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Thread: Here is a reason not to write at 3:00 AM while drinking diet coke. LOTS of diet coke.

  1. #1

    Default Here is a reason not to write at 3:00 AM while drinking diet coke. LOTS of diet coke.

    My heart jumps at the sound of pillows. This was written late at night. Beware.

    The Paper Clip of Doom

    Once there was a clever fellow named Regor. Regor woke up one day to the sound of batteries being thrown at him by an otter. Regor, who was annoyed by the otter, destroyed his house. This was done to save the author time in describing the various aspects of his room, how he got up, and the feelings that were inside him as he thought about that day when he would get his first Pokemon. Even though Regor was clever, he was not ‘intelligent’. Regor was a 15 year old in fifth grade, and this was his parent’s argument against him getting a Pokemon. Regor, looking down at the remains of his destroyed house calmly walked away into the forest.

    Regor was very quiet, and kept to himself. When he did speak, he spoke wise words of wisdom, such as,
    “Alliteration, as an asinine attribute about androids, can be absolutely atrocious.” However, Regor did not ever speak (as he was born without a mouth). It had happened 15 years ago in the dark rain of wetness: Mr. and Mrs. Himst found Regor on their doorstep in a vat filled with radiated Jell-O. Regor was quickly rushed to the hospital where he was saved by the miraculous Prof. Vegetation’s miracle antidote. Regor was named what he was named due to the fact he did not have a mouth. He was a Gregory without the GY.

    As soon as the grass became tall (this would normally take years, but the growth process was probably sped up by the gamma rays that radiated from Regor’s body. A Pidgey appeared and asked him what he was doing.
    “I’m looking for my GY,” replied Regor, using a handy miniature keyboard and speaker he carried around in order to communicate.
    “I believe I saw your father over in Entrapsnart Town,” the Pidgey said. Entrapsnart Town was where Regor lived. During this whole conversation, Regor could only understand,
    “Pidgey, pidgey, pidge… eee?” Regor repeated,
    “I’m looking for my GY,” he repeated, typing furiously and turning up the volume. Pidgey shrugged (as much as it possibly could) and flew off into the distance.
    Team Rocket’s HQ
    “Is it ready?” asked the darkened figure lounging in a large chair.
    “Could you be more specific?” asked the annoyed Rocket Grunt. “I mean, what the heck are you talking about? ‘It’ could be your coffee, your deadly weapon to take over the world, your Viagr-“
    “ENOUGH!” yelled the figure.
    “That’s another thing, you’re always yelling all the time. And why is it so dark in here?” whined the Rocket Grunt. The figure turned the light on, revealing that he was Giovanni.
    “Let’s try this again,” Giovanni sighed. “Is the Paper Clip of Doom ready?”
    “Yes, my lord,” the Rocket Grunt answered with a smile. He walked over to Giovanni and handed him a paper clip.
    “With this paper clip, Team Rocket will become the richest organization in the world!” Giovanni yelled triumphantly. The paper clip glowed an eeevil glow. Suddenly, a Smile dropped from the sky and hit Giovanni on the head. This Smile was like a smile on a person’s face, only without the face. This particular smile was made from plastic and acrylic paints, and was six times its regular size (in order to instill cognitive dissonance in the target).
    Futuristic Technology!one!!1one11!!exclamationpoint!!11!
    Regor ate what he thought was a clump of grass, but it turned out to be an Oddish. The bald Oddish furiously used Razor Leaf on Regor (even though it had no leaves to razor leaf him with). Suddenly, a green panda cub fell from the sky and stuffed Lemon Jell-O into the Oddish’s mouth. This was the equivalent of dealing Holy damage to a demonic fiend in FFX, and Oddish blasted off into the distance. The green panda turned to the bleeding Regor who immediately fell in love (with lemons) and deeply asleep. The panda cub shrugged, (and did a much better job than Pidgey did earlier), and rolled into a little ball. He began to roll down the hill, crushing the tall grass along the way. The sleeping Regor was soon surrounded by a monstrous forest (because of the gamma radiation making the grass grow. Man, I have to explain things a lot!).
    The Smile had killed the big cheese. However, it had barely hurt Giovanni. Giovanni pointed the Maliciously Evil and Silver Paper Clip of Doom at the Smile. The Smile was vaporized, and a steaming pile of rubble lay at the terrified Rocket Grunt’s feet. Giovanni smiled evilly, and stated quite simply,
    “Bye bye.” Giovanni pointed the paper clip at the Rocket Grunt who was also vaporized as Giovanni’s laughter boomed like a little girl shooting her eyebrows. Giovanni climbed to the roof of Team Rocket’s HQ and loaded the Paper Clip Of Doom onto the high-tech satellite transmitter.
    Futuristic Technology!one!!1one11!!exclamationpoint!!11!
    The Maliciously Evil and Silver Paper Clip of Doom vaporized all the buildings and most of the people in the world. The author cannot be bothered to describe Giovanni’s laughter, as it was so malevolent and evil that it is indescribable.
    Regor knew what he had to do: he had to stop Giovanni’s horrible deed and reverse time using his UBER MUTANT RADIATION POWERS!111!!!11!1! However, Regor could not do this as he would remain asleep until some ugly pokemon came and made him their princess. Things looked bleak for the world, especially considering there was no time machine available.
    Grilled Fish from another planet came to Earth, killed all the humans, and took the Pokemon back to the Grilled Fish Home Planet as their slaves. However, the Pokemon rebelled and ate most of the defenseless grilled fish. Of the few that remained, one brave grilled fish known as Tomoaki secretly took a spaceship back to Earth and used a time machine to reverse time to the beginning of this story. He then took all the grilled fish and placed them on a plate in front of the Smile, who ate all the grilled fish, causing him to forget about landing on Giovanni, causing Giovanni to forget about the Maliciously Evil and Silver Paper Clip of Doom. The paradox that this created was covered up with a thick layer of Jell-O which covered the sleeping Regor until he was absorbed into it and turned into part of the Jell-O itself.
    The mass of Jell-O spread around the Earth joined together forming a great alliance called ‘The Star Aid of ‘M’s’. The Star Aid of ‘M’s floated into the air forming a giant C – 6 The C-6 began to flash repeatedly. It flashed brighter and brighter until it was so bright that it blinded everybody who looked at it. The C-6 fell down on the world, causing a major earthquake which was covered up my more Jell-O which recursively repeated what the other Jell-O had previously done. And so this process was repeated until billions of indestructible giant C-6’s floated all around the Earth. Giovanni found the paper clip and attempted to vaporize the C-6’s, but the only thing that he succeeded in doing was destroying the paper clip and himself. The C-6’s went on to take over the world under the command of Regor, who ordered everybody to whack themselves with lemons everyday.

  2. #2

    Default Here is a reason not to write at 3:00 AM while drinking diet coke. LOTS of diet coke.

    Wow... this... this is just like my life. It's as if you have a camera in my house! *nervous looking around-ness* uh...

    ...Anyway, it's a wonderfully excellent story, I love stories like this, they're so wonderfully excellent so as to be wonderfully excellent. Bye now.

    Quote Originally Posted by PancaKe
    The decapitated mole is a fruit loop.

    You heard it here first, folks!

    3-time winner of Fanfic's "Oddest Writer" award!

    Knight of I.N.D.E.E.D.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2003

    Default Here is a reason not to write at 3:00 AM while drinking diet coke. LOTS of diet coke.

    Yaaaay! Random insanity!

    Though I must admit, this is one of the more random ones... WITH L337 5P33K! |)00|)!

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