You know what? Family and friends think your writing is wonderful even if it sucks. So it should be your creative writing class you're worrying about. The good news is it doesn't suck. I like it. The crisp imagery reminds me of haikus. I really like the personification of winter. The comparison of snow falling with autumn leaves bugged me though; the reference to autumn threw me totally off the wintry atmosphere.

Gavin: I get what you're saying abourt it not quite being a love poem. Usually those are more along the line of odes, but this was more about the connection you had with her. I liked it; my favourite line was "And my beer can/ Accelerated the enthusiastic exchange..." A bit brain-dead at the moment, can't come up with intelligent things to say.

Faiz: Mm, very passionate. I like the imagery of the fire and the best roaming wild. I didn't get the onion metaphor though. About the egg metaphor, is it saying that people think they can be forgiven for their sins, but that will never be?