Sincerely, [One-Shot]

[firepokemon]

I still remember that night at the train station before where we met each other for the last time. I can still feel the deep chill piercing through my coat as we walked through the white that covered the ground and talked in that shed until the sun rose about everything we weren’t supposed to say and nothing about what needed to be said. You told me you wished it were spring again, and that it was pink petals instead of snowflakes that were falling, grass instead of thick snow that came up to our ankles, birdsong instead of silence. I never told you, but so did I.

For some reason that bit really bothers me. Everything else was easy to read but this particular bit you had to freeze and re-read it a few times. Well I did anyway.

Also if you ever decide to revisit it I would perhaps look at changing some of the language so that we sense that time has passed. Perhaps look at some type of way of making the dialogue become more mature?

Otherwise I really liked it, nice and short which I always like. Interesting concept, I just wish I would go and watch this 5cm per second film, it sounds really good.

Edit: Now that I think about it, rather than making the language more mature towards the end as time goes past, I think you could play with the first few lots. Because this person is in love and its obviously not been long you could play with the language as being soppy and giddy, perhaps use some language that would signify someone young being in love. Just a thought.