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Thread: ¤Game¤ Dragon Tamers Battle Range v.24

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  1. #1
    2 hot to hold, 2 cold to fold Veteran Trainer
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    Default Re: ¤Game¤ Dragon Tamers Battle Range v.24

    LV:
    Heh, Mary and Sue needed to pull something overpowered lol

    Umm how many whom's and it's? I went through that story like 5 times and rewrote most all the past/present mixed tenses. I seriously dedicated a day to removing whom and either putting who or rewriting it to not have to use it. So there's something Im obviously missing.

    As for when they met..well they met via the RP, then at the end of the RP, IT was written that she gave rapp her number, and that they would meet at the fountain. This story puts Rapp en route to the fountain. Which means I need to rp with you again, to get rapp up to speed with the whole black dragon stuff!

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  2. #2
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    Default Re: ¤Game¤ Dragon Tamers Battle Range v.24

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkestLight View Post
    LV:
    Heh, Mary and Sue needed to pull something overpowered lol

    Umm how many whom's and it's? I went through that story like 5 times and rewrote most all the past/present mixed tenses. I seriously dedicated a day to removing whom and either putting who or rewriting it to not have to use it. So there's something Im obviously missing.

    As for when they met..well they met via the RP, then at the end of the RP, IT was written that she gave rapp her number, and that they would meet at the fountain. This story puts Rapp en route to the fountain. Which means I need to rp with you again, to get rapp up to speed with the whole black dragon stuff!
    And yet, as overpowered as Sue is, she's afraid of a little Nincada? That doesn't make much sense.

    I was asking at which point in your story our characters had met, since the whole story went on as if it had never happened, until it suddenly had. My story said both groups met back in Sector Alpha on that same day (Spark didn't stop surveying the area until he saw Rapp's group return), Rapp got a cellphone and numbers were exchanged. Yours says Rapp decided to leave the mountains - for his own reasons, related to his encounters and completely unrelated to my group since there was no mention of them - and went on a journey that took several days before returning to Sector Alpha, buying a cellphone and registering the umber Gabi had given him at some unknown point in history. How shall we make the story consistent? What exactly happened? I'm willing to edit my story as long as we agree on something that makes sense. Note that if Rapp did promise to meet Gabi at the park on that same day and didn't, then I'll have a lot more to edit since Gabi and her team will have got worried and organized a rescue mission, and all the subsequent Guild/DT meetings will have involved making plans to search for him.

    And I believe I replaced 9 instances of "whom", and at least 3 of "its".

    Edit: I have fixed my story in the archive.
    Last edited by Lady Vulpix; 25th August 2012 at 01:49 PM.

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  3. #3
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    Default Re: ¤Game¤ Dragon Tamers Battle Range v.24

    Before story notes: The baby vulpix went to charlesthough it'll be my next story or the one after before she officially leaves.. Now for the moves, which are being given out off screen... First of all, Kiara is getting the emt Superpower move. Sand Tomb, which is one of the moves that hannah gave me is going to Tierra. Meditate and crunch, another pair of moves that came from Hannah is going to Darin. Sky Uppercut is going to Talut. Yawn, which was an emt move, is going to darin. Psyshock, also emt, is going to Sinopa. Stone edge (Emt) is going to tierra. Ice shard (Emt) is going to rick. A while back, I made a huge purchase from the reward center. I got something for eveyone and recently I also bought some moves for Ziva and Tierra, but ziva’s are on hold until she is properly introduced (as are the moves I have holding for flame). Here are those moves: Mimic for blazer, odor slueth for kiara, odor sleuth for Kovu, rain dance for Sugar, air cutter for Talut, rain dance for Jasmine, slash for Yana, Flame wheel for sinopa, signal beam for Darin, signal beam for Colby, charm for Ebony, powder snow for Rick, odor sleuth tm (for rick[was originally for vixey]), as well as focus energy tm and Hidden power ice for Tierra. Speaking of, Ziva came from the pocket monsters breeding center and is the daughter of Mikachu’s mienfoo and Skye’s espeon fade who was an eevee at the tim of the breeding. Ziva is a L.5 female mienfoo that knows Pound, Meditate, and Hidden Power (Ice). Her ability is inner focus. Anyways, here is darin’s rbgs and setting up for blazer’s. Having a case of writer’s block so tryign to get over it by writing….

    (Amy’s POV)


    We took our time getting home after finishing up at the training grounds, since we didn’t have to hurry. We set a nice, lesiurly pace and we took our time getting home. Jasmine and Talut were fully rested as we made our way back and Kovu was resting in his pokeball.


    (Darin’s POV)

    I was resting with Sinopa and our daughter, while Blazer and Yana made the rounds. The others were resting inside. I was spending as much time with my family because I knew our little girl was going to a new home soon. I nuzzled her before stiffening.


    ”Darin? What is it?”

    “I heard something.”

    Sinopa crouched over our little girl as I stood up and looked around. I took a couple steps forward before coming to a dead stop and narrowly missing a gunk shot.


    “Way to go birdbrain. You can’t hit the broad side of a barn.”


    As I watched a delibird landed, ignoring the jabs from the wooper.

    “What do you two want?” I snarled.


    “You.”

    ”What for?”

    ”None of your business.”

    ”And none of us is going with you.”

    “We’ll get you one way of the other.”

    Darin L.20 Male Espeon Vs. L.20 Male Delibird and L.20 Male Wooper.


    Taking a deep breath, I took a running leap and disappeared into a shadow. As I hid there, I avoided an ice punch from the bird and a mud bomb from the wooper. I smirked and listed to the confused whispers of the delibird and the wooper asking where I went after their attacks missed.

    Letting out the breath I was holding, I leapt from the shadows bringing their force to my attack asi slammed into the Wooper from directly underneath him. He was sent flying through the air. When he landed, I could tell that he was weakened. However, it didn’t deter him from his next attack. Inhaling deeply, the wooper exhaled a powerful stream of water that slammed into me that was extremly hot. I thanked my lucky stars that the Scald didn’t burn me. The next thing that I knew, the delibird reached into his sack and pulled out a trash back that he threw at me. When it hit, it busted open and gunk splashed all over me. I wrinkled my nose because it smelled hidieous.

    “Stop ganging up on me,” I growled as I used my psychic powers to hurl the wooper as hard as I could into the far side of the house where he slid to the ground. I breathed a sigh of releif. One of my opponents was knocked out cold.

    I didn’t get to enjoy my victory for very long. The next thing that I knew, I felt bugs crawling all over, and it felt like they were all biting me. However, when I looked I didn’t see anything but a faint yellow-greenish glow. I closed my eyes and wished hard on the star’s that I knew were up there even though I couldn’t see them right now. Although I did know deep down that my wish would come true. It was just a matter of surviving until it did.

    Taking a deep breath, I turned around and faced my remaining opponent. Then, with a narrowing of my eyes, I sent him hurtlign thorugh the air where he landed on top of the wooper. Unfortuantely, he wasn’t kncoked out by the attack. Instead, he opened his bag and out flew a yellow greenish beam of bug typed enery. I bit my jaw to keep from crying out in pain, as I struggled to keep from blacking out.

    Thankfully, I felt my wish come true as my health was restored a little. I had just enough energy to launch my strongest attack. I knew it was going to wipe me out but it had to be done. I began to channel all my psychic energys. As I did so, I could feel the power building insdie until I could no longer hold it back. The Psycho Boost knocked him back so hard that the ice bird left a small dent in the side of the house as I collapsed to the ground completley exhaused.

    I won!
    I grew to L.22.
    I learned Quick Attack


    ”What happened here?”

    I looked up to see Talut and Jasmine landing with Amy on Talut’s back. “We were attacked I said warily.” Before Amy could go over and look at my attackers, munna appeared and teleported them away.

    ”By who?”

    The new voice, coming from Amy’s pack, caused all of us to startle. I watches as she slowly slid the bag from off of her back and cautiously open it to reveal a young sandile.


    ”Hi!”

    ”Where did you come from?” Amy asked her.

    “The Desert Room. I watched your battle, and was impressed so I cuaght myself. I wanted to be trained by you and that’s why I caught myself. The umbreon was amazing to watch in battle. My name is Tierra.”

    ”Amy?” I asked, because I could tell that she was caught completely off guard.

    ”are you sure?”

    The little gator just nodded her head.


    ”Is this the whole team?”She asked?

    I shook my head, still nto used to this new member. Amy was watching her curiously. “Most of them are in the house. Blazer and Yana are patrolling and…” Taking a deep breath, I looked up at Amy. “And tehre is still no word from Flame.


    “Okay, Darin, call everyone back. We’ll make the introductions and go from there.”


    I nodded. “Okay,” I agreed as I set to work.”

    Amy smiled and I followed her line of sight and I stood up proudly.
    “Congratulations. She’s beautiful. And since I know that you were wondering about it, I did find her a good home for when she’s old enough to leave.”

    My eyes widened briefly before I cleared my throat. She doesn’t have t0 leave yet does she?


    “Not for a few more weeks, but she’ll like her new trainer.”
    I watches as Amy gently petted her and Sinopa nuzzled her.

    One by one the rest of the team appeared. Blazer and Yana were the last to arrive, and Blazer looked as worn out as I didn.
    Last edited by Wolfsong; 25th August 2012 at 09:54 PM.
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