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Thread: Porkchop Sandwiches

  1. #1
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    Evil Mewf0ur's Avatar
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    Default Porkchop Sandwiches

    So here's a little something I did way way back in 2010, but for whatever reason never posted it here. Well, this board is in dire need of content, and beggars can't be choosers. So here we go!

    *********

    I remember the first time I tried to cook for myself. I had just turned the gas stove on, when my friend Billy appeared in the kitchen doorway. "D-dude," he stammered, "you not c-cookin'?"

    That Billy. He always was on the slow side. Not stupid, no, far from it, but his slow, stuttering and often unintelligible babbling would lead anyone to the conclusion that he was mentally deficient. Billy was a good kid- perhaps for that reason above any other he was, and would always be, my best friend.

    "Yeah dude," I said, taking my eyes off the burning stove for just a moment.

    One moment was all it took. With a flash of light and a roar of flame, the drapes on the kitchen window were suddenly alive with fire. I wanted to ask why my idiot parents had put drapes- DRAPES of all things, RIGHT above a gas stove, but all I could manage to sputter in my panic was no more understandable than Billy's ramblings.

    "Buh-buh-ba-bah-b-b-ba-ba-bah!"

    Frozen with terror as the fire roared above me, I heard footsteps; distant at first and coming closer with great speed, followed by a man's cry, "Porkchop sandwiches!"

    A man, I can only guess he was a firefighter, suddenly leapt into the room. "OH SHIT!" He exclaimed as the smoke detector went off, "GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!" He screamed.

    Billy and I remained still, paralyzed with fear

    "GO!,WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GO GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE YOU STUPID IDIOTS! FUCK WE'RE ALL DEAD! GET THE FUCK OUT!"

    With those desperate, pleading words, I had suddenly found my legs' will to move again. With no wasted movement, I bolted out of the kitchen as smoke began to fill the room, with Billy and the fireman close behind. Out the front door we ran, coming to an abrupt stop once we reached the sidewalk.

    A firetruck was already on the scene. Normally I'd suspect Billy of prank calling the department again; it had arrived a little too soon for me to believe. Still huffing and puffing from our ordeal, Billy and I were trying to catch our breath when the fireman walked behind us, and put his hands on out shoulders, giving us a reassuring pat.

    "My God, did that smell good," he said, as more firefighters poured onto the scene. To this day, I still have no idea which pork chops he was talking about, but it made me no less grateful that he had shown up in our hour of need.

    "Det-Detective," Billy stammered, "D-Did you know going in, and you tell me do things, and I don'- runnin'..."

    The fireman... the fireman just stared. I guess I've become pretty accustomed to Billy's babblings over the years I've known him, but to this fireman, to hear it all at once now, must have been too much.

    He hadn't moved a muscle from then until the time my parents came home. Staring- just staring into the distance as his brain struggled to make sense of whatever it was Billy wanted to tell him. Even now that our house has been rebuilt, ten long years after that day, he's still there.

    Crouching.

    Staring.
    [img][/img]

    Mewfour is a Canadian writer and longtime TPM veteran.
    Over his impressive 9-year ficcing career he has won 5
    Silver Pencils and 3 Golden Pen awards, and currently holds
    the record for most times won Most Evil Fanficcer (3)

    He's also not above posting stuff about himself in the third person.

  2. #2
    for all seasons Elite Trainer
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    DragoKnight's Avatar
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    Default Re: Porkchop Sandwiches

    Does this have more? Or was that the end??
    Quote Originally Posted by Oslo View Post
    Tony is gay for little Snorlax.

    Watch my YouTube to support my drug habit

  3. #3
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    Evil Mewf0ur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Porkchop Sandwiches

    For awhile I thought of doing either Ice or Mr. Body Massage as a follow up, but couldn't find much of an angle on either that would set it apart from Porkchop Sandwiches. I might eventually do something else from the Fensler Film series if I find the right spin on it.
    [img][/img]

    Mewfour is a Canadian writer and longtime TPM veteran.
    Over his impressive 9-year ficcing career he has won 5
    Silver Pencils and 3 Golden Pen awards, and currently holds
    the record for most times won Most Evil Fanficcer (3)

    He's also not above posting stuff about himself in the third person.

  4. #4
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    Gavin Luper's Avatar
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    Default Re: Porkchop Sandwiches

    This is admittedly a bit of a surreal piece but it's nice to see you still around and posting stories, mate. What are you working on at the moment?

    Cheers,

    Gavin

  5. #5
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    Evil Mewf0ur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Porkchop Sandwiches

    Stories-wise, everything is being put on hold for a super-secret story that I'm not going to be revealing for at least another year. Not just because I want to be able to bank chapters and create a steady release schedule, but there's a very important date coming up....
    [img][/img]

    Mewfour is a Canadian writer and longtime TPM veteran.
    Over his impressive 9-year ficcing career he has won 5
    Silver Pencils and 3 Golden Pen awards, and currently holds
    the record for most times won Most Evil Fanficcer (3)

    He's also not above posting stuff about himself in the third person.

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