Poetry Corner

[Gavin Luper]

Thanks Gavin, and yes, your correction was, er, correct. I find the more I try and think about writing, the less I get done. Last night, after quite an emotionally heavy weekend previously, I just put everything down on paper.

But even though I drew on some personal experience, the poem was meant to look generally at relationships, their destructive and exhaustive power. Particularly when someone who has been 'the other man' suddenly realises their partner is cheating. A sort of role-reversal.

Really appreciate the feedback

Good to get the full picture of where you were taking it man. Your poetry is always quite inspiring and clever, so it's a pleasure to read.

Ai

A soul seeking it…
A million more craving it…
But no one gives it!

This feels like some kind of ineffable universal need or conundrum. But what is it, out of interest, Louis?

My Second Body

How else might I convince you
except to fix my lungs upon a pin?
Perhaps I need to bleach my bones, jar tendon,
or splay my nerves against a screen
and let you map their blue fragility?
Dear skeptic, I can lend you nothing
more than all of it: my knees,
their pocked exteriors,
my cheeks, my pores and frigid palms.
You will measure and do tests,
scouring my flesh with chemicals
to learn its every end and limit.
Even after all of this, you'll still deem it necessary
to hold in your studious hands
my breasts, those which
you struggle most to validate.
Really, all that you require
lies below my chest, beneath it.
Press your beating wrist
against my muscled heart.
Let the rhythms unify.
Then syncopate. Then unify again.
Bear witness to that pear-shaped thing,
that pump. Then, feel yours. Hold onto it.
Maybe now, knowing
my authentic body,
you’ll never again ask,
“What kind of a

are you?”

Wow, man, your poetry always hits something deep inside ... This piece, I feel, could be even shorter and be more effective and resonant, but the images that you have included are just breathtaking. Those splayed nerves and their blue fragility. Whoa. Nice work.

[Oslo]

Wow, man, your poetry always hits something deep inside ... This piece, I feel, could be even shorter and be more effective and resonant, but the images that you have included are just breathtaking. Those splayed nerves and their blue fragility. Whoa. Nice work.

Thanks! I definitely agree that less is often more, so I like the idea of trimming the fat with this particular poem. What lines specifically do you think I perhaps could/should excise? I'm thinking lines 6 to 9 could be removed and the poem would still hold together effectively. The ending also reads kind of baggy now that I think about it.

[Gavin Luper]

Thanks! I definitely agree that less is often more, so I like the idea of trimming the fat with this particular poem. What lines specifically do you think I perhaps could/should excise? I'm thinking lines 6 to 9 could be removed and the poem would still hold together effectively. The ending also reads kind of baggy now that I think about it.

Sorry mate - I totally missed this earlier. Upon rereading, I agree that lines 6 to 9 are actually weaker links in the chain compared to the rest of the poem. In fact, I would even suggest taking out line 10, too, and maybe going straight into "You will scour ..." - it's a bit more image-centric like the rest of the lines. I'm still not sure which lines near the end need to be edited out but I do still feel that it's overlong; it would be significantly more powerful, I reckon, if that ending was condensed by several lines. Maybe experiment with it and see what you could do without? Good luck if you do decide to do that.

Chris: Nice work as always with that latest snippet. It almost feels like it could be an alternative rock lyric, that one ... it's razor-sharp and full of pain and impact. Well done.

[Chris 2.1]

To Teo,

Crew neck, smart tie,
Staring at your eyes I can't help but wonder why
You pulled me, from dirt,
Onto a pretty platform just to let me get hurt.

[Shadow Wolf]

This feels like some kind of ineffable universal need or conundrum. But what is it, out of interest, Louis?

Ah, long time! XD Sorry for taking so long. Anyway, "Ai" is actually the phonetic pronunciation of the Japanese symbol "愛", which means "love". ^_^

Well, it's been quite some time since I wrote something (I'm probably rusty, hahaha). I did, however, write a Spanish poem to someone I like. I'll be sure to translate it.

Solo para ti - Soneto (Only for you - sonnet)

El corazón me susurra al oído
Las alegrías que en ti ha encontrado
Y te agradece que lo hayas vestido
con el amor que por siempre ha anhelado

(The heart whispers all the happiness found with you into my ear
and it is thankful that you have dressed it with the love he always craved for)

Mis pensamientos atraen tu ternura
mientras ofrecen su gran bienvenida
para brindarte cariño y dulzura,
al recordarte que eres mi vida.

(My thoughts attract your tenderness as they offer their warmest welcome
to give you love and sweetness while they remind you that you are my life.)

Ya que controlas su ardor y su anhelo,
mi cuerpo vibra en intensa pasión
mientras desea tu encanto y calor.

(Since you control its hotness and its desire, my body trembles in intense passion as it longs for your charm and your warmth.)

Hasta mis sueños son tuyos, mi cielo
Gracias por ser mi mayor bendición
Toda mi vida es tuya mi amor.

(Even my dreams are yours my dear. Thanks for being my greatest blessing. All my life is yours my love).

Yeah... corny... I know, hehehe.

EDIT: and the other side of the coin, an unedited, unstructured, unhappy piece.

Shi

No more time...
time has stopped...
same old room...
same un-bloom...

Stuck in the virtual world...
afraid of the outside world...
staying in the comfort zone...
and giving up hopes.

Though a miracle would happen...
nothing happened at all...
still stuck as a no one
Still hopeless and broke.

Time is frozen in this room
as time moves faster in the outside world
He has been left behind
He has just stayed behind.

Parents lost hope in their son
Brother calls him a parasite
Friends can't change his world
And he's left like a worthless stone

He tried stretching his hand for help
But he didn't stretch it enough
Since before the hand reached halfway
He'd already given up.

And now as he lays in his frozen world
where only this screen and his hands move
He write these words with no exact purpose
Except to prevent a depressing flood.

And after this, he knows nothing will change
Because no one hears his mute cries for help
And thus he returns to his frozen world
Where he expects nothing but darkness alone

No more time...
Time has stopped...
same old room...
same hope doomed.

[Chris 2.1]

Moth and Flame

You and I, bright like fireflies,
Gliding towards a warming light
It's suicide,
yet feels so right.
Anything can, when by your side.

You and I, relaxed enough to cry,
Swimming in diamonds late at night.
No lead, no guide,
But heart and plight.
Immersed ourselves, so late at night.

I Wonder why we're both outside,
When, once, inside once looked inviting.
Kingdom empty, darkened lamp,
Tears extinguish flame to damp.

Even in our wildest moments,
You made waves like crescent moons.
Even in our still and slumber,
Ripples formed like hearts on water.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Should she have spoken to me less nicely
Should she have spoken to me more freely
Should I have asked if she had someone
Should I have asked her to be mine earlier

Nobody had answered to my glance
Like she did with those eyes
Nobody had presented me homework to solve
Like she entrusted me

I sat behind her and followed the class
I could watch her hair for eternity
Did I get that integral solved
Yes, I solved it for her

Ten years have passed
Since those days full of excitement
I don't blame her for anything
She gave me all I needed
With those questions and answers
Even after it turned out she had someone

Time is nigh
Time is nigh
To save the past

For I never doubted that
The idea of her virginity
Never died inside me

Returning of the miracles
Red-haired beauty reborn
Restored my ability to cry again

The note that I threw on her table
Returned once but not twice

Just once more I got to sit near her
Just once more she asked me to help
The idea of her virginity
Never died inside me

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

These lyrics are actually a statement towards what Päivi Räsänen said about alternative medicine.

Questioned Millennia

Who is to judge what you can't see
Still you can't question what you learned at school
Exposed to our religions we march where we're told to
Proudly because we think we're free

What you believe is another person's fantasy
What you trust in is another person's deceit
Slaves of one's science
That's what one's thoughts are

There's one disease that you cannot heal
In human brain lies knowledge that may turn false one day
Centuries we believed in science
Millennia we believed in gods

Tradition tells spirits can heal you
Evidence tells you can't prove if they exist
Present religion questioned the past one
Present science questioned religion

Ancient philosophies bow before renewed masters
Masters of atoms masters of galaxies
Where is Heaven where is Hell
Where are the gods if you can prove black holes