The Lord of the Pokemasters (all Ummmmers must read!)

[phaedrus]

oh nos!

two parts to go, less than a week to do it!
aiaiaiaiaiai!

it's el tiempo small-o, my friend! make haste!

can't wait for the next one.

[Mikey]

Ha, I was just going to reply to this. Anyways, I'm sort of busy for the next couple days so the next part won't be up until after Wednsday. I will try to finish the fic in a week or so.

[phaedrus]

Anyways, the last two parts should be up spanned over the next week. The fic will be completed by the time Return of the King comes out, maybe sooner, so read now and reply!

most likely not happen now, since may 25 is tuesday and rotk dvd is out then. =|

[Mikey]

Yeah, I have been very busy for the past two weeks so I haven't gotten to write, but you can expect a new chapter this week, and I'll finish it by Sunday too most likely. Get excited because the ending will shock u!

[phaedrus]

yay finish quickly!

[Lady Vulpix]

Oh, suspense...
I've finally caught up. Sorry for the delay, I've been way too busy.
Poor Amy, does she know the role she got in this story?
But well, I hope the conclusion is as funny as the previous parts.

[Mikey]

Thanks Gabby. Ok, expect the new chapter tomorrow. And then the finale will be posted on Sunday. Its so sad to see my fic of almost a year end but its been fun

[Mikey]

Sorry for those who were awaiting the chapter today, but I went to a party and didn't have time to finish it. The two parts will be put up this weekend though. Definitly expect the new one tomorrow and the final one Sunday.

[Mikey]

Ok, I have finally finished part 13! Yay! The finale should be up tomorrow, but no promises. I was going to include the House of Healing, but I decided not to as it wasn't really that important plus it was kind of a boring part of the book. Well, he's part 13 for your reading pleasure...

Part 13

Inisde of the city a Kelly was humping the door to the second level trying to break inside. TPMdorians on the other side of the gate were rushing to brace it, but they weren't very good at it. Chrisdolf and Jay sat on a porch just to the side of the chaos.

"I didn't think it would end this way." Jay whispered to Chrisdolf. The white mod turned to him cocking his head. His face was confused.

"End?" He said smiling. "What did you expect? The kellys to break through the door and offer us flowers and candy? Stop being such an idiot!" He yelled to the small attention whore. He then took a deep breath and continued.

"But no, the journey doesn't end here. Ban is just another path…one that we all must take. The grey-rain curtain of this world rolls back and all turns to silver glass. And then you see it…" He explained.

"What? Chrisdolf? See what?" Jay asked in anticipation. Chrisdolf smiled and continued.

"White shores…and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise complete with all the women you want. That is, if you take this and do Alkieda's bidding." Chrisdolf said pulling a bomb with a belt on it out of his robe. "Do it for Alla!" He grinned.

Jay looked a little confused. "I'm not going to become a suicide bomber! Alkieda lies! If you kill people you go to hell!" He shouted. Chrisdolf put the bomb away and folded his arms.

"Fine then…you finally get a chance for attention and you blow it. Alla will send you to hell." He yelled and turned away. Jay sighed and put his head down crying like a baby that lost its sucker. The gate began to give way to the humping Kellys.

A Donphan foot crashed down upon a donkey, turning the poor thing into a pancake as the giant Pokemon continued to rush around the field. Another Donphan smashed some donkeys up with its tusks sending them flying into another Donphan's face. The two Pokemon then began to juggle some of the Serehirim around giggling with glee.

"Rally to me! To me!" Joedon yelled but no one seemed to be coming to him. "I own SPP and if you want to remain unbanned you will rally!" He commanded. Suddenly, the cute tweets of a parakeet filled the air and Joedon turned to see The ***** Queen's massive Fell Keet descending from the sky upon him. The cute birdie flew past him dropping a wad of bird crap that covered Joedon and made him fall. His donkey cried out and fell on top of him pinning the site owner to the ground.

The ***** Queen turned her steed around and flew down to meet the fallen webmaster. The members of SPP began to flee from the mighty Fell Keet as it approached their king. "Feast on his flesh!" The ***** Queen roared. The Fell Keet chirped happily as it came upon Joedon. Suddenly, Gabrielyn lunged in between the two holding up her "I am a boy! Boy's are cool!" sign for the ***** Queen to see.

"I will ban you if you touch him!" She roared. The ***** Queen smiled and began to laugh.

"Do not come between the Cameltoez and its prey unless you wish to start a ***** fight." She roared. The Fell Keet squawked in annoyance. It then brought its cute little head in to bite Gabrielyn but she quickly dodged. The bird was a bit confused as Gabrielyn brought her play school lightsaber down on its neck. The saber lit up and make the normal sounds of light sabers colliding, but did nothing else.

"What the **** are you trying to do? Cut my steed's head off with a plastic sword? You're a ****ing moron!" The ***** Queen roared. Gabrielyn continued to beat the neck with the sword.

"Just hold on! It'll die soon! Give me a minute. That's right birdie! Let all consciousness slip away from you as the plastic tears into your neck." Gabrielyn said to the bird. It stood there taking the beating and looking confused. The ***** Queen began to yawn.

"Is this going to take long? I have to go screw some random guys, get pregnant, and then make them pay me child support so I can be rich." The ***** Queen grinned. Gabrielyn ignored her and continued to beat the Fell Keet. Finally, the ***** Queen leapt off the Parakeet and approached Gabrielyn.

"Oh just ****ing let me do it!" She yelled and grabbed the bird by the neck. She twisted her hands cracking her own Fell Keet's neck and sending it spasming to the ground.

"Holy ****! What a *****!" Gabrielyn shouted stunned and backed off. The ***** Queen did not find this statement amusing. Her fists clenched together and she pulled a machete out in one hand and a fricking mace in the other. Gabrielyn looked on wide eyed as her enemy did so. She quickly grabbed a shield from the ground and held it up. The ***** Queen swung the mace and Gabrielyn ducked. It swung again and she tilted herself back Matrix style to avoid it. Joedon watched this scene amused. The ***** Queen let out a whorish scream and swung again this time shattering Gabrielyn's shield and causing her to fall back.

"***** fight!" Someone yelled. Everything stopped as all the armies crowded around to view the fight. The Men in Black ships were now arriving in the harbor of Minas Titith. A battalion of Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys waited for them to dock. Their leader, Straty (Strat) sat in front impatiently.

"Late as usual. Alien fighting scum! There's banning here that needs doing. Come on you intergalactic rats! Get off your ships!" He roared. Suddenly, Mikagorn, Nateli, and Kylegolas jumped off of the nearest ship grinning with glee. Straty looked a little worried. He then folded his arms and smiled.

"There's plenty for the both of us! May the best dwarf win!" Nateli grinned.

"How about we pin them down and lick cream off of their…" Mikomir said through Kylegolas but he covered his mouth before it finished. Suddenly, thousands of ghostly prostitutes appeared behind them as they all rushed to ban the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. Before they could reach them, a lone British man in a black shirt stepped in front.

"I'm not impressed." Simon Cowell said in his British accent. Mikagorn stopped and looked confused along with the rest of the army.

"I agree with Simon." Stratly replied. Simon Cowell then turned back to him.

"You guys aren't very impressive either. None of you would make it in Hollywood." He said confidently. Straty grew a bit angry. He walked up to the British man and sliced his neck banning him instantly.

"Now let's ****ing fight!" He roared. Mikagorn nodded and the two armies clashed. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys were having too much trouble banning the ghost prostitutes and so they were quickly banned themselves as Mikagorn and his army poured into the city.

Zak awoke under a banned Donphan. He coughed violently and then began to crawl out into the battlefield. He noticed that everyone was now crowded around a single area. Wanting to see what was going on, he quickly crawled through the people to the front and grabbed a random dildo from the ground as he did.

The ***** Queen picked Gabrielyn up by the neck and held her up; choking the poor girl. "Fool! No man can kill me, only another *****. I will ban you now!" She roared. Gabrielyn struggled to free herself. Suddenly, the ***** Queen screamed as Zak chucked the dildo at her foot. She fell down and began to cradle her injured area. Zak pulled back injured from the attack he had done.

"Ow! Who the **** throws a dildo? Honestly?" She yelled rolling her eyes. Gabrielyn stood up and grabbed the ***** Queen's fallen machete. She then removed her helmet and revealed herself.

"I can be a ***** too!" She grinned and shoved the machete into the ***** Queen's face. The ***** Queen shrieked and began to melt away. So passes The ***** Queen of PCG

"Oh what a world! What a world!" She screamed before completely melting onto the field. Gabrielyn gripped her now injured hand and fell to the ground.

"Back to the battle!" Everyone screamed and began to fight again. Mikagorn, Nateli, Kylegolas, and the army of the Dead all began to rush into the fields banning many as they went.

"Fifteen! Sixteen!" Nateli roared as he caused violence to the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys in his way.

"Seventeen! Eighteen! Hey that one was cute!" Kylegolas yelled as he did the same next to Nateli.

"Twenty-nine that's still mine!" Nateli giggled at his rhyme. Mikagorn then noticed a Donphan heading straight for Kylegolas.

"Kylegolas!" He yelled to his friend and pointed towards it. The Pokemon was racing full speed towards the elf. Kylegolas squinted his eyes and leapt onto the Donphan's tusk as it passed by. The creature tried to squish him with its trunk but missed and Kylegolas leapt onto it front leg. He then leapt again to the hind leg and climbed up onto the ass.

"Oh, this Donphan has one hot rectum!" Mikomir said through Kylegolas. Kylegolas sighed and began to snipe the Cacneas in the Tentacruel tower.

"Thirty-three! Thirty-four!" He counted off as he did. A Cacnea smiled and lunged to hug him but he dodged and gripped a rope falling down to the tummy of the Donphan. He tried to slice the Tentracuel's tentacle but it just swatted him away.

"Let me do it!" Mikomir said taking over Kylegolas's body. He began to hump the tentacle until the Pokemon couldn't take it anymore and let go. Kylegolas regained control and gripped the tentacle as the Tentarcuel slide off the back and to the ground. Kylegolas leapt off onto the back as it did and then rushed to the head of the Donphan preparing to snipe it. "Stop! You can't kill Dumbo!" Mikomir said halting Kylegolas's body.

"It's not Dumbo!" Kylegolas sighed.

"Then I won't let you kill Babar King of the Elephants!" Mikomir replied.

"Dude, it’s a ****ing Donphan, not some children's book elephant!" Kylegolas yelled. Suddenly, the Pokemon's trunk came up and wrapped around Kylegolas. It then brought the elf down and began to smash him against the ground. "Ow, see what you did!" Kylegolas roared as the Pokemon pushed him into the earth.

"Let me fix it!" Mikomir replied as Kylegolas sighed. "Babar! Oh king of the elephants! Please stop hurting us! I promise to serve you!" Mikomir yelled up to the creature. It suddenly unwrapped them and put them down.

"I will remember this!" The Donphan grinned. Mikomir smiled seeing the hint of Babar in its eyes. The Pokemon turned and waddled away as Mikomir used Kylegolas's body to wave.

"Told you it was Babar!" He grinned. Kylegolas rolled his eyes in disbelief. Suddenly he was wacked over the head with an ax guitar.

"Eighty-nine!" Nateli smiled and continued to ban things. The armies of AIMdor began to retreat as Mikagorn looked around for more to ban. In the background the prostitute army took down a Donphan and began to do naughty things to it.

Gabrielyn used the last of her strength to approach Joedon who was still pinned under his donkey. She grabbed his head and began to cradle him. "I know your face…Gabrielyn, my eyes darken." He coughed.

"No, I'm going to save you." She cried. Joedon's eyebrows lowered.

"You already saved me once, don't try to be a glory hog!" He yelled. "Gabrielyn, my body is broken. You have to let me go!" He then said. Gabrielyn nodded with tears in her eyes and stopped cradling his head and let it fall to the ground. "Ow, son of a *****!" He roared. "I go to my fellow webmasters, in whose mighty company I can now tell them how much better my site was." He then said.

Joedon then stopping talking and Gabrielyn could tell he had been banned. She weapt a bit and then collapsed from her wounds as well. Chrisdolf and Jay were now walking through the desecrated battlefield. Mikagorn stood before the Army of the Dead Prostitutes. The Queen of the Dead was in front of him. "Release us!" She commanded.

Nateli folded his arms. "Bad idea! Very handy in a tight spot, these whores, despite the fact they're dead. They also don't charge much." He remarked.

"You gave us your word!" The Queen of the Dead bellowed.

"I hold your oaths fulfilled. Go now, be at peace." Mkagorn replied. The Queen of the Dead smiled and soon her army began to rise up towards the heavens. Suddenly, Kylegolas's body fell back as Mikomir's spirit left him.

"Hey, what the hell is going on? I don't want to go! I want to stay in Kylegolas's hot body! I almost got him to do it with Nateli! No!" He roared as he rose with the dead army.

"No he didn’t!" Kylegolas said nervously turning to Mikagorn who was staring at him dumbfounded. The group then watched as Johnemon also rose from the battlefield as a ghost.

"Wait a tic? I'm banned? No, I have to do some more Pokemon stuff! I can't be banned!" He cried. He then noticed Mikomir rising next to them. "Is there Pokemon in Heaven?" He asked.

Mikomir turned to him and smiled. "I'll be your Pokemon!" He giggled and clutched the confused boy in his arms.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Johnemon cried as the ghosts disappeared into the sky never to be seen again. Chrisdolf approached Mikagorn and bowed.

Meanwhile, Jay skipped through the battlefield as if he was running through a field of daisies. He then noticed Zak lying dormant on the ground. "Oh my god! It's Zackypoo!" he grinned and rushed towards him. If anyone would give him attention, it would be Zak. Zak was lying next to a banned Donphan as Jay cradled him.

"Zak, Zakky! It's me Jay!" Jay grinned.

"What the ****? You’re the last person I want to see when I'm this injured!" Zak replied weakly.

"I'm going to take care of you!" Jay grinned ignoring his friend's statement.

"Oh ****…" Zak cried.

The scene then shifted to the tower of Cirith Mungol. Mikey lied on the floor on the top of the tower. His hands wer bound and he was stripped of his shirt. He began to stir and noticed his predicament, hoping the Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys didn't have their way with him while he was out.

Rustrat and Razbag were rummaging through Mikey's supplies near him. Rustrat pulled out Mikey's Mithril dress and sniffed it. "Hands off that shiny skin! That's mine!" Razbag roared to him.

"It's going to the great eye along with everything else!" Rustrat replied. Mikey began to fondle his neck realizing the forum was gone.

"I don't take orders from stinken Misc. mods!" Razbag bellowed. The two began to fight, kicking and punching each other around. Rustrat grabbed a light saber and aimed it towards Razbag.

"I'll stick this blade in your gut!" He growled. Razbag grabbed the blade and spun Rustrat around tripping him and causing him to fall into the open trap door. He smiled and kicked Rustrat down to the lower level.

"The scum tried to knife me! Ban him!" Razbag roared down to his troops. The Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey armys began to clash. Rustrat kicked a random one sending it spiraling down out of a nearby window. The two armies continued to beat the crap out of each other causing much violence and uneeded bannings.

Meanwhile, Chiko slowly climbed up the stairs towards the entrance of Cirith Mungol. He entered it to find very few Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys left alive. He rushed through the fortress finding the stairs and began to climb them. He soon came upon some Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys that were coming down. Chiko quickly hid in the shadows and took out Sting.

"Growl! Booooo! I are scaryness!" He roared. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys noticed the large shadow on the wall and slowly backed away. Chiko then exited the shadows to reveal himself as the tiny hobbit. The Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys laughed a bit and then rushed at him. Chiko quickly pulled out three bananas and tossed them off the edge. The monkeys shrieked and leapt after them. Chiko then continued his trek towards the top.

Up above, Mikey began to struggle as he heard someone coming. He was suddenly grabbed from the back and pulled forward by Rustrat. "Stop your squealing you dunghill rat! All of the Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys are dead and I need a booty call, so you're it! I'm gonna ram you liked a stuck pig!" He roared. Suddenly, Sting smashed right through him. Chiko had banned the poor Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey.

"Not if I ram you first!" Chiko roared. Rustrat coughed and fell down.

"Chiko!" Mikey grinned. Chiko put Sting down and began to untie Mikey. "Oh Chiko, I'm so sorry. Sorry for everything!" Mikey whined.

"Let's get you out of here. Then you can make it up to me if you know what I mean!" Chiko winked. Mikey ignored him but look despaired.

"It's over. They've taken it! They took the Forum!" Mikey roared. Chiko stood up a little surprised.

"I beggon your pardon but they haven't." He replied. He quickly turned around and undid his pants. Mikey watched him struggle before turning around and holding up the Forum. "I thought I lost you, so I took it. I thought it made a cool weewee ornament." He grinned. Mikey looked a little pissed.

"Give it to me!" Mikey roared. Chiko shrugged and started to undo his pants again. "I meant the Forum you sick bastard!" Mikey replied. The Forum began to whisper to Chiko and he started to pull away.

"Give me the Forum Chiko!" Mikey roared again. Chiko slowly held the chain with the computer chip towards Mikey who grabbed it and placed it quickly around his neck. "You must understand. The Forum is my burden. It would destroy you Chiko." Mikey whispered.

Chiko sighed and began to help Mikey up. "Come on Mr. Mikey. We'd best be moving on." He said.

"I need to find some clothes. I can't go around AIMdor in nothing but my skin, especially with all the purple and Elton John pictures Hunter put up." Mikey replied.

"Damn!" Chiko said flicking his fingers. The scene then changed to show Mikey and Chiko dressed in Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey clothing. They each sported a mechanical arm, a pirate had, a ninja outfit with transmetal coating, a nazi patch, and a terminator eye.

The two came to a cliff and looked down upon the fields of AIMdor below. Thousands of Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys were massing in the area. Purple was everywhere and the sounds of Elton John's music echoed. "There's so many! We'll never get through unraped." Mikey whispered. He then noticed the Eye of Hunter upon the tower. "That's him! The eye!" He cried.

"We have to go in there Mr. Mikey. There's nothing for it. Come; let's just make it down the hill for starters." Chiko replied. Mikey nodded and the two slowly began to climb down the cliff…

[phaedrus]

awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. and i got a part yay! i was the lead orc guy right? awesome i want that end up yay!

[Mikey]

Ok, I decided to hold off on the finale until this coming Sunday to allow those who haven't read this part yet to read. Stay tuned, ending will be yayness! People read!!!!

[Lady Vulpix]

This chapter was one of the funniest! The scene of Joedon's banning, and the part with all the ghosts going to heaven gave me some good laughs. And it's also funny how you seem to ba adding new adjectives to the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys each time. I'd never be as dirty-mouthed as you've portrayed me here, but the part where I banned the ***** Queen was funny too.

[Mikey]

Sorry for not getting the finale up on Sunday. If you saw my post in Misc. you should understand why. Anyways, I'm not really in the mood to be writing comedy at this time, so the finale will be posted whenever I feel up to it. Please be patient...

[Mikey]

Jebus, it has been awhile since I wrote in here. I am now ready to write comedy again though, so the exciting conclusion of Lord of the Pokemasters will be up BEFORE SUNDAY. This I promise you. Get ready though because it is going to be a blast!

[Mikey]

Ha, I sort of lied. The finale will not be up before Sunday...it will be up on Sunday. I'm about 75% done and after I have to do the final touches to make the ending cooler so just bare with me.

[Mikey]

Well, after a VERY LONG wait. I have finally finished Lord of the Pokemasters. It has been fun guys and I hope you enjoy the final chapter. Without any more talk, here's the finale...part 14. Enjoy and please reply with what you think of this chapter and the fic as a whole because I want to know your opinion!

Part 14...The Grand Finale!

Chrisdolf was now walking back in forth inside of the Citadel with Craomer, Mikagorn, and Kylegolas near him. Nateli was there physically, but he was now incoherent in Dannythor's seat smoking pot. "Mikey has past beyond my sight. The gayness is deep." Chrisdolf said sadly. Mikagorn looked up with a little bit of hope.

"If Hunter had the forum we would know it. All of TPM would be redone with annoying and pointless threads and many gay features." He said. Chrisdolf stopped pacing and turned towards him.

"It's only a matter of time. He has suffered a woop ass yes, but behind the gates of AIMdor are enemies having an orgy." He explained. Suddenly, the group was interrupted by some random mumbling from Nateli.

"Let them stay there. We should go and join them though, it sounds fun! Wait, why should we care?" He said not making any sense. Chrisdolf sighed and turned around.

"Ten Thousand Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeies now stand between Mikey and Mt. Ummmm. I've sent him to his rapage." He sad in disbelief.

"No…" Mikagorn cut in. "There's still hope for Mikey. He needs time and safe passage across the plains of Gamewizard. We can give him that, provided he doesn't screw it up."

"How?" Chrisdolf questioned.

"Draw out Hunter's armies. Empty his lands. We will gather our full strength and march upon the Black Gate." Mikagorn replied. Nateli began to giggle at this comment like an intoxicated monkey.

"We cannot achieve victory…well there's no possible way to achieve victory because our armies suck ass." Craomer said stepping up.

"Not for ourselves, but I can teach you all my stripper techniques to give Mikey a chance. If we strut our stuff in front of the Black Gate, Hunter will be sure to keep his eyes on us…not to mention slip dollar bills in our pants. It will keep him blind to all else that wiggles." Mikagorn explained.

"A seduction!" Kylegolas grinned. He then began to smile harder now that Mikomir couldn't respond through him.

"Hunter won't suspect a trap. He's too dumb. He'll take the bait!" Chrisdolf replied quietly to Mikagorn.

"Certainty of death or rape…no chance of success…**** that!" Nateli yelled standing up.

Mikagorn assembled what was left of their ***** army and began to lead everyone out of the legs of Minas Titith and into the smoking battlefield of Pellinwhore Fields. Chrisdolf, Nateli, Kylegolas, and Craomer were all riding near him. Craomer bore Zak on his donkey while Chrisdolf rode with Jay.

In AIMdor, the Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkies began to head away. On the hill, a Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey with a small square mustache and a whip in his hands directed the Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkies to the gate. He held his hand in the air and marched back and forth across the boulder. "Est is zeit fur racht!" He chanted while emphasizing his hand in the air. "Wir Mussen die Juden Ausrotten!" Hitler Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey roared.

"Look, the Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkies…they're not having sex anymore! You see Mr. Mikey, some luck at last!" Chio grinned as he saw that they could now cross the semen filled plains.

After some time and random spots where they got their feet stuck in the leftover Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey semen, the two sat by some rocks now out of Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey armor and rested. Mikey tried to take a sip from his canteen, but it was empty.

"Here, take mine. There's a few drops left." Chiko said handing his canteen to him. Mikey put it to his lips and then spit it out.

"This doesn't taste like water!" He cried. Chiko looked at him.

"Who said it was water? I got it when we were walking through the plains." Chiko replied. Mikey spat at the ground disgustedly.

"There will be none left for the return journey." He then said softly.

"Sure there will. We just have to refill it if you know what I mean!" Chiko winked at the scared hobbit. He then held out his hand and Mikey took it. The two began to skip up the hill.

Mikagorn and his army had finally reached the Black Gate after endless wrong turns and potty breaks. Back on Mt. Ummmm, Mikey and Chiko continued their trek. Suddenly, the Eye of Hunter caught wind of them and turned to look. Chiko got down and began to yell. "Mikey get down! It wants to undress you with its eye!" He cried. Mikey stumbled a bit and then fell to the earth as the light from the eye shown on him.

Mikagorn and his army formed very unorganized ranks just outside of the Black Gate. "Where are they?" Jay asked. He obviously wanted them to come out so he could receive attention. Mikagorn nodded to his friends and the group began to ride up to the gate. They stopped just short of it and looked up.

"Let the Fag of the Purple Land come forth. Let justice be done upon him!" Mikagorn shouted. Suddenly, the Black Gate began to creak and slowly open. Chanting began to fill the air. Hitler Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey was in front of the others as they marched stamping their booted nazi feet against the ground as they came.

"Est is zeit fur racht" He shouted. The other Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkies continued to stomp behind him.

"Wir Mussen die Juden Ausrotten!" They chanted in unison. This continued until Hitler Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey made it to Mikagorn. He tossed Mikey's mithril dress to the ground and spat on it. Mikagorn was in shock.

"Wir haben Ihren jüdischen freund ausgerottet." Hitler grinned. Zak got off of his donkey and walked up to the German. In one quick grab of the neck and a snap, Hitler fell dead.

"*******!" Zak roared.

"Strut your stuff!" Mikagorn yelled to his friends. The entire army began to strip as they danced around. They did erotic dances and some even brought poles to spin on. The Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkies began to spill into the area; each one of them aroused from the sexy dancing.

Back in AIMdor, Mikey and Chiko watched as the eye suddenly turned direction and looked off to the North. "It's gone Mr. Mikey. The light passed over us. Somethings seduced it." Chiko remarked. The two slowly got up and continued their climb to the top of Mt. Ummmm. They could now clearly see the fire erupting from the massive volcano chat room.

Thousands of Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys had now poured out of the gate as Mikagorns army finished their stripping. The army began to look frightened and started to step back, but Mikagorn rode his donkey in front of them. "Hold your ground! Hold your ground! Soldiers of TPMdor, of SPPhan…my brothers. I see in your erections the same excitement that would harden me... A day may come when the viagra of men fails. When we forsake our wives and break all bonds of marriage. But it is not this day. An hour of woodies and shattered pelvices when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth…I bid you stand, men of the net!" He yelled.

Everyone didn't seem to understand what his speech had to do with anything, but they all began to draw their light sabers anyways. Mikagorn turned his horse and lifted his sword as his donkey stumbled forward. Mikey and Chiko continued to climb the hill. Mikey pressed on with all his might, but slowly slipped and fell down the slope. Chiko couldn't seem to move, and Mikey couldn't get up. He began to crawl across the slope, but soon collapsed.

"Who thought I'd die fighting side by side with an idiot." Nateli said at the battlefield turning towards Kylegolas.

"How about fighting side by side with a friend?" Kylegolas asked.

"No, you’re an idiot." Nateli replied.

Back on the slope, Chiko slowly walked up and turned Mikey over. He began to cradle him in his arms wondering if it was the right time to seduce him. He thought it would be best to wait and then tried to comfort Mikey. "Do you remember the shire Mr. Mikey? It'll be spring soon, and the orchids will be in blossom. And the birds will be ****ing in the hazel thicket. And they be sowing summer weed in the lower fields. And eating the first of the very sexy strawberries and cream before having sex. Do you remember the taste of strawberries and sex?" He asked.

Mikey coughed a bit and looked at his friend confused. "No Chiko, I can’t recall the pleasure of sex, nor the sound of urine, or the touch of ass. I am naked in the dark. There is nothing, no veil…between me and the ring of fire! I can see him with my waking eyes!"

Chiko smiled. "Naked in the dark you say?" He grinned thinking about it. Mikey coughed again and Chiko grew worried. "Let us be rid of it once and for all! Come on Mr. Mikey, I can't carry it for you…but I can carry you!" He yelled hoisting him up.

"What the **** are you doing?" Mikey cried. Chiko held Mikey in his arms while gripping his ass for support…a little too much. "You can hold me anywhere else, why there?" Mikey asked. Chiko ignored him and continued to scale the mountain with a grin on his face.

Down below, Mikagorn looked up to see the Eye of Hunter. It was very small and looked deformed, but something was very seducing about it. The eye began to whisper. "Mikagorn…Virtual Playessar." It said. After being mesmorized by the eye for some time, Mikagorn turned around to his troops. "For Mikey…" He whispered and then began to rush towards the Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys that surrounded them.

Zak and Jay began to run seconds later and soon the rest of the army charged forward yelling with their light sabers prepped. Zak and Jay were trampled under the army as they ran. Soon, the two armies collided and much violence and banning began.

Back on Mt. Ummmm, Chiko continued to carry Mikey up the mountainside. He then noticed a large fiery doorway nearby with candles blowing in the wind next to them. He heard Elton John's "Candle in the Wind" song playing from inside. "Look Mr. Mikey…a doorway. We're almost there." He coughed.

From a boulder to their right, Bjarni suddenly climbed into view. He snickered a bit and then prepared to jump. "Clevar hobbits to climb so hi!" He growled and leapt onto them. The autistic child began to claw at them. He managed to grab Mikey and throw him off of Chiko. Chiko fell back as Bjarni leapt off him and onto Mikey; struggling hard to gain control of the forum. Chiko picked up a large rock and threw it; hitting the funny boy in his cantelope shaped head.

Bjarni fell back holding his head and sobbing. "We don’t spam! Don't ban us! Just give us the forum so we can post fanart!" He cried. Chiko leapt onto the autistic child and the two rolled further down the hill. At the Black Gate, Mikagorn's army was getting their asses handed to them on a platter by the Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. Much violence continued as everyone banned each other. From the airspace of AIMdor, the CamelToez began to enter crying out with rage.

Up above, Bjarni pulled out his hammer and began to wack Chiko. Chiko got pounded hard, but soon managed to hit Bjarni on the chest with his playschool lightsaber. The autistic child began to cry and held his chest. Chiko turned to see Mikey heading up the slope towards the entrance. "Mikey!" He yelled and ran after him.

As the two armies continue to cause violence to each other, Chrisdolf noticed the incoming Fell Keets. He put his head down dismayed but then notices the moth that he talked to before. He looked up and smiled at the incoming beasts. Suddenly, a tiny sparrow flew in front of the CamelToez squawking in anger. However, the bird was just smashed by the sheer bulk of the creature. Jay looked up and grinned. "The sparrows! The sparrows are coming!" He yelled as everyone looked up. "No, I'm talking! Pay attention to me!" He cried.

Thousands of little sparrows began to enter the airspace and peck at the Fell Keets. The giant parakeets didn't seem affected at all by the little birds. Most of the sparrows were killed just running into them. "What the **** is this? Am I high?" Nateli asked himself.

Chiko rushed inside the door humming to "Candle in the Wind". He soon noticed Mikey through the thick smoke. "I'm here Chiko!" He called back hoisting up the forum on the chain. He peered longingly at he computer chip.

"Destroy it!" Chiko cried. Mikey positioned the forum above the lake of fire below and continued to peer at it. "Go on now! Throw it in the fire!" Chiko yelled. Mikey hesitated as the forum began to sing to him. "What are you waiting for? Just let it go!" Chiko cried again with a look of despair. After some time, Mikey turned towards Chiko and grinned.

"The forum is mine!" He growed pulling the computer chip from the chain. He then pulled out a random laptop and slipped it in, now thinking he was invisible.

"NO!" Chiko cried. He watched as Mikey began to skip around the encampment acting like he couldn't be seen. Outside, the Eye of Hunter was startled by something and turned towards Mt. Ummmm. The CamelToez shrieked from the battle field and turned towards Mt. Ummmm smashing through random sparrows as they went.

As Mikey continued to skip around the area, Chiko was suddenly bashed from behind by a hammer. Bjarni giggled and looked forward. "We don't spam! Let us post my fanart, only for me?" He yelled and leapt onto Mikey. The two began to struggle around the walkway.

Back at the battle, a large Kelly approached Mikagorn roaring with rage. It swiped towards him with a sperm mace, but Mikagorn parried and sliced at it. Kylegolas saw this through the violence and began to rush towards him.

Mikey and Bjarni continued to beat the **** out of each other on the walkway. Bjarni then pulled out his hammer and bashed the hand Mikey held the laptop with. Mikey cried out and let the computer go. He fell to the ground holding his crushed hand. Bjarni giggled and held up the laptop. He pulled the forum out and peered at it with autistic eyes. He then began to dance around the walkway. "Yes! Yes! ! We gots the massage board! We don’t spam! See! We follow the rules!" He giggled clutching the forum. Mikey stood up angrily and rushed towards Bjarni. The autistic child cried out as he grabbed him and began to fight for the forum.

Down at the Black Gate, Miakgorn was smashed away by the sperm mace and covered in semen. He fell to the ground and the Kelly tried to pin him, but he dodged and stabbed it with a kitchen knife in the foot. Mikey and Bjarni continued their fight over the forum. "It's our massage board! We don't spam! Please don't ban us! Please, only for me?" Bjarni cried. Suddenly, the two slipped and fell down towards the lava below.

Bjarni fell down with the forum in hand. Soon, he struck the lava giving him an instant IP ban. "No, we don’t spam! NEVAR! Don't ban us Little_Pikachu! Please, only for me?" He cried as he sunk below the lava never to be seen again. The Forum of Hunter floated on top and the writing began to appear. Chiko rushed to the edge to find Mikey hanging from the side.

"Give me your peepee!" He yelled. Mikey cocked his head and prepared to let go. "Fine, give me your hand!" Chiko responded. Mikey flung it up, but because of his broken bones he couldn't get a grip. "Don't you let go! Reach!" Chiko yelled again. Mikey pushed his foot up and Chiko got a grip. He pulled Mikey up and the two stood panting heavily on the ground. "I never thought I'd be in this position with you. I mean lying down side by side and panting like we just…" Chiko began.

"Shut up!" Mikey cried. Down below, the forum finally was covered up in the lava and began to melt away. The Eye of Hunter began to convulse as if overstimulated. Down below, Hunter's army stopped fighting and peered up. The Kelly that pinned Mikagorn down suddenly rushed from the battlefield. Everyone watched in awe as the tower Hunter's eye rested on began to crumble.

The eye started to cry as the tower fell and soon it blew up, sending dust everywhere in a large explosion. (Everyone loves explosions ) The ground of AIMdor began to collapse catching many Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys in it. Mnay began to run but were soon overcome. Mikagorn's army stayed put like dumbasses and the ground overcame some of them before it stopped. Zak began to grin lifting his light saber into the air. "Mikey! Mikey!" He yelled. Suddenly, Mt. Ummmm exploded in a blast of thick lava. Everyone began to cry not even carrying about Chiko…only Mikey because he's cooler! At Mt. Ummmm, the poor Fell Keets were struck by random lava blasts burning them to bits.

Mikey and Chiko rushed from the door as the lava poured out behind them. They leapt onto a large outcropping just out of reach of the lava. They then turned over on their backs and panted once more. "It's gone! It's done!" Mikey grinned.

"Yes Mr. Mikey. It's over now." Chiko replied. Mikey began to smiled and closed his eyes.

"I can see the shire Chiko. The Fannywine River. Bag End. Hanadolf's fireworks! The flashing lights we saw when we were wasted by the party tree!" Mikey explained.

"Bulbasaur4 Cotton.(Bulbasaur4) She had ribbons in her hair…Damn I want those. If ever I was to become a transvestite…I want to look like her." Chiko cried. Mikey stared at him in confusion once more.

"I'm glad to be with you Chikowise Gamgee…here at the end of all this." He said. Chiko smiled back.

"Does that mean we can…" He began but was cut off by the screen fading to white.

The lava surrounded the outcropping as the two laid still. Suddenly, Chirsdolf rode out under a bed of several hundred sparrows. Two more groups followed him. They each picked up an unconscious hobbit and flew away from the mountain.

Mikey awoke days later in a nice sunny room in a large white bed. Chrisdolf laughed at him from the foot of the bed. "Who the **** are you?" Mikey asked. Chrisdolf stopped laughing and took a puff of his weed.

"I used to be Hanadolf but when I died I came back as someone who was actually cool." He replied. Mikey began to laugh with him. Soon, Zak and Jay appeared from a door to the back of the room. They began to laugh too and leapt onto the bed with Mikey. Nateli and Kylegolas then entered. Kylegolas smiled but Nateli just laughed at how dumb this whole ordeal looked. Mikagorn came seconds later and after followed Chiko…with no clothes on. Chrisdolf peered at him and frowned. "This is a reunion…not an orgy…though it looks like it." He yelled. Chiko's face saddened and he walked out.

Later on on top of the Citadel, Chrisdolf prepared to admin Mikagorn. Everyone watched in anticipation as he went into the admin control panel to do so. Suddenly, he was smacked away by another white admin. It was Suziemon! "What the **** do you think you're doing Chris? Sure, I made you an admin, but that doesn't give you the right to admin others behind my back!" She yelled. Chrisdolf slowly got up and looked at her.

"But Mikagorn needs to take his rightful place." He replied. Suziemon glared at him and then noticed everyone was still in Lord of the Ringish clothing.

"Oh my god! Don't tell me you guys are all still playing Lord of the Pokemasters? Come on, that was like so last summer!" She yelled and ripped her wizard clothing off. Everyone gasped as they watched.

"I am the main admin here so this will be my day. It does belong to one woman. And I'll watch as you all rebuild it so that we may live in days of peace." Suzie yelled. Everyone began to whisper to each other and soon the four hobbits, Mikey, Chiko, Zak, and Merry, approached and bowed. Mikagorn looked at them.

"My friends…you bow to no one." He said and bowed. Suddenly, Suzie smacked him away.

"They'll bow when I tell them too!" She yelled. RJmir and Gabrieyln looked at each other in shock as they watched what unfolded. Suddenly, Samwen entered with her little flag prepared to marry Mikagorn. Suzie glared at her. "No Sam, he's not worth it." She said.

Sam giggled. "Your right, I'm young. I'll just do what i do best for another few years...random hookups!" She giggled.

Suzie began to pace around the citadel. "Now, there's a little issue over who gets to go to the Grey Havens I presume, being Lord of the Pokemasters and all. Well, as your ruler once more I will decide." She explained.

"Suzie, what's the grey havens?" Chrisdolf asked. She turned to him and smiled.

"It's a nice way of saying banned." She grinned. "And, since you tried to admin Mike, you will be going there. I'll also send Andy because he provided Mike with that computer I didn't want rebuilt. Tina can go because having a rapist on the board isn't very enticing. Definitly send Mikey because he started all this ****…and why not throw Cheesy in there too on account of he dissapeared for some time."

Suzie led those she chose to the sea where a small wooden boat waited for them. Chiko grabbed Mikey's hand and pulled him back. "You can’t leave!" he cried. Suzie glared at him.

"You want to go too?" She asked.

"Bye!" Chiko replied letting go of Mikey. Some forum members randonly appeared with Cheesy Baggins and shoved him into the boat. Chrisdolf grabbed Mikey and approached the other hobbits.

"Farewell my friends. My work is now finished. Here at last by the shores of the sea comes the end of our fellowship." He said. Suzie suddenly smacked him.

"Stop wasting time and get on the damn boat." She yelled. Chrisdolf nodded and led Mikey on. Ozanrond and Tinadriel appeared seconds later and Suzie piled them in as well. The boat began to leave and everyone watched in sadness as it went. When it was several yards out, it struck an iceberg and sunk below the ocean. Suzie then turned back to everyone. "Let's all go get drunk now!" She grinned. Everyone cheered and pulled out alcohol as party streamers flew down.

SEVERAL HUNDRED ENDINGS LATER

The next day Chiko arrived to his home. The door opened and a ghostly figure came running up to him. "Well, I'm back…" Chiko said to Mikomir and the two walked back inside for some lovin'….

[DannyBoy]

That was a hilarious ending. Where do you come up with this stuff? Love the Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. They had to be my favorite thing in the fic. But favorite thing/person was Barjni. Couldn't help but to laugh at his stupidness. So are you going to still do The Pokemaster Chainsaw Massacre? Cuz ya know if you are, good person to get scream at a crazy psycho, im right here . I really hope you do that because TCM is one of my top 3 horror movies. Also I love you sig! Towlie is my idol! I have a shirt of him that says I Have No Idea whats going on. All my friends say it descibes me. But over all good fic. It should def win again at the summer awards or whatever there calling them. See ya!

[Lady Vulpix]

Nice chapter! Thanks fopr the PM!
Go, Zak! He did little in this chapter, but the little he did was great!
The part about the canteens was gross. XP
Suzie's part was really funny; I wasn't expecting that... Nor the final scene. How did Mikomir get back? Or was Chiko also banned in the end?

[Leon-IH]

rofl, this belongs in archives

[Lady Vulpix]

As soon as Mikey requests it. He may want to reply to some comments or wait for more.

[Mikey]

Yeah, it only finished like 2 days ago. I'm waiting for some replies before I request it into the archives.

Anyways, thanks for the reviews guys! It means a lot. Gabby, it's sort of implied that Suzie unbanned Mikomir but I really just randomly did that for laughs.

[phaedrus]

I apologize for not replying earlier, but I'm in China right now. Thus, my reply arrives.

1. ****ing hilarious.
2. deserves to be the #1 fic of the century.
3. good job, Mikey!

NOTE: will be gone again, so no posting for three days or four days.

[Mikey]

Ok, I think it's safe to assume there will be no more replies so you may move this to the archive

[Bulbasaur4]

Bulbasaur4 Cotton.(Bulbasaur4) She had ribbons in her hair…Damn I want those. If ever I was to become a transvestite…I want to look like her." Chiko cried. Mikey stared at him in confusion once more.

XD Yay! I read the whole thing and I gets tah be in it! Woo!! It was frigg'n hilarious... seriously, I'm going to die from laughing so much. Some of it was rather crude humour, but I'm a crude-humor sort of person some times and it made me laugh more.

Great references... this definately must be archived!!

[Mikey]

Ok, I don't want to be a resurector of old topics, but this was NEVER moved to Completed Fics like I asked. I don't want it to just die away in the fanfic forum like it never existed so when i complete something I plan on doing, I would like this to be moved there, but not quite yet.


Ok, if you haven't discovered for yourself yet, I am returning. Yes, you were all sad when I left but now you can be happy again. As a little tribute to my return, I will be doing "The Lord of the Pokemasters: Extended Scenes" in which I will write short exerpts from parts of the extended editions that were cut out. It should be up sometime around x-mas. This is just to give fans of my fic a reunion so to speak of it since it has been months since it ended. After this is completed, this can be moved to the completed fic archive and I will begin my next parody fic. It's already in the works, and I hope you'll enjoy what is to come.

[phaedrus]

i am waiting. h:

just found it at the end of the pile. damn.