Road To Victory!

[Riolu1011]

CHAPTER 1

It was a beautiful, bright, sunny morning but the air had a chill to it.
Ash, Dawn and Brock were walking down the road to Victory Road-the road that led to the Pokémon League!
Ash's cell started ringing.
"Hello?"
"Hey Ash!"
"May?!"
"The one and only! Ash I'm coming over to Sinnoh! I'll be docking at Victory Road in less than an hour!
"Really?! Thats great! Thanks for coming May! See ya soon!"
"Bye Ash!"
*click*
"What was that all about?", Brock inquired.
"May is coming! I'm heading down to the harbour. Can you and Dawn get a room?", said Ash.
"Yeah sure!", Dawn said as her and Brock headed off to the Pokèmon Center.
Ash was running towards the harbour, but heard a
Pokèmon cry.
"Pi-Pika!", said Pikachu, alerting his trainer.
'That sounded like a Flygon!', thought Ash.
He sprinted into the forest, towards where the cry came from.
He got to a small clearing where he saw Drew battling a boy, about Ash's age that had glasses, a yellow and black shirt, and a black hoodie on.
He was almost Brock's height, but skinny and lanky, with a muscular tone to his body.
He also had a Riolu on his shoulder.
The boy had a Glaceon out on the field.
Drew returned his Flygon and said "Your a freak!"
The trainer calmy replied "Beat it bush head!"
Ash came out from the shadows as Drew ran the other way.
"Hi I'm Ash, from Pallet Town!"
"Hey I'm Brandon, from Sandgem Town, lived in Petalburg, Twinleaf and just moved to Pallet!"
Ash and Brandon talked for a good hour about Pokèmon, and discovered that they had basically the same training methods!
Ash learned Brandon had few Pokemon, but the few he had were really strong, some even in their final evolutions!
Pikachu, Riolu and Glaceon were playing a game of tag, and were becoming really good friends, fast.
(Like trainer like Pokèmon eh?)
A loud horn jolted Ash and Brandon out of the conversation.
"That must be May's boat!", exclaimed Ash!
"Who?"
"Oh May Maple! She's the daughter of Norman from the Petalburg Gym! She travelled with me and this guy named Brock, who you'll meet later. She's so awesome to be around!", once Ash realized the last part he blushed.
"Rio-Ri-Riolu!", exclaimed Riolu.
"It's more obvious than Team Rocket, Riolu. Ash you like May don't you?"
"W-what?! No way! Let's go get her.."
Brandon smirked as he sprinted ahead of Ash.
Ash caught up to him and all of a sudden, a Beautifly landed on Ash's head.
"A-Ash..t-theres a Beautifly on your head.."
"It's May's way of finding me.", Ash happily exclaimed.
And then almost on cue, May came running to Ash.
She was a little shorter than Ash, and had the same clothes as last time, minus the new, blue bandana with a white pokeball on it, that Ash bought her at the Wallace Cup.
She gave Ash a big hug, and Pikachu jumped on her head.
She than said "Ash who is this?"
"This is Brandon! He beat Drew in a battle so now he's travelling with us!", he said while winking at Brandon.
"Nice to meet you Brandon!", she said while giving him a small hug.
"Am I travelling with you?", asked Brandon in a hushed tone.
"If you want to" said Ash with a smile.
May and Brandon got to know each other.
May told him about herself, her coordinating career and her Pokèmon.
Brandon showed her his Badges (Kanto, Sinnoh, Hoenn, Johto) and revealed he does contests as a side thing. He had all five ribbons from each region.
"We have to train together! Even though you haven't competed in any Grand Festivals, you must have a lot of combinations!", exclaimed May.
"Yeah sure May! I have an idea! Why don't we have a two on two battle!", exclaimed Brandon.
"You and Ash against me and that Brock person!"
"Sure!" exclaimed May and Ash, causing Ash to blush slightly.
May noticed this and wondered 'Was he blushing? I wonder if..does he really feel the same way?'
Riolu and Brandon could tell what she was thinking.
Ash, May, Brandon, Pikachu and Riolu got to the Pokèmon Center.
They went upstairs to the trainers rooms.
Ash opened up the room door and May went to greet Brock.
Ash came up to Brandon and said "Don't be shy! This is Brock.", he said, while pointing at the tall, well built boy.
Brandon shook Brock's hand and the two quickly became friends, exchanging recipies, talking about life and pokemon.
Dawn entered the room and saw Brandon.
'This guy is cuuute!!', Dawn thought.
Brandon noticed Dawn and excused himself from Brock.
Ash noticed Brandon trying to get his attention.
"Hey Brandon, this is Dawn!"
"H-hey Dawn, p-pleasure to meet you.", Brandon sputtered, hoping no one would notice.
May however noticed Brandon sputtering and blushing.
"Hi Brandon, nice to meet you too!", said Dawn.
And the two started talking happily.
They shared contest experiences, talked about music, tv, and of course Pokèmon.
May joined in on the conversation, which left Brock and Ash to talk.
"I like Brandon, he's already almost like a brother to me!", Ash exclaimed.
"Yeah me too", said Brock.
May left Brandon and Dawn and joined Ash and Brock.
"Wow, Brandon gave me so many awesome combinations to use! I can't wait for my next contest! He's so cool!", May gushed.
"Thats awesome May! And don't forget, we get to train tomorrow, then we're off to the Pokèmon League!", Ash said, while doing a fist pump.
Ash turned in for the night.
"May, I need to ask you something.", Brandon said.
"Sure!"
"Do you like Ash? As more than a friend?"
"W-what?! No?!", she said with a tinge of red on her face.
"Oh OK.."
"Wait! OK I admit it I do..I..I've been trying to drop hints.."
"Not going to be enough May. I have a plan. Brock! Come here for a second please!", this left Dawn all alone so Brandon whispered something to Brock, and sat with Dawn.
"Hey Dawn! Umm I was wondering if you w-want to um be my uhh partner tomorrow for my battle with May and Ash?"
"Of course!", she said.
"Thanks Dawn!"
"No problem!"
"Dawn you look cold..your shivering! Herevtake my sweater! Are you OK?"
"Yeah and won't you be cold? I think that the A/C may be high."
"You wear my sweater then. I don't want you to catch a cold! And I'll be fine!"
"Thanks Brandon!", Dawn said with a smile.
Brock went to his single bedroom.
May was observing Dawn and Brandon.
'Hmm they look cute together!', she thought.
'Brandon did help me with Ash..I'll help him even if this doesn't work..he seems really nice!'

[Dryk]

I’m actually intrigued by this opening, but I think there are a few things that could use some work.

First, you use a lot of exclamation marks. I’d try to cut down on that and try to highlight things in other ways. Second, you could put in a little more work on description, because you just told us they had conversations, when it might be really interesting to hear the conversations. Finally, I think paragraphs could be used to great effect here; they look better than straight up lines.

Riolu sounds like he could be an important character, but, then again, it is your name. I really like that pokemon, also. I enjoyed the insights into the characters thoughts, which helped me to see how they thought. I also liked the way the characters talked with each other because I could actually imagine the characters talking that way. When you were describing things, you paid attention to little details, too, which was fun to read. I do wonder exactly how Brandon is going to make his move, but I think I have inkling… we’ll see. I will definitely continue to read this.

[Riolu1011]

Thanks! Will try to improve- this is my first fanfic..and yes Riolu is my name, simply because It has always found a way onto my team, and I quite frankly think I prefer it.
I am currently almost done chapter 2, and will have to edit the paragraphs (I type all on ipod touch, so i'll send it to myself and fix it up on Word.).

[Riolu1011]

So chapter 2..hope you all enjoy! Read and review please!

Chapter 2

Brandon woke up early. Dawn awoke to the smell of her favorite-bacon and omelettes! She slowly got out of her room, to not wake up May. She was suprised to see Brandon cooking instead of Brock!
"Good Morning Brandon!", Dawn said, with a pep to her voice.
"Oh hey Dawn! Sleep well? Here's breakfast", he said with a smile.
"I slept well how about you? And thanks so much! This is my favorite! I normally get ham and home fries, but Ash eats most of it before I get started."
"I slept well too! My sweater keep you warm? And haha well I know what to cook Ash now..", said Brandon, with a grin on his face.
"Oh yeah! Thank you for lending me your sweater! It's really comfy.", Dawn said with a wink. Brock woke up, ate, made some Pokèmon food and went outside for a walk. Brandon went out with Riolu for a jog.

Ash and May, as usual woke up last. Ash ran to the kitchen and devoured the ham and homefries. May came into the kitchen and heard her stomach growl.
She sighed and Ash said "Here May. I cooked up some Insta-Ramen. Your favorite!"
"Oh thank you Ash, that was very nice of you!", May said, while trying not to blush.
After May devoured her noodles in about 3 seconds, Brandon came in with Brock. Dawn gave them some water and Brandon said "Thanks Dawn! Hey look who finally woke up for their battle", Brandon said with a wink. So they headed down to a clearing.
Brock was the judge. "This will be a two on two battle. Teams are Ash and May, and Brandon and Dawn. One Pokèmon each. Begin."


"Go Buizel", yelled Ash.
"Blazekin, take the stage!", shouted May.
"Alrighty Piplup I need you!", said Dawn.
"Jolteon, your up!", exclaimed Brandon.
"Buizel, Aqua Jet on Jolteon!"
"Jolteon use Agility to dodge, then use Thunder!"
Jolteon dodged the Aqua Jet with a super fast Agility, then unleashed a deadly Thunder attack that knocked Buizel out.
"Buizel is unable to battle"
Ash called Buizel back and sat on the side with Brock.
"Piplup use Whirlpool on Blazekin!"
"Blazekin, Overheat!"
Blazekin's Overheat was so strong it went right through the Whirlpool and was headed straighr for Piplup.
"Jolteon use Protect to protect Piplup!"
Jolteon leaped in front of Piplup and created a barrier that stopped the Overheat.
"Use Whirlpool, then Water Gun to make it stronger Piplup!", said Dawn.
"Add some spark to propel it Jolteon!"
"Blazekin try to dodge!", said May worriedly.
"Hold back a bit Jolteon.", said Brandon.
The Whirlpool/Thundershock combo hit, and knocked out Blazekin.
Brandon said "Go Togekiss, Heal Bell!"
Togekiss slowly started making a peaceful, serene noise of a soothing bell and Blazekin awoke.
"May return Blazekin, it needs some rest and it'll be fine."
May returned Blazekin to its Pokè Ball. "Wow that was great Brandon!" Ash exclaimed.
"Yeah thanks! I appreciate the help you gave me!", said May.
"It was nothing guys. Thanks for an awesome battle.". Pikachu hopped up on Ash's shoulder, and cooed affectionatley when Ash scratched behind his ear. Riolu meawhile jumped on Dawn's shoulder.

"Wanna hang out there Riolu? Only if Dawn is OK with it though!"
"Yeah it's cool! And awesome battle!", she said while giving him a giant hug, which he happily returned.
Ash looked pretty down, so May went over to him and gave him a great big hug.
"Ash you did your best out there.", May gently said.
"I guess your right, thanks May."
"Yo Ash that was a great battle. Your Top 4 material for sure!", exclaimed Brandon
"Really?! Thanks man!"
"Pi-pikachu!", squeaked Pikachu, while doing a fist pump.
May saw Brandon looking at Dawn.
She slid over to Brandon and said "I think she likes you", which caused him to fall off the chair he sat on.
"W-What?! Who? Dawn?! Really!!?"
"Hahaha you like her don't you", May said while stifling her laugh.
"No.."
"Stop lying!", May exclaimed, then stuck out her toungue at him.
"OK yeah..but I don't want to ruin anything..", he said with a sigh.
"You won't! Your like family to all of us already!"
"Really? Thanks May! Now I have an idea with you and Ash..I say, after the Pokèmon League I'm taking you and Ash to a place with Luvdisc and Gorebyss. Maybe Dawn and Brock will come with us..I hope they'll stay.."
"Brock will probably go home to Pewter to visit his family. He'll be back though. Dawn might go to Twinleaf to visit her mom. I'll go to Petalburg for a day to visit mom, dad and Max, but then I'm coming to Pallet, with you and Ash."
"Cool!"
Brandon felt better after this, though was still worried that he wouldn't see Dawn after the Pokèmon League. Ash, Dawn, Brock, May and Brandon went through Victory Road and could see the exit, but ran into Harley and Drew.

"These guys look like..plants? Oh HEY isn’t that bushhead? Who’s the Cactus?", asked Brandon.
"Those are May's Rivals. Drew and Harley."
"Ash wanna take em?", Brandon asked.
"You bet."
"Oh darling a new twerp. Let's show em Drew!", said Cactus-man
Drew sent out Roserade, while Harley sent out Cacturne.
Ash sent out Pikachu.
"Everyone using their main? OK Riolu I need you!"
Riolu hopped off Dawn's shoulder and onto the field.
"Pikachu, Iron Tail on Cacturne!"
"Riolu use Extremespeed, then a quick Aura Sphere on Roserade!"
"Roserade Solar Beam!"
"Cacturne Needle Arm!"
Roserades attack took too long to charge, because they were in a cave and
Riolu's combo knocked out Roserade and then;
"Riolu Zap Cannon!"
"Pikachu Volt Tackle!"
The two electric attacks overwhelmed Cacturne.
"..How..dare..you hurt my darling Cacturne..", said Harley with a look in his eye.
"Forget it lets go..", said Drew as the two ran off.
Riolu went back on Dawn's shoulder and said "Rio-Ri!" to Piplup who was on Dawn's head.
"Pip-lup!", exclaimed Piplup happily. The four made it to the League, and Brandon and Ash started sprinting towards the entrance.
BAM!
Brandon ran into a boy his age, he was Jamaican, had baggy shorts on, wore a headband and had a blue shirt on.
"Torez?! Is that you?", Brandon asked the boy.
"Brandon?", the stranger asked.
"Yep! Hey guys this is Torez. We went to school together!", he said with a grin on his face.
After everyone introduced themselves, Ash asked "Can we see your Pokèmon?"
"Sure.", Torez said, as he threw six Pokè Balls in the air.
Out came a Typhlosion, a Mightyena, a Misdreavus, a Pachirisu, a Gengar and a Delcatty.
"Wow!", exclaimed Ash.
Torez said "Thanks.", and recalled his Pokèmon.

The three trainers signed up, and breezed through Preliminaries. Dawn even ran into her old friend Zoey. Zoey had beaten Dawn in the finals of the Sinnoh Grand Festival, but there were no hard feelings between the two. The final knockout stage was to be held tomorrow. Brandon was spending most of his time with Dawn, and got to know her quite well. As the sun was setting, there was a perfect mix of beauty and awe. May and Dawn thought, 'This would SO be the perfect moment.'. The sunset came and went, and Dawn could tell Brandon wanted to tell her something because he kept looking at her and opened his mouth to say something, but never got to the point. Brandon decided to just go to bed. Ash followed him, and soon after everyone was fast asleep. Dawn noticed Zoey and Torez, happily chatting outside under the moonlight. She sighed and lay in bed, wondering what tomorrow would bring.

It was an early morning for Ash and Brandon, who easily qualified for top 6, along with Torez, and Ash's rival, Paul. Ash and Paul were neck and neck, each down to the last two Pokèmon. The screen showed Ash had Pikachu and Infernape left, while Paul had Frolass and Drapion left.

"Lets do this Pikachu."
"Drapion."
The trainers sent out their Pokèmon.
“Drapion, Hyper Beam.”
“Pikachu use dodge and use Iron Tail!”
Pikachu dodged the Hyper Beam, and due to Drapion being temporarily stunned, the Iron Tail hit.
“Hmph. Drapion lets try and Earthquake.”
“Oh crap…Pikachu use Quick Attack and Agility!”
With the attacks combined speed Drapion was hit first and looked to be on the brink of fainting.
“Drapion Dig.”, said Paul.
“Hang in there Pikachu. Try to hear it!”, commanded Ash.
Pikachu heard the Dig attack and jumped next to the first hole. Drapion was standing over the second one. Then, it hit Ash.
“Pikachu use Thunder max power into the hole!”
Pikachu unleashed a powerful Thunder that came out of the second hole, and hit Drapion on it’s soft underbelly. Drapion fainted.
“Useless Pokemon..Go Frolass use Lock On!”
Frolass locked onto her opponent.
“Pikachu return!”. Pikachu ran back to the sidelines.
“Infernape, Flare Blitz!, Ash exclaimed as he threw it’s Poke Ball into the air.
“Juvienille. Frolass, Lock On then Sheer Cold.”
Frolass struck first, but a weak FlameThrower like attack still hit it.
“Alright Pikachu finish it!”
Frolass was on one knee in agonizing pain from the burn. She looked like she was going to faint! Pikachu unleashed a Volt Tackle/Thunder combo and knocked it out! Ash had made it to Final Four.
*Meanwhile, Brandons battle was unfolding in the same way. Torez sent out Typhlosion, while Brandon sent out his Togekiss. This would decide who would move on to Final Four.
“Togekiss use Psychic!”
“Typhlosion use Blast Burn!”
Togekiss reveresed the attack with her Psychic, and depsite being not very effective Blast Burn still took a toll on Typhlosion.
“Typhlosion Hyper Beam!”
Brandon was so shocked he didn’t react but Togekiss did, launching a blue orb of energy that dissapated the Hyper Beam and hit Typhlosion.
“Was that..Aura Sphere?! NO WAY.”
“hmm Typhlosion Flame Wheel!”
Typhlosion slowly got up and glowed a faint red. This was it’s Blaze ability which boosted the power of Fire type moves. Typhlosion sprinted towards Togekiss and in the process unleashed a super bad looking Flame Wheel.
“Hm Togekiss use Aura Sphere when he’s close!”
Togekiss waited untill the last second and launched the final blow. Brandon and Ash were moving on to the Final Four!
May hugged Brandon and he whispered into her ear "So May..I think you should tell him..". May whispered "Thanks big bro! I will.". She went up to Ash and gave him a bone crushing hug. Then to everyones suprise she kissed him on the cheek! "M-May w-what was that for?", stuttered Ash. "I'm proud of you. That was me saying that without words. I need to talk to you alone", she responded, with a gleam in her eye. May and Ash went back to the center. "Ash..I really like you". "I know I do too.", responded Ash. "Really?", May said with a huge smile. "Yeah, your like my best friend!". "Oh Ash..sometimes I wish you'd be less dense..I mean I like you like this.", she said, as she kissed him again. "I want to be your girlfriend if you haven't caught on yet..", May said while she stood there, looking away from the trainer from Pallet. Ash put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry..I..I'm not very good at this stuff..May..I think I like you too.". She turned around and faced him, a mixture of shock and joy on her face. "R-really Ash?". "Yes May. Just..I'm completely new to this who-", he tried to say, but was cut off by May's lips. All of a sudden Butterfree were flying in the air. They heard a bang on the window and Ash rushed out to see what was going on.

So what do you guys think this bang was? I'll give you a hint- it was another thing Brandon did that will make Ash even happier!! To the point of tears! Stay tuned to find out!

[Dryk]

Wow, very eventful chapter. It seems like you’re moving through the foreseeable storyline quite fast.

Anyways, on to the review. I like the way you divided your story into paragraphs, although some (I’m thinking of the battles) were all in one go. Also, the battles were very short, with pokemon being knocked out in one attack. If you want to see some well-written examples, check out the the Anime-Style Battling page on TPM and see how the refs there write. Also, to me, it seems like it would be a bit fast if Dawn and Brandon, and Zoey and Torez, or whoever were going to get together in the next chapter, but it is up to you how you want to lengthen or shorten your story.

I also noticed some things that seemed weird. You use the “said with a _____[blush, grin, pep to her voice, etc.]” an awful lot. Try to use those things sparingly, because they begin to take away from the story if there are too many. It is a good way to drop subtle hints, though. Also, I thought Ash asking Torez to show him his pokemon was a little weird, but that’s probably just me. Finally, you INCREASED your usage of exclamation marks. Watch out, because it’s becoming more noticeable.

Other than that, great job. I felt that the description was all there, and I was never left wishing that you had expounded upon something more. The conversation appeared, again, very real, and I laughed a few times, even. I was surprised and somewhat pleased to see May making the move on Ash so quick, and I look forward to your next chapter. Keep writing because you’re pretty good.

And I can’t think of anything off the top of my head that could be the bang, so I’ll just wait until your next chapter.

Edit: I agree with what Mikachu says, the writing decisions are all up to you.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Now just correct me if I'm wrong...

Well, in ASB, Pokemon battles are supposed to take longer, and it gives more space for the referees. Also, if you're wanting to keep your fic short, simple, fast, and focus on dialogue and character interacting rather than describing battles, just keep it up.

Exclamation marks are a style thing, too. Even the fic name has one of those.

That being said, write more.

[Riolu1011]

Hey all, sorry for the wait..heres chapter 3, hope y'all enjoy!

CHAPTER 3
He picked it up and brought it in. May noticed that there was something around its neck. “Ash look, there’s something around its neck!”. Ash couldn’t shake his sense of dejavu. He took the note out, and read it. With a grin, Ash said “Hold on I’m gonna be right back.”. He went down to the Poke Ball transporter and sent his Torkoal back. “Hey Prof. Oak.”. “Ash my boy, nice to hear from you again. Need me to send over anything?”. “Haha actually..”.
Ash rushed back upstairs. “Hey is Butterfree feelin any better?”. May replied “Definitely! He’s sitting talking to Pikachu over there.” while pointing to the desk. Butterfree noticed Ash and immediately flew over to him. “Freee-Fweee!”. “I’m glad to see you too old buddy!” “Wait Ash is this the Butterfree you let go?” “Yeah..that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever did..”. While Ash and Butterfree caught up with each other, Pikachu was chugging down the Ketchup bottle Ash gave him. “Enjoying the Ketchup Pikachu?”. “Pi-Pi-Pi-Pika.”. May was happily eating some Ramen when Brandon came into the room with Brock and Dawn. “Hey guys! Ready for your battle tomorrow Ash?”. “Yo-ug-bet”, Ash mumbled between mouthfuls of noodles. May smiled at Brandon and pointed at Ash, who was devouring his fourth bowl of noodles. Brandon went and whispered “Congrats May.”, and gave her a hug. Then he went up to Ash and shook his hand and gave him a hug "Way to get at it bro.". "Haha thanks?". "Ash..sometimes your clueless..congrats for gettin with May!". "Oh that..yeah thanks.". "No problem man, May is telling Dawn and Brock I think.".
The next day, Brandon was gearing up for his battle with Tukata, a trainer who was decimating opponents with her Cresselia and Latias. Ash was to battle Takuto, a trainer absolutely wrecking his opposition with a Darkrai and Latios. Brandon was up first. "This is a 3 on 3 match. Begin!". Brandon sent out his Eevee. Tukata used her Cresselia. "Eevee, Shadow Ball!", Eevee started to form a ball of dark energy and released it. It scored a super effective direct hit. Cresselia however, got up fairly quickly. "Cresselia use Psychic to slam Eevee on the ground!", Cresselia's eyes started glowing blue, and Eevee was surrounded by a blue light, picked up off the ground, then smashed on the hard, dirt battlefield. Eevee was slow to get up. "Eevee use Ice Beam!", "Dodge.". Eevee fired a beam of ice from its mouth, but Cresselia teleported away and dodged. "Hm. Cresselia use Psywave." Cresselia appeared behind Eevee and Eevee fired off a quick Ice Beam in the wrong direction. Cresselia unleashed a huge wave of psychic energy, that ultimately overwhelmed Eevee. "Eevee is unable to battle.". "Glaceon, your turn. Use Blizzard!". Glaceon unleashed a furious Blizzard, freezing Cresselia. "Cresselia, Baton Pass." Cresselia returned to its Pokè Ball and out came a Latias in the same block of ice. "Latias Flamethrower.", "Glaceon use Swift.". Latias burned through the ice and the Swift and Flamethrower attacks collided. Smoke covered the arena. Glaceon appeared to have a burn.”Glaceon use Ice Beam on that cloud.” In a few seconds, a furious blizzard started. Latias moved sluggishly out of the ice. Glaceon on the other hand, sped up in snow, and was nearly invisible thanks to its Snow Cloak ability.

“ASH I’M COOOLD.” Ash went over to May, gave her his sweater, and held on tight to her. Dawn looked over at them and sighed. Brock noticed this, but said not a word. May however went over to her and gave her a hug. “Thanks May..”. Dawn was looking really sad and May asked “Dawn..do you like him?”. “Who?” “Don’t be silly! I see you staring at him, and now your all sad?”. “I don’t know May..Brandon is awesome..but I don’t think he feels the same way.”. “I think he does. He’s always looking out for you Dawn”.

Meanwhile, Latias was struggling to fly around in the snow. Brandon saw his chance, and Glaceon fired off another Ice Beam. It scored a direct hit. “Latias FLAMETHROWER!”. “Crap..Dodge then Swift!”. Due to Glaceon’s superpoke speed, it dodged the attack then fired a strong Swift attack that scored ANOTHER direct hit on Latias. Latias looked very weak. “Finish it! Use Lock On, then Blizzard!”, “Latias please, try and use Sunny Day, then Weather Ball.” Glaceon Locked on Latias then summoned a mighty Blizzard. Latias had swirls in her eyes. “Latias is unable to battle.” The two were down to two more Pokémon. “Cresselia, come on out!”. “Lock on and Ice Beam full power Glaceon!”, “Cresselia use Mirror Coat!” Glaceon locked on and fired a powerful beam of ice from its mouth that bounced off Cresselia and hit Glaceon. Glaceon fainted! Brandon then sent out Riolu. Riolu had the same fire and determination in his eyes as Brandon. “Riolu use Aura Sphere!” “Cresselia use Energy Ball!”. The two attacks collided, and a massive explosion rocked the stadium. “Cresselia use Flamethrower!”, “Riolu, Energy Blast!” Another massive explosion occurred. Both Pokémon were slow to get up however. “Cresselia, Hyper Beam.”. “Riolu unleash Aura Blast.”Cresselia unloaded a massive Hyper Beam that was tearing a path through the field. The small fighter unleashed a massive, similar blast of Aura energy. A huge explosion occurred. Smoke was everywhere. As the smoke cleared, both Pokémon were on the ground. Cresselia slowly got up, as did Riolu. “Cresselia, Psybeam!” “Riolu are you OK?” The fighter nodded, but grimaced as well. “Riolu, Aura Sphere!” The beam of psychic energy went right through the Aura Sphere. Riolu got hit and was down for the count. “Riolu please..try and use Double Edge!”, “Cresselia you use Double Edge too!”. The two Pokémon collided and as the dust cleared Cresselia fainted! Riolu was on one knee. “Great jo-huh?”. Riolu fell and fainted. “Riolu and Cresselia are unable to battle! The victory goes to Tukata of Isshu!” Brandon, though crushed by his defeat shook Tukata’s hand and left down the tunnel. Brandon was nowhere to be seen, and Dawn, Brock, Ash and May were getting worried. Ash had to go to his battle, so he left down the tunnel. He didn’t see Brandon there, so he just continued onto the battlefield.

Ash’s opponent was Takuto.”This will be a 4 on 4 match. Substitutions allowed. Begin.”
“Staraptor lets go.”, “Darkrai.”. The two trainers sent out their Pokémon. “Staraptor, Aerial Ace.”, “Dark Void, Darkrai!” The big bird however, struck first, knocking Darkrai down. “Try it again!” Darkrai glowed a Dark Aura, and the brave bird fell asleep! “Dream Eater, Night Shade then Dark Pulse.”. “Staraptor c’mon wake up! You gotta!”, Ash yelled to no avail. The dark trio of attacks was quite a bit of damage to take, not to mention Darkrai’s ability, Bad Dreams which caused extra damage. Before Staraptor was hurt anymore Ash called him back. “Torterra lets go! Use Energy Ball and follow up with Leech Seed!” Torterra scored a direct hit on Darkrai, and on top of that Darkrai had a little energy sucked out of it from Leech Seed! “Torterra Leaf Storm!”, “Darkrai, use Dark Pulse.”. The two attacks each hit their marks. More energy got sucked out of Darkrai. “Torterra use Hidden Power!”, “Darkrai, Dark Void.” Torterra was able to fire off hidden power, but then fell asleep. “Return. I’ll need you later. Go Infernape.” The fire monkey popped out of its Poke Ball. “Flamethrower!”, “Dark Pulse.”. The two attacks collided, and created a ball of dark fire that appeared right in front of Darkrai. “Be caref-NO”, Takuto exclaimed, as Leech Seed hurt Darkrai, and he leaned forward, right into the mysterious orb of dark fire. On impact, the orb exploded, and when the dust cleared, Darkrai had swirls in its eyes. “Darkrai is unable to battle.” “Latios lets finish it!” He released a sleek looking dragon type Pokémon. “Infernape return. Go Staraptor!”. Staraptor was still weak from the previous battle, and was having trouble flying. “Staraptor please, try!” Staraptor straightened out and nodded at Ash. “OK Staraptor use Aerial Ace!” “Latios, Zap Cannon.” As Staraptor approached, Latios had formed a concentrated ball of high voltage electricity. Right when Staraptor was about to strike, Latios fired. Staraptor was hit, point blank. “Staraptor is unable to battle.”
Meanwhile Brandon was sitting on a bench outside. Tukata approached him and said “Hey, that was a great battle. You did well, and your Pokémon gave it every last bit. Congrats!”, “Thanks Tukata, you made me feel a lot better, good luck on the finals. I gotta go support Ash now!’
“Go Torterra.”. The green turtle Pokémon popped out of its poke ball and was still sleeping soundly. “Latios, Ice Beam!”, “Torterra please, wake up..”. Torterra heard Ash crying out to him and woke up, however the blue beam of ice hit it and froze it. “Solar Beam, you just gotta do it Torterra.”. “This is over. Latios, Luster Purge.”. Torterra meanwhile, was trying to unfreeze itself. A bright white light filled the stadium and Ash heard a loud bang. The two trainers were surprised when the dust cleared. Latios and Torterra were both on the ground! “Torterra and Latios are unable to ba-“ the referee was stopped mid-sentence as both Pokémon struggled to get up. “Latios use Ice Beam.”, “Torterra Solar Beam now!”. The two attacks collided and another explosion occurred. The dust cleared and Torterra had fainted! Latios was struggling to stand up and Tukata took note of this. “Go Infernape!”. “Latios, use Lock-On then Zap Cannon!”. Latios locked on to Infernape, and Ash said “Infernape use Flare Blitz.”. Infernape began glowing a fiery red and dashed with incredible speed and landed a direct hit on Latios. Infernape was catching his breath however, and seizing the opportunity fired off a Zap Cannon, paralyzing Infernape on the spot. “Latios use Recover!”. “Infernape you gotta try and move.” Ash said to no avail. Latios meanwhile, recovered energy and was back up with a swagger in it’s eyes that Tukata had never seen before. “Latios finish it, use Psybeam.”. Infernape, being part fighting was hurt dramatically by Psybeam, and was hanging on by a thread which activated Blaze. “Infernape use FlameThrower”, “Latios, Psybeam max power!”. The two attacks collided, but the amount of power each Pokemon put into their attacks was amazing. A great explosion rocked the stadium.
“Dawn, Brock, May, hey guys!” exclaimed Brandon. “That was a awesome battle Brandon!”,”Yeah don’t worry about it bro”, “You did an awesome job buddy” they all gushed. “Thanks guys, but this battle looks more intense than mine” he said with a wink to Dawn. Dawn blushed, and turned away.
“Infernape is unable to battle, Latios wins.”. “Pikachu looks like it’s up to you buddy!”, “Pi-Pika!”

[Dryk]

A nice little chapter in my opinion. I liked the description on the battles, because to me you were describing what each pokemon was going through. I also want to rescind part of my opinion last time, because Mikachu Yukitatsu had a good point, and battles can last however long you think necessary. I also enjoyed the little idiosyncrasies of the characters:

Pikachu was chugging down the Ketchup bottle Ash gave him.

The only thing I really noticed was that at the start, I had a little trouble following exactly what was happening. Other than that, I thought this was a short but fun chapter, and I think the next one could be really good.
Keep writing.

[Riolu1011]

Thanks! Yeah sorry about that, I meant to put more detail in but i never got to it..The Butterfree is Ashes Butterfree..sorry about that and the next chapter is going to be up soon!

[Riolu1011]

VERY short chapter, sorry just needed to let everyone know i Have Not abandoned this Fic

CHAPTER 4
“Pika-CHU.”, “Alright buddy lets do this!”. Pikachu stepped out on the field against Latios. ‘hm.. Latios looks pretty weak, but I wonder what other strong Pokémon he has..’ , Ash thought. “Pikachu use Quick Attack, then Iron Tail.”. “Latios, Perish Song!”. Pikachu quickly gained speed and hit Latios with a great deal of force. Then Pikachu’s tail glowed and landed a direct hit on Latios! Latios was very weak but started to sing a dreadful, depressing song. ‘I wonder what that attack does..’. “Pikachu use Thunder full blast!”. “Protect.”. A green dome of mystical energy surrounded Latios and Pikachu’s Thunder dissipated upon contact. “Pikachu use Iron Tail.”. “Latios use Detect.”. A wall of energy appeared before Latios, and Pikachu bounced right off. “Pi-pika!”. Pikachu looked like he was getting tired from all the offense. “Your right Pikachu, hang back a bit. Just dodge his next attack and try and recover some strength.”, “Latios use Psybeam.”. Pikachu did as Ash told him before, and got out of the way of the attack and stood on all fours, resting. “Latios use Psybeam once more!” Latios connected this time, and Pikachu slowly got up. “Pikachu Volt Tackle!”, Pikachu began to sprint at a really fast pace, and engulfed himself in electricity. Volt Tackle connected due to its immense speed, and Latios fell to the ground. Suddenly Pikachu fell down for no apparent reason. “Pikachu are you OK buddy?” “Pikachu and Latios are unable to battle. The victory goes to Takuto of Isshu!” the referee exclaimed. A great cheer came from the crowd. Ash picked Pikachu up, went over to Takuto and shook hands. “Great battle and good luck in the finals!” Ash said. “Thank you Ash, and that was a great battle yourself.”
Meanwhile upstairs, a surprise guest greets our heroes.
“LUCY? YOU KNOW TRUE LOVE ALWAYS FINDS A WAY!”, Brock gushed. “Uhh..”, Lucy said while blushing furiously. Croagunk popped out of its Poke Ball and surprisingly, did nothing. “Huh? Isn’t this where Croagunk Poison Jabs Brock?” implied Dawn. “Well there’s this saying..”
Ash made his way up to Nurse Joy and handed over the four Pokémon he used in his battle. “Here you go, all better now!” “Thanks Nurse Joy.”. Ash took his Poke Balls and made his way up to where his friends were. To his surprise, he saw Pike Queen Lucy blushing furiously at Brock! “Pokémon won’t get in the way of true love.” May finished. “Huh? Lucy? Good to see you!”. Ash and Lucy caught up with each other, meanwhile Dawn and May were talking to each other in hushed tones “We just gotta hook up Brock and Lucy! It’s so obvious they like, no LOVE each other!”

[Dryk]

Ok, short little chapter, but it was pretty good.

I liked the description in the battle, and I was surprised that you had Ash lose out.
I didn’t full get the stuff with Brock and Lucy, but that’s just because I haven’t watched the show in forever.

That’s all I have right now, so good job and keep writing.

[Mewfour]

Well, it was short. Too short, I think. It may seem daunting when you've got nothing in your head to work with at the moment, but the longer your chapters, the more it looks like you care about your craft. If your stuff goes without an update for months, people can look back on your previous chapters, and see the kind of effort you've put into it, and likely are still putting into it. I know I'm guilty of letting my unfinished works rot for months and years at a time (seriously, when was the last time I was here?), but the more you put in, the more you get out of it.