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Thread: To The Rainbow's End

  1. #241
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    Default To The Rainbow's End

    Aw man, not again! I had nearly half of the next chapter written down and saved on my floppy, but then my little sister got into my disks---all of them---and wrecked them...including the disk with my story!

    I guess it serves me right for leaving them where she can reach, but now I have to rewrite all of what i had written so far...from scratch! Can you believe the rotten luck?

    Oh well, might as well get started. I hope you guys aren't getting too impatient...
    “Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth...
    Tame the dragon and the gift is yours.”
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  2. #242
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    What do you mean your rotten luck? What about the rest of us, the people who have been waiting for... *checks thread* ...over four months for a new chapter! The rotten luck belongs to us, not you! Heck, even I can get chapters up faster than this!

    Anyway, I hope our luck turns around, because I'm still curious as to what will happen next. Keep writing, and PROTECT YOUR DATA, DANGIT!
    IT HAS RETURNED.
    THE TPM MAIN SITE.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gavin Luper View Post
    Holy crap ... I'VE become a grammar nazi, too.

  3. #243
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    *Breathes huge sigh of relief* Phew! Finally, I manage to finish the chapter! I oughtta kick myself for leaving you all to wait so long, but--like I said---it's been that kind of time. Anyway, I hope you won't chastise me before reading this; but any suggestions to grammer, spelling, and all that other stuff is more than welcome. Enjoy...I hope .





    CHAPTER 23



    “I can’t believe we actually let that kid slip away again,” Jessie growled as she and her two comrades steered their sub farther and farther west.

    James let out a dull sigh, “I can; it’s always been the same since he and his friends first came into the picture: we see each other, we demand his Pikachu, they fight back, and it’s us who end up getting blasted off.”

    “Only dis time, it’s da twoip who’s gone and blasted himself off,” Meowth reminded them, “And, since we promised the Bo…err…his old man that we’d find da kid, we’ve got even more chasin’ to do dan before.”

    “Not for long we don’t,” Jessie said, “as soon as we pull into port, we’re calling the police…and the ‘old man’. Where’s the next town, James?”

    “Hang on, let me check,” James mumbled as he spread out the large map of Hoenn he’d recently bought and skimmed over it. “According to this, the nearest location is Pacifidlog Town---a small fishing town that’s a favorite among the ama community.”

    “Da who?” Meowth asked

    Jessie frowned, “They’re women who dive for fish instead of using fishing poles. How far is it?”

    Looking at the map again, James made a face, “Well…that’s the bad news: at this speed, it will take us nearly a couple of days to get there.”

    “Then let’s not waste any more time, and pedal faster.”

    With low groans, the two males followed Jessie’s command and began pedaling the sub harder, but it would still be a while before they reached their next destination.



    It wasn’t until a little later in the day when Blissey led Pikachu and the others back into the waiting room. There were still no people coming in yet that day, so it was a little more relaxing than usual.

    “There are still some things I need to take care of here,” Blissey said, “Why don’t you go keep your friend company?”

    All five Pokémon agreed and walked over to the couch near the front door. They discovered Ash lying asleep upon the soft upholstery and guessed that there’d still been no news about Mewtwo. They looked over at the ER door; sure enough, the red light was still burning brightly, indicating that Nurse Joy and Chansey were definitely still working on their sick comrade.

    Croconaw gave a loud yawn; “Hooooo-huum, no wonder the poor guy conked out; how much longer is this gonna take?”

    “Give Nurse Joy a break,” Quilava said softly, “she’s never seen any Pokémon like Mewtwo before. Maybe she’s examining him to find out more about him.”

    “He’s a large cat with Psychic powers; what else is there to know?”

    Meganium suddenly stepped in, “Funny, I hear people call you a fat, flabby lizard who’s part fire extinguisher. What’s your point?”

    “Knock if off, you guys,” Pikachu interrupted, “Let’s not wake up Ash; he’s been sleeping badly since we left the island.”

    Everyone instantly grew quiet upon hearing this. They all knew that riding a raft over choppy water at night wasn’t exactly like sleeping on a cloud---in fact, Eevee had woken up one night while they were sailing due to seasickness. The combination of the voyage, being taken from his family, all of his troubles during the past summer and worrying about Mewtwo had completely driven the poor boy to exhaustion.

    As they continued to gaze upon their sleeping trainer, the front doors suddenly slid open, causing the Pokémon to nearly jump out of their skins. However, they were quite surprised to see little Kikyo walk into the building, leading two older women inside by the hands.

    “He’s in here, Mommy,” she told the woman on her left, “I heard him say he was coming here.”

    “Are you sure, dear?” the younger woman asked, “I don’t see anyone.”

    The elderly woman on Kikyo’s right spotted the small herd surrounding Ash and smiled.

    “I believe I do, Migumi,” she said gently, gesturing with her head in the direction of the sofa, “However, I think it best to let him sleep undisturbed. Let us wait a little until he awakens.”

    The three newcomers made their way to the opposite end of the room, where four chairs stood around a small table covered in magazines. Migumi picked one up after sitting down and flipped through the pages. Right across the table, her mother took a small white shirt out of a straw basket she was carrying and began to sew. While the two women were occupied, they occasionally looked up to check on Kikyo, who was happily playing on the floor with Pikachu and the other Pokémon.

    Nearly half an hour later, Ash slowly sat up on the couch. After stretching out his arms and giving a big yawn, he started searching the room for his friends.

    “Hey, Kikyo,” Ash greeted sleepily when he saw the little girl, “What are you doing here?”

    Kikyo jumped up onto the couch, giggling happily. She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a squeeze.

    “Ash, you’re here!”

    “I’m glad to see you, too, kiddo,” Ash choked, “but…I can’t breathe!” The minute he was released, Ash rubbed his aching throat, “Gee, she’s got a good grip for such a little kid,” he thought silently.

    Still smiling, Kikyo suddenly grabbed Ash’s hand, and pulled him to his feet.

    “C’mon,” she urged him, “I brought Mommy and Grammy here to meet you, but you were sleeping. They’re right over there,” pointing over to where the two women sat watching them, she ran over to them with Ash in tow.

    A short while ago, Ash had guessed that Kikyo’s family held a firm belief in Japanese customs. Upon reaching the two women, he gave a low bow to them. Migumi and her mother smiled; they stood up, and bowed in response.

    Kikyo darted in between her two family members, and immediately began introducing them;

    “This is my mommy, Migumi Yamamoto; and this is my grammy---we call her Kiki.”

    “Hello,” Ash said, “My name’s Ash.”

    Migumi walked up and took both of Ash’s hands into hers.

    “I want to thank you,” she said, tears forming in her eyes, “for bringing my daughter and her Pokémon home safely. I don’t know what I would have done if I lost her.”

    Ash blushed slightly, “Actually, Mrs. Yamamoto, it wasn’t just me who helped her; my Pokémon all helped.” He then looked over to the small herd; each creature chirped proudly in response.



    Later, Blissey brought the four humans a snack of tea and sweet cakes, and gave the Pokémon some PokéChow. While they ate and drank, Ash (unwilling to tell his new friends the real story) explained that he had just started traveling around the Hoenn region with his brother, David, and his girlfriend, Aurora, until he’d recently gotten separated from them. Kikyo and the two women shook their heads when Ash showed them pictures of his comrades, which he’d taken during the voyage to Lilycove City.

    “I’m sorry you have gotten separated from your friends,” Migumi said sorrowfully, “but I’m afraid we haven’t seen anyone like them in our village.”

    Ash couldn’t help but feel disappointed; he’d really hoped to find David and Aurora in this small town. “Talk about getting your hopes up,” he mumbled under his breath.

    “That is not entirely the whole story, is it, young man?” Kiki asked solemnly.

    Ash jumped; did Kiki know that he wasn’t telling the truth about why he was in Hoenn? Was she some sort of psychic? Or did she just have a way of knowing these things?

    The young Trainer tried not to look scared, but the old woman was staring hard at him, as if she were trying to look deep into his mind. Finally, Kiki put her sewing away, stood up slowly, and began to walk towards him.

    “Perhaps it would be better if we talked privately,” she said, before turning to her family, “Why don’t the rest of you remain here and get acquainted while I have a word with our young friend?”

    The old woman put a hand on Ash's shoulder after he stood up, and the two started walking toward the far end of the room. Pikachu and the others could only stare after them with both confused and worried faces, until Kikyo suddenly sat down among them. The small girl wore an excited grin as she scattered a variety of beautiful seashells on the floor. The Pokémon were instantly distracted by the shining, multi-colored treasures; mussels, oysters, quahogs, spiraled snail shells, and scallops. Migumi also watched as her daughter pointed out the different shells for the inquisitive creatures.

    Kiki ushered the nervous boy to a corner and looked at him with kind, yet serious eyes. Ash tried hard to appear as if nothing was wrong, but it was plain to see that this woman could not be fooled so easily.

    "You have been in terrible pain; the past trials of your journies must have seemed like nothing to most recent events, have they not, my boy?"

    Ash was stunned; eventhough she didn't say it directly, he was sure that the old lady had guessed what he'd been through word-by-word. "But, this village is so far from the mainland," he thought silently, "how could these people know about me that fast?"

    Kiki, as if reading Ash's mind, gave a light-hearted chuckle, "I do have a slight skill in fortune-telling, dear boy," she said, "but my knowledge is far from that of witchcraft." She dipped her hand into the sewing basket and held up a slip of paper. Upon closer inspection, Ash realized that it was a newspaper clipping, dated two days back. The headline read:

    TERRORIZED TRAINER TURNS TAIL?

    The story went on to describe the attack on the S.S.Coral, and the investigation surrounding Ash's own "kidnapping." The police were sure that Team Aqua had snuck into the hospital last week and abducted him in the middle of the night. The more Ash read, the more shocked he became; apparently, no one knew the truth as to why he'd gone missing: how he'd been taken to an island by a bunch of abandoned Pokémon for their lonely friend. The real kicker was a paragraph that announced David and Aurora's "vanishing act" from the CoveLily Hotel that same night. The two had disappeared without a trace, and the rest of his family and friends were devastated.

    Ash leaned back against the wall and laid a hand on his forehead, completely overwhelmed by this kind of knowledge. Kiki watched him solemnly as the newspaper clipping was placed back into her basket.

    "We may be far from the mainland," she said softly, "but communications here are hardly limited. Our little village still has all these new-fangled electronics: television, telephones, and all these other ridiculous things. Many of us, however, still thrive on the ways of life that our ancestors have lived on for years."

    "Like the amas," Ash spoke up.

    Kiki smiled and nodded, "Exactly, dear boy; my family has had a long-standing tradition of living off the sea, and we have always lived happily under the care of our Guardian."

    Ash looked quizzically at the old woman, "Guardian? Who's that?"

    Instead of answering, Kiki led Ash to the nearest window (one that looked right out onto the open ocean) and pointed slightly to the left.

    The sun was slowly getting lower in the sky, and its color was growing a little bit darker. The two humans each had to place a hand over their eyes to block out the setting orb, but Ash was just able to make out a tall vertical black structure near the horizon. At first glance, Ash got the impression that it was some kind of radio tower, but something just didn't seem quite right about it. There were no lights, no docks for boats (and none of those, either), and---apparently---no cables. The building (if it was a building) was far taller than any tower he'd seen before. A large cluster of thick clouds concealed the very top, making the exact height unclear.

    "The Pillar," Kiki whispered mysteriously. Ash gave a startled jump and quickly glanced in her direction.

    "It is the resting place of the Great Sky Spirit himself...our Guardian."

    Ash was stupified by the woman's strange behavior; and her latest remark of a guardian living somewhere close by made even less sense.

    "Resting place...?" he asked nervously.

    Kiki appeared to be lost in thought as she spoke; "For countless eons, the wise and noble Guardian sleeps upon his roost, at the peak of the Pillar---yet he watches all that happens within our world throughout his slumber. Legend has it that, for one day every one-hundred years, he will awaken, and fullfill the desires of the first mortal to stand before him.

    This bit of information made Ash's heart skip a beat, but his hopeful thoughts were soon interrupted by the sound of the ER doors sliding open. Nurse Joy surveyed the room with weary eyes until she finally found the person she was seeking. Everyone who saw her clearly got the impression that whatever news she had wasn't exactly good.

    "I'm sorry to interrupt," she said, walking up to the twosome at the window. "We need to talk privately...in the ER," she said to Ash.

    With a lump in his throat and his heart pounding like a thousand drums, Ash excused himself from the old lady and slowly followed the exhausted nurse into the room. Pikachu and the other Pokémon quickly started to follow.

    "No," Ash said, stopping them in their tracks, "You guys stay here until I get back."

    All anyone could do now was watch as their friend disappeared behind the automatic door; the lock clicked behind him, and the light once more flashed on. The five four-legged creatures tried hard not to get their hopes up, but prayed that everything would come out alright.
    “Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth...
    Tame the dragon and the gift is yours.”
    ~Noela Evans~

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  4. #244
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    Well, things just seem to get more troublesome every chapter, don't they? ash finally knows of his friends' disappearance as well (seriously, what's up with that?), and now Nurse Joy's "patient" is apparently in dire straits. One can only hope that everything is not as it seems.

    I liked the attitudes of the Pokemon, as usual, as well as the supposed "psychic abilities" of Kiki. Nice one, there. Ash's reaction to the article was also good; I can only imagine the surprise on his face!

    I did see some things in this chapter that I think could have been improved upon, though.


    “Then let’s not waist anymore time, and peddle faster.”

    In this sentence, "waist" should be "waste", "anymore" should be "any more" (two words), and "peddle" should be "paddle".


    With low groans, the two males followed Jessie’s command and began peddling harder; even though they knew it would still be a while before reaching their next destination.

    First off, "peddling" should be "paddling". The second part of the sentence (after the semicolon) could probably be improved as well. The tail end of it just doesn't sound right, because it doesn't mention who will reach their destination. Maybe something like, "...it would still be a while before they reached their next destination," would be better. On another note, I'm not sure if "a while" needs to be changed to "awhile", since I don't see the former often. It probably works the same as what I mentioned, but I thought I'd bring it up just in case.


    “*Hack*…I’m glad to see you, too,” Ash choked, “but…I can’t breathe!”

    You should probably try not to use sounds in that manner (with just the asterisks surrounding it). It would look much better if you simply said something along the lines of "Ash hacked before straining to speak."


    The Pokémon were instantly distracted by the shining, multi-colored treasures; muscles, oysters, quahogs, spiraled snail shells, and scallops.

    It may seem odd, but "muscles" should actually be "mussels" in this case.


    "Like the ama's," Ash spoke up.

    Since it isn't possessive, I don't think "ama's" should have an apostrophe.


    Ash looked quizically at the old woman, "Guardian? Who's that?"

    The word "quizically" should be "quizzically".


    Instead of answering, Kiki lead Ash to the nearest window (one that looked right out onto the open ocean) and pointed slightly to the left.

    The word "lead" should be "led", the past tense form of the word family.


    With a lump in his throat, and his heart pounding like a thousand drums, Ash excused himself from the old lady and slowly followed the exhausted nurse into the room

    The first comma really isn't necessary, and only serves to break up the flow of your sentence.


    All anyone could do now was watch as their friend disappeared behind the atomatic door; the lock clicked behind him, and the light once more flashed on.

    "atomatic" should instead be "automatic".


    Overall, though, this was good. The plot seems to be developing at a slow, yet exciting pace, and you've introduced some potential supporting characters as well. And the Guardian just might have something to do with how this turns out... I have a feeling that wasn't just thrown in there at random. This is good stuff, and I'm looking forward to seeing more.

    Oh, and one more thing...


    While they ate and drank, Ash (unwilling to tell his new friends the real story) explained that he had just started traveling around the Hoenn region with his brother, David, and his girlfriend, Aurora, until he’d recently gotten separated from them.

    So I see Ash considers Aurora his girlfriend now, huh? I wonder how she feels about that?


    Before I forget, there was another "one more thing" I wanted to say...


    CHAPTER 22: 04-18-2004 07:24 PM
    CHAPTER 23: 10-28-2004 10:15 PM


    Six months and ten days. Shame, shame! *wags finger reproachfully*
    IT HAS RETURNED.
    THE TPM MAIN SITE.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gavin Luper View Post
    Holy crap ... I'VE become a grammar nazi, too.

  5. #245
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    Default To The Rainbow's End

    Ugh, that many? I was afraid of this: my MS Word program needs to be upgraded, so I'm currently lacking the Spell Check feature---I swear, it's like I'm writing blind! Anyway, I was able to make those suggested corrections and it actually looks much better.

    Something bothers me, though: in the Anime, the Rockets' sub was operated like a bicycle (with the peddles right?), but "paddles" refers to using oars. Why would I need to change that around?
    “Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth...
    Tame the dragon and the gift is yours.”
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  6. #246
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZeldaFan20
    Something bothers me, though: in the Anime, the Rockets' sub was operated like a bicycle (with the peddles right?), but "paddles" refers to using oars. Why would I need to change that around?
    Oh, is that what you meant? ...Well, sadly, the spelling's still wrong. It should be "pedal", in that case. (Yes, another homonym. Aren't they annoying?) To "peddle" means to try to sell something. You know, like a guy peddling goods on a street corner? So peddle is wrong in this case.

    And I'm glad you took the time to make the edits. It's a good sign when you're wiling to clear the blemishes off your work.

    Anyway, I hope we get the next chapter before Easter!
    IT HAS RETURNED.
    THE TPM MAIN SITE.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gavin Luper View Post
    Holy crap ... I'VE become a grammar nazi, too.

  7. #247
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    Default To The Rainbow's End

    Sorry I have been neglecting my writing...AGAIN, but I recently had a tragedy in the family, and it's been affecting me emotionally. It quickly reached a point where I couldn't concentrate on writing. There's still some time left before the Spring semester starts, so I want to get this chapter done before that happens. Just hang on a little longer, guys.
    “Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth...
    Tame the dragon and the gift is yours.”
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  8. #248
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    Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that, Steph! Don't worry too much about writing if you're not able; just work through this difficult time. I'm sure all of us would be willing to wait. Besides, that'll surely make the chapter that much better. I hope things turn up for your family. Give them my best wishes, and good luck.
    IT HAS RETURNED.
    THE TPM MAIN SITE.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gavin Luper View Post
    Holy crap ... I'VE become a grammar nazi, too.

  9. #249
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    Default To The Rainbow's End

    dude......i.....what happend to you,you know"the tragedy". h:

  10. #250
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    Thankfully, espeon, Steph has started writing again - her chapters in Evil's Awakening are evidence of that - but she just hasn't sent out a chapter of this fic in a bit. I'm sure it'll start being updated again soon, though. I'm willing to wait, at least. Take your time, Steph; don't stress yourself with writing until you're ready.
    IT HAS RETURNED.
    THE TPM MAIN SITE.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gavin Luper View Post
    Holy crap ... I'VE become a grammar nazi, too.

  11. #251
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    Yeah, I'm still writing...in between school and stuff. The good news is the Spring break begins on Monday, so I'll have all week to get the next chapter up...that is, if my upcoming Mid-terms don't tie me down first.

    Quote Originally Posted by espeon7291
    dude......i.....what happend to you,you know"the tragedy". h:
    My godfather passed away two weeks before Christmas. We were very close, so I didn't take the news very well. But I'm okay now, and I'm still planning on finishing my two stories, no matter how long it takes.

    Btw, mr_pikachu, since you obviously know my name, I don't think I caught yours.
    “Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth...
    Tame the dragon and the gift is yours.”
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  12. #252
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    Well, I'm glad you're doing better. That's good. And Spring Break should give you ample opportunity to catch up with writing. It's good to have you back.

    And you don't know my name? It's Brian... but I thought you knew that already! Then again, my memory isn't exactly the best...
    IT HAS RETURNED.
    THE TPM MAIN SITE.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gavin Luper View Post
    Holy crap ... I'VE become a grammar nazi, too.

  13. #253
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    Default To The Rainbow's End

    Hi there, Zeldafan20! I'm new here but as you can see in my sig I'm aka Brian Powell from Serebii.

    Back to this...

    I've read your other fanfic, Bittersweet Reunion and I have to say that it was absolutly brilliant! Everything about that fic was brilliant! So good, that I saved it on my computer!

    And this one? Well, it wasn't good... it's fantastic! What can I say, the suspense, the emotions, the descriptions, the characters, they were all fantastic!

    Can't wait to read more!

    Check out my fanfics
    Pokemon Impact!
    Now completed!

    Series 2! Now completed!

    Check out the third one!

    I'm also a fanfic reviewer, PM me for review requests but only if your fic's based on pokemon!

  14. #254
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    Cool-headed Blaziken: Hey there! I'm flattered that you like my stories, though I confess they're not perfect. You should've been here for all the mistakes I made with them . Nevertheless, I'm glad you enjoy my work.

    mr_pikachu: Brian, huh? I don't recall you ever mentioning that...and if you did, I don't remember. Unfortunately, I had only a small opportunity to work on the next chapter during Spring Break...and I'm currently kicking myself for being so far behind. I plan to do more work on it as the next few days go by, though, so chastise me after I get it posted .
    “Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth...
    Tame the dragon and the gift is yours.”
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  15. #255
    AKA Brian Powell Beginning Trainer
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZeldaFan20
    Cool-headed Blaziken: Hey there! I'm flattered that you like my stories, though I confess they're not perfect. You should've been here for all the mistakes I made with them . Nevertheless, I'm glad you enjoy my work.
    I read this on the Serebii forums. That's why I mentioned that they were fantastic.

    Check out my fanfics
    Pokemon Impact!
    Now completed!

    Series 2! Now completed!

    Check out the third one!

    I'm also a fanfic reviewer, PM me for review requests but only if your fic's based on pokemon!

  16. #256
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    Oh yeah, that's right! Now I remember you.

    By the way, how did everybody enjoy the holidays (Christmas, New Year...)? I've been away a long time and I'd like to know how everybody's been.

    The next chapter is still...yes, still...under development. My reservoir (that spelled right?) of inspiration has run dry, and I could use some new ideas. Anybody who has some is free to PM me.
    “Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth...
    Tame the dragon and the gift is yours.”
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  17. #257
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    Erm, can you clarify "holidays" further? Because the way I see it, the list includes April Fools' Day, the end of last school year, the Fourth of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving... etc.

    Nah, I'm just kidding. It's good to see you back, Steph! I'm sorry to hear that the next chapter isn't ready, but I certainly understand your situation. Don't you hate it when life gets in the way of TPM? It's a real pain!

    As for ideas, I'm pretty much clueless without having a bit of an idea about the direction the fic is supposed to take. If you'd like, I'd be happy to talk about it with you via PM/AIM/MSN.

    Anyway, it's good to see you!
    IT HAS RETURNED.
    THE TPM MAIN SITE.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gavin Luper View Post
    Holy crap ... I'VE become a grammar nazi, too.

  18. #258
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    I hope you have luck getting a new chapter up. I like your story very much and waiting patiently for your new chapter. :biggrin:
    It is, as it is.



  19. #259
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    I know I haven't updated in a long while, and you guys are probably mad at me. Thankfully summer break is here for me, which means I'll have lots of time on my hands to write.
    “Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth...
    Tame the dragon and the gift is yours.”
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  20. #260
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    Default Re: To The Rainbow’s End

    No, we're not mad at you. (Well, at least I'm not.) It's understandable that life can get in the way sometimes. What with the standard philosophy that life should be lived, or some such nonsense. But don't worry about taking awhile to update; it's just good to hear that you're still interesting in continuing this fic. This piece is a good one, after all.
    IT HAS RETURNED.
    THE TPM MAIN SITE.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gavin Luper View Post
    Holy crap ... I'VE become a grammar nazi, too.

  21. #261
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    8

    Default Re: To The Rainbow’s End

    Hey there ZeldaFan20! My name is Dark Fire and as you know I am new here. I read all of your stories from the bittersweet Reunion, the rainbows end, and Pokemon evils awakening. These three were terrific! I hope that you finish this story soon!

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