Hrm. Not bad, Phoenix, not bad at all. Of course, I've seen your work and this isn't your best, but I still like it. Certainly a clever idea, though... reminds me of the time in fourth grade I put off writing my story until like the morning before, and I wrote it about the dream I'd had the night before, ending it with "And then today, October 30, I uh... I woke up." ...okay, so all you other people didn't need to know that, but I am currently in the mood to ramble and so you'd all better deal with it.

I don't care too much for the last lines of some of the stanzas, like that one about needing to concentrate... would it have been possible to re-write the line so that it was more about the noise specifically being distracting, and then maybe made it fit the meter a little better? I know you said it's not supposed to have a meter, but that line just seems jarring to me; it looks too long compared to the rest.

All in all, though, very nice. Are you gonna post those other ones you did for class that you told me about?