabrielyn asked looking out at the sky.

Meanwhile, a dark figure on a donkey slowly walked up the path towards the camps. It then shifted to Sanwen lying on a bed with tears in her eyes. "I chose a mortal lifeâ€¦I wish I could have ****ed himâ€¦one last time." She said. Mikagorn watched in horror as her virginity pendant smashed on the floor. He immediately woke up from his wet dream and drew his knife. When he comes to, he realized he accidently stabbed and killed one of the gaurds that had entered his tent. He pushed him aside and walked out to go visit Joedon.

Inside Joedon's tent, Mikagorn saw him talking with the dark figure. Joedon noticed Mikagorn and walked over. "I take my leave to go get high." He said and walked out. When he was gone, the dark figure stood up and revealed his hood, revealing Ozanrond. Mikagorn began to pout. "Why aren't you Samwen? I had a booty call!" He roared. "Oh well, you'll have to do." Ozanrond sighed and walked over to him. "I come on behalf of one whom I love. Samwen is on the verge of ban. She will not long survive the Gayness that now spreads from AIMdor. The light of the virginstar is fading. As Hunter's power grows her strength wanes. Samwen's life is now tied to the fate of the forum. A shadow is upon us Mikagorn. The end has come." He said.

"It will not be our end, but his." Mikagorn replied. "You ride to war, but not to victory. Hunter's armies march on Minas Titith, as you know. But in secret he sends another force, which will attack from the river. A fleet of Men in Black ships sails from the south. It will be in the city in two days. You're outnumbered, Mikagorn. You need more men." Ozanrond roared. "There are none you stupid idiot!" Mikagorn roared back. "There are those who dwell in the mountain." Ozanrond replied. Mikagorn looked pissed.

Hookers, prostitutes, you would call on them to fight? They believe in nothing. They'll answer to no one!" Mikagorn roared. "They will answer to the king of TPMdor!" Ozanrond roared pulling a large box with a dell logo from out of nowhere. "Andelril, flame of the west, forged from the shard of Delsil." Ozanrond roared. Mikagorn grinned with glee like a child receiving a new gift. He quickly grabbed the box and began to open it, pushing away the packing foam until he saw the new computer. "Hunter will have not forgotten this computer." He grinned. He then pulled it from the box. The computer reshaped itself into a lightsaber. "You just press this button and it will transform in a computer. Just like a transformer!" Ozanrond grinned.

"The monitor which was broken will now return to Minas Titith." Mikagorn grinned. "The man who wields the power of this computer can summon to him an army more deadly than any that walks this earth. Put aside the Power Ranger. Become who you were born to be. Take the Cumholt road." Ozanrond roared. Mikagorn looked up a little uncertain. "I bring hope to men." Ozanrond said in Jeevanish. "I keep none for myself." Mikagorn replied.

Outside, Mikagorn prepared his donkey to leave. Gabrielyn approached pissed off. "Why are you doing this? The war lies to the east. You cannot leave on the eve of battle. You cannot abandon the men." She roared. "Gabrielyn." Mikagorn said turning to her. "Donâ€™t you at least want a booty call before you leave?" She asked. Mikagorn thought it over but decided it wasn't right to cheat on Samwen no matter how horny he was. "Why have you come?" He asked. "Do you not know?" Gabrielyn inquired. "It is but a shadow and a thought that you love. I cannot give you what you seek." Mikagorn replied and walked off. Gabrielyn began to cry.

Mikagorn led his donkey passed Nateli. "Where do you think you're going?" He asked. "Not this time, this time you will stay Nateli." Mikagorn roared. "Of course I am. I'd rather kill myself then take that road." Nateli bellowed. "Have you learned nothing about the *****ness of Nateli?" Kylegolas asked stepping up with his donkey. "I'm no *****!" Nateli growled and started off into the mountain. Mikagorn laughed and he and Kylegolas followed.

The rider's began to mass behind the leaving trio. "Where is he going? What's happening? I don't understand!" Someone shouted. "He's leaving you stupid ****er." Another yelled. "He leaves because there is no hope." Chrisling roared. "He leaves because he must!" Joedon said stepping randomly out of the shadows. "Too few have come. We cannot defeat the armies of AIMdor." Chrisling replied. "You are my ***** Chrisling. Everyone does as I say, and we will meet them in battle none the less." Joedon roared. "Now I must return to my joint."

As he walked off he noticed Gabrielyn standing alone at the egde of the cliff. If looked as if she was about to jump. "I have left instruction. The people are to follow your rule in my stead. Take up my seat in the Golden Hall. May you long defend Edoras if the battle goes ill." He said. "What other duty would you have me do, My Lord?" She replied. "Duty? I would have you **** me again, but that would be incest and that's not cool. You shall see these days renewed, Gabrielyn. No more despair." He said.
Meanwhile, Mikagorn and friends walked cautiously through the mountain pass. "What kind of army would linger in such a place?" Nateli asked looking up at the old neon signs that all seemed to say things about having sex for money. "One that is cursed. Long ago the Women of the mountain swore an oath to the last King of TPMdor, to come to his aid when he was horny, to have sex. But when the time came, when TPMdor's Kings need was dire, they fled, vanishing into the darkness of the mountain. And so Kevin cursed them, never to rest until they had fulfilled their oath." Kylegolas replied.
The three came to a small hole surrounded by skulls and a neon sign about that read "Hot gurlz inside, low price!" "The very warmth of my blood is rushing below." Nateli grinned. Kylegolas read the neon sign about to the group. Suddenly, a large amount of wind swept out of the door. "Eww, it smells like queef." Nateli roared. The donkeys became spooked from the smell and began to walk off. "Damnit!" Mikagorn roared as they left. "What?" Kylegolas asked. "The donkeys are getting away." Mikagorn said pointing to the animals that were slowly turning around. "Well grab their reigns." Kylegolas suggested. "No, it's too late." Mikagorn replied. Kylegolas turned to see the donkeys hadn't budged much and shrugged.
"I do not fear hookers." Mikagorn then said walking into the opening. Kylegolas followed and Nateli did soon after. "I'm going to get me som PUNAMI!" Hre grinned disappearing inside the mountain. At the encampment, Joedon mounted his donkey. "We must ride light and swift. There is a long road ahead. Man and beast must reach the end with the strength to fight." He told the others. The group took off down the hill when Joedon noticed Zak preparing his own donkety. "Little hobbits don't belong in war Master Zakiodoc. They are pussies." Joedon said. "All my friends have gone to battle. I would be ashamed to be left behind." Zak replied. "It is a three-day gallop to Minas Titith and none of my rider's can bear you as a burden." Joedon roared. "I want to fight!" Zak cried. "I will say no more." Joedon said as his donkey trotted away.
Zak looked a little saddened as the army began to leave the encampment. Suddenly, a rider runs him over with her horse. "Oh my god, are you ok?" She asked getting off. "My lady?" Zak asked a little dizzy. "Ride with me." Gabrielyn said. She was dressed as a man and had a sign around her neck that read "I am a boy. Boys are cool." Zak nodded and the two mounted the donkey taking off with the rest of the army. "Form up! Move out! We ride now to TPMdor!" Joedon roared leading his troops across the field. "My lord, TPMdor is that way!" Someone yelled. Joedon sighed and turned his donkey. "Let's go!" He roared and led the army in the right direction.
In Pellinwhore fields, Hunter's army has massed. A bunch of Kelly's began ot beat drums, making music happily as the troops formed. The army of Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys started to chant as they approached Minas Titith. Meanwhile, Mikagorn and his friends rushed through a maze of hookers. Each one was offering low prices for sex and Nateli stopped for almost everyone, but was always pulled away by Mikagorn. They finally came to a large hall where a really decked out prostitute was waiting for them. She wore a crown of dancer feathers.
"Who enters my domain?" The Queen of the Dead (The Missing Link) inquired. "One who would have your allegiance." Mikagorn replied. "The dead hookers do not suffer the living to pass." The Queen of the Dead replied. "You will suffer me!" Mikagorn roared. The Queen began to laugh as the other hookers appeared around them. Soon, Mikagorn and his friends were surrounded by thousands of them. "Hot Gurlz inside, low price!" The Queen grinned. "The way is shut, now you must be ****ed to death!" She finished.
Kylegolas put up his sniper rifle and shot her in the head. Surpringly, a hole formed. "Ow, son of *****! That ****ing hurt you little bastard! Oh my god is it bleeding? ****!" She roared. When she realized the injury wasn't bad she looked back up. "I summon you to fufill your oaths, except you must fight for me instead of ****ing me." Mikagorn requested. "None but the King of TPMdor can command me!" The Queen roared. She then swung her hooker purse towards Mikagorn who blocked it with his lightsaber.
"The computer was broken!" The Queen said in shock. "It has been remade!" Mikagorn replied grinning. Mikagorn pushed her back as the other hookers became scared. "Fight for us and regain your honor. What say you?" Mikagorn then asked looking around. "What say you?" He repeated. "You're wasiting your time Mikagorn. These dames were built for sex, not fighting." Nateli grinned flirting with one. Mikagorn turned to the Queen of the Dead. "I am Kevin's heir. Fight for me and I will hod your oaths fulfilled." He roared. "What say you?" The Dead Queen thought for a second. "Our price is $100 an hourâ€¦" She grinned.
Outside the legs of Minas Titith the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to chant. A soldier on the wall noticed something below. "Open the legs quick!" He yelled. The legs spread and a donkey waddles in bearing an dead looking RJmir. Brianmog rode up to the head of the army mounted on a Kitty. RJmir was brought up to the Citadel where his father rushed from the doors to see what was happening.
"RJmir! Say not that he has fallen!" Dannythor roared. "They were outnumbered. None survived." A soldier said. "But I'm fine!" RJmir suddenly said sitting up. Outside the legs, Brianmog sniffed the air. "Fear, the city is ripe with it. Let us ease their pain. Release the prisoners." He roared. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army catapults began to release some small things. The soldiers on the wall ducked as the private parts of their fellow soldiers landed around them.
Back at the Citadel, Dannythor began to waddle around aimlessly. "My sons are spent! My line has ended, and no other woman will ever have sex with me!" He roared. Jay walked out towards the group hearing what Dannythor spoke. He noticed RJmir was sitting up twiddling his thumbs. "He's alive!" Jay smiled. "The house of stewards has failed!" Dannythor cried. He then approached the edge of the wall to see the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army below. "SPPhan has desrted us!" He roared.
The catapults began to release striking spots of Minas Titith. People shrieked and ran as parts of the city fell apart. "Joedon has betrayed me!" Dannythor continued as more catapults launched. "Abandon your posts! Flee! Flee for your lives you idiots!" He then yelled to his men. Suddenly, Chrisdolf appeared from behind and began to beat Dannythor with his staff. "Shut the **** up! Prepare for battle!" He roared.
Chrisdolf mounted Katirefax and rode down to the bottom level. "Come on men! To the wall! Defend the wall!" He roared as he went. He passed soldiers trying to flee. "Return to your posts you pussies!" He yelled. Soldiers began to put their sniper rifles up aiming at the army below. Chrisfolf made it to the top of the wall and peered down at the army. "Send these foul beasts into the abyss!" He roared. Minas Titith's catapaults began to launc as well, massacring the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys below with styrafoam. "Stay where you are!" The deformed Brianmog roared to his troops. A chunk of styrafoam started heading straight at him, but he dodged at the last second and spit on it.
"Watch out! Down to the lower level quick!" A soldier yelled. Jay joined the soldiers rushing down the wall to battle. Up above, the Fell Keets squawked as they began to enter the airspace of the city. The cute little birds began to fly down, grabbing men in their cute little feet and tossing them below. They also began to peck and crap on the catapualts, destroying many. People screamed as the Fell Keets grabbed more of them.
"Hold them back! Do not give into fear!" Chirsdolf yelled as a Fell Keet swooped in and grabbed some men from the wall. "Stay at your posts!" He repeated. "**** that!" Some soldiers yelled and began to flee, but were scooped up by the cute Fell Keets. Seige Dildo towers began to approach pushed by Kellys to the wall as TPMdor soldiers shot arrows at them. "Not the towers! Shoot the Kellys you fools!" Chrisdolf roared as the TPMdorians changed targets.
Jay finally made it to the wall exhausted. Chrisdolf noticed him. "Jaygrin Took, go back to the Citadel!" He roared. "They called us out to dominateâ€¦" Jay replied. A siege tower made it to the wall and Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to spill out. "This is no place for a hobbit!" Chrisdolf remarked. Chrisdolf began to kick ass, banning many of the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys that came at him. He twisted a few times, banning more and more. Two more came in and he jumped up freezing in midair, and then kicking them back matrix style. Suddenly, one jumped out of nowhere, but Jay thought fast and whipped it with his dominatrix whip. The monkey squealed and fell back. "Dominatrix of the Citadel indeed! Now back up the hill! Quick!" Chrisdolf grinned. Jay smiled and skipped away, happy he was receiving attention. A great battering vibrator was now being brought towards the legs of Minas Titith as Hunter's army chanted.
Meanwhile, Bjarni approached the entrance to the tunnel and sat impatiently waiting for Mikey. Mikey soon approached exhausted. "In there mastar, only for me?" Bjarni giggled. "What is this place?" Mikey asked peering into the dark spooky tunnel. "Mastar must go inside the tunnel." Bjarni beckoned. "Now that I'm here, I don't think I want to." Mikey replied scared. Bjarni grew a little agitated. "It's the only way! Go in or go back!" He grinned. Mikey sighed. "I can't go backâ€¦" He whispered and began to walk inside.
"What's that smell?" He asked as he walked through the spooky tunnel. Cobwebs littered the area. "Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey farts! They come in here to spam sometimes!" Bjarni replied unseen. "Hurry mastar!" He roared. Mikey began to walk through when he suddenly realized Bjarni was nowhere to be seen. "Robby?" He looked around frightened. "Over here!" Bjarni giggled. Mikey continued on when he suddenly touched something sticky. "Eww, what is this?" He asked. "You will see, oh yes, you will see!" Bjarni giggled again.
Mikey called out to Bjarni again, but he was now totally silent. After some more walking, Mikey collapsed to the floor and sobbed. "Chikoâ€¦" He whispered. He got back up and took a step, only to see an ape-like skeleton below. He then looked around to see random dead animals all around. Frightened, he began to run. Meanwhile, Chiko continued down the hill crying uncontrollably. He suddenly lost his footing and slipped down to a lower section. When he came too, he noticed the remains of the Matzah bread and became angry with Bjarni. Quickly, he began to climb back up.
Mikey continued to run but suddenly slipped and fell into a glob of spider webs and bones. He hten randomly had visions of Tinadriel in his head. "And to you Mikey Baggins. I give you the firefly of Tinadriel. May it be a light to you in dark places when all other lights go out." He recalled her saying before trying to rape him. Quickly, he pulled the vile from his pack to find the firefly inside. He began to chant and the light lit up.
Mikey turned to see the head of Nala from the lion king. It roared and came more into view, exposing a spider's body. This was Nalob (Nala, now Wolfsong), the most dangerous creature of the mountain. Mikey held up the vial causing the creature to fall back. Nalob came back in to attack but Mikey slashed at one of her legs. The creature pulled back, but hit the vial away from Mikey. Now ready to cry, Mikey began to run away from the hideous thing.
Mikey ran along the tunnel, looking back to see Nalob right on his tail. After some time, he managed to escape, but soon ran right into a web, trapping him spread-eagle above the ground. Nalob's shadow came into view behind him and Mikey began to freak. Suddenly, Mikey heard Bjarni singing "The Circle of Life" near him. Soon, the demented autistic child appeared on a rock. "Soon you'll be eaten!" He grinned after he finished the song.
Mikey began to cut at the web as Bjarni shrieked. He leapt away and Mikey fell to the ground as Nalob closed in behind him. Sting fell to the ground as Mikey got away. Quickly, Mikey ran through the tunnel and escaped through a hole, collapsing outside. "Spammed away did it precious? Not this time! Not this time!" Bjarni appeared from behind some boulders. He leapt onto Mikey with his hammer trying to whack him with it.
Mikey kicked the autistic child off and leapt onto him, trying to kill it. "It wasn't us! The precious made us spam! It was the precious!" Bjarni wailed begging for his life. Mikey pulled off of him breathing heavily and clutching the forum. "I have to destroy it Robby. For both our sakesâ€¦" He coughed. Bjarni became angry and leapt at Mikey. "No!" He roared. Mikey flipped away causing Bjarni to roll down a hole nearby. Mikey watched him scream as he disappeared into the darkness.
Mikey slowly got up breathing hard and began to stumble along the dark path. "I'm so sorry Chikoâ€¦so sorry." He said and collapses onto the path. He suddenly looked up to find he was in a happy special magical place with Tinadriel in front of him. "This task was appointed to you Mikey of the sire. And if you don't find a wayâ€¦no one willâ€¦" She said holding out her hand. Mikey reluctantly pulled back afraid of being raped. Tinadriel rolled her eyes and grabbed him, shoving him up. Mikey was then back on the desolate path. He knew he had to go on. He had to destroy the forumâ€¦

**Mikey** · 2nd May 2004, 12:22 PM

Ok here is part 11 as promised. I think you'll enjoy it!

Part 11

At Dungarrow, Joedon rode through the camp looking at the ugly people that were present. "My lord, I greet the, sire!" A random rider said stepping up. Joedon looked concern. "How many?" He asked. The rider looked a little concerned. "I bring 500 from the theud.com my lord." He said. Joedon cocked his head in confusion. "500 lbs?" He inquired. "No, 500 men my lord, what were you talking about?" The rider asked. "I wanted to know how much weed Minas Titith holds you stupid fag!" Joedon roared and continued on.

"We have 300 more from Pokeschool.com, my lord." Chrisling said stepping up. "Where are the riders from Pokesafari.com?" Joedon asked. "That site was shut down my lord. None have come." Chrisling replied. Joedon and Mkagorn rode to the edge of the encampment and dismounted their donkeys. They looked out over the cliff to see many people camped below. "Six thousand *****es. Less then half of what I hoped, and none brought weed." Joedon whispered. "Six thousand will not be enough to break the lines of AIMdor." Mikagorn replied. Joedon turned. "More will come, and they will bring pot." He said hopefully. "Every hour lost hastens TPMdor's defeat. We have until dawn, then we must ride." Mikagorn replied.

A donkey became mad and began to go insane as its rider tried to calm it. "The horses are vulnerable and the men are horny." Kylegolas said looking around. "Me too, and I'm vulnerable!" Mikomir said through him. "They grow nervous near the shadow of the mountain." Croamer commented. Nateli looked down the dark and spooky path. "That road there, where does that one lead?" He asked. "It is the road to the Cumholt. The door under the mountain." Kylegolas replied. "None who venture there ever return. That mountain is a meany." Croamer said and walked off.

Mikagorn approached and looked down the dark and spooky road. It was dark, spooky, and it was a road. (Nice description hey?) There, he saw the faint image of a woman. She flicked him off before disappearing. "Mikagorn!" Nateli said startling him. Mikagorn turned to his friend. "Let's go get layed." Nateli followed up and walked off. Mikagorn smiled and followed.

That night, Gabrielyn sat inside a tent helping Zak into his armor. "There, a true esquire of SPPhan." She grinned. Zak looked a little disturbed. "I want to be an esquire of TPmdor. They're cooler!" He said. She sighed and petted his head. Zak then drew his blade and pointed it at her. "Make me an esquire of TPMdor or I'll cut you!" He roared. Gabrielyn sighed. "It's not even sharp." She grinned. "Yeah, but if I poke you enough you'll cry!" Zak roared. Gabrielyn ignored him. "You're not going to ban Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys with a blunt blade. Come on." She said and lead him out of the tent.

Zak exited the tent pretending to be cool by slashing his blade. Gabrielyn rolled her eyes and kicked him. "To the Smitty you retard." She roared. Zak giggled and skipped down the path. Craomer and Chrisling started to laugh eating nearby. "You should not encourage Zak. He's a *****." Craomer said when he was gone. "You should not doubt him." Gabrielyn replied. "I do not doubt his heart, only the reach of his ****." Craomer laughed. "It will be a cold day in hell before he can satisfy a woman." Chrisling lauhed trying to hold in his food. Craomer turned angrily to him. "Donâ€™t laugh you idiot. You're too ugly to satisfy a woman." He roared. "Why should Zak be left behind? He has as much cause to go to war as you. Why can't he fight for those he loves?" Gabrielyn asked looking out at the sky.

Meanwhile, a dark figure on a donkey slowly walked up the path towards the camps. It then shifted to Sanwen lying on a bed with tears in her eyes. "I chose a mortal lifeâ€¦I wish I could have ****ed himâ€¦one last time." She said. Mikagorn watched in horror as her virginity pendant smashed on the floor. He immediately woke up from his wet dream and drew his knife. When he comes to, he realized he accidently stabbed and killed one of the gaurds that had entered his tent. He pushed him aside and walked out to go visit Joedon.

Inside Joedon's tent, Mikagorn saw him talking with the dark figure. Joedon noticed Mikagorn and walked over. "I take my leave to go get high." He said and walked out. When he was gone, the dark figure stood up and revealed his hood, revealing Ozanrond. Mikagorn began to pout. "Why aren't you Samwen? I had a booty call!" He roared. "Oh well, you'll have to do." Ozanrond sighed and walked over to him. "I come on behalf of one whom I love. Samwen is on the verge of ban. She will not long survive the Gayness that now spreads from AIMdor. The light of the virginstar is fading. As Hunter's power grows her strength wanes. Samwen's life is now tied to the fate of the forum. A shadow is upon us Mikagorn. The end has come." He said.

"It will not be our end, but his." Mikagorn replied. "You ride to war, but not to victory. Hunter's armies march on Minas Titith, as you know. But in secret he sends another force, which will attack from the river. A fleet of Men in Black ships sails from the south. It will be in the city in two days. You're outnumbered, Mikagorn. You need more men." Ozanrond roared. "There are none you stupid idiot!" Mikagorn roared back. "There are those who dwell in the mountain." Ozanrond replied. Mikagorn looked pissed.

Hookers, prostitutes, you would call on them to fight? They believe in nothing. They'll answer to no one!" Mikagorn roared. "They will answer to the Admin of TPMdor!" Ozanrond roared pulling a large box with a dell logo from out of nowhere. "Andelril, flame of the west, forged from the shard of Delsil." Ozanrond roared. Mikagorn grinned with glee like a child receiving a new gift. He quickly grabbed the box and began to open it, pushing away the packing foam until he saw the new computer. "Hunter will have not forgotten this computer." He grinned. He then pulled it from the box. The computer reshaped itself into a lightsaber. "You just press this button and it will transform in a computer. Just like a transformer!" Ozanrond grinned.

"The monitor which was broken will now return to Minas Titith." Mikagorn grinned. "The man who wields the power of this computer can summon to him an army more deadly than any that walks this earth. Put aside the Power Ranger. Become who you were born to be. Take the Cumholt road." Ozanrond roared. Mikagorn looked up a little uncertain. "I bring hope to men." Ozanrond said in Jeevanish. "I keep none for myself." Mikagorn replied.

Outside, Mikagorn prepared his donkey to leave. Gabrielyn approached pissed off. "Why are you doing this? The war lies to the east. You cannot leave on the eve of battle. You cannot abandon the men." She roared. "Gabrielyn." Mikagorn said turning to her. "Donâ€™t you at least want a booty call before you leave?" She asked. Mikagorn thought it over but decided it wasn't right to cheat on Samwen no matter how horny he was. "Why have you come?" He asked. "Do you not know?" Gabrielyn inquired. "It is but a shadow and a thought that you love. I cannot give you what you seek." Mikagorn replied and walked off. Gabrielyn began to cry.

Mikagorn led his donkey passed Nateli. "Where do you think you're going?" He asked. "Not this time, this time you will stay Nateli." Mikagorn roared. "Of course I am. I'd rather kill myself then take that road." Nateli bellowed. "Have you learned nothing about the *****ness of Nateli?" Kylegolas asked stepping up with his donkey. "I'm no *****!" Nateli growled and started off into the mountain. Mikagorn laughed and he and Kylegolas followed.

The rider's began to mass behind the leaving trio. "Where is he going? What's happening? I don't understand!" Someone shouted. "He's leaving you stupid ****er." Another yelled. "He leaves because there is no hope." Chrisling roared. "He leaves because he must!" Joedon said stepping randomly out of the shadows. "Too few have come. We cannot defeat the armies of AIMdor." Chrisling replied. "You are my ***** Chrisling. Everyone does as I say, and we will meet them in battle none the less." Joedon roared. "Now I must return to my joint."

As he walked off he noticed Gabrielyn standing alone at the egde of the cliff. If looked as if she was about to jump. "I have left instruction. The people are to follow your rule in my stead. Take up my seat in the Golden Hall. May you long defend Clitoras if the battle goes ill." He said. "What other duty would you have me do, My Lord?" She replied. "Duty? I would have you **** me again, but that would be incest and that's not cool. You shall see these days renewed, Gabrielyn. No more despair." He said.

Meanwhile, Mikagorn and friends walked cautiously through the mountain pass. "What kind of army would linger in such a place?" Nateli asked looking up at the old neon signs that all seemed to say things about having sex for money. "One that is cursed. Long ago the Women of the mountain swore an oath to the last King of TPMdor, to come to his aid when he was horny, to have sex. But when the time came, when TPMdor's Kings need was dire, they fled, vanishing into the darkness of the mountain. And so Kevin cursed them, never to rest until they had fulfilled their oath." Kylegolas replied.

The three came to a small hole surrounded by skulls and a neon sign about that read "Hot gurlz inside, low price!" "The very warmth of my blood is rushing below." Nateli grinned. Kylegolas read the neon sign above to the group. Suddenly, a large amount of wind swept out of the door. "Eww, it smells like queef." Nateli roared. The donkeys became spooked from the smell and began to walk off. "Damnit!" Mikagorn roared as they left. "What?" Kylegolas asked. "The donkeys are getting away." Mikagorn said pointing to the animals that were slowly turning around. "Well grab their reigns." Kylegolas suggested. "No, it's too late." Mikagorn replied. Kylegolas turned to see the donkeys hadn't budged much and shrugged.

"I do not fear hookers." Mikagorn then said walking into the opening. Kylegolas followed and Nateli did soon after. "I'm going to get me som PUNAMI!" He grinned disappearing inside the mountain. At the encampment, Joedon mounted his donkey. "We must ride light and swift. There is a long road ahead. Man and beast must reach the end with the strength to fight." He told the others. The group took off down the hill when Joedon noticed Zak preparing his own donkey. "Little hobbits don't belong in war Master Zakiodoc. They are pussies." Joedon said. "All my friends have gone to battle. I would be ashamed to be left behind." Zak replied. "It is a three-day gallop to Minas Titith and none of my rider's can bear you as a burden." Joedon roared. "I want to fight!" Zak cried. "I will say no more." Joedon said as his donkey trotted away.

Zak looked a little saddened as the army began to leave the encampment. Suddenly, a rider ran him over with her horse. "Oh my god, are you ok?" She asked getting off. "My lady?" Zak asked a little dizzy. "Ride with me." Gabrielyn said. She was dressed as a man and had a sign around her neck that read "I am a boy. Boys are cool." Zak nodded and the two mounted the donkey taking off with the rest of the army. "Form up! Move out! We ride now to TPMdor!" Joedon roared leading his troops across the field. "My lord, TPMdor is that way!" Someone yelled. Joedon sighed and turned his donkey. "Let's go!" He roared and led the army in the right direction.

In Pellinwhore fields, Hunter's army had massed. A bunch of Kellys began ot beat drums, making music happily as the troops formed. The army of Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys started to chant as they approached Minas Titith. Meanwhile, Mikagorn and his friends rushed through a maze of hookers. Each one was offering low prices for sex and Nateli stopped for almost everyone, but was always pulled away by Mikagorn. They finally came to a large hall where a really decked out prostitute was waiting for them. She wore a crown of dancer feathers.

"Who enters my domain?" The Queen of the Dead (The Missing Link) inquired. "One who would have your allegiance." Mikagorn replied. "The dead hookers do not suffer the living to pass." The Queen of the Dead replied. "You will suffer me!" Mikagorn roared. The Queen began to laugh as the other hookers appeared around them. Soon, Mikagorn and his friends were surrounded by thousands of them. "Hot Gurlz inside, low price!" The Queen grinned. "The way is shut, now you must be ****ed to death!" She finished.

Kylegolas put up his sniper rifle and shot her in the head. Surpringly, a hole formed. "Ow, son of *****! That ****ing hurt you little bastard! Oh my god is it bleeding? ****!" She roared. When she realized the injury wasn't bad she looked back up. "I summon you to fufill your oaths, except you must fight for me instead of ****ing me." Mikagorn requested. "None but the Admin of TPMdor can command me!" The Queen roared. She then swung her hooker purse towards Mikagorn who blocked it with his lightsaber.

"The computer was broken!" The Queen said in shock. "It has been remade!" Mikagorn replied grinning. Mikagorn pushed her back as the other hookers became scared. "Fight for us and regain your honor. What say you?" Mikagorn then asked looking around. "What say you?" He repeated. "You're wasting your time Mikagorn. These dames were built for sex, not fighting." Nateli grinned flirting with one. Mikagorn turned to the Queen of the Dead. "I am Kevin's heir. Fight for me and I will hod your oaths fulfilled." He roared. "What say you?" The Dead Queen thought for a second. "Our price is $100 an hourâ€¦" She grinned.

Outside the legs of Minas Titith the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to chant. A soldier on the wall noticed something below. "Open the legs quick!" He yelled. The legs spread and a donkey waddled in bearing an dead looking RJmir. Brianmog rode up to the head of the army mounted on a Kitty. RJmir was brought up to the Citadel where his father rushed from the doors to see what was happening.

"RJmir! Say not that he has fallen!" Dannythor roared. "They were outnumbered. None survived." A soldier said. "But I'm fine!" RJmir suddenly said sitting up. Outside the legs, Brianmog sniffed the air. "Fear, the city is ripe with it. Let us ease their pain. Release the prisoners." He roared. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army catapults began to release some small things. The soldiers on the wall ducked as the private parts of their fellow soldiers landed around them.

Back at the Citadel, Dannythor began to waddle around aimlessly. "My sons are spent! My line has ended, and no other woman will ever have sex with me!" He roared. Jay walked out towards the group hearing what Dannythor spoke. He noticed RJmir was sitting up twiddling his thumbs. "He's alive!" Jay smiled. "The house of stewards has failed!" Dannythor cried. He then approached the edge of the wall to see the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army below. "SPPhan has desrted us!" He roared.

The catapults began to release striking spots of Minas Titith. People shrieked and ran as parts of the city fell apart. "Joedon has betrayed me!" Dannythor continued as more catapults launched. "Abandon your posts! Flee! Flee for your lives you idiots!" He then yelled to his men. Suddenly, Chrisdolf appeared from behind and began to beat Dannythor with his staff. "Shut the **** up! Prepare for battle!" He roared.

Chrisdolf mounted Katirefax and rode down to the bottom level. "Come on men! To the wall! Defend the wall!" He roared as he went. He passed soldiers trying to flee. "Return to your posts you pussies!" He yelled. Soldiers began to put their sniper rifles up aiming at the army below. Chrisdolf made it to the top of the wall and peered down at the army. "Send these foul beasts into the abyss!" He roared. Minas Titith's catapaults began to launch as well, massacring the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys below with styrafoam. "Stay where you are!" The deformed Brianmog roared to his troops. A chunk of styrafoam started heading straight at him, but it just hit him in the head and bounced off unharming.

"Watch out! Down to the lower level quick!" A soldier yelled. Jay joined the soldiers rushing down the wall to battle. Up above, the Fell Keets squawked as they began to enter the airspace of the city. The cute little birds began to fly down, grabbing men in their cute little feet and tossing them below. They also began to peck and crap on the catapualts, destroying many. People screamed as the Fell Keets grabbed more of them.

"Hold them back! Do not give into fear!" Chirsdolf yelled as a Fell Keet swooped in and grabbed some men from the wall. "Stay at your posts!" He repeated. "**** that!" Some soldiers yelled and began to flee, but were scooped up by the cute Fell Keets. Seige Dildo towers began to approach pushed by Kellys to the wall as TPMdor soldiers shot arrows at them. "Not the towers! Shoot the Kellys you fools!" Chrisdolf roared as the TPMdorians changed targets.

Jay finally made it to the wall exhausted. Chrisdolf noticed him. "Jaygrin Took, go back to the Citadel!" He roared. "They called us out to dominateâ€¦" Jay replied. A siege tower made it to the wall and Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to spill out. "This is no place for a hobbit!" Chrisdolf remarked. Chrisdolf began to kick ass, banning many of the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys that came at him. He twisted a few times, banning more and more. Two more came in and he jumped up freezing in midair, and then kicking them back matrix style. Suddenly, one jumped out of nowhere, but Jay thought fast and whipped it with his dominatrix whip. The monkey squealed and fell back. "Dominatrix of the Citadel indeed! Now back up the hill! Quick!" Chrisdolf grinned. Jay smiled and skipped away, happy he was receiving attention. A great battering vibrator was now being brought towards the legs of Minas Titith as Hunter's army chanted.

Meanwhile, Bjarni approached the entrance to the tunnel and sat impatiently waiting for Mikey. Mikey soon approached exhausted. "In there mastar, only for me?" Bjarni giggled. "What is this place?" Mikey asked peering into the dark spooky tunnel. "Mastar must go inside the tunnel." Bjarni beckoned. "Now that I'm here, I don't think I want to." Mikey replied scared. Bjarni grew a little agitated. "It's the only way! Go in or go back!" He grinned. Mikey sighed. "I can't go backâ€¦" He whispered and began to walk inside.

"What's that smell?" He asked as he walked through the spooky tunnel. Cobwebs littered the area. "Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey farts! They come in here to spam sometimes!" Bjarni replied unseen. "Hurry mastar!" He roared. Mikey began to walk through when he suddenly realized Bjarni was nowhere to be seen. "Robby?" He looked around frightened. "Over here!" Bjarni giggled. Mikey continued on when he suddenly touched something sticky. "Eww, what is this?" He asked. "You will see, oh yes, you will see!" Bjarni giggled again.

Mikey called out to Bjarni again, but he was now totally silent. After some more walking, Mikey collapsed to the floor and sobbed. "Chikoâ€¦" He whispered. He got back up and took a step, only to see an ape-like skeleton below. He then looked around to see random dead animals all around. Frightened, he began to run. Meanwhile, Chiko continued down the hill crying uncontrollably. He suddenly lost his footing and slipped down to a lower section. When he came too, he noticed the remains of the Matzah bread and became angry with Bjarni. He quickly ate the last of the bread and then began to climb back up.

Mikey continued to run but suddenly slipped and fell into a glob of spider webs and bones. He hten randomly had visions of Tinadriel in his head. "And to you Mikey Baggins. I give you the firefly of Tinadriel. May it be a light to you in dark places when all other lights go out." He recalled her saying before trying to rape him. Quickly, he pulled the vile from his pack to find the firefly inside. He began to chant and the light lit up.

Mikey turned to see the head of Nala from the lion king. It roared and came more into view, exposing a spider's body. This was Nalob (Nala, now Wolfsong), the most dangerous creature of the mountain. Mikey held up the vial causing the creature to fall back. Nalob came back in to attack but Mikey slashed at one of her legs. The creature pulled back, but hit the vial away from Mikey. Now ready to cry, Mikey began to run away from the hideous thing.

Mikey ran along the tunnel, looking back to see Nalob right on his tail. After some time, he managed to escape, but soon ran right into a web, trapping him spread-eagle above the ground. Nalob's shadow came into view behind him and Mikey began to freak. Suddenly, Mikey heard Bjarni singing "The Circle of Life" near him. Soon, the demented autistic child appeared on a rock. "Soon you'll be eaten!" He grinned after he finished the song.

Mikey began to cut at the web as Bjarni shrieked. He leapt away and Mikey fell to the ground as Nalob closed in behind him. Sting fell to the ground as Mikey got away. Quickly, Mikey ran through the tunnel and escaped through a hole, collapsing outside. "Spammed away did it precious? Not this time! Not this time!" Bjarni appeared from behind some boulders. He leapt onto Mikey with his hammer trying to whack him with it.

Mikey kicked the autistic child off and leapt onto him, trying to kill it. "It wasn't us! The precious made us spam! It was the precious!" Bjarni wailed begging for his life. Mikey pulled off of him breathing heavily and clutching the forum. "I have to destroy it Robby. For both our sakesâ€¦" He coughed. Bjarni became angry and leapt at Mikey. "No!" He roared. Mikey flipped away causing Bjarni to roll down a hole nearby. Mikey watched him scream as he disappeared into the darkness.

Mikey slowly got up breathing hard and began to stumble along the dark path. "I'm so sorry Chikoâ€¦so sorry." He said and collapses onto the path. He suddenly looked up to find he was in a happy special magical place with Tinadriel in front of him. "This task was appointed to you Mikey of the sire. And if you don't find a wayâ€¦no one willâ€¦" She said holding out her hand. Mikey reluctantly pulled back afraid of being raped. Tinadriel rolled her eyes and grabbed him, shoving him up. Mikey was then back on the desolate path. He knew he had to go on. He had to destroy the forumâ€¦

**homeofmew** · 2nd May 2004, 05:47 PM

Yeah I was in the last part good job.
Mikey made me post, not my fault.

**phaedrus** · 4th May 2004, 07:36 PM

awesome work. man i need to be in this somewhere besides the donkeys =X

**Mikey** · 5th May 2004, 01:07 PM

Thanks for the replies! Come on readers! Reply! This is the greatest part of the fic and no one seems to be reading it! Anyways, here is by far my best chapter yet. I hope you like it and this time REPLY EVERYONE!!!! Only 2 more parts left after this and then the fic is done!

Part 12

The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys chanted harder as the vibrator reached the legs of Minas Titith. The Kellys began to pull it back, flexing their broad arms as they did. One Kelly pushed the button causing the vibrator to start vibrating. The Kellys then released it. The battering ram swung forward and smashed into the legs of Minas Titith humming from the vibrations.

Chrisdolf mounted Katirefax. "Back to the legs! Quick! The battering vibrator will be through any minute!" He roared. Soldiers began to rush down the stairs massing at the legs. Katriefax took off after them full speed. "What's with the sudden burst of energy?" Chrisdolf asked her. "Itâ€™s every woman's fantasy! An incredibly large pleasure utensil!" She roared. Up above, Dannythor led his guardsmen through the Citadel courtyard. They carried RJmir who was happily looking around. Dannythor opened some doors and led them into the halls of the stewards. "No tomb for Dannythor and RJmir. No long slow sleep of banned embalmed. We shall burn like the hotties we are." He roared to them. "Bring wood and oil!" He then said. "But dad, I'm fine!" RJmir remarked but Dannythor was too dumbâ€¦

The soldiers had all formed lines at the legs as the vibrator struck again. Chrisdolf and Katirefax stood with them. The vibrator pulled back and smashed the legs again, penetrating them slightly before pulling back. "You are soldiers of TPMdor! No matter what pops that cherry you will stand your ground!" Chrisdolf roared. The vibrator smashed again, this time going all the way through penetrating deep. As soon as the legs were spread, the vibrator's head popped open and several armored Kelly's spewed into the area.

"**** that!" Some soldiers roared. "Let's go gambling." The others began to mutter with each other as they walked off. "Yeah I heard there's a nice casino a few miles from here." One said. Suddenly, an armored Kelly swung its spiked sperm chain smashing them away. The Kellys bellowed as they whipped the white ropes with white spiked heads around banning many. "Fire!" Chrisdolf roared. From behind him, a great many sniper bullets launched from the TPMdorian volleymen. The Kellys began to swat them away and rushed to ban them. Chrisdolf spun Katirefax around and launched a semen beam into a Kelly's eye. The monster bellowed and fell back smashing into the ground. Suddenly, the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to rush inside banning many as they went. The TPMdorians began to push back.

Mikey continued up the bleak path nearing Cirith Mungol. The sky above was churning with dark black clouds. The camera zoomed down facing up as Mikey walked on. From the cliffside, Nalob's head peaked out. It then began to slowly crawl out sneaking up above Mikey. Mikey looked up and saw it, but just shrugged. "Must be the windâ€¦" He said. Suddenly, a huge abdomen ass fell in front of him. A large stinger protruded out and smashed Mikey in his chest. "Ow! Ohâ€¦.ugh!" Mikey yelled before going all limp. Foam began to exit his mouth and he soon collapsed.

Nalob gripped Mikey in her eight hairy legs and began to twirl him up in her own special juices. Mikey was soon turned into a mummy. Nalob then looked up to see Chiko standing in front of her. Sting and Tinadriel's firefly were in his hands. "Let him go you *****!" He roared. Nalob dropped Mikey to the ground and rushed towards her new prey, roaring like a mad lion. "You will not touch him again! That's my job!" Chiko roared menacing the lion spider with Sting.

Nalob lunged at Chiko, but he dodged and slashed at it. Nalob pulled back, but immediately rushed in again smashing Chiko away and causing the firefly vile to go flying. Chiko tried to retrieve it, but Nalob kicked it away and leapt towards him. Chiko backed off but soon became cornered by the mountainside. Nalob pounced causing Chiko to fly up. She tried to bite him with her lion maw, but Chiko gripped it shut. He then kicked her causing her to fall back and Chiko to fall over her and back onto the ground.

He retrieved Sting, and when Nalob attacked again he stabbed at her eyes. Chiko stabbed again, but Nalob caught Sting in her jaw and wouldn't let go. Chiko struggled to pull it free, and when he finally pulled it away, it flew out of reach. Nalob unleashed her own sting and tried to jab Chiko. He rolled away from several attempts. He then lunged for the blade as Nalob pounced, causing Sting to puncture her special area as she tried to sting him again. Nalob shrieked in pain and began to spasm on the ground. Chiko giggled as she did. The spider then began to retreat. Chiko retrieved the phial and menaced her with it.

Nalob disappeared into a hole and Chiko rushed to Mikey. He teared the juicy stuff from him. "Mr. Mikey?" He asked holding him. "Oh no! Mr. Mikey wake up!" He yelled beginning to cry. He then flicked his fingers. "Damnit! Now I'm going to be a virgin forever!" He roared. He then smiled. "Or am I?" He giggled looking at the dead looking Mikey. He then noticed Sting was beginning to vibrate. "Damn!" He roared and got up.

Two Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys came down from the stairs and noticed Mikey's carcass. "What's this?" Rustrat (The Rusted One) roared poking it. Chiko watched the scene from some rocks. "Looks like old Nalob has been having a bit of fun!" Rustrat said turning to his friends. "Banned another one has she?" Razbag (Raz) asked. "No, this fellow ain't banned." Rustrat replied jabbing Mikey again. "Not banned?" Chiko whispered to himself hopping Mikey didn't hear what he said earlier.

"She just jabs him with her stinger and pumps them full of Viagra. They get so horny that they go limp for awhile. Then she has her way with them. That's how she likes to do it, sort of like a necrophiliac." Rustrat explained. "Get him to the tower!" He then roared. The Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys picked Mikey's body up and began to head back up the stairs. "This scum will be awake in a couple of hours." Razbag commented. "Then he'll wish he'd never sign uped for the forums!" Rustrat replied grinning.

Back at the hall of the stewards, Jay silently entered to see what was going on. Dannythor's gaurds had built a pyre with bundles of wood by a stone tablet and placed RJmir on it. He kept telling them he was alive, but they ignored him. "The house of his spirit crumbles. RJmir is burning, already burning." Dannythor roared. Jay rushed towards him and began to pull at the wood. "He's not dead you retards! He's not dead!" He roared. Dannythor sighed and grabbed Jay. He dragged him back to the door as Jay screamed and cried. "Come now Jaygrin!" He roared and tossed the attention whore out of the door. "I release you from my service. Go now and get banned in any way seems best to you." Dannythor roared and shut the door leaving Jay to cry. He then turned to his guards. "Pour oil on the wood!" He ordered.

Jay began to run through the city looking for Chrisdolf. He passed many injured soldiers as chaos ensued everywhere. "Where's Chrisdolf?" He asked everyone, but no one answered. On the first level, the Kellys and Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys have taken most of it over. Chrisdolf sped Katirefax away calling to the soldiers. "The city is breached! Fall back to the second level! Screw the women and children, save yourselves!" He yelled as Katirefax plowed over some small children so Chirsdolf could escape.

Outside, Brianmog grinned at the scene. "Move into the city. Ban all in your path." He commanded. The TPMdorians tried hard to push back the attackers, but nothing was working. A few began to slash at a Kelly, but it just swatted them away. "Fight, fight to the last man! Fight for your lives!" Chrisdolf roared from the dors to the second level safe from the fighting. Suddenly, a great many party blowers began to sound over the chaos. Chrisdolf looked out knowing help had arrived.

The SPPhirim had arrived at the edge of Pellinwhore Fields. They looked down on the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army massed below. The monkeys began to hop up and down screeching and the drums began to roll. Gabrielyn held Zak in her hands. "Courage Zak. We musn't be pussies for our friends." She whispered as Zak gripped her scared to death. Brianmog approached the rear of his troops. "Form ranks you maggots! Pikes in front and snipers behind!" He roared as the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to line up.

Joedon and his generals were ahead of the troops. Joedon turned to Craomer. "Take your eored down the left side." He ordered. Craomer nodded and turned to his troops. "Make ready!" He yelled. Joedon then turned to his ***** Chrisling. "Chrisling, follow the webmaster's banner down the center. Grimbold (Grimdude), take your company right after you pass the wall. Forth, and fear no darkness!" Joedon finished his commands.

Joedon then began to ride his donkey down the lines. "Arise! Arise! Soldiers of Joedon! Spears shall be broken! Shields shall be splintered." He yelled. As he passed Gabrielyn, she turned her head and held up her sign. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to kneel and place up their pikes. "A sword day! A red day, ere the sun rises!" Joedon continued. His donkey began to trot by as he placed his light saber to his army's spears. He then returned to the middle of the troops. "Ride now! Ride now! Ride for ruin and the world's ending!" he roared. Suddenly, a lone soldier began to walk his donkey out towards the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army.

"What the **** are you doing?" Joedon roared. The soldier turned his donkey around. "You said ride now." He replied. Joedon sighed. "I meant follow me, don't be such a glory hog you stupid newbie!" He roared. The newbie growled. "I don't need to listen to you." He replied. Joedon was now pissed. No newbie was going to tell him how to run his members. "Ban!" He roared pointing at the newbie with his light saber. His army began to chant ban along with him and the newbie looked worried. "Ban!" He roared again. Gabrielyn and Zak roared ban with him. "Forth Eorlingas!" Joedon then yelled as loud as possible.

The newb freaked out and began to rush towards the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army. The thousands of members of Joe's troops began to lead their donkeys after Joedon all chasing the newbie. The newb began to cry wishing he would have followed the rules. The camera panned up showing the many donkeys and the members riding them all chasing the newbie. The party blowers rang out and the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to worry. "Fire now!" Brianmog roared. Sniper bullets launched banning some of Joedon's members.

"Ban!" Joedon roared almost to the army. The newbie rushed into the ranks of the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys, and Joedon and his members followed seconds later. Much violence and banning started to occur as Joedon's troops annialated the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army. Violence was everywhere and even some sex, drugs and alcohol. Explosions rang out and both Joedon's and Brianmog's armies were banned by the buttload. Joedon caught up to the newbie and stabbed him with the play school light saber banning him. "That should teach you to follow the rules!" He roared. The armies clashed banning more as violence ensued.

Jay finally managed to find Chrisdolf cowering with Katirefax. "Chrisdolf! Dannythor has lost his mind! He's burning RJmir alive!" He roared. "Are you sure you're just not making this up for attention?" Chrisdolf asked. Jay nodded and the admin grabbed him. When Jay was on Katirefax, the three sped up to stop Dannythor. Down below, the SPPherim continued to ban the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys, who didn't stand a chance.

Katirefax rounded a corner when the cries of a Fell Keet filled the air. Chrisdolf haulted her as the cute winged birdie landed on a tower just in front of them. It tweeted and leapt into their path. On its back was the lordess of the CamelToez, the ***** Queen of PCG! Chrisdolf dismounted Katirefax and pulled out his staff. "It's time to be banned white admin!" The ***** Queen shrieked as her Fell Keet fluffed its wings. "Dark ***** of Cirith Mungol! Return to your master!" Chrisdolf replied holding out his staff and releasing a semen beam. The Fell Keet flew up and doged squawking with anger.

"Now you will be bannedâ€¦" The ***** Queen grinned. She ordered her Fell Keet to attack and it lunged, smashing into Chrisdolf and breaking his staff in half. Chrisdolf spun around and got back up. The ***** Queen prepared to finish him. Suddenly, her top fell down exposing one of her breasts. A silver star was present on the tip. "Holy ****!" Katirefax neighed. Jay began to laugh and Chrisdolf tried to hold it in. The ***** Queen freaked out and immediately covered it up. "You have not seen the last of me! It will take more than a wardrobe malfunction to ban me!" She roared. The Fell Keet reared up and dive bombed down towards Pellinwhore fields as Chrisdolf grinned pleased with his win. As he remounted Katirefax, Jay voiced his opinion. "Geeze what a *****â€¦" He remarked.

At the pyre, Dannythor poured oil on himself feeling its coolness. RJmir tried to avoid it, but it was hopeless. Dannythor was set on suicide, and he was too dumb to see his son was alive. "Set a fire in our flesh." Dannythor ordered his gaurds. They looked a little unsure, but slowly brought the torches forward. Suddenly, Katirefax smashed through the door as triumphant music played. "Stay this madness!" Chrisdolf roared. The gaurds drew back, but Dannythor grabbed a torch and dropped it catching the pyre on fire.

Chrisdolf grabbed a spear from a nearby guard and smashed it into Dannythor knocking him from the pyre. Jay stood still scared. "Jay save RJmir!" He roared. But Jay was too much of a *****. "It's your chance to receive the ultimate attention!" Chrisdolf added in. At this, Jay leapt into the fire and shoved RJmir out. He laughed and clapped pleased with his newly found courage. Suddenly, he burst into flames and began to cry running around. Katirefax reared up and trampled him to put it out.

Suddenly, Dannythor grabbed Jay and began to wiggle him. "You stupid whore, you can't take my son from me!" He roared. Katirefax then headbutted him away into the pyre. "Only I can ban Jay!" She roared. RJmir laughed a bit and Dannythor finally noticed he was alive. "RJmirâ€¦" He said before he went up in flames. Screaming, he rushed from the room and to the edge of the nipple. Still aflame, he leapt off falling towards the battle below. Craomer road his donkey lifting his light saber to rally his troops. Suddenly, Dannythor landed on his sword cuasing blood and **** to fly everywhere. "Wow, what incredible irony." He remarked. "So passes Dannythor." Chrisdolf replied from the steward hall.

Down below, the battle raged on as the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys were banned by the hundreds. The SPPherim had taken out many. "Drive them to the river!" Craomer yelled. "Make safe the city!" Joedon added in. Suddenly, the sounds of Pokeflutes filled the air. Joedon turned to see a large amount of giant Donphans spanning the edge of Pellinwhore Fields. Each one had a Tentacruel wrapped around its belly. Their tentacles gripped an axle so that the Donphans could roll without the Tentacruel towers spinning as well. On the Tentacruel's heads were many Cacneas; arms prepped to launch pin missiles.

The lead Donphan bore a small boy with a huge backpack on and a shirt that said "Pokemon Rocks." This was the leader of the Southren Armyâ€¦Johnemon. (Water Pokemon Master). To the side he had a portable TV with a portable DVD player which played Pokemon Heroes over and over again. Joedon looked confused. "I thought the Southron army was composed of midgets." He said. Johnemon smiled. "They were until I got rid of them. Pokemon are too cool to be handled by midgets. They must rule the world! Hunter agreed to let me have Europe if I won, so here I am helping him! I think I'll rename it Pokeope." He giggled. Everyone began to mutter to themselves.

The other Donphans each had a Mr. Mime on their head. "You're the only human in the army?" Craomer asked. "I don't need friends! My Pokemon are my only ones, and they suit me fine!" Johnemon replied. "Dude, Pokemon's gay!" Someone yelled out. Johnemon went insane with rage. "You're just surcumbing to peer pressure! You know it's cool, and now you must all die!" Johnemon roared. The Donphans began to trumpet. Joedon and his members looked a little confused but worried as well.

"See to your donkey! Reform the lines!" Joedon roared. Johnemon began to shout as the Mr. Mime's blowed their Pokeflutes. The Cacnea aimed their arms. "Sound the charge!" Joedon ordered Chrisling. He blew a party blower and the SPPhirim began to gallop their donkies straight at the Donphan army. The Donphans all started to charge as well. Each army ran straight towards each other. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys ran past the Donphans running for cover.

The SPPherim came into range and the Donphans began to bash them away with their trunks. A few lowered their barbed wired tusks and smashed into them, banning many. The Donphans also lifted their feet bringing them straight down on masses of the Serehirim. Chaos and violence was everywhere as the Serehirim were being banned by the dozen. The Donphans trumpeted and the Cacnea began to launch their pin missiles banning more. The Serehirim who made it past the giant Pokemon turn and raced back to attack from the rear. The Donphans continued to smash the members banning many.

Craomer turned his donkey and sped up to the front of the lead Donphan who bore Johnemon. He turned to face it as the beast bellowed and lumbered towards him. "What are you doing? If you ban my precious Pokemon I will go Pokemon Heroes on your ass! And trust me; I've seen it 1,200,578 times! I know what I'm doing!" Johnemon roared. Craomer grinned and grabbed a spear from the ground. "Die you Pokemon loving freak!" He roared and chucked the spear smashing it straight into the poor kid. He was instantly banned and fell from the head. A tether connected to the Donphan's ear caught him but tripped the Pokemon up. It bellowed in pain and diverted direction smashing into another Donphan and becoming crushed under it. Craomer was so relieved to have gotten rid of the annoying kid.

Joedon dodged a massive Donphan foot and sliced at its leg. The Pokemon bellowed and curled into a ball. It began to use roll out, plowing over many more of the Serehirim banning them all. "Hurry up!" Joedon roared as a beast lumbered by. Gabrielyn and Zak rode among the Donphans. Gabrielyn was dodging well pulling on her donkey's reigns and twisting it as the Pokemons' feet crashed down. A foot almost crushed them but she managed to pull away in time. "Take the reigns!" She roared. Zak took them and began to steer, bringing the donkey under almost every Donphan foot. Gabrielyn was forced to take the reigns back a few times before he got the hang of it.

The two sped towards the rolling Donphan. Gabrielyn grabbed a light saber from the ground and Zak brought the donkey side by side with the spinning Pokemon. Gabrielyn pushed the saber into it. The Pokemon instantly stopped spinning. When it formed back into itself, a large gash went in a circular motion down its body. It bellowed and fell down. Gabrielyn grinned and took over the reigns, dodging more feet as the Donphans tried to ban more. Many gave up trying to crush them with their feet and were now smashing their trunks along the ground tripping the donkeys up. Chaos and violence was everywhere.

"Aim for their heads!" Craomer yelled bringing his donkey up by a Donphan's leg. He sliced at it, taking the time to notice the thousands of sniper bullets in its hide. The Pokemon stopped running, too injured in one leg to move. It reared up onto its hind legs bellowing with rage. "Bring it down! Bring it down!" Joedon roared desperately. Chrisling launched a sniper bullet into the Pokemon's head and it fell backwards crushing many riders under it. Gabrielyn tried to steer the donkey away, but the impact flung her and Zak off and sent them falling to the ground. She quickly recovered but couldn't find Zak anywhere in the chaos of the fieldâ€¦

**DannyBoy** · 7th May 2004, 07:37 PM

Sorry it took so long to reply but I finally got the chance. Pretty good chapters and they kept me interesting. They were funny and I liked the part when Mikey kicked Bjarni. The whole part infact was really good. Keep it up!

**phaedrus** · 7th May 2004, 11:12 PM

Mikey, incredible! Johnemon rocks! =D

You have two left! Keep the energy up until the end!

This should be best fic of the year =o (only if i'm in it XD)

**Mikey** · 10th May 2004, 05:39 PM

Thanks to all those who replied, but WHERE DID ALL THE OTHER READERS GO?

I love replies so start replying!

Anyways, the last two parts should be up spanned over the next week. The fic will be completed by the time Return of the King comes out, maybe sooner, so read now and reply!

Thread: The Lord of the Pokemasters (all Ummmmers must read!)

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