Word Count: 2091

Lost Heaven

He restoreth my soul; he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me.

Always in the shadows, we walk. Sunlight forbidden to us, we are creatures of the night. Blood our sustenance; we stalk through darkness, unseen by all save those we choose to reveal ourselves to. And for them it is too late.

Arioch is my name, and tonight is the night when I am to take for myself a mortal. To sire a fledgling; to bring another beast of preternatural strength into this world of humans so that he may stalk among them unknown, as I do, picking for the slaughter whomever he may choose to slake his eternal blood-thirst.

But I fear that I cannot make myself do it. Sinking my teeth into the throat of a mortal sickens me to my very core; so much so that I quail when it comes my time to feed. My reticence does nothing to endear me to my sire, or to the eldest ones.

Their strength is such that I cannot resist, no matter how much I choose to argue and disobey. It is enough that I carry my book wherever I go. Heavy though it may be, it is all the heavier for my unearthly nature, almost as if the book itself knows of my sins.

My sire, Léandre, terrifies me sometimes. He does not get angry. No. Instead his burnished eyes glint steely for a second, his jaw clenches, and his voice, oh, perfectly controlled, drops to a pitch meant only for my recalcitrant ears as he expresses his deep disappointment that I have, once again, banished a demon from our realm on Earth.

My punishment, as always, is to take extra food for the night. Léandre knows that I will not feed more than is necessary to keep me alive; I bear my thirst, keeping a hold on it deep inside, for fear that I lose control and become…something darker than I can redeem.

The Lord will forgive me my sins, for I do his holy work. It is His test of me, bestowing this… gift upon me.

But my sire, he does not care for the Lord. He spurns Him, as all our brethren do, as they should. And for every demon I exorcise, I must drink the lives of five mortals.

For every vampire I kill, the toll increases to twenty. No matter how I protest, he will force me to it, pressing them upon me until my instincts take over and I cannot refuse their fresh, red heat.

Trapped in my world of darkness, I can no longer look upon the light of the Lord. But I can hope. I can always hope.

*

“Léandre. Sire. I cannot do this thing.”

“Arioch. My love. You have no choice in the matter.” He smiled.

“Mathieu has been waiting long for this night, my Arioch. You cannot deny him this moment; you have seen how he looks at you with his hungry eyes. He longs to be as we are. We are so beautiful to him; you must realise this.” His French lilt and silver tongue washed over me, persuasive as always. But I was resolute. Mathieu and I had grown close in the time he had spent among us. I had no wish to make him into the blood-drinking creature of darkness as I was.

So far, I had managed to account, if not fully, at least partially for my sins; but this would be the complete severance of my ties to God. Léandre had been determined as soon as he sired me that he would stamp out this ‘religious nonsense’, as he called it with such a scornful tone to his soft voice.

“My little one, what else are we to do with these powers? Surely if your Lord is as powerful as you believe, he would not have allowed us to be upon his earth. Surely he would intervene to stop us taking his children. Hm?” As always, his words seemed to fit at the time. But later on, when I would think on what was actually said, I realised it for the hypocrisy it truly was. It was ever Léandre’s undertaking to quell my religious inclinations, and he revelled whenever his various ruses worked to steep me further in sin. But as long as I remained faithful to my Lord, and paid penance for my sins, I still believed that I could find my rightful place in Heaven, at God’s side.

It was Léandre who stole me from that path in the first place. He took me under his wing not two years ago, when I was but sixteen and unaware of the evil that lay beneath his icy perfection and his sugared words. I was taken in, as Mathieu was, and stolen away from my life as a demonologist, away from the light. Two years later, Léandre finally made me into what I am today. Vampiric through and through; drinking the life of mortals for my own survival.

For although I hate my nature, and although I hate Léandre for siring me, I can no more force myself not to feed than a mortal can force himself to stop breathing. And though I hate the very scent of blood, a part of me revels in it. And that part terrifies me beyond all compare, for it is darkness itself; wild and pure and unstoppered by conscious faith or morality.

And this is what Mathieu is to become. What he is to become by my doing, with my blood. And a part of me wants him to be this way. That part of me wants to become closer to him; to be his sire, and be responsible for teaching him our ways. But in giving him my blood, I will forever remove his mortality. It will be replaced with the eerie grace and preternatural abilities of the vampire, although no-one can say in advance what those abilities will be.

In me, they showed themselves in my uncanny speed and celerity of movement. If I so wish it, I can fade into the very shadows themselves, such is my fleetness of foot. But for Mathieu, why I could not guess what his powers would manifest as, and I suppose that could be part of the allure of siring a new vampire.

For me, however, the prospect chilled my blood. There was nothing worse I could imagine than forcing my demonic blood into gentle Mathieu whom I had come to love so much.

But Léandre was having none of it. And the night was finally here. My final protestations had all been for naught. I should have known that Léandre and the elders would not listen to my pleas, but I had to try anyway, if only for the sake of trying, and to bring a little peace to my aching soul.

Léandre came to me, offering his shoulder for silent support as he was wont to do. Cradled in his arms, breathing in his soft, talcum powder scent, the world almost seemed right to me, if only for those few moments of peace; undisturbed by the persistence of my faith fighting against the darkness of my immortal soul.

He ran a gentle hand through my hair – it was getting somewhat unruly of late; my preoccupation with this task throwing all thoughts of personal grooming from my mind.

“Arioch.” He sighed, lips pressed to my forehead. “I know how this troubles you dear heart, and I have no words that could console you. Only know this; siring you was the best decision I ever made. Even though you test my patience most every day. Once you feel the closeness that I feel with you, you will no longer pine for your lost God.” I shook away from the confines of his arms at this, anger flaring within me. I imagine my eyes almost blazed with my rage, for Léandre flinched back slightly, holding his hands out as if to stop my onslaught.

“Who are you to take me from my life?” I demanded. “You have polluted me, Léandre. Tainted me in the eyes of my Lord and I shall never return to His light…” My voice broke, wavering slightly at the thought of spending an eternity without God, and Léandre gathered me into his arms once more, as if to crush away my pain with his embrace.

“You are unflinching then.” My voice was muffled in the fabric of his coat, but he must have picked up on my flatness of tone.

“I am.”

“I had no other expectations.” I knew that He would no longer look upon me as His own, no matter how many exorcisms I performed, or how many demons I slew with my incantations.

As I moved to leave, I felt his eyes upon me.

“I will still love you, Arioch. Never doubt that.” I nodded once, and pushed open the door. It felt so much heavier now that I was certain what was to come that night.

Each step I took towards Mathieu then was as if a leaden weight was dragging at my soul. I walked through that house as a man walking to his own death, head bowed and shoulders slumped in defeat. I wearied of disobeying my sire, and I could no longer be sure of his protection if I was to ignore the task set before me. It enveloped me like a trap, and I felt ensnared by it, and by my own nature.

For you can be certain that my darker half was singing out at the thought of sinking my teeth into Mathieu’s precious, unprotected neck. At the thought of allowing him to drink of my dark blood until he became one of us.

The door to his high-ceilinged room was set slightly ajar. He was awaiting me, sitting peacefully, legs crossed in the centre of the room; a calm smile upon his face.

He was clad in sacrificial white, and I snorted as I came to kneel beside him. The irony was not lost on me.

He turned to me, a light in his blue eyes which I had never seen before. He looked almost delirious with anticipation, fiddling with a corner of his plain robe as if he could not keep still.

I opened my mouth with the intention of asking if he was aware of the gravity of what he was about to undertake, but he put a finger to my lips and the words remained unsaid.

“I know what I’m doing, Arioch.” His words were simple, but they filled my heart with the heaviness of sorrow.

“But do you know what you ask of me.” I said, my voice almost a whisper. He nodded gravely, and placed both of his hands back in his lap.

Inhaling once to steady myself, I raised my eyes to Mathieu’s intense blue stare.

He held my gaze as I reached over to take him by the back of his neck, pulling him from his seat until he was on his knees; head tilted away to bare unmarred flesh.

I closed my eyes for a second, steeling myself for what I knew must come.

In a sharp and sudden movement, I ducked my head to his neck, inhaling the clean scent of his skin and the sharp, ever-present tang of blood pumping beneath the surface.

One breath and I punctured tender skin, feeling hot, red blood gush against my throat, and Mathieu tensing beneath the kiss of fangs. I felt a deep moan reverberate through him as I drew more blood, almost to the point of death.

A haze of red swept over my vision and I felt my very flesh grow warm at the intake of precious blood.

Mathieu fell to the ground, limp and gasping, as I reeled from my first meal in days. Gathering my senses, I leant over Mathieu and cradled his head into my lap.

“You must drink.” I offered my wrist, placing it gently against his lips to encourage him to bite and take of my blood.

As I felt his teeth sink in, feebly at first, and then stronger, a dizziness came over me not unlike the euphoria of feeding. I felt blood drain from me as it had drained from him mere moments ago; and I knew that we were complete.

And as I pulled away, gasping and weak; and as Mathieu writhed on the floor in the throes of mortal death, I knew that heaven was forever lost to me.

I would no longer walk in His light.