Well, we just did our most boring unit ever in English for the last three weeks [actually, we just started Romeo and Juliet, so I shouldn't talk, my teacher should be able to ruin that for everyone], and as the final big thing everyone in my class had to write a narrative poem. Here's how the first two days went:

Teacher: Ok class, today you all work on your poems. They're due friday!
*chaos ensues*

Here's how last Wednesday went:

Teacher: Ok class, today you all work on your poems. They're due monday!
*chaos ensues*
Steve: What should my poem be about?
Me: You should take over the world.
Steve:...
Me: ...with eggs plus.
*steve gets writin'*

Here's how Friday went:

Teacher: Ok class, today you all work on your poems. They're due tuesday!
*chaos ensues*
Me: What should my poem be about?
Steve: Eggs Minus.


So there you have it. Just thought I should give you a little backstory before I went into the poems, so now, I present to you....


Stephen Lyman
4/18/05
Block 2

The Adventures of Steve and Eggs Plus


Come child, let me tell you a story
Come closer now you don’t have to worry.
This is a story of the greatest adventure
And this is due to popular conjecture.

And now on with the tale!
It’s the greatest ever written.
Don’t pick your nose Billy, that’s not very good,
And Mary, why don’t you put down that kitten.

There once was a chicken holding boy.
His name happened to be Steve.
This chicken boy was full of joy!
He had found the golden chicken.

This chicken was a special chicken.
It laid the scrumptious eggs plus.
They cost a lot of money, so you had better be rich,
But if you can get them, it’s a must.

Steve decided to market these eggs
And put out of business eggs minus.
He partnered with Shaw’s
And planned to put out of business eggs minus.

The marketing team set the price to one million,
The shipping team set up transportation,
The grocery store team set up the display area,
And Steve went to oversee the arrival to the American nation.

"Hey you! Be careful!" Shouted Steve.
"Those eggs are a million a pop!"
"All right, all right," said the stock boy.
"I’ll be careful! These eggs, they will not drop."

On opening day of the brand new Shaw’s Plus
The eggs made their debut.
Bill Gates showed up and bought a few,
And a hobo showed up and got the boot.


"We’ve made a killing today," Said the manager of the store.
"All those celebrities and millions galore!"
"We’re not done yet," Said Steve to his cohort.
"We can open some vendors in Canada and make even more!"

Those crazy Canadians and their beavers went wild!
Never before had there been such an occasion,
That eggs plus came to town to be sold to the people.
As a promo deal, it was buy one get a box of raisins.

Canada went so well that Steve wanted to expand.
He put up shop in land after land.
He out-built McDonald’s and Burger King combined.
There was no stopping him. He would not stop for any man.

He went to the sun and built a Fried Eggs Plus.
He went to the moon and created the Eggs Plus Colony.
He went to the ocean and made Underwater Plus.
He went to the prison and set an Eggs Plus Felony.

Eggs minus was still alive, though.
Affordable by the people of the norm.
They tasted not as good,
But the cost was just about the same as an ear of corn.

"How will I do it?" Thought Steve.
"They must go out of business!"
"…I know what I’ll do!" Steve thought with a smile.
"We’ll partner up! It’ll be craziness!"

Steve had some talks with Jimm of eggs minus.
They agreed on their terms and got their business together.
Then something surprising happened!
It was very unexpected, and it involved two bids of a feather.

The chicken saw the hen,
The hen saw the chicken.
A couple of censors later and there was a new egg for sale,
It was eggs neutral! They could make both businesses fail.

This eggs neutral had both the qualities.
They tasted mighty fine and cost the same as eggs minus.
With the different eggs and their similarities,
Jimm and Steve could spread their kindness.

They sent these eggs everywhere,
To all their shop locations.
People bought them up by the masses!
It was like they were cheaply priced gas stations.
Bill Gates didn’t need to spend so much now.
The people could get some.
They could get it in mass.
The new marketing scheme got many to come.

There were so many that they fed Ecuador
World hunger was completely over!
South America was happy, they celebrated much.
They transported by helicopter, because they could hover!

There was nowhere these eggs weren’t.
Steve and Jimm got rich.
They bought the whole world!
They cleaned it up and got rid of every glitch.

And that, my children, is the whole tale.
That’s why there’s no tax, or borders, or leaves.
Steve and Jimm hate leaves, they mess up the pool.
And that’s why the world is ever so cool.


Jimm Warren
4/19/05
Block 2
The Adventures of Jimm and Eggs Minus



Gather round, young ‘uns
and I will tell the tale.
I doubt if it will be much fun
But quite frankly, I really don’t care.

It started long ago - late night!
The time - Seven P.M.
Whilst staring at the tube - so bright!
Jimm started - he’d heard the hen.

He ran outside and ate the hen
to stop its wretched cawing.
Then he hopped on the toilet, and when he was done
"Eggs Minus in my bowl!" he was bawling.

Oh how those eggs di’nt glow nor pulse,
no, nothing extraordinary about them.
No sheen, no shine, these eggs were dulls
Misshapen, and the color of day old phlegm.

He picked one up and sniffed at it
‘Twas no great gift for the sinuses,
as were the others beside that one
All bad, those nasty eggs minuses.

He cracked one in his pan so hot
and cooked it to perfection
Too bad - it tasted of Jungle Rot
This wonderful confection.

It was a rather stupid plan
but then, Jimm was a stupid man.
Though he, "my plan will work - it can!"
As he sucked the egg out from his pan

For years Eggs Markets had been run
by chickens, hens, the whole bad lot -
they’d taken the business from the sons
of the farmers with their heinous plot.

They gave us what they didn’t want
we’d get the worst out of their crop,
not caring for our tastes, they’d taunt
"We care not for your tastes!" Bull plop.

Jimm gave a call to his pal The Erb
"These people - so used to these horrible eggs,
mine, they’re slightly better’n what they’re eating in the ‘burbs,
Eggs Minus’ll sell like good hotcakes - with legs!

He hit up the doctor at his office downtown
spoke up with a "doc, I’ve got a hen in my behind!"
The doc looked at him kindly, turned his frown upside-down,
"Take it easy, my good man, these things happen all the time!"

He got the hen back, started sellin’ her eggs minus
All the stores now his pals - ‘cept, of course, for Shaw’s.
Even had his own assistant, went by the name of Linus
He’d won - The world was rollin’ round in his paws.

He cornered the marked for years upon years
All were wantin’ a piece of delicious eggs minus
T’other hens out of business, they were all up in tears
He even set up some shops throughout all of the Chinas.

Then one day they came
Steve and his eggs plus.
At first Jimm figured "No game!"
But his employees had started to fuss.

The eggs plus were amazing
but at such a price!
A million and then some kings
Could’ve bought some… maybe thrice.

Jimm: "They did good business,
this eggs plus company,
but their none-too-special prices
left the victory to me."

However, both feared their financial demise,
so Steve, of eggs plus, who were doing the worst
set up a few meetings - a merger would rise,
but Jimm had a plot to leave Steve feeling cursed.

Before he could see his plan into fruition
As terribly bad as it was for the Steve,
Something happened - a thing interrupting his mission
That thing changed the world, and left no one to grieve.

The chicken saw the hen
The hen saw the chicken
A couple of censors later - there’s a new egg for sale…
it was eggs neutral! They could make both businesses fail!

This eggs neutral had both the best qualities
They tasted mighty fine, cost the same as eggs minus!
With the different eggs and their similarities
Jimm and Steve could eas’ly spread their kindness.

They sent these eggs everywhere,
to all their shop locations.
People bought them up by the masses!
Like they were cheaply priced gas stations.

Bill Gates needn’t spend so, now
The common people could get some
They could buy all they’d want, even buy it in mass.
The new marketing scheme got billions to come.

There even so many that they fed Ecuador
World hunger was now completely over!
South America was happy, and they celebrated much
The eggs came by helicopter, as no one could hover.

There was nowhere on Earth these amazing eggs weren’t
Steve and Jimm, well they struck it rich.
They had so much money they bought the whole world!
They cleaned it up, freed it from every glitch.

And that, my children, is the whole long tale
That’s why there’s no tax, nor borders, nor leaves.
Steve and Jimm hate leaves, for they mess up the pool,
And that’s why our world is so eff'tlessly cool.


o_0
jimm