Predicament

[magdaw]

I have a real problem, and I needed advice from someone that doesn't know me or anyone else I know, perhaps someone older and more experienced. As I'm growing up, I'm beginning to realise things. Life changes, and not always for the better.

I have a boyfriend. Let's just call him [BF]. I don't like to use real names, even if he doesn't visit these forums. Anyway, I've been with him since April 2003. I was 14, he was 17. It seemed like a major age distance at the time but we fell in love, and now it's not an issue. We seemed at first complete opposites, but we found things in common with each other, such as our ideas and morals. We both wanted the same thing - a bit of excitement in our lives, at the same time someone to care for. To begin with we had a lot of fun, but these past few months have been turbulent. As time goes by, we seem to disagree so much more.

All he wants lately is sex, and the more he wants it, the less I want to give it to him. He does give me emotional support and love, don't think he's just an animal. But it's like the drive is gonne. He blames drugs. But I had detoxed for months when these feelings arose. He's changed, not me. He wants to settle down later, have kids and have a quiet life. I don't want that. At least, not now. Yeh, I'm a little young for raising kids right now and to be honest I'd never want them, but he acts like we're already married. He just beggs for sex. It's not fun at all.

But I still love him, and he loves me. I feel like I have this attatchment to him I could never break from. The thought of losing him makes me feel sick. He's always been there when other guys would have ran away. I won't go into detail about those events, but they were pretty severe. And all he's ever given me is love and kindness. He's never hurt me, emotionally or physically. But what also worries me is the depressing thought of living out the rest of my days with him. He knows we're falling apart from each other, too. He's feeling it.

Then, a friend ([Buddy]) introduces me to a friend of his. We'll call him [Guy]. [Guy] likes me and, well, I honestly have to say I like him too. I've only known him for a month or so, and not met him very often. He only told me how he felt last Saturday and, well, he's way different from [BF]. He's got much more interesting ideas. When I think about him I can't help smiling, and people ask me what I'm smiling about (not something I'm used to doing). Thing is, I really don't know him too well, but what I've picked up so far, he's a bit out of control, at the same time a lot of fun. [Buddy] says he's a romantic sometimes, but most likely wants sex. Why does that draw me to him even more?

When [Guy] and I talked, he was talking of a long-term relationship. He was being open and honest about himself (or so I reckon, I never regained my full trust in people since an incident a few years back) and seemed genuine. But I don't know. I'm torn. I don't know which way to turn.

[Magmar]

Hun, you're hanging with the wrong crowd. Find someone who loves you for you, not for your body.

[Dark-San]

[b][size=3] Is sex is only issue when it comes down to relationships these days? I seen friends who broke off because of the same issue.

My advice to you would be to ignore both guys. After all, both are only after your flesh. Get someone who truely loved the inner you.

[Jeff]

So I'm guessing this guy is about 19-20 now. If he hasn't grown out of only wanting sex from you by now then it's time to break it off. Like the guys before me said, find someone who likes you, not your body.

[mr_pikachu]

I have to concur with the three who posted before me. Also, it sounds kind of like you have a bad feeling about your current relationship (and maybe [BF] does as well), but you're trying to stay away from the issue. It would probably be wise to confront the concern head-on; that is, you should discuss it openly with [BF]. It may bring you closer together, or it may break you apart. But the longer you wait, the bigger the concern will grow, and the harder it will be to make things work out positively.

Still, it sounds like neither person is really that good of a match for you at the moment. Someone right for you will come along if you give things time, but you can't let yourself become too concerned with losing someone close to you, especially if you're not sure that you want that attachment anyway.

[Lady Vulpix]

I agree with everyone here. I also think that you don't know [Guy] well yet, you don't seem to be sure of what he really wants. If indeed all he wants is to have sex with you, then don't go for him; wait until you find someone who loves you for who you are. But if you feel something for him, maybe you should try to get to know him first, rather than judging him by what [Buddy] said about him.

As for [BF], things aren't going well in your relationship. If he truly loves you, he must respect you and understand that you're not ready for what he wants, and even that some of what he wants may not be for you. That may or may not change in the future, but I think you should talk about it and clear things out. Otherwise you'll just keep hurting each other.

And in any case, don't be afraid of ending up alone. If neither of them is right for you, then someone else probably will be.

[magdaw]

Thanx for the advice. It helped me clear things out in my head.

Now [BF] is [exBF] . But we agreed we wouldn't loose contact and would remain good friends. It seems to be working, and I realise more that I see him so much as a best friend, I couldn't see him as a boyfriend. As I said he wasn't wanting my body, he really loves me for me. It seemed the sex was the only thing holding our relationship together. I see now, it wasn't worth the stress.

I think I will stay single for a long while. I don't think I'm ready for the commitment yet. [Guy] took it well. He's nice, but I'm not ready for anyone yet. I need some time to breathe.

Really, thanx. I'm glad I was able to turn to you all. I guess it helps to open up to people you don't know.

[phaedrus]

Really, thanx. I'm glad I was able to turn to you all. I guess it helps to open up to people you don't know.

Well, I wouldn't be certain of that. But seriously, a relationship just for sex isn't worth it. I wouldn't know, but from what I hear...

[RedStarWarrior]

[Guy] and [BF] are the same kind of person. In a little while, if you decide to go with [Guy], he will act just like [BF]. Let's face it, sex is great. In all honesty, I know that (if I was dating someone at the moment) I would want sex all the time, but I would only want it from the person I was with, but that doesn't mean I would ask for it all the time. Perhaps you should sit down with [BF] and tell him about this problem. Your best bet is to avoid [Guy], though, as the grass always looks greener until you have to mow it.