Yu-Gi-Oh: Sister of Anansi

[Shuppet Master]

Yeah,I sort of assumed what opaltiger did,before I played the GBA Yu-Gi-Oh games like "Stairway to the Destined Duel." It opened my eyes to certain cards like Solemn Wishes and other stuff.

[mr_pikachu]

Interesting duel between Diane and Shanna. The latter duelist had a lot of rare monsters, but Diane’s Guardians just pulled her through. I noticed some calculation errors, though, and I thought that you could have done more with description, too. The setting was done well initially, but I thought it might have been better had you continued to mention it throughout the duel. Good characterization, though, and nice tactics. The plot is moving right along, as well. Pretty good.

And Norus trounced Sonja. I’m also surprised he didn’t take an Exodia piece instead. It seems like he went to great lengths just to anger Twilight. Odd. Good duel overall, even though it was clear that Norus prepared his deck specifically to counter Sonja’s. Vile, huh? Again, I thought that a more continuous use of the setting would have helped; the only time it came into play was with the martini bit and one of Norus’ monsters kicking up sand. (At the time, I didn’t even think of the second one having to do with the setting, since it was so understated.) The characters, on the other hand, were done pretty well, and you did a nice job of moving the plot and adding a bit of mystery with Twilight’s Millennium Necklace. Exactly what did she do with that, anyway? Hmm…

!!! So that’s what happened to the Necklace! Very nice, and highly unexpected. I commend you on connecting the pieces of the fic together in that manner. That took some careful pre-planning, but you executed it well. Nice. Great duel in this chapter, too; it was good to see the friends in conflict against each other. However, it appears my prediction will not come true; I was thinking it would be very interesting if Gwen swept the finals. Good work in surprising me, there. And you used cards that were all names of Venusaur’s fics! As long as he doesn’t mind, that’s an interesting use of the titles. I never would have expected that. (You should’ve seen my face when I saw the card “Mandate of Heaven” being used! Do those cards actually have some connection to the events in Venusaur’s fics? After all, Seigfried could probably get cards like those created if he exerted his full influence into doing so…) All in all, a very interesting chapter.

I liked the job you did on these last three chapters. You may want to use the settings more, but otherwise, you seem to be doing alright. I like the direction this fic is taking, and I look forward to seeing more of it in the future. Well, I’ll see you next chapter!


NOTE: Each of the first three paragraphs corresponds to my immediate responses to the last three chapters. Sorry if there was any confusion in reading those.

[Dark Sage]

Mr. Pikachu -

.hack did ask permission to create cards named after my fanfics, and I gave him such, but I didn't know at the time what the cards actually did. We tell each other a lot, but not everything...

As for the Necklace - I'm sworn to secrecy, but the next chapter is going to be a dozy...

- Venusaur

[opaltiger]

Wierd, I could've sworn I got 1000 with a Pot of Greed in one of teh GBA games... Ah well.

[Shuppet Master]

I happened to own the GBA games,and I never got more than 500 each time I drew cards with Solemn Wishes. Maybe you were playing something like "The Sacred Cards", which really mucks up the card game rules. Bleh.

And I apologize for not using the setting more. I really stink at description of settings. When I revise them I will work harder to add in a bit more detail - I loved how,in "Legacy",Anastasia had made the finals of her tournament spectacular by having the duels take place in a virtual setting(like the trees bursting into flame when Mary's dragon attacked,or aging and crumbling when she used Time Wizard's effect).

The idea for the title cards came to me from wanting to find a way for Bethany to summon her Mokey Mokey King in the first round,since all three Mokey Mokey would be buried in her deck. I remembered the duel between Yugi and Kaiba in the movie,where Kaiba plays a card that forced Yugi to summon all the God Cards to the field,and came up with the card. I then was inspired to name it "Mandate of Heaven" because it sounded like a good card name - in truth,I thought the idea of the three title cards earlier as a tribute to Venusaur's fanfic series. I had different effects for the cards at first,but then as the duel progress,the new effects came clear to me.

Oh,and no,Siegfried has no control over making new cards. His company deals with virtual technology - Industrial Illusions is the bigwig who designs new Duel Monsters cards,because the game is THEIR property.

[mr_pikachu]

And I apologize for not using the setting more. I really stink at description of settings. When I revise them I will work harder to add in a bit more detail - I loved how,in "Legacy",Anastasia had made the finals of her tournament spectacular by having the duels take place in a virtual setting(like the trees bursting into flame when Mary's dragon attacked,or aging and crumbling when she used Time Wizard's effect).

I just want to make sure you don't misinterpret what I said about the settings; your initial descriptions were fine, frankly. The thing that got to me was that it felt like you described them and then just forgot about them afterward. The descriptions themselves were good, but they're pointless if you don't continue to use them throughout the course of the duel. That's all I meant. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough.

[Shuppet Master]

It's okay, I'll try.

BTW, next chapter is up. It's sort of a filler. Enjoy(I had to put this up fast as I have class soon).

[opaltiger]

Visions of the Future. =D I likes. Athena is my favorite Greek goddess. XD You call that a filler? Nope, that was some very nice plot you have there.

[starjake]

Gee...I wonder who the next duel is with...

And I agree with opaltiger: that was certainly no filler. You managed to force some questions into our heads as well as further the plot a bit (wonder what Lina's gonna say when Norus uses those Archfiends?)

Anyways, can't wait for the next duel! I'll be sure to put on summer clothes; it's bound to be a hot one!

[Dark Sage]

Well, where to begin?

Norus has added stealing to his list of misdeeds... I wouldn't be surprised if his next duel is his last. I don't think he can get away with it this time.

Diane certainly has an interesting future. She seems destined to follow in her sister's footsteps, and her Eliminator guise is truly unique. The fact that Ares is working for her in the future hints that he might not be such a bad guy after all, and he might turn against the villians soon.

But one thing - if it's fifteen years in the future (Shelob and Echidna vanished ten years ago after five tournaments), how could Norus have a fifteen-year-old son?

Otherwise, this was certainly an interesting chapter, I await the next one.

- Venusaur

[Shuppet Master]

I apologize, I guess it would have been a bit longer. I can always fix that part. Make it twenty years or something.

Thanks for the comments,all of you. I'm working on the next chapter as we speak.

[Perfect Chaos]

This certainly was a very interesting chapter to say the least.

Norus is upto his normal devious ways as always, huh? Such a shame, and he uses Fiends too...

BTW .hack, I think Guardian Aitos's name is spelled EATOS not AITOS. Just a minor error, I think everything else looked fine.

-$∑@π

[Shuppet Master]

I know how its spelled,but I prefer to spell it Aitos,because Eatos sounds like some diner name.

[mr_pikachu]

Well, those were some interesting dreams/visions. Ares is indeed still trusted by Diane to some extent in the future. Will he turn against the evil, or will his role in their plans simply not be discovered? Diane's an Eliminator, Norus has two sons (only one of whom shares his father's nastiness... are you hinting that they're stepsons?), and in the present, Norus is up to his old tricks. I expect Lina to blow her top when she finds out what Norus has done. And I'm pretty sure we all know who will be in the next duel. This should be interesting; it's the battle of the boyfriends, only worse!

I liked your descriptions of the shrine; pretty good. I was able to visualize most of it fairly well. (Although I initially believed Diane to be back with the crystallized dragons when she instead was inside her lair... you know, the whole "crystal pillars" thing and all.) The duel was nice as well. She's ruthless in the future, huh? Intriguing.

There were some things, though, that I think could have been improved. For one thing, you got Norus into his... erm... "fantasies" again. I thought you said you'd be editing that out? It still seems odd for a boy his age. And the bit with the video game was very confusing as well. Perhaps you meant for the readers to not fully understand, but it ended up sounding somewhat jumbled. In addition, some of the dialogue felt a little out of place, too. Beth's loud laughter, for one thing, seemed very odd. Watch for that kind of thing.

All in all, though, you did a great job with this "filler". (This actually doesn't seem like a filler to me, despite the fact that the tournament did not continue. A lot happened to change things, so that has to be taken into consideration as to whether or not this is a filler.) The settings were done well, a lot of information was given, and Norus stacked his deck again. *sighs* What a foolish boy. Anyway, I'll see you next chapter!

[Shuppet Master]

I will fix those things in the future,I promise. However,I am guessing that Norus is 13,and entering puberty,and boys who enter puberty...well,I would get banned if I said any more. If boys have have romantic relationships with girls,then surely they might get something else out of it.

Whatever. Anyways,I've already completed Chapter 30,the first semi-final duel. Surprised I did it so quickly? I plan out each duel on paper and then type it up. Enjoy!

[Shuppet Master]

Yu-Gi-Oh Jr.: Sister of Anansi
A Yu-Gi-Oh fanfic-crossover fanfic by .hack//BELLOSSOM

Chapter 30: Molten Destruction

MANTRA: “Metal, Fire, Wind, Water, Earth,
Spawn my beasts and give them birth!
Use them as my means to rule,
Set the field, its time to duel!!”

* City of Souls, "Approaching Storm" *

Morning came on the next day, and Diane woke up early, the thoughts of the dream still in her head. What does it all mean? Why did I get that dream of the future? Is that a real future, or one I envision? And why did I feel funny? And what were those cards in that museum case?

She turned on her computer. "Maybe some e-mail will make me feel better." She checked her in-box and found two more messages. "Awesome, two more Eliminators e-mailed me! Maybe I should talk with them later. If that dream told me I'm going to be an Eliminator, I need to learn the trade." She read the first e-mail, from the address of "gorgonx@duelisle.org."

To my best friend's sister,

I am pleased to hear that you made it to the finals of your camp tournament! I see much potential in you, girl. My name is Merisa, but in Duelatopia, I am the hideous Medusa-like Gorgon known as Echidna. My deck is very interesting - many people make the mistake of assuming that my deck is composed of snake monsters. There are few snakes in Duel Monsters, save for the legendary Giant Spitting Cobra, Anaconda Crusher, and of course, Sinister Serpent.

My deck, though, is quite interesting. In fact, Yugi Mouto Jr. complimented me on it - because it focuses on his favorite monsters, the Dark Magician family! I heard rumors that you own a Dark Magician Girl, and that your friend, Gwendolyn, has another of my cards, the Sorceress of Conflict. If you duel her in the finals, I wish you luck - Sorceress of Conflict is not a spellcaster to take lightly!

Fat chance of that ever happening, thought Diane as she recalled Gwen's defeat. She continued reading.

Well, whatever happens in the finals, I wish you the best of luck. I wanted so dearly to duel Yugi Jr., but he got to your sister first. Yugi is quite a skilled duelist, and so is his friend Peter Ramset. His Archfiends are mighty indeed, and his tricky use of my Dark Magician Girl gave him a victory. I certainly hope he uses those cards I gave him well. And I hope the cards you gain in the future will make you stronger. If you ever wish to e-mail me, feel free. I love talking to a duelist who utilizes the Dark Magician Girl in her deck! Ta-ta!

Signed, Merisa Garaya, aka "Echidna"

"Well, that's interesting," said Diane, scribbling down the e-mail address and deleting the message, then checking the next message. It was from the address of "dracmaster@duelisle.org."

Hello Diane!

Dracula has nothing on me! I am Sir Vlad, the zombie master of Duelatopia, and my zombie deck is a frightening sight to behold! Anyone who duels me is in for the terror of their lives! And anyone who loses against me becomes fresh meat for me and my vampire slaves! Bwa ha ha!

Of course, I cannot fool you. Your sister is one of us, and thus we expect you not to believe in our lies. In truth, I used to be a simple paranormalist, who enjoyed scouring the plains of Romania and the mires of Ireland to ferret out ghosts and goblins. I started dueling as a hobby when I learned about the legendary Shadow Games, and I wanted to see if there was any paranormal connection to the cards. Legend states that gypsies used cards to predict the future.

Sieg found me out - I was the greatest Zombie duelist in Europe and gained infamy as the champion of the Netherlands - and offered me a job as one of his lackies. At first I thought of refusing, but he offered me a chance to study the history of the island and its environs, which are rich were supernatural energy. I couldn't say no.

I doubt you'll follow in your sister's footsteps as one of us, Diane, but if you do, a word of warning. Some duelists have wills of iron. Instead of trying to break those spirits, instead focus on their strategies and take them down. Many fools who think they could defeat my deck because of the notoriety of the Zombies fall quickly to my monsters, especially my two favorite monsters - Vampire Lord and Vampire Lady! I advise you not to focus on single monsters, make your whole deck work together. In the end, you will be victorious if you have faith in your deck. Farewell!

Signed, Harold Dockmeir, aka "Sir Vlad"

Diane sighed and smiled, deleting the message. "And to think...I might become one of these people someday. Or was that all a dream. It seemed too real to be a dream, though...more like..."

Lina poked her head inside. "Hey, Diane, are you getting ready for breakfast?"

"Oh yeah, sure!" said Diane, getting up and turning off her computer. "I'll be right there!"

~~+~~

"You sure seem to be bothered," said Gwen as Diane was eating her toast gingerly, her mind in deep thought.

"Uh, yeah," said Diane, looking up from her oatmeal. "I'm sorry. It's just...I had a hard time sleeping last night."

"I understand," said Gwen, grinning. "This is the semi-finals, and you've got two more duels to deal with before you get a chance to win the tournament! Not to mention that you have three tough opponents to deal with!"

Bethany slowly approached. "Hmmm..." She sat down and yawned, then took the orange juice from her tray and drunk it slowly.

"You okay, Beth?" asked Diane.

"Not really," mumbled Bethany with a sigh. "I...I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt I was trapped in Lava Golem's cage, and Guardian Elma and Coach Goblin were dancing around me and laughing. It was horrible!"

Gwen nodded. "I have an idea what that dream meant. You're scared of what's about to happen."

Bethany looked up.

"Those monsters relate to your fears," explained Gwen. "You're going to have to duel either your beau, Diane, or Norus. And all three are hard to deal with in a duel." She turned to Diane. "I saw how hard it was to duel Jake last time, if you have to duel him again, it'll be harder. And I know how hard it'll be to duel our friend."

Diane frowned. "It's okay. No matter what happens, we're friends forever."

Bethany nodded softly. "But what if I have to duel..." A loud chuckle drew her head to Norus, who was shuffling his deck.

"Hey, Gwen!" shouted Norus. "You're lucky you don't have to duel me, I've pumped up my deck to crush your Pokémon rejects!"

Gwen's ears burst with steam as her face turned bright red in rage. "Beth, crush him."

"But...what if I lose?" whispered Bethany in fear.

"It's okay, you did your best," said Diane.

"It is NOT okay," growled Gwen. "Who knows what he'll take...or what he'll do to that card!"

"I know that what he did to Sonja was uncalled for," said Diane softly. "But it was his right, he won the card fair and square, and was able to counter Sonja's deck. Stop this grudge, it won't help now."

"Still, I hate the jerk-off," hissed Gwen.

Jake, who was sitting at the table across from Norus, sighed. "Don't get too confident, Norus. You have NO idea who you are dueling, so just shut it and let us eat in peace."

"Hmph," said Norus. I can't wait to spring my new deck on Jake, or Diane, or the crybaby! No matter who I duel, that kid is toast! He put his deck away and started eating in his pig-like way, disgusting everyone around him.

"No matter who you duel, Beth, you'll do fine if you remember that we're here to support you," said Diane.

"And what if YOU are my opponent?" gulped Bethany.

"Then we'll conduct the duel with honor, like true duelists," said Diane with a smile. "And I promise that I'll never take a card from your deck if I win."

Bethany then lit up. "Well, actually...you can go ahead and take a card. In fact, I know what card you should take!"

"What?" asked Diane. "But..."

"I insist...but, if you lose, you have to give up your Celtic Swordgirl!" Bethany giggled.

"Huh?" asked Diane. "Uh...okay, but why? Other than the fact that it's a three-star monster?"

"You'll see, if we face each other in the dueling arena," grinned Bethany wickedly as she removed a card from her side deck and looked at it. I never really used this card before, because it's a four-star monster and would be affected by my lock cards, but maybe...maybe this time I should put it in, just to give myself an edge. I can't wait to surprise everyone with it! I couldn't even believe I found this in a booster pack! She slid it into her deck and shuffled it in good.

Norus had been busy making a mess of himself to even notice Bethany's action. Luckily, his gross display of pigging out ended as Lilith came up to the podium. "I hope you kids have enjoyed your morning meal!"

"Yes, miss Lilith," said the campers.

"Good, because we have the match-ups for the semi-finals," said the woman, removing a note and opening it. She cleared her throat. "At nine-thirty, Diane Arachne will face off against Jacob Forestor!"

Jake was stunned as Bethany gasped. "Oh no...poor Diane!" she whispered. Dueling Jake with the modded Battle City disks was hard enough! But now that the disks show actual damage on you if you suffer a direct attack...

"And then Norus Calnor will face off against Bethany Glitris at two-thirty," said Lilith.

Norus took notice. Sweet! I get the crybaby! Once I kick her crying butt all over the place, I'll take her Mokey Mokey and force her to do all sorts of unpleasant things to get it back! "Mwa ha ha ha ha!!!"

"Don't worry, you'll kick his butt," said Gwen with a sly smile.

"I hope so," said Bethany with a deep sigh.

"Well, Diane and Jake, I hope you two get prepared before nine, because this will be a duel like no other!" said Lilith, bowing. "I wish you both the best of luck, and I wish..." Lilith turned to Norus and grimaced, then turned to Bethany. "I wish you two luck as well, Bethany."

Norus snorted. "I don't need luck. Bring it on!"

"He's becoming more and more unpleasant every minute," growled Gwen.

~~+~~

Sonja was watching TV. It was showing a news report on Duelatopia. "As you know, this is Day Seven of Duelatopia's big grand opening tournament. However, recent reports have come in that Yugi Mouto Jr. and his friend had been attacked again last night by the same figure who attacked them two nights ago. Rumors are that the figure forced Yugi Jr. to duel someone who looked remarkably like the respectable Miss Rebecca Hawkins, who is now in South Ireland doing research on the ruins there. The Master of Games was called for a report, but he was unavailable for comment at the time. Recent theories are that the strange figure was responsible for causing the dome of shadow to appear over New York ten months ago...

Sonja turned the TV off and sighed heavily, a tear trickling down her cheek. "Hey," said a voice. She looked up to see Ares standing there. "I came to comfort you. I saw what happened in your duel with Norus." He pulled up a chair and sat by her bed. "It's okay, you can cry in my shoulder."

"I'm through crying, I cried myself dry all night after I woke up from that shock," mumbled Sonja sadly, wiping the tear from her cheek. "I lost a valuable card thanks to that...that...that fu--"

Ares put a finger on her lips. "I know how it is, suffering so badly," he said. "When I was younger, my parents abandoned me without a care. They didn't care about me, and I was left to die in the cold, cruel world. I still hate them and wish they would pay for what they did."

Sonja looked at his face. "Oh? I'm...so sorry."

"Heh, I've gotten over it now," said Ares with a grin. He held out his hand. "My name is Ares, you must be Sonja."

Sonja took the hand and shook it, but then found herself in a warm embrace. "Whoa..."

"Cry in my shoulder, Sonja, I'm here for you," Ares whispered in her ear. He grinned slyly as Sonja began to sob in his shoulder, her arms around his back. Hopecake...

~~+~~

As the clock struck nine, campers began to file in. Lina noticed Twilight barely standing.

"You okay, Twi?" asked Lina, cocking a brow. "You don't look so hot."

"I did not sleep well," mumbled Twilight, rubbing the back of her neck. "I had a most disturbing dream last night."

"You two? Beth had a nightmare herself," grinned Lina. "I guess it was because of the duels coming up. Poor thing, going up against that freak...I wouldn't wish that fate on even my worst enemy."

"She will do fine," mumbled Twilight, who covered her mouth as she yawned.

"Look, if it's a dream that's bugging you, go talk to your big bird friend," said Lina under her breath. "Isn't he pretty good at these dream things?"

Twilight nodded. I don't want to talk to Sibylla...but somehow, I know I must bare my soul to him soon. What I did with the Millennium Necklace was a foolish act, and I should never have done it, but my own weaknesses took me over. Maybe he can help me rid me of the punishing nightmares.

Lina looked at her watch. "Welp, it's almost time...let's wish Diane and Jake the best, no matter who wins."

"Yes, let us," sighed Twilight, stifling another yawn.

Music began to play, and the images being shown on the stage - that of an Outstanding Dog Marron chasing a Cat's Ear Tribe about - vanished as the two hosts entered their boxes. Cheers and applause erupted.

"That's our cue," said Jake, patting Diane's shoulder. "Good luck out there, Diane."

"You too, but don't expect any mercy from me," said Diane.

"My fire warriors are going to burn you up," laughed Jake. "Just you watch."

The two exited the VIP booth as Lilith cleared her throat. "Good morning, campers and staff! As you know, our new duel disks make the duelists actually FEEL and SEE the pain inflicted by the monsters. I know a few of you have pretty sensitive stomachs and we had to clean up a few...bio-spills." Laughter filled the stadium. "So, if any of you are squeamish, I strongly suggest you leave right now. The faint of heart need not apply, because soon you'll be subjected to some of the most violent and frightening duels yet to come!"

Machus nodded. She's got THAT right. He pulled a card from his pocket and sighed deeply before replacing it.

"And now, Machus will give the details for the semi-finals," said Lilith, nodding to her fellow host.

Machus coughed. "If you weren't here yesterday, then that is your own fault. You missed four of the most exciting duels ever played in this campsite! As you know by now, half of the eight finalists were eliminated, and soon half of the remaining finalists will be defeated and removed from the tournament, leaving only two duelists left to decide who will be the Duelist Camp Champion!" Cheers and applause filled the air again. "Now, let us meet our first two semi-finalists!"

Lilith smiled as Machus waved to her. "Thanks, Machus. As you no doubt know, many duelists tend to specialize in sub-types for their deck themes. There are fifteen various sub-types, and some of them are very popular amongst duelists." She flashed a smile. "But there are also six elemental attributes - Fire, Water, Wind, Earth, Light, and Dark. It's a lot less common to build a deck around a certain attribute. But our first semi-finalist has done just that!" He waved as the doors opened and Jake came out and walked up to the stage, amongst a ton of screaming campers.

"Go Jake!" cried Bethany.

"What about Diane?" asked Gwen, curious.

"I like them both, but Jake's much more likely to win," said Bethany. "His fire monsters are tough!"

"And it's even harder to build a deck around a certain SET of monsters," said Lilith. "But Yugi Jr. has two friends who have done so very well, as has our second semi-finalist!" Diane entered and took to the stage, smiling. "As you know, Diane's deck is called 'Divine Protection', and Jake's is called 'Vesuvian Dreams.' We will see which one goes on to the final match." She nodded as the two approached for the card toss.

"This is tense," said Shanna. "I hope that whoever wins won't gloat over the loser, like Norus did to my friend."

"Don't worry, they are both honorable," said Gwen with a smile.

Diane won the card toss and took priority of going first. The two shuffled and cut each other's decks.

"Okay, you two, let's have a nice clean duel," said Lilith. She went to the roulette as the two plugged in their duel disks. "And let's see where we're dueling THIS time!" She spun the wheel.

"Cross your fingers," said Gwen.

"I've got them crossed," said Shanna.

"Cross your toes as well," said Gwen.

"Crossing," said Bethany, closing her eyes.

The wheel stopped on e blue slot. "Excellent! Seems this match-up will take place in the...JUNGLE OF JADE!" She slapped the button and the arena transformed into a beautiful rain forest. Mist filled the ground and loud cries of monkeys, birds, and even bugs were heard as snakes slithered up the trees. The thrones turned into bamboo thrones again, but this time they were greener in color than the first duel between Jake and Donald.

"And now, draw your hands," said Lilith.

Diane and Jake did so, and Diane was disgusted. Oh great, three Guardians and no weapons to summon any of them! Worse, I only have ONE non-Guardian monster! Talk about a cruddy hand!

"And now...ALLEZ JUENE!" cried Lilith, flinging her flags down.

"Good luck, Diane," whispered Donald, clasping his hands in prayer.

"Okay, let's get this party started!" shouted Diane, drawing a card. She sighed. Another worthless card! Oh well, better do what I can with it. "I summon Celtic Swordgirl to the field!" The card appeared and shattered, disgorging the cute elfling girl. (1000/800) "And I equip her with a nice jungle-chopping tool...GRAVITY AXE!"

The axe appeared and Celtic Swordgirl looked longingly on her duelist, then sighed and hefted up the giant hatchet as Diane discarded Guardian Baou to the graveyard. (1500/800)

"I set one card face-down and end my turn," said Diane, placing a card. The card appeared before her.

"Well, you're off to a shaky start," said Jake with a snide smile as he drew a card. "Hmmm...well then, here's my move!" He slapped down a card. "I play Fireyarou in attack mode!" The flaming elf emerged on his side of the field. The flames withered the nearby vegetation, turning it brown. (1300/1000)

"I'm sorry, but that monster is far weaker than my Celtic Swordgirl at this time," said Diane.

"Well then, let me strengthen him..." Jake played a card. "By equipping him with this weapon! Burning Spear!" The card appeared. "This increase the power of all fire monsters equipped with it by 400 at the cost of 200 in defense!" The spear appeared in the elf's hand. (1700/800)

"Oh my gosh," said Bethany in horror. "Now he's stronger than Celtic Swordgirl!"

"Fireyarou, impale that little girl with your flaming spear!" ordered Jake. THe elf laughed wickedly and hurled the spear into Celtic Swordgirl's heart! She screamed as she exploded, dropping Diane's life points to 7800.

"And it seems Jake's off to a great start," said Lilith. "Interesting."

The spear returned to Fireyarou's hand. "I hope you understand that I didn't mean for her to suffer that badly," said Jake. "But that's what you get for challenging a wildfire!" He chuckled. "I end by setting two cards face down." The cards appeared. [I]If she manages to destroy Fireyarou, she'll trigger my Backfire trap and suffer damage herself!"

Diane sighed and drew another card. Shoot, still no good! Oh well, at least this will protect my life points. "I set Mystical Elf in defense mode." The beautiful elf rose up with a glowing aura. (800/2000) "And I end my turn."

Jake smirked. "If you really think that that elf will protect your life points, you're sadly mistaken." He drew a card and then showed it. "I play Graceful Charity, which..."

"I'm not stupid, I KNOW what that card does!" snapped Diane. "Just do your draws and get it over with."

Jake shrugged and drew three cards, then discarded a Charcoal Inpachi and his Flame Dancer. "And now I'll send my Flame Dancer out of play..." He removed the card that popped out and slid it into the removal slot. "To summon Inferno!"

A blast of fire incinerated the nearby vegetation, setting the forest on fire! Luckily, a rainstorm began and a downpour drenched the area with rain, dousing the flames. But the firey monster that emerged from the blaze wasn't quenched at all. It looked humanoid,but its mouth was filled with dead men's skulls and its eyes glowed blue. (1000/1900)

"Yikes, that thing looks like a demon from Hell!" said Shanna.

"And now I'll equip my Fireyarou with Salamandra, increasing his power further!" Jake slid a card into the magic zone and Fireyarou grabbed a flaming blade. (2400/800)

"Oh my!" said Gwen. "Now he's even stronger!"

"Fireyarou, take down that elf!" ordered Jake. The fire elf crossed his weapons and flames erupted, forming a flaming serpent that wrapped around Mystical Elf and turned her into ashes. "And now Inferno, do a direct attack!"

"AAAAAAAAAH!!!" cried most of the campers as the fire demon grabbed Diane by the waist and immolated her.

"EYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" shrieked Diane as she felt the burns plaster her skin. She collapsed as the demon released her and leapt back to Jake's field. Her life points dropped to 6800.

"This is just horrible," moaned Donald. "Poor Diane!"

Jake got a concerned look. "You okay? I hope I didn't hurt you TOO much."

Diane slowly got up, covered with burns. "I'm just peachy," she hissed sarcastically. "It's you I'm worried about! Once I take you down, you'll be hurting a LOT worse!"

"You're pretty spunky for a girl," said Jake. He signaled his end of turn.

"Chauvinist," said Diane, whipping out a card from her deck. She saw it and grinned. "Great! I play Card of Sanctity!" She slapped the card down and a golden shower of light filled the arena, casting the jungle in a golden glow. "Now we each draw until we get six cards in our hands!"

The two duelists drew several cards. Jake was ecstatic. Yes, I got Lava Golem and Ring of Destruction! Now all I have to do is set the Ring, wait for Diane to summon two monsters, and then sac them both for the Golem! Then when, like her beau, she attacks, I'll spring the traps on her and win the duel! Of course, it will be a little violent, but that's what a fire duelist has to deal with when playing cards like this.

"Well, I see my cards are okay, but let's get a couple more," said Diane, showing her next card. "I play Pot of Greed!" She slapped the card down and the pot appeared with a cackle and vanished. "I draw two more cards from my deck, let's see what they are." She drew two cards. "Perfect..."

"Looks like she's got a plan," said Kate.

(check next post)

[Dark Sage]

Hmmm, not bad. I liked how it went. Diane sure is tough!

Dark Magician Princess sure is unique. (I'm surprised Beth didn't compare her to some video game character). But anyway, I can't wait to see what this new Guardian fusion is.

The two e-mails Diane got were entertaining.

So now Norus is dueling Beth. I hope Beth teaches him a lesson he'll never forget and tears up one of HIS cards! (Like Goblin King.)

- Venusaur

EDIT: One other thing: You have some serious editing to do. You forgot that Diane should have taken damage from Jake's Solar Flare Dragons on each of his turns. Diane would have lost the way you have it set up. I suggest you fix it, and have Diane use Royal Corination on the round she summons Flame Swordmistress.

[Shuppet Master]

Yikes! I totally forgot about SFD's OTHER effect! Sorry about that,I can't believe I made such a blatant error. It will be fixed soon,I need to edit that part on my text file too so I don't forget.

[opaltiger]

Darn, I was half-hoping for a Beth vs Jake final. Ah well. And I noticed one turn Diane took 1000 damage from one SFD, instead of 500. You might wanna just check the LP turn by turn, just in case. ^^

[starjake]

*pouts*

My duelist lost...

Oh well, such is life. I have to agree with Venusaur though. Diane would've lost had you kept tabs on Solar Flare Dragon. Since I'm assuming you need Diane to win this duel, you may want to do something about that.

Anyways, can't wait for Bethany vs. Norus. Hmm...I wonder what Norus would feel like if Beth's weaklings beat his "unbeatable" fiends, especially his "unbeatable" new Archfiends. Talk about a humbling experience (yeah, right). See you then!

[mr_pikachu]

You know what'd be hilarious? If Norus wasn't aware of the Archfiends' draining effects. I can picture it now... five Archfiends on his side of the field, wiping him out. Hehehe... I'm so cruel! ^_^

Well, Ares' character is developing, as is Diane's. Even Sonja is changing to some extent, with Ares as the catalyst. Some hearts will soon be broken, I think... The majority of the side commentary was interesting, though Norus' comments are beginning to get old. Hopefully this next duel will shut him up. I loved Twilight's reaction to Diane's comment, though. Will she tell Diane what that really was? And I wonder what Sibylla will do when he/she/it (can't remember) finds out? This next chapter should be enlightening...

But there were some things that seemed a little off to me. For one thing, on two occasions I noticed dueling strategies that didn't make much sense. Here's what I'm talking about:


Empress Elf jumped forward and slashed apart Inferno and Blazing Inpachi, shattering them to bits. However, Diane found herself covered with fire! She screamed as her life points dropped to 5800.

"Thanks for activating my Backfire trap card," laughed Jake. "As you know from my last duel, this little trap can do 500 points of damage every time you destroy my fire monsters, and since you destroyed two, you suffer a thousand points of damage! I'd be more careful about attacking my monsters next time."

Am I mistaken, or could Jake have instead used Ring of Destruction, then ripped apart Diane’s Life Points the next turn with direct attacks? It may not have won the duel immediately, but it would have given Jake a decisive edge, methinks. Just a tactical thought. *shrugs*


"Lava Golem, destroy that Solar Flare Dragon!" ordered Diane. "Lava Punch!" The fiend slammed its fist into the serpent creature and shattered it. "And now Elma, use Gravity Axe Bash on Jake!"

Pardon my ignorance, but why not switch the order of those attacks to win the duel? I’m confused.


Also, there were a few grammatical errors, such as "drunk" where "drank" should have been, and commas where semicolons were needed. A little more editing would clear those minor things up, though, I'll bet.

All in all, though, this was a good chapter. Nice emotions throughout, and great conflicts both internally for specific characters and against each other as well. I can't wait to see Beth face off against Norus. Let's hope she takes him down! Anyway, I'll see you next chapter!

[Shuppet Master]

You know what'd be hilarious? If Norus wasn't aware of the Archfiends' draining effects. I can picture it now... five Archfiends on his side of the field, wiping him out. Hehehe... I'm so cruel! ^_^

As much as the idea strikes me as silly, I doubt that Norus is THAT imbecilic. He may not be as knowledgeable of Fiends as Maligno or Peter,but he's researched enough that he knows their drawback. After all,he researched Exodia to defeat Sonja.

Well, Ares' character is developing, as is Diane's. Even Sonja is changing to some extent, with Ares as the catalyst. Some hearts will soon be broken, I think... The majority of the side commentary was interesting, though Norus' comments are beginning to get old. Hopefully this next duel will shut him up. I loved Twilight's reaction to Diane's comment, though. Will she tell Diane what that really was? And I wonder what Sibylla will do when he/she/it (can't remember) finds out? This next chapter should be enlightening...

Don't worry,your question about Sibylla will be answered next chapter.

Empress Elf jumped forward and slashed apart Inferno and Blazing Inpachi, shattering them to bits. However, Diane found herself covered with fire! She screamed as her life points dropped to 5800.

"Thanks for activating my Backfire trap card," laughed Jake. "As you know from my last duel, this little trap can do 500 points of damage every time you destroy my fire monsters, and since you destroyed two, you suffer a thousand points of damage! I'd be more careful about attacking my monsters next time."

Am I mistaken, or could Jake have instead used Ring of Destruction, then ripped apart Diane’s Life Points the next turn with direct attacks? It may not have won the duel immediately, but it would have given Jake a decisive edge, methinks. Just a tactical thought. *shrugs*

It didn't pass Jake's mind. Duelists make mistakes all the time. While he could have won the duel with his Ring of Destruction combo right then,he was waiting for Diane to summon a monster so he could use Lava Golem. He's so used to using Lava Golem with those cards that he didn't realize he could have won by using it on Diane's monster instead.

"Lava Golem, destroy that Solar Flare Dragon!" ordered Diane. "Lava Punch!" The fiend slammed its fist into the serpent creature and shattered it. "And now Elma, use Gravity Axe Bash on Jake!"

Pardon my ignorance, but why not switch the order of those attacks to win the duel? I’m confused.

Diane did what most Duelists do,she destroyed the monster with her stronger monster,and then attacked with her weaker monster. *shrug* I admit I wasn't sure what I was thinking. I'll probably fix that part later.

EDIT: I'm editing my reply because nobody added a message. My next chapter is up. I don't take credit for the song used in this chapter. It is from a Pokémon CD or something, and there's no mention of who the composer is. Enjoy.

[Dark Sage]

Beautiful, just beautiful!

It was great to see Norus finally get what was coming to him! Horay for Beth.

But you have to do some editing:

1. You forgot to close a intalics near the end.

2. I told you before, Mokey Mokey Smackdown is a Magic Card, not a Trap Card. So Norus would have had to counter it with Magic Jammer.

But otherwise, a great chapter.

I'll bet the anime character is Shadi!

- Brian

[Dark Sage]

By the way, I forgot to mention...

I liked Twilight's interaction with Sybilla in the beginning - and I was a little scared! (For a minute, I thought Twilight was going to be spanked or something!)

Anyway, keep on writing!

[opaltiger]

Twilight began to weep in her hands. "FORGIVE ME, MY LORD! I WAS OVERWHELMED BY PAIN AND SUFFERING OVER ONE TINY OMEN!"

IMO, that so doesn't seem like Twi. It sounds like a parody in my ears, but whatever.

[Shadow Djinn]

First off, wonderful work on the Bethany vs. Norus duel--I like the cards you created named after Venusaur's Trilogy...but there were some errors..

Mokey Mokey Smackdown (Venusaur has mentioned this...)

And--I was reading back a while ago--and remembered the Bethany vs. Gwen Duel.

Mystical Swordsman LV4 must be set facedown if normal summoned--and it's stats are (1900/1600)

[Shuppet Master]

To Shadow Djinn: Okay,sorry about that.

To everyone else: Another double-chapter decker ice cream treat! I've finished two,yes,two chapters! As soon as I put the beginning quotes in,I'll have them up in a short while. BTW,the first chapter has some PG-13 material in one part,but it's just two girls disrobing,nothing more raunchy. So children should be careful reading it.

EDIT: Also, I must also state that there is an actual scene from an episode in the third season of the dubbed anime. I apologize for not exactly copying the scene as it was shown in the anime(I have the episode on tape), but I didn't want to seem like I was plagarizing the writers of that episode, who take full credit for the scene mentioned.

[Shuppet Master]

Here's the next chapter, enjoy.

[starjake]

And...Diane wins! YEE-HAH!

I saw a couple of incorrect effects. First of all - this happened in the previous duel as well - Mokey Mokey Smackdown cannot be activated during your Battle Phase. Also, I'm not sure if this would affect the outcome of one of your duels, but it's a Continuous card.

The other things was Waboku. It doesn't negate the Battle Phase; that's Negate Attack. Waboku negates any Battle Damage done to your monsters or your Life Points that turn. When Diane activated Waboku, Mokey Mokey King would still have been destroyed.

Other than that, great job! Hurry up with the Machus vs. Diane duel; I can't wait to see Slifer in action!

[Dark Sage]

Well, where to begin?

Chapter 32 was an interesting chapter. The duel between Yui and Athena was a lot more evenly matched than Athena's last duel. (The part about Twilight wondering how Yami could merge with a female made me take notice...)

It seems Phoebe is in danger... what is Circe planning? And why doesn't Siegfried want Diane to come to Duelatopia?

The scene with Raphael was good too. I had a funny feeling Diane would meet with him (or a relative of some sort) sometime during the course of this fic.

So now Pisaro is holding Serenity hostage. The slime. How is Brandon going to fit into this?

Chapter 33 had to be the closest duel I've ever seen! (Incidentally, Revesal Quiz requires you to discard your hand, but that didn't make a difference in the long run.)

Diane is the winner, but now her troubles are just beginning...

- Venusaur

[Shuppet Master]

Oops,forgot about that part. I apologize. And to Starjake,if Mokey Mokey Smackdown doesn't work on your Battle Phase, how the heck can you use it if the attack boost only last until the next turn? I'm not trying to claim artistic license for everything, but please don't go citing an error if it might ruin the duel outcome.

[starjake]

You misunderstand me.

The effect of Mokey Mokey Smackdown most certainly works during the Battle Phase; like you said, that's kind of the point. However, you can't activate a Continuous Spell Card during your Battle Phase like you would a Trap Card. You have to activate it before the Battle Phase starts to use its effect.

[Shuppet Master]

Okay,understood.

EDIT: Great, I get to add a new part to this tiny spam-like thread! Another chapter's up! So soon? Well, it's a VERY short filler before the big duel with Diane and Machus. I got inspired by Venusaur's "Dark Energy" chapter. Also, this chapter introduces some of the cards which will be in my own story series(when that comes to light after this story) and shows off some more of Lina's deck. All the anime-related character cards are the property of their appropriate writers and I take no credit for them.

Hopefully, you might go to www:anipike.com and search for these anime series!

[Shuppet Master]

Minor Announcement: As you know, I am working on revising the story. This means examining all the cards I have given each character and completely overhauling duels so that all unnecessary cards are eliminated and the decks remain at a decent size (40-60 cards total). I found out that Diane's deck has WAY too many cards, and most of these don't see more than one

I saw this after I was working out the details of the mock duel between Diane and the computer and found that Diane has virtually no trap cards of use.

All my featured cards, as well as cards which are contributed by other readers, will be here in the revision, but there won't be a lot of useless one-duel cards. This will make the story much more managable and avoid problems like the Donald/Diane duel(which was 141 KB - it could have been a two-parter! )

[starjake]

Very nice...a little too much of a spinoff from Venusaur's chapter for my liking, but very nice nonetheless. I'll see you for the big duel!

[Shuppet Master]

I know, I warned readers that this was partly-ripped off from "Dark Energy" and have plans to fix that - I just put in the whole gaming center thing to put a weak foundation to the chapter, when it gets revised I'll remove that part.

[Dark Sage]

Well, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... And it was well done.

That was a close call - Diane might have lost Hermos, and I really think she needs it for what's coming up.

Keep doing the revisions - I look forward to reading them.

And don't worry about long chapters - I have my share of long chapters.

- Venusaur

[mr_pikachu]

Sorry for not replying lately; I've been extremely busy with schoolwork. Ugh.

So Diane will face Machus! Personally, I've known his secret since the first vision, but the visions were still good. Nice job with the duels, especially the one between Diane and Beth. I loved how the latter duelist just kept coming back from near-destruction. I mean, 7 life points? That's just insane! Your characters are coming along well. I like that Diane literally does not know her own deck - she has no idea what her most powerful card is! I can't wait to see the final clash. And I'm glad that you brought the setting up a couple of times in the Diane/Beth match; I thought a little more would have been nice, but it still worked pretty well. (By the way, what does Allez Jeune mean again? I keep forgetting.)

A few things I wanted to comment on, though. The first is sort of a playful jest, actually, and I only mention it because of my vast knowledge of Pokemon music:


Let yourself go
This is my show
Watch me when I play

Can you be the best?
[...]

You left out a part! The three-line section is actually six lines long! The second half goes like this:

Change your mindset
And you’ll get
Better every day!

I should know… I’ve memorized the song. Also in that song, “Cos” should be “‘Cause” (as in a slang abbreviation for “Because”), and I’m pretty sure that the repeated line “Will you stand up to the fight?” is actually “Will you step up to the fight?”


Also, I thought some of the dialogue seemed forced, especially during the part before the final duel of the tournament. You know, when the finalists were trying to psyche up both Diane and Beth? I know it was an uncomfortable situation for the characters involved, but the dialogue seemed a bit too... well planned for casual teenage conversation. "...and you defeated the one who defeated me, that horrible Norus," seemed odd, as did the later line, "Let's promise not to lord it over the other." It might help to practice writing some casual dialogue, or to watch some sitcoms on TV. Even reading the comics can help! (Hey, it taught me everything I know about writing casual speech...) And make sure you get the tags right; I noticed some unclosed tags and a few closing tags that had no openings.

Overall, however, this is getting better and better. I'm eagerly looking forward to the upcoming duel between Diane and Machus. This should be a match for the ages! Well, until then!


EDIT: Sorry about revealing that, but I thought it was pretty obvious at this point... didn't Twilight even say that outright to Sibylla? That's what I got out of their conversation. Either way, though, I've removed the "spoiler" from this post.

[Shuppet Master]

Mr. Pikachu, I humbly thank you for helping with those lyrics. I wrote the lyrics down by listening to the MP3(which I have on my hard drive) and putting down what I hear. Your input is much appreciated.

One thing though,mark any spoilers you have or PM me. It's annoying when you spoil a plot thing - yes, Machus has Slifer, but maybe I didn't want the readers to KNOW that until the duel!

And "ALLEZ JUENE!" was something I came up with. If you watch Iron Chef, the Chairman guy who hosts the show always cries "Allez Cuisine!" which means "go cook!" I wanted to have something like that, so I used "Allez Juene!" which means(if I recall correctly) "go play!"

[The_Missing_Link]

Mr. Pikachu, I humbly thank you for helping with those lyrics. I wrote the lyrics down by listening to the MP3(which I have on my hard drive) and putting down what I hear. Your input is much appreciated.

One thing though,mark any spoilers you have or PM me. It's annoying when you spoil a plot thing - yes, Machus has Slifer, but maybe I didn't want the readers to KNOW that until the duel!

And "ALLEZ JUENE!" was something I came up with. If you watch Iron Chef, the Chairman guy who hosts the show always cries "Allez Cuisine!" which means "go cook!" I wanted to have something like that, so I used "Allez Juene!" which means(if I recall correctly) "go play!"

Actually, I thought it was easy to figure out Machus had Slifer. In some chapter, there was a mention that he had a card that Yugi had used before, and since Obelisk came up in the story and Sibylla mentioned he needed the 3 God cards to regain his power, Slifer was the only other choice