Writing Pains

[mattbcl]

This relates to writing, so the subject could possibly go in the Fanfic section, but I figure I'm better safe than sorry putting it here.

I live with my girlfriend. It's a comfortable arrangement. Most of the time, we have no problems - when we do, we talk them out like adults. We intend to be in this particular relationship for the long haul and we're looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together.

But there's a particular aspect of our relationship I don't much care for. Whenever she's in the house, I find myself curiously unable to focus on my writing. It might be coincidence, but as long as she's present in the house, I feel like I can't concentrate the way I used to be able to.

It could also be because since I began writing, my life has shifted focus in several ways. I've been writing stories since I was in my single digits, when all I had to do was worry about homework and chores. The same still applied when I was writing Pokémon fanfiction - though there were many times I blew off homework and chores because a plot bunny was nibbling my ankle. But now that I'm a working-class adult, I'm worrying mostly about items relating to financial security while at the same time taking care of every single chore and piece of "homework".

This is not to say I don't have time to write; I try to set aside a couple hours each day for it. But when I sit down at the computer, waiting for the words to flow out onto the page, it simply doesn't want to come out. The ideas are all swirling around in my head but my fingers seem to lock up. They simply stay in place, the screen stays blank, and the ideas ultimately stay in my noggin.

This is where it gets really sticky for me. Our desks and computers co-exist in the same room. When my girlfriend sees that my fingers aren't flying over my keyboard in a state of fervent scribing ecstasy, she'll determine that I'm not doing anything at all and she'll grab my attention with something interesting she's found in a book or on the Internet, some random observation she's made, or something funny someone sent her. This distraction makes it incredibly difficult for me to turn my attention back to my writing, where I wanted it to be, and the concepts I'd been trying to cultivate all day vanish from their carefully constructed cage. My computer is a laptop, so you would think moving to another room might solve the problem - it doesn't. She simply calls across the house to me. I can't lock myself in a room because she demands to know why I won't let her in. My only refuge is a pair of earbuds jammed into my ear canals, dialed up to full volume, so that I literally can hear nothing else. I have discussed this matter with her at length, and she has promised she'll try to be more cognizant of my need for solitary (perhaps even monomaniacal) focus, but there are many times it seems as though the conversation never took place.

In spite of this, I challenged myself last year to write at least one page every 24 hours. This goal was achieved (just barely), and now I feel like I should have put forward a similar challenge to myself this year.

All this is the long way around to asking my fellow writers and hobbyists - what do you do when you feel like you can't concentrate? What helps you focus on a particular objective?

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Personally, I have never had problems with concentrating, come to think of it. It's the opposite for me, like back in high school, my crush on a girl helped me to achieve good grades when I was sitting behind or next to her. I associated mathematic formulas and equations with her red hair.



Same applies to me even now, like some people think you need great concentration when you play videogames, but my results stay the same no matter how much there's audience or commenting around me. So, all in all, I'm not the best person to give you advice, but I say you should perhaps somehow find a way to channel your energy the other way around, like I do.

[Asilynne]

I know how you feel slightly, because of how busy my rl is I can't seem to energise my creativity towards writing or drawing lately x.x
Did you just move in with her? If so it takes girls some time to realise that guys need alone time. As a girl I know what shes probably thinking because I've thought the same thing-- even if you "know" your man wants to be alone something just makes you want to get his attention. Even if he's doing something and you know that he's busy sometimes there's this inner urge to just bother him so he will pay attention to you and nothing else. I do it sometimes and I don't really know why, I know its annoying but sometimes I just do XD I guess its to prove to ourselves that we are more important to our men than what they are currently doing. I'm not as bad as I used to be about that because I'm older now but rest assured that no disrespect is probably meant, its just a girl thing XD

When you talk to her again about it suggest that she has a girls night out at least once a week and during that time you can write. Tell her that you wouldn't want to keep her from having fun with her friends and that she needs to let you have some alone time to write, and stress that she is very important to you and that the alone time will make the time you do spend together even better <3 Give that a try, and I hope this helps even a little ;D

[Gavin Luper]

Hi Matt.

First of all, welcome back to TPM - I've seen your fic in the Fanfic forum and have been meaning to read and reply (I'm one of the FF mods, and people have been telling me good things about your fic) but my Honours course isn't giving me much free time.

Secondly, I do feel the same way about needing my own quiet, uninterrupted time to write. I remember once planning a couple of weeks away back at my folks' place to just dedicate to sitting down and writing each day, but when one of my sisters decided to also visit for a few days, I found it so annoying not to have my own space that I couldn't write at all.

In my own home life, I live with my boyfriend, but I just explained that when I want to write I need to do it in relative privacy and he's more than happy to accommodate that. It might help that he's also a writer, and that he's read my fanfics on TPM and understands it all (he's on the forums as Cadmus).

My two bob's worth would be to, if you haven't already, maybe acquaint your girlfriend with your writing - have you let her read any of it? It might just introduce her to your writery world a bit, and if you can speak more freely about needing your own space in order to craft it. And also have that serious conversation again: that you need to sit in silence, even doing nothing, in order to create stuff, and that she shouldn't interpret your state of daydreaming and spacing out in front of the computer as unproductive time that she can interrupt. Emphasise your need to not be bothered.

Have you tried writing at a cafe alone or something? As long as you don't mind the noise, it might be a good alternative - you could still probably take your laptop (assuming it has a decent battery life) and write without having anyone to interrupt you.

Hope something in here is helpful.

Last of all, this thread belongs perfectly in the Writer's Lounge, which is in desperate need of some love. Could one of the Misc Mods move it there please?

Hopefully see you around the forums mate!

Cheers,

Gavin.

[ChobiChibi]

Aha, I seem to be the exact same girl that you've described, Asi! XD However, the difference between us is that I'm the creative one, not me bf.

I guess the best thing you can do is set a definite time in week where it is just you and your writing. Thankfully for me this is not an issue anymore, I have a crap retail job, just finished my degree and my bf is in the Channel Islands for 10 days.

I laughed the one time he said to me "You're always writing for that RPG board of yours". At the time, I wasn't (was during dissertation prep time, eep!) and I never actually spend time writing when he's around, so I'm not sure what he's complaining about.

However, you have set worries in my mind about moving in with him now. I hope I will still have "me" time, and that I won't interrupt his too much (his time is mostly spent playing the latest game he's hooked on).

As for the cafe thing, reminds me of that Family Guy sketch about people writing screen plays in Starbucks, so someone sees them writing XD Why isn't it on youtube anymore?

Finally, it's topics like these that make me wish RPG was still in Fanfic. Maybe I should frequent Fanfic more often >_>

[Gavin Luper]

Maybe I should frequent Fanfic more often >_>

You should! We need people!

[Becky]

Matt, I find this an interesting post because my fiance and I also live together. Granted, one of the benefits is that we each have separate offices, but we do like to spend time together in the living room working on our laptops. We each have to write a lot, being in doctoral programs. Granted, my 'writing' is purely academic/research-based, while Brian is a much more creative writer. That aside, it's a situation I face almost on a daily basis.

For me, it all boils down to one thing: discipline. I'm a real perfectionist, though, and with working on research, there's IRB submission/acceptances, conference deadlines, journal revise & resubmit deadlines, concrete dates that make it easier to structure that time.

I just finished my preliminary doctoral exams, and knowing that there was a chance Brian might be a distraction, I kept him out or had him do little tasks for me that would make my life easier when I was writing. But in the end, for me it was about getting things done.

That's just what I do, but please consider that I don't consider myself a real 'writer,' and as such, I don't think I have that creative insight that is necessary for writing fiction.

Looking forward to more posts on this thread!

[Shadow Wolf]

Wow... I wanted to write anything to help, but almost all the ideas have been given. ^_^; TPM writers sure have talent, jajajajaja.

In any case, kudos to Matt for this thread.

I can summarize what keeps my mind from writing in one word: life.

During the day, I have to go around studying, helping people, playing games, doing chores, daily stuff, and I cannot sit to write because I know that something will come up and distract me.

This is why I love nighttime. From 10pm to 1am (because after that, I have to go to sleep). Why?

- My family is sleeping and there are no sounds to distract me (conversations, movies, music I don't like, etc.). Its MY time.

- My mind is clear from the stress of life and focus on memories and important events.

- For some reason, my feelings are at their peak time at this time. So memories become clearer, feelings burst and the words just flow with the current of emotions.

So my advice should be: Try to find a time and space for yourself (We need time for or loved ones, but we also need our time for ourselves). Also, try to discover at which time of the day you have the ability to focus on your writing.

And last, but not least... we all need a reason from writing. A muse, a feeling, a memory, but something is needed. In my case, having a crush or loving someone helps me write (either if I'm happy, or in pain, but it helps me). I can't write something if I my mind is empty (well, not empty, but with no specific thought in mind)

Well, is not much, but I hope I can be of help somehow. ^_^;

[classy_cat18]

I find that music helps me. If I turn on iTunes on my computer, I'm less inclined to start pacing around the house or doing anything else on the computer that requires sound. It also helps me with the mood of a particular scene.

But I can't really force myself to concentrate on writing. My special interests go in a cycle, and if I'm concentrating on one of them then I barely pay attention to the other ones. Gaming? All Phoenix Wright, hardly any anime. Anime? That Wii won't be turned on for days. Writing? It's rare but when I get fired up I can do wonders.

[mattbcl]

Mikachu: Unfortunately for me, part of the problem stems from a slight case of Attention Deficit Disorder (and who doesn't have that, anymore?), so if I'm to concentrate on anything, I have to be able to give it my full attention. The problem is exacerbated by the fact that she can tell right off the bat when I'm just nodding my head and agreeing with her, which hurts her feelings just as badly as outright blowing her off.

Asilynne: In fact we've been living together for two years. But until I put forth my self-challenge last year, I'd been writing only sparingly. I think she understood how important it was to me that this goal be completed - not at first, but in time. Maybe I should be maintaining that objective.

And another problem, relating to the girls' night out - she's not from around here and has very few female friends in this region at all, much less any that she feels comfortable hanging out with. She doesn't like spending time away from me in really any way, shape, or form, because she feels that the time lost will never be recovered. I'm something of a security blanket for her. Nevertheless, I do think I should take your advice and outline why I need the alone time.

Gavin: As a matter of fact, it was because of my fic that we even met in the first place. Ten years ago we both frequented TPM when I began posting the story in question, but something happened to a couple of chapters - got deleted accidentally, I think - so she e-mailed me to ask if I could send them directly. Thus began our friendship, which eight years later became a courtship. So yes, she is very well acquainted with my writing.

I should probably consider going to a cafe or some other place where I can be left alone with my thoughts. On the other hand, she's gearing up to leave for about a month and a half, so it's entirely possible I'll be able to get things done in that span of time. In the meantime, my laptop's battery life is 9 hours when in eco mode... I think that's enough.

ChoboChibi: I wouldn't worry too much about your boyfriend. No offense is meant, but if he's devoting time and energy to video gaming, he'd probably be too oblivious to notice whatever it is you're doing behind his back.

Becky: Likely as not, you and I share a certain degree of perfectionism - if I wasn't anxious about my work being right on, I wouldn't fret over writings that I'd done in my teenage years and work so desperately to revise them. When I write, I write like it's going to the publishers. Given all that, I think you've got some great advice relating to what I might do to prevent the distraction from occurring, and I may employ it.

Shadow Wolf: I've given thought to giving myself a slice of nightttime. It's the perfect writing setting for me anyway. I like getting things done during the day. 10pm to 1am would be wonderful, but for the fact that if I don't go to bed by a certain point, I'm asked why, and I'm terribly missed. She doesn't like going to bed without me (though she doesn't seem to mind when I go there without her). Nevertheless, I agree that finding the right time is a huge factor. If I can't focus at 2pm, I shouldn't be trying to write then anyway.

And finally, to everyone, I appreciate the suggestions, and I hope they keep coming!

[Shadow Wolf]

...All Phoenix Wright...

HOLD IT!!!!

You're playing Phoenix Wright? You gave me a direct hit on my achilles heel. Beated the first three games for the third time already... going through the fourth one, next Investigations: Miles Edgeworth and eagerly waiting for Professor Layton vs Phoenix Wright.

hardly any anime. Anime?

OBJECTION!!!

Idk if you're reading anything, but last one I read was Toradora! I recommend it (though my tastes are weird. Sorry if spam)

...and finally...

TAKE THAT!!!

I agree with you. Music helps me also concentrate on what I write, and it can also help me construct some verses. In my case, soft rhythm and lyrics with meaning helps me out.

It all comes to tastes and preferences. The best thing is to find a good environment, a reason, a mood, and of course, ink and paper.

[classy_cat18]

HOLD IT!!!!

You're playing Phoenix Wright? You gave me a direct hit on my achilles heel. Beated the first three games for the third time already... going through the fourth one, next Investigations: Miles Edgeworth and eagerly waiting for Professor Layton vs Phoenix Wright.

I got the first three on WiiWare, as well as Investigations. Can't find Apollo Justice anywhere and it's driving me nuts. I'll have to buy it for myself on my birthday. Also waiting for PL vs PW, because I've been playing Professor Layton too. But the second Investigations ain't coming to America! *sobs*

OBJECTION!!!

Idk if you're reading anything, but last one I read was Toradora! I recommend it (though my tastes are weird. Sorry if spam)

Currently reading Berserk and Deadman Wonderland, but I'll put Toradora on my To Read list.

[shazza]

It might be coincidence, but as long as she's present in the house, I feel like I can't concentrate the way I used to be able to.

I don't think it's a coincidence at all. No matter how much you presumably love her, writing is a private undertaking. You cannot focus fully on the internal world of written words when you know at the back of your mind there is someone in the external world observing you and has the cursed ability to distract. I guess it might be, for me anyway, an anxiety about entering into that state when the external world is alive and watchful.

I’ve faced a continuous battle with procrastination and self doubt regarding my writing – and other creative and academic endeavours – approximately since I hit puberty.

My main issue has been anxiety regarding it; too much self-doubt and awareness to allow a flowing stream of thought. The niggling doubt that whatever I produce is not good enough, or what others would think (regardless whether it’s public or private) has postponed and sometimes killed what could have been a wonderful idea coming to fruition. Who knows what I can accomplish without the self fulfilling prophecy of self doubt? But that’s all in your mind. It’s just another present moment thought which is conflicting with the potentially creative – and as long as both these thoughts exist, there will be an unnecessary self-conscious echo reverberating in your brain. Even now has been a struggle: I initially saw this topic a couple of days ago and have occasionally fantasied about what I could have written, and even now this entire message will not be identical to what I first envisioned. Previously, knowing that would make me irritable and I’d conceive in my head how whatever I attempt now, since I can’t remember the initial thought verbatim, will not match up to the initial attempt. But, my friends, there is a light: the insight into this has (to an extent) aided and allowed me to not think so much about thinking; I’ve just been thinking. There is no separate thinker from the thoughts. It’s all just thoughts. Too much self-awareness is what we folks call anxiety.

I can write in a variety of different means – analytical, journalistic, satirical, retardedly (Mt. Moon), opinionated – and I do more or less a good job. I’ve tried a fair few attempts to write raw poetry – some can be displayed in ‘The Poetry Corner’ – but creative writing IS the most primal and embrace of emotion. When I do come up with creative ideas, I’m typically comfortable during witty things like sitcoms or satirical pieces or whatever. And humor is a wonderful ability to write, and I am forever thankful for that gift. But there is other areas which I wish to expand upon – but these are the same areas I am self-conscious about.

You mentioned ADD/ADHD. This time last year I was convinced I had it, and even today I wouldn’t be surprised if I have a bit. Because, as you are quite right, doesn’t everyone to an extent? I once wanted medication for it, but that isn’t the case now. Meditation rather than medication! To become aware of your thoughts, and notice how the present moment is eternity, you CAN remain more concentrated. If you feel you are becoming too distracted, set outside and look into the stars. The cosmos will never fail to calm you down and put things into an oceanic perspective.

And remember you are writing not for anyone else. But for yourself. Because you love it. It opens up a side of you that perhaps the verbal language fails to do. Writing this was not just for you, but as is clear, a reminder to myself.

Since starting an 8.30-5 job, I have had regular fears that my imagination is dying. It’s killing the true side of me. But that will never die as long as I adequately am able to manage my time effectively. Before I had a full time job, I didn’t do much writing because I had too much time to think and doubt myself; now I don’t have enough time to think too much and am slowly procrastinating less. Not perfect but any means, but I know I have improved.

Don’t think about thinking. Thinking about thinking will put you in this continuous loop. Then you’ll think about the thinker who is thinking. Then that one. Endless.

Then again, I may be completely off the mark and it’s an entirely different issue. But I’m pretty convinced that lack of attention and too much self-awareness are entwined issues. I’ll leave on this note.

‘There was a young man who said, though
It seems that I know that I know
What I would like to see
Is the I that knows me
When I know that I know that I know’

Good luck! You seem like a very intelligent and creative individual.

P.S: Definitely loving all the newbies lately that are offering different kinds of interesting topics.

[ChobiChibi]

Since starting an 8.30-5 job, I have had regular fears that my imagination is dying. It’s killing the true side of me. But that will never die as long as I adequately am able to manage my time effectively. Before I had a full time job, I didn’t do much writing because I had too much time to think and doubt myself; now I don’t have enough time to think too much and am slowly procrastinating less. Not perfect but any means, but I know I have improved.

This. Except I'm kinda the opposite. I work in a crappy retail job, normally doing late afternoon til close where everything is tedious and boring. Whilst I was at Uni, this past semester I did nothing except work. Whereas previously, I would happily procrastinate by writing (mostly for RPG), I just couldn't do it. It was like anti-procrastination! But now this boring samey retail job has let my imagination run wild. I'll be doing stock and be thinking about some awesome plot line I just have to get into my next post. I'll be sweeping, singing songs as I go that fit with whatever scene I'm thinking about writing. It's magic, I swear, I've not felt this creative in months.

Watch out RPG... I'm back >w> And you too, Fanfic. Maybe.

Oh and also, I wouldn't say I'm writing behind my bf's back. He knows I'm a complete RPG freak. We tabletop (giggidy) all the time. And I'll also happily sit down and attempt to kick his ass at COD (I can't beat him, but I have thrashed his house mates <3). It's more of a case that I worry that what's happened to you might happen to me also if I were to move in with him. However, it's not likely to happen anymore (my MA course doesn't look like it's gonna run, I'm applying for real jobs that aren't crappy retail), so it won't be an immediate problem. Just one in the future.

[mattbcl]

Haha, I guess I should have refined what I said - I meant less "behind his back" as in "sneaking around all ninja-like in the hopes he won't notice" and more in the literal sense of "three feet behind him". Sadly, I know more than my fair share of male friends who'd stare so intently at, say, a runthrough of Alan Wake that a hot girl could be flashing them behind their heads and they wouldn't know anything of any interest is happening in the real world.

In any event, she's just departed for a month-long vacation (just left about an hour ago, in fact), so perhaps I can finally get a jump on this stuff like I've been meaning to. And if not, then I guess there's really nothing to be mad at her for - it's all just me. There's a novel concept...