Approaching women

[shazza]

Specifically, women you place on the pedestal.

There's this girl in my lecture and the past couple of days we have been making considerable eye length, often accompanied with an alluring smile, and her sheer beauty has left what is such a simple act a profound mark on my heart.

Should I go up to her at the end of the lecture and just say "hi, how are you?" Try and sit closer to her? Or try and purposely get her to walk past me as that's more of an inevitable encounter as opposed to the former two.

At the end of the lecture, her friend left and it almost seemed like she was purposely moving slow just for me to approach her. But flight won in fight vs flight. I'd say a bit has to do with the lack of sleep and consequentially anxiety augmenting.

TOMORROW I NEED TO APPROACH HER ON SUFFICNET SLEEP! FUCK! HOW DO YOU GUYS PICK UP PEOPLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY LIKE WITHOUT ALCOHOL? WHY IS IT SO EASY TO GET WITH GIRLS YOU DON'T HAVE FEELINGS FOR BUT TO EVEN SAY HELLO TO A SHINING GIRL IS LIKE CLIMBING MOUNT EVEREST!?

[Oslo]

I wouldn't go with the "hi, how are you?" approach because that could turn awkward extremely easily. If possible, make the reason behind the encounter a bit more natural. Try sitting a few seats away and then come up with a banal reason to talk to her: borrow a pen, ask for the time, request clarification about something on the syllabus, etc. Try doing this a couple of times over one or two classes. Once you have a reason to be talking to her, that's when you can throw in some small talk and ask her name/program/whatever and then engage in some low-key flirting. You'll know if she's interested.

But yeah, approaching someone in a class is way more awkward than doing it at a bar with the aid of the social lubricant that is booze. It took me the better part of a semester to get on talking terms with a hot Asian guy from my Expository Writing class... but it was woooorth it.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

I almost had a girlfriend when I was at high school. It all started when we helped each other in Physics and Mathematics classes. We did that for about a year, and there was nothing more between us. However, I took action in May 2003 and threw a piece of paper on her desk. It read "Could we meet each other somewhere outside school?". After the lesson, she returned the paper, which now said "It should work. Let's agree on the place and time later, OK?". I got a chance to see her again that day, and we arranged a meeting in the library on the following day.

That meeting was a success, we talked about everything. All of a sudden, I could chat with this new friend at school. But when summer holiday began, our paths differed. I asked her if we could keep meeting each other during summer vacation. She said yes and we agreed on two meetings, but I had to wait for her in the library forever. She never came. I even got a cell phone for the first time in my life in order to keep in touch with her, but when I tried to call her, she didn't even answer. I sent a message asking what was wrong, and she replied that she had another boyfriend.

The school began again in August 2003 and it wasn't the same. The girl didn't even ask for my help at school anymore. However, we both were about to leave high school in spring 2004, and then we were a bit closer for a moment. We chatted again at school and stuff, but it ended totally after high school was over. Much later, I tried to ask the same girl to be my Facebook friend but still, she hasn't accepted my friendship. I could tell more about my other girlfriend attempts but there you got one story.

[DivineAll]

Just talk to her casually when you get the best chance to, preferably to look over notes as friends.

[Leon-IH]

This article puts it better than I could.

Cliff notes: talk to her, ask a topical but not boring/generic question..

Oh and a recommendation that isn't in there, understand that she's a person and that the idea in your head of her is just that; an idea. It's much easier to approach a person than an idea



Also I recommend not going the 'friends' route.. it tends to fail because you're not making clear that you want an intimate relationship.

[shazza]

Yeah, a lot of it is definitely common sense, and things I have previously read -- Pick Up Artists etc. I think sitting in the vicinity of actual conversation might work.

Nice article, Leon.

[Andrew]

Could she be in one of your tutorials? If you have classlists at uni, you could change to hers?

[Bear]

Also remember she's been looking and smiling at you too, which means she's interested already. Just don't ask the same stupid, awkward small talk questions everyone else does. Ask her a question about the lecture you just had, like "hey, so, when professor said 'blah blah blah', I was a bit lost. What do you think he was referring to?'" and then take the conversation from there. Another approach would be to give her a subtle compliment, like "your hair looks really great when you wear it like that." It shows your interest but isn't too over the top, because women instantly reject all over-the-top compliments. Judging by how things have progressed so far with her "alluring looks" and all, I'd say it might just be possible for you to go straight to inviting her out for a dinner or fLIck. Preferrably dinner so you could actually talk, somewhere quiet but not overly fancy (it is a first date, after all). And for pete's sake, be yourself and be natural. Nothing ruins opportunities with women moreso than acting like you normally wouldn't. Spontanaity (sp?) is only good when you are already in a committed relationship.

[Asilynne]

What James said, also asking what she thinks about certain subjects that come up in your classes is another good one, that way you get to know her, have contact with her, and she's doing a good bit of talking so you don't feel like you have to carry the convo by yourself


Us girls love to be asked our opinions too ;DDD lol

[Magmar]

Try going to class early if you're feeling shy about it... Maybe she'll just select a seat near you if you're there first and the option is there! Or wait outside the class reading something you'd both find rather interesting and maybe when she walks up, say hi and see if you can get a conversation going that's interesting enough that she'll sit near you. Then just say you're on the way to (cafe, library, etc) and ask if she's up to anything.

My usual method: Ask a question that determines whether or not the person is available, then invite along! Rather than just inviting along... It kind of leaves you the opportunity to be direct by approaching the situation in a roundabout way. Corner 'em! ;]

"Hey, so do you have class after this?" or, "Hey, when's your next class?"
"Not for another hour. Why, what's up?"
"Going to the cafe for some coffee and to get a head start on some of the readings... Care to join?"

Then buy her a coffee and go from there ;]

[Telume]

I just follow this simple acronym:

K.I.S.S

KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID. (Though, if you're gonna give her a kiss keep it to the cheek since you've not known her that long.) Just sayin'

[Heald]

Whatever you do, try not to kill her.

[DarkestLight]

Smack a bitch upside the head and be like "Trick? What yo name is?" Works...60% of the time...every time!

No, umm everyone pretty much covered it. Just be you, that should be enough :/

[Becky]

Just be yourself. Quite honestly, a slip up here or there isn't going to make or break anything with her- and if it does, then I doubt she's worth your time anyways. Don't overthink it or read too much into things. If you start a conversation with her and it kicks off, that's great. If it doesn't, then at least you have your answer. The bottom line is that if you're mutually interested, then you'll both make an effort.

[Link]

I'll say one thing: Don't stare at her chest.

[Zak]

Specifically, women you place on the pedestal.

That's exactly it. DON'T place them on a pedestal. It's possible to have feelings for someone and at the same time not want to inflate their ego. Just think in the back of your mind to avoid inflating their ego. At least, not until everything is in place. Then you can put them on a pedestal and inflate their ego all you want.

[Katie]

You've put a woman you've never spoken to on a pedestal? Why? Just go sit next to her and find out if she's worth talking to! Of all the tpmers to be so goony, shazza. For shame!

[shazza]

Cupid makes you stupid. Haven't seen her since posting this topic. Much more easier than first presumed.

[shazza]

Update: Bumped into her for the first time since July. Thought 'fuck it, YOLO' and appraoched her and ended up having coffee.

[Jeff]

Update: Bumped into her for the first time since July. Thought 'fuck it, YOLO' and appraoched her and ended up having coffee.

[Lady Vulpix]

Congratulations!

[Jeff]

To add some input of my own to this, and share a personal experience that I had this year:

It all started this past summer when in a random act of spontaneity (something that's really out-of-character for me), when Sarah (Kuro) put out an offer for her friends to go to Kings Dominion (an amusement park near Richmond, VA) with her, I decided "what the heck, I'll go". The thing is that I was terrified of roller coasters. With a bit of prodding though, everyone got me to get on one, and despite being a little dizzy afterwards, I realized it wasn't so bad.

So, I think that affected me a bit, since not too long later, when my brother was talking about a girl he met at work who was trying to flirt with him (he has a girlfriend), instead of shying away from the situation, I practically begged him to set me up with her. Eventually he did. I was nervous going in, but I did manage to have a conversation with her. Even though in the end, we weren't interested, I realized that I actually can overcome my shyness and talk to girls, so I joined an online dating site.

A week later I started talking to girl on there. We've now been talking at least once a day for over a week. The funny thing is that the icebreaker of our conversation was how I overcame my fear of roller coasters.

So, the moral of this story is that something may seem scary at first, but it's easy to overcome. Also, if you've overcome your fear once, it's easier to do it again. Hopefully though shazza, this is one fear that you won't have to overcome again anytime soon. Best of luck!

[RedStarWarrior]

Just walk up and introduce yourself. Make some comment in reference to the lecture as a means of starting conversation.