The Daily News

[Heald]

I thought we ought to have a thread where we can post any interesting/funny news-stories that don't deserve their own thread but still deserve a mention of some kind, and then discuss them like the mature, well-adjusted adults that we are.

lulz

Anyway, I'll go first.

Parted-at-birth twins 'married'

Yup, unbelievable. I swear Britain is becoming more like Alabama everyday.

[Crystal Mew]

Wow, thats crazy. But funny.

My friend was telling me about this married couple that she knew were trying to get pregnant, but they weren't concieving. so they went to a fertility doctor and found out they were brother and sister....I guess their biological dad was a sperm donor? Haha.

I imagine it sucks though because you fall in love with this person, and find out they're related to you. A tragedy indeed.

[Heald]

Yeah, I'd imagine that'd be pretty horrible. Imagine explaining that to family and friends:

"Hey, got divorced today."
"Wow, why?"
"Because she's my sister."

[Blademaster]

This might make me a bad person, but...

[Toxicity]

Wow. That is pretty creepy.

I know this one's a month old, but the fact it was in my neck of the woods made me laugh, and then stare and feel bad that this is what America is coming to...

8 year old did it for the lulz

[Heald]

lulz

Anyone follow football in the UK? Did anyone catch Man-U's 6 nil romping of Newcastle? Classy stuff.

In other news, Charlton romp Blackpool 4-1.

I'm hotly anticipating a Championship title race. Should be good stuff.

And my hot news item for today, Bush warns of dangers from Iran.

Iran having been pissing me off as of late. First of all, they invade British-controlled waters and take several British sailors hostage, which is an act of war in my books, and last week they were caught harassing US vessels, which isn't apparently the first time they've done so.

If they want a war, can't they just be men about it and say so?

[Dark-San]

Heald, the scoreline for the Man Utd against Newcastle was kind of unexpected. Firstly, I was predicting a 3-0 trashing but then the scoreline was doubled that. >.<;

My guess would be that Big Sam's departure from the club comes at a bad time especially since the season is exactly halfway through. Adding to that, some of Newcastle's big Africa's player would be leaving the club to play for their country. And this includes their profile Nigerian striker, Martins, and the defender Geremi.

Face it. Newcastle is not going to even qualify for UEFA cup at this kind of sloppy performance.

[Toxicity]

Bush needs to just say "ZOHMAIGAWD TEH RAN" and go to war with evangelions.

Also, Mexicans with glue.

[Heald]

Newcastle are a Championship-class team that are perennially stuck in the Premiership. They probably won't get relegated this year, but I won't be surprised if the lads at St. James Park will be hosting the likes of Burnley or Blackpool on a regular basis in the next five years.

[DarkTemplarZero]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080110/...uWQfPd0LUSH9EA

^ FBI fails in hilarious fashion.

[Blademaster]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080110/...uWQfPd0LUSH9EA

^ FBI fails in hilarious fashion.

LMFAO! I wish I could've heard what that conversation was like!


FBI guy: Do you realize you've interrupted a five-year ongoing investigation!?
Phone guy: Look, pal, this is your own fault - we've contacted you EIGHT TIMES about this!
FBI guy: We've lost vital information on the activities of an international terrorist organization trying to take over the world because of you!
Phone company guy: I don't care! Next time, pay your fuckin' phone bill on time!

[mr_pikachu]

Chess master Bobby Fischer dead at 64

While his personal life degraded into utter catastrophe and his mind was pushed to paranoia from spending his existence on the metaphorical battlefield, Fischer was an inspiration to chess players and to an entire nation. He is still the only American to be officially recognized as the world chess champion, and his dominating victory over Russian Boris Spassky in 1972 is arguably the most famous match of all time. Fischer's legacy will live on in the annals of history and will hopefully inspire young and old alike for many generations to come.


EDIT: Time for a few lighter articles.

Gamer Uses Virtual Training to Save Lives

Surgeons Hone Skills on Nintendo Wii

That's right. The next time your mom tells you to "Stop playing those damn video games!" you can tell her you're preparing for med school.

[mr_pikachu]

Meh, I don't feel like double-editing that last post.


Colbert portrait hangs at Smithsonian

And in a very fitting location, too.


Australians high on Mile High Club

...This seems like something that would make for a good PCG poll.


And lest I forget, New England (18-0) and New York (13-6) both earned trips to the historic Super Bowl XLII.

These two teams met on Dec. 29, and the Patriots barely pulled a comeback victory to edge the Giants 38-35 in the season finale. The Feb. 3 rematch has the potential to be very interesting for more reasons than one.

[Roy Karrde]

Judge forces couple to devorce becuase the woman's family demands it

Just...wow....just wow... and worse yet, when the woman and her 2 children ran off to live with their husband. She was thrown in jail along with her children!

[Toxicity]

Colbert's portrait location is indeed fitting.

Liberian commander with a racy moniker admits to killing thousands

As serious as the story may be, the name...just, wow.

Burglar-to-be finds something unexpected

More wow.

[midnightangel]

I'm not a big fan of world news, but I found this rather odd (and cute) story on Yahoo
There's even a video clip of the story on the left of the page

Kitty stowaway makes it home again

Can everyone say awww...

[mr_pikachu]

#25 Baylor defeats #18 Texas A&M

...in Quintuple Overtime

[Katie]

#25 Baylor defeats #18 Texas A&M

...in Quintuple Overtime

Fucking bears. Depressing.

[Heald]

Arctic Monkeys top NME awards nominations

Now, I love the monkeys, but this is hardly news.

The NME awards are bought and sold. The fact that their biggest sponsors influence the awards, and they always give talentless hacks awards mean the awards are worth jack shit.

Plus NME is only read by retards who have no individual opinion on music and only like what they're told to listen to.

The fact that Winehouse and Nash are up for solo artist awards just proves this magazine is fucking tosh.

[Roy Karrde]

The United States: State of the Union

Well the State of the Union just aired. While it was mostly issues concerning the nation and not world affairs, there were some interesting things noted.

~ Bush addressed Nancy Pelosi as "Madam Speaker" I believe that is the first time said ever at a State of the Union.

~ Bush "threw down the gauntlet" as it is being called, when it comes to ear marks. Something that has been a problem with the Congress this year, and something that will most likely be a Republican rally cry during this election.

~ Bush gave some numbers for the draw down in Iraq, being over 20,000 troops, and was also able to give some very good news about the progress in Iraq for the first time since 2003.

By trusting the people, our founders wagered that a great and noble nation could be built on the liberty that resides in the hearts of all men and women. By trusting the people, succeeding generations transformed our fragile young democracy into the most powerful nation on earth and a beacon of hope for millions. And so long as we continue to trust the people, our nation will prosper, our liberty will be secure and the state of our union will remain strong.

So tonight, with confidence in freedom's power, and trust in the people, let us set forth to do their business

[firepokemon]

I watched the State of the Union address, I did not however listen to the democratic reply which was just awful. Pelosi blinks alot. I thought it was a far better address than last years but Bush isn't a great speaker. I also find that his total blaming of congress for everything just looked horrible in there, shouldn't a state of the union be about aspirations for the coming year? Not congress you must do this or you must do that.

[Heald]

Lottery winning rapist could be sued; feminists with sandy vaginas update their blogs in celebration

If you don't want to read the whole story, here it is in brief:

- Man sexually assaulted a few women, got a life sentence.
- Man won £7 million (about $14 million) while on day release (and was allowed to keep it, as per UK law)
- Man was released from prison (life sentence meaning 7 years in an open prison...okay...)
- Victim wants to sue him (despite being outside the 6 year claimant period) but claims it isn't 'about the money', so would obviously donate all of the proceeds of any lawsuit to a rape charity (of course, this will never happen).
- UK law lords originally uphold decision that she can't sue, then change mind when tabloids whine about it.
- Now victim could possibly sue rapist in order to pay for the de-sanding of her vagina.

Of course, if she does successfully sue a man who has already served his conviction of a crime, then it proves the prison system is bullshit. Officials always claim that prisons are there to rehabilitate as well as lock up dangerous individuals, so obviously someone who has completed his sentence should be regarded as a free man. Allowing people to keep suing criminals after they've completed their sentences is, frankly, bullshit. If you have served your time, you deserve a fresh leaf (obviously taking into account your past crimes, for example, sex offenders obviously not allowed to work in schools). If I was that guy and about to be sued, I'd just piss all the money away so then no one gets to benefit from it. If criminals can't start anew, you might as well line up everyone who's in prison and shoot them in the head, since it proves jail is bullshit.

[Toxicity]

Mother of 8 abandons children to wed in Africa; arrested upon return

This really upset me to here that somebody would leave their own kids, kids who don't know how to care for their own selves, just for something as petty as marriage with an online lover from a different continent. Even better, two of the children weren't even the woman's, and the oldest kids didn't even know their own birthdays.

Bitches like these are why we can't have nice things, amirite?

[mr_pikachu]

Of course, if she does successfully sue a man who has already served his conviction of a crime, then it proves the prison system is bullshit. Officials always claim that prisons are there to rehabilitate as well as lock up dangerous individuals, so obviously someone who has completed his sentence should be regarded as a free man. Allowing people to keep suing criminals after they've completed their sentences is, frankly, bullshit. If you have served your time, you deserve a fresh leaf (obviously taking into account your past crimes, for example, sex offenders obviously not allowed to work in schools). If I was that guy and about to be sued, I'd just piss all the money away so then no one gets to benefit from it. If criminals can't start anew, you might as well line up everyone who's in prison and shoot them in the head, since it proves jail is bullshit.

As much as I hate giving any sympathy to a rapist (especially one who served a "life sentence" of only seven years), you're right that this would set a terrible precedent, Heald.

Obviously, your prison record can reflect on your future opportunities in terms of jobs and such - most employers like to stay away from felons when they can, and I don't blame them. But you shouldn't keep getting slapped around by the legal system once the period of your incarceration and the opportunity for further punishment (i.e. statute of limitations) expires. Sentences are meaningless if we ignore them, and that sets a bad standard for the whole system.

[Heald]

Yup. The law is 'you can't be tried twice for the same crime', although I guess you have the option of going through the civil courts since I think he only got tried in a crown court, through which I suppose she has a legal right to seek compensation (provided the statute of limitations hasn't run out). Just like OJ.

[mr_pikachu]

I'm not upset at all that she's seeking compensation, but the fact that she's apparently missed the "six year claimant period" means that she shouldn't be able to. When that period expires, even a former criminal shouldn't have to keep looking over his shoulder waiting to get hit with something.

[Heald]

Road ban for thumbs-up policeman

Early reports indicate he did it 'for the lulz'.

[mr_pikachu]

Blind, 92-year-old golfer scores hole-in-one in Florida

He sounds like one of those guys who would be awesome in the U.S. Blind Golf Association.

[Heald]

Spanish in 'still most racist nation in Europe' shock

[mr_pikachu]

Singer Tom Jones insures his chest hair for $7 million

Not the body part most people would spend millions of dollars to protect. But hey, whatever floats your boat.

[Blademaster]

It's not unusual.

[mr_pikachu]

NASA launching Beatles tune into space

I'm sure that little green men across the universe will appreciate the chance to hear Paul McCartney's voice. With their vintage 21st century satellite receivers, of course.

[Toxicity]

They probably laugh at us and say "Look at their UFO's," although to them, they're FO's.[/Heartbreak Kid]

Bride dies during first dance at wedding

Crappy thing is that the ordained minister said that a recreation of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," said that the wedding was "perfect for her."

Goes to show you what can happen with Diabeetus.

[Roy Karrde]

Al Qaeda leaders admit: "'We are in crisis. There is panic and fear"

There is always so much news out of Iraq with people saying how the US is going to lose, how the US is lost, how everything is bad for the US. It's finally good to see some good news come out with Al Qaeda leaders admitting that Al Qaeda's “Islamic State of Iraq is faced with an extraordinary crisis, especially in al-Anbar”.

[midnightangel]

More kitty news

One slick kitty

I swear cats do the craziest things...

[mr_pikachu]

Gary Coleman, Married Man

Blow-up doll stands in for groom

That doll must've had one hell of a wedding night.

[mr_pikachu]

Fidel Castro retires

It's about dang time.

[Heald]

Good, now maybe the USA will stop being a little bitch and end its ridiculous trade embargo against Cuba.

[Roy Karrde]

Good, now maybe the USA will stop being a little bitch and end its ridiculous trade embargo against Cuba.

Local Congressman was on Local Radio talking about this. The trade embargo will not be lifted until Cuba starts to have free elections and giving their people even a ounce of freedom. And as he put it "If our allies are serious about free elections, then they will join the US in forcing Cuba to allowing it's citizens participate in free elections."

[Heald]

It still doesn't change the fact the embargo is ridiculous, and incredibly hypocritical. The US is happy to trade with China, another single-party system, and with oil-rich Middle-Eastern and African dictatorships, plus some politicians may publicly support the embargo but flout it privately. Plus, take into account the US is Cuba's 7th largest trading partner. Some embargo.

The only reason for any sort of embargo is because the US is still all pissy about failing at Bay of Pigs.