the amazing adventures of brillo... M15 i am insane

[Gligar_Man]

ive never wrote a fic before and i got dared to, i clarified this with oz if it was cool he said he hasnt closed anything in a while, and hey it might end up be amusing as i have the worst grammar skills in the world and simon dared me to, please dont hate me ill try and make it amusing for you

once upon a time in a land far away it was friday, and there was an insane petophile named brillo, brillo was walking through the woods one day, and he spotted a young boy, this boy was wearing a red hat, brillo was very attracted to this kids pikachu... but the kids pikachu didnt even notice brillo, the boy was walking with another boy who was walking around staring at this girl who wasnt even remotely attractive, brillo was sad... so he went home to his cave where he had many dead pokemon in cages, he fell asleep... but was later awakenned when the trio of kids he had seen before wanderred outside his home, they were on brillos territory and he was not about to let that happen... so he immediately got up and ran outside grabbing his 'louisYOURFACEslugger' on the way out, he then proceeded shouting various attax and beating pikachu with the bat, pikachu was sad & dead, the trio of kids began to cry and one of them took out a pokeball and demanded onix to fight off this thing... brillo proudly screamed "I AM THE GREATEST POKEMON IN THE WORLD" and climbed up onix as it was trying to squirm it off and eventually reached the top of onixs head really fast it then proceeded in smacking onix with the baseball bat in the face several times, he also was shouting various pokemon attacks, he then jumped off and landed on one of the three kids, breaking several of there bones and the boy withdrew onix and began to cry like a panzy in april, brillo then ran away stealing some food on his way home from a local bakery, all was right in his world... he is now the greatest insane pokemon/person in the world... the kids were so busy recooperating there losses and burying pikachu they didnt notice where the insane man went... but they knew he was a danger and told officer jenny, she then said "shut up i dont listen to 9 year olds" and hunter felt sad, ... so the trio began to leave back to cerulean to drop misty off on there way home, but little did they know brillo was following them...

... NOT TO BE CONTINUED BUT THIS IS THE END

[Andrew]

Ok Gligar Man. Time to reply.

Ok well who is this Brillo person, who do they look like? What is their driving force? Their hopes and dreams?

And is it easy to think that the three ugly people are Ash, Misty and Brock. :x Using them takes originality away from your fic. That's isn't good. After all in a recent poll Originality was what readers wanted most.

So why had the Pokemon in cages died? AIDS? Hunger? Idiocy? TATU?

It seems Brillo is... demented, a human thinking they're a pokemon. Already been done in Hypno's Naptime sorry

Killing Pikachu was a good move but Congrats.

Ouch so why doesn't Jenny like 9 year olds? She hates kids?

So we end up with Mr. Stalker coming after them eh. Different

The major problems were with

1) Length
2) Spelling
3) Grammar

What you should do is try to have any part of a fic you're posting at least 1 page long in word or 500 words long. This is one large paragraph.

Spelling is also a major problem. Attacks is spelt as I just mentioned, not "Attax"



Also you need paragraphing in your fic. That's for sure. Whenever there's a new scene, train of thought, new speaker or perhaps another reason I can't remember you should start a new paragraph.

Also with speakers, use quotation marks. You're old friends 66 and 99. I learnt this when I was 7 :x

Adding some more description about how Brillo stalked and attacked them would be wonderfully creepy also.

Also write it up in a word processor beforehand and it should help iron out a lot of your problems. Also try get a proofreader or someone to help you out dude.

Nice try.

[Gligar_Man]

Originally posted by OzAndrew
Ok Gligar Man. Time to reply.

call me otto

Ok well who is this Brillo person, who do they look like? What is their driving force? Their hopes and dreams?

brillo wears a paper bag over his head and is almost always nude or wearing a walmart bag over his chest and dirty tidiy whities

And is it easy to think that the three ugly people are Ash, Misty and Brock. :x Using them takes originality away from your fic. That's isn't good. After all in a recent poll Originality was what readers wanted most.

So why had the Pokemon in cages died? AIDS? Hunger? Idiocy? TATU?

beatings

It seems Brillo is... demented, a human thinking they're a pokemon. Already been done in Hypno's Naptime sorry

i dont know who hypno naptime is... it was original for me,

Killing Pikachu was a good move but Congrats.

w00t

Ouch so why doesn't Jenny like 9 year olds? She hates kids?

shes a cop cops suck

So we end up with Mr. Stalker coming after them eh. Different

coolies

The major problems were with

1) Length
2) Spelling
3) Grammar

What you should do is try to have any part of a fic you're posting at least 1 page long in word or 500 words long. This is one large paragraph.

no, its one run on sentence i believe

Spelling is also a major problem. Attacks is spelt as I just mentioned, not "Attax"

f33r my gramma!



Also you need paragraphing in your fic. That's for sure. Whenever there's a new scene, train of thought, new speaker or perhaps another reason I can't remember you should start a new paragraph.

you get the idea by now?

Also with speakers, use quotation marks. You're old friends 66 and 99. I learnt this when I was 7 :x

im 17... and not as good at grammar as most 2nd graders

Adding some more description about how Brillo stalked and attacked them would be wonderfully creepy also.

cool... maybe

Also write it up in a word processor beforehand and it should help iron out a lot of your problems. Also try get a proofreader or someone to help you out dude.

i dont know how to use spellcheck

Nice try.

no it wasnt... close it already[/B]

[SneaselReborned]

Omg this was seriously the best story I have EVER read! Thank you for giving me the gift of true literature!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


YOU ARE THE BEST AUTHOR EVER!!!!!!!!!!


Ok, yeah, Oz can close this now.

[Andrew]

Best. Fic. Ever.


That's where you go Sneasel Reborned.