Albel The Wicked // **Chapter 12** + Soundtrack + Act One Recap [7th December 2009]

[Gavin Luper]

Hullo! Late reply again. I'm notoriously bad for stuff like this.

I really enjoyed this chapter, probably more than the last two because it feels like the plot is starting to pick up now and we're getting an idea of the characters. It's nice that we get a chance to see things from a few different angles here - such as the scene with the Mayor (angry and abrasive though he is).

Poor Kian. Though you could tell that Calja was going to die, it was still sad for the character. I'm still not really clicking with Kian though - I feel much more affiliation with Albel. He seems much more likeable; Kian, though he has a strong personality, is difficult to really relate to thus far, maybe cause he's either gung-ho and heroic, or just plain pissed off. In any case, I'm still enjoying the dynamic between these two, and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.

And where did the giants come from? Did the humans morph into them or something? That felt a bit odd, but I'll roll with it. Actually, it was during reading this chapter that I realised what it is that's both intriguing and slightly off-kilter about this fic: it's kind of torn between a very old-fashioned style of adventure writing (like the CS Lewis stuff I mentioned earlier) and an ultramodern approach to some characters (like the Three Outcasts - they seem like contemporary spoiled teenagers) and to the dialogue and some wordings (like the Mayor swearing so much in that way, or Kian being referred to as 'pissed off' in the narrative). There's nothing wrong with this - it just makes for an odd clash of styles. I'm interested to see how it develops: if it ends up making the whole fic more colourful and cohesive, or makes it feel, as I said, torn between different eras.

It was interesting to see the context you used 'bullying' in at the very opening of the chapter. On one hand, it was refreshing to see it applied to non-human objects like ashes and stuff. On the other, it seemed to break the mood, almost trivialising the seriousness of what was going on around Kian. But it was nice to see the term used in a completely different way: love it.

One thing that jarred though: the "icy blade of ice" simile. Too much ice there. An icy blade, sure. A blade of ice, fine. But one or the other - definitely not both. It's like saying "there was a lot of rainy rain" or "the grass was awfully grassy that day". ^_^

He caught the eye of the person lying in bed next to his. That person pointed downwards, underneath the bed. Kian looked where she was staring at and saw all his gear. He gave the person a smile. He couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman. Too many bruises and burns.

I really liked that touch, Kian not being able to tell the gender of the person because they were so badly burned. Very visceral ... and it hammers home the extent of the damage more than a metaphor might have.

Anyway, I've rambled on enough. I like the direction this story is taking, and though it needs a bit of work in places, it's starting to shape up and look really promising. Good writing. See you next chapter, mate.

Cheers!

[Cadmus]

Hullo! Late reply again. I'm notoriously bad for stuff like this.

I really enjoyed this chapter, probably more than the last two because it feels like the plot is starting to pick up now and we're getting an idea of the characters. It's nice that we get a chance to see things from a few different angles here - such as the scene with the Mayor (angry and abrasive though he is).

Yeah, things are picking up a bit now. A bit more action coming.

Poor Kian. Though you could tell that Calja was going to die, it was still sad for the character. I'm still not really clicking with Kian though - I feel much more affiliation with Albel. He seems much more likeable; Kian, though he has a strong personality, is difficult to really relate to thus far, maybe cause he's either gung-ho and heroic, or just plain pissed off. In any case, I'm still enjoying the dynamic between these two, and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.

Yeah, Kian would be a bit hard to relate to, and he's quite 'closed up' (is that the right expression? I hope so, lol). I'm glad you do like Albel (funniest character at the Silvers' 08, yay!) but Kian should get some more 'fans' later down the road, I think. ^^

And where did the giants come from? Did the humans morph into them or something? That felt a bit odd, but I'll roll with it. Actually, it was during reading this chapter that I realised what it is that's both intriguing and slightly off-kilter about this fic: it's kind of torn between a very old-fashioned style of adventure writing (like the CS Lewis stuff I mentioned earlier) and an ultramodern approach to some characters (like the Three Outcasts - they seem like contemporary spoiled teenagers) and to the dialogue and some wordings (like the Mayor swearing so much in that way, or Kian being referred to as 'pissed off' in the narrative). There's nothing wrong with this - it just makes for an odd clash of styles. I'm interested to see how it develops: if it ends up making the whole fic more colourful and cohesive, or makes it feel, as I said, torn between different eras.

Yeah, I tend to prefer writing this way, mixing up different things (usually elements I like from various 'eras' or 'genre stories') and I go with it. Some people dislike it, but thankfully others do like it. Hehe. As for the Giants ... well, keep reading!

One thing that jarred though: the "icy blade of ice" simile. Too much ice there. An icy blade, sure. A blade of ice, fine. But one or the other - definitely not both. It's like saying "there was a lot of rainy rain" or "the grass was awfully grassy that day". ^_^

LMAO! Thanks for pointing it out. I don't even know why I wrote that. I do know it's supposed to be 'icy blade' and not 'icy blade of ice' haha. ^^'

Anyway, I've rambled on enough. I like the direction this story is taking, and though it needs a bit of work in places, it's starting to shape up and look really promising. Good writing. See you next chapter, mate.

Thanks so much for the in-depth review. It helps a lot.

Chapter 4 coming up soon!