Alrighty, let's see...
Well, to start off, I think this is a valiant attempt at a first fic. Grammar is fine, and spelling mistakes are not at all noticeable. However, in order to get readers, you'll have to change a few things.
For starters, it'd probably be best not to put the fic in script form. It makes things less detailed, and it can't be as easily interpreted. We want to get into the depth of the fic, we want to immerse ourselves, and by writing everything out with more detail you can get a better impression. For example, when the crew enters Bass Town, you could write it like this...
Ash panted heavily as he took the last steps towards the sleepy town.
The sun was already disappearing from view, and the houses of the residential area looked quite quaint. The cobblestone path seemed almost like an invitation for travellers.
Ash looked ahead fondly, contemplating a well-deserved rest and perhaps a good meal.
"We finally made it..." he said to no-one in particular, and stretched sleepily. He began looking across the area for somewhere to eat, but all his thoughts were interrupted when from his side came a panicked cry.
Koji pointed forward nervously.
"Uh-oh..." he gulped, "Look up ahead!"
Ash gazed over nonchalantly, and couldn't help but raise an eyebrow when he caught sight of what Koji was indicating.
A crew of ruffians, all decked out in the same yellow clothing, were heading right their way. It was too much to hope they were the welcoming commitee, but Ash was certainly willing to give them a memorable first impression!
Well, not too good, but that's the basic thing I mean.
It's pretty definite that you'll find it hard to attract readers, since it is a trainer fic, and, furthermore, one based around Ash and the crew. Although you've captured the Pokemon feeling very well, it certainly does feel like Pokemon, it really needs something new.
I'm all for internal struggles between characters ^_^. On that note, it would also be nice for you to describe the main characters. Sure, we know who they are, but if this was someone's first ever impression, they would be a tad lost. Tell us about Ash's quest. Tell us about his style. Tell us about why he's going around battling people at all!
Chapter length is a big issue here. What's in it is pretty good, but that's just more reason for you to go further. Perhaps description will help make it bigger, but most of all, don't be afraid to make the main characters work slowly. You have all the time in the world, and what seems like a pointless conversation could give us a better understanding of their current moods and status.
I actually recommend re-doing the first chapter. It has potential, and all it needs is a little varnish on top, if you'd like to put it that way.
Keep it up, and, if I might add, try to avoid mentioning that this is your first fic. That just makes you seem desperate, and desperation isn't a good thing. Just leave it as a fic, not as a first fic.