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Thread: Poetry Corner

  1. #241

    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Here are some lyrics I wrote. All of them are actual songs, if you guys want to hear them I can link you.


    "The Birds and the Bees"


    All the creatures of land and of sea
    they're all politely curious.
    Not one of them knows what it is to be
    living a life so luxurious.
    They're wondering if they've done anything wrong
    you see, they've noticed what's happening
    And while you deny anything's going on
    their whole world is tumbling down

    Now all the flowers and the birds and the bees
    they're beginning to worry.
    Because just like the creatures of land and of sea
    their time's running out in a hurry
    The flowers are withered.
    The bees, they are starving.
    The birds are so thirsty.
    But still they don't know what's going down.

    So what are you going to do now?
    Now that it's all gone.
    Nothing left to take
    The human race is run
    What are you going to do now?
    Took it all for yourself
    Not a thought for the future
    Not a thought for anything at all unless it had something to do with you and your wealth

    All the creatures of land and of sea
    they're all living together now.
    And of all the flowers and the birds and the bees
    there's not a single one left now.
    Everyone living in such harmony
    so far beneath the ocean waves.
    Without any people like you and like me
    our once troubled world is such a big happy place



    ...and this one is called "Scrubs."


    I can never be
    whatever I want to be
    I can never be
    anything other than me

    I get insecure
    I don't feel quite right
    I sit home all day
    and think about tonight
    what will I do?
    what will I say?
    who will I meet?
    will they be okay?
    where will we go?
    what will we do?
    will I get high?
    will I get with you?
    And one thing I've noticed
    is no matter how hard I try
    I can't make myself into anything
    any different than I

    and I can never be
    whatever I want to be
    I can never be
    anything other than me

    I try to be cool
    I try to act right
    I tried to be a rock and roll star
    but I just couldn't quite
    And when will somebody notice
    I'm just crying out for help?
    But if I could see your face every day
    I'd forget about everything else

    And I can never be
    whatever I want to be
    I can never be
    anything other than me
    no, no, no, no!
    Quote Originally Posted by PancaKe
    The decapitated mole is a fruit loop.


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  2. #242
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    TDM: "The human race is run" is such a cool line. Although the last line in the third stanza seems kind of unnecessarily long - is there a reason for it?

    I'd love to hear the songs, so go ahead with the link. Especially for "scrubs", I found that one had a really palpable mood of helplessness and it would be interesting to see if the vibe of the song matches the lyric's mood.

    Cheers!
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  3. #243

    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Strangely enough, Scrubs is... well, I'll let you hear it. This version is far from perfect, it's the first time we played it live and only probably the 3rd time we played it ever, so it's pretty rough around the edges. I'm glad you picked up on the message of the lyrics though - most people miss out on that given the way the song sounds.

    And the reason for the really long line is that I sing it really fast.. a lot of the rhythm and meter I use kind of has to be heard to be understood.. it doesn't look great on paper but it sounds awesome in my head.
    (Birds and Bees and Scrubs)

    Here's another one... it's not titled, and I'm working on the musical aspect.



    I can't think
    the city is smothering me
    and I'm trying to live, I just want to be free.
    And it hurts sometimes
    with the smog in your eyes
    While the sun shines off apartments scraping the sky
    And I can't live like this
    surrounded by things that remind me
    of how much I know
    of how much I know that it's not happening yet
    And you know that it's not happening yet
    and you feel so cold and trapped inside
    you don't even know what it's like to be alive
    so you run
    you run
    you run
    you run
    and you SCREAM
    And you realize that all of that does you no good
    so you pack up and move out of your neighborhood
    'Cause you know that you need something new
    You know that you need something right
    You know that you need a change of pace
    so you can figure out why you can't sleep at night
    And you know that you're right
    You know that you're right
    Why don't they understand?
    You're not looking to fight
    So you run
    Scream!
    Run.
    Scream!
    So terrified that you might just stay alive
    might just stay alive

    And outside there's smoke
    For inside is burning
    burning up everything you keep inside
    And there's absolutely nothing to do
    except to run
    Screaming
    as fast as it is fair to go
    Everywhere - noise!
    Nowhere is queit and peaceful until you look up at the sky
    and you cry
    You cry to the moon
    You cry to the sun
    You cry to the stars
    and then you fly
    Quote Originally Posted by PancaKe
    The decapitated mole is a fruit loop.


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  4. #244
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    Thanks for posting the link, dude! I'm always impressed when people on here take their lyrics further and actually set them to a melody and record them, like when Ada gave us the link to Rain Eternal. Plus, it takes some balls to reveal anything like that live.

    I liked the tunes. I can definitely see what you mean about the message of Scrubs being lost in the sonic atmosphere of the track. On paper (or screen) it's a much darker, more depressing piece, but the music it's set to has poppy, excited drums and bouncy guitars - sort of a real New Wave sound. I guess if you don't want your audience to slit their wrists, that's a decent approach to take. Besides, I often find that a lot of New Wave groups - like Blondie and The Police - created really upbeat-sounding songs that were actually about much more serious issues (I'm thinking of X Offender by Blondie and Message in a Bottle by The Police).

    Ironically (or maybe just coincidentally - my comprehension of the word irony has been fatally warped by Alanis Morissettte), Birds and Bees reminds me of the sort of song that would be featured on the TV show Scrubs. They always seem to go for that sort of jangly, alternative-y acoustic music while JD comes to a realisation about something or other. And yours had a nice melody, even if I agree that it would've probably worked better on an acoustic guitar. On balance, I'd say I liked this song more out of the two: it had an almost coffee-house vibe to it, which I love.

    In all, good on ya for working that hard at your songs, it's paid off. The latest lyric is darker than its two predecessors, although the denoument is more promising, I suppose. Though the closing imagery doesn't quite work for me - I'm not sure why, it seems a bit too cliche, or like it's too easy a solution to the trauma that comes before it. That might just be personal taste. In any case, good luck working on the musical translation to it.

    This is just something I did as apart of a uni assignment: it's one of a cycle of six poems. Enjoy!

    +=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

    throb

    i have been denied

    and you
    you have a wager
    on your sixth vodka and coke

    i have cowed all week

    and you have suffered too
    beneath your cakey crust
    i know you’ve bruised

    i have been silenced
    been slurred at and never stomached well

    and you
    you have a cheersquad
    in support of your bared breasts

    i have wanked

    all year.

    you are a bass throb through Hush Puppies
    you are a flickering heroin-blue toilet light

    I fuck. I fuck hard.
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  5. #245
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    This thread might interest those who frequent the Poetry Corner.

    Cheers!
    ...Quest for the Truth of the Legend ...

    Lisa the Legend

    Winner of 12 Silver Pencil Awards 2011 - Including Best Plot, Best Character in a Leading Role, Best Moment and Best Fic of the Forum for Lisa the Legend!

    Quote Originally Posted by mr_pikachu
    Feel free to withdraw at any time, Gavin.

    Quote Originally Posted by DragoKnight View Post
    ...Far too many references!! You're like the Swiss army knife of discussion.

  6. #246
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    Decapitated Mole - I really like the description you have there and the repetition and partial repetition really got to me! I loved it! The ending seemed bittersweet and delicate at the end, which was a good contrast to the beginning with the SCREAM.

    Gavin - Wow, that poem I had to read five times! (A good five times!) I liked the wording you used, such as "cakey crust" - put a really unique image in my mind. I liked the rough tone it had, and the ending really put a finale on that. A very grunge-esque feel to the poem, that I think conveyed a gritty emotion that was refreshing to hear.

    I haven't contributed anything in a while, so I figured I might as well put out some new stuff I'm tinkering with. *NOTE* This poem's original format is different than what's shown because it's an image poem (formatted in certain places to give a specific reading flow). So, it isn't formatted perfectly due to TPM's limitations but oh wells!



    Trap

    A powdered snow moth flutters against the sultry match.
    The fizzled flare of it struck against the cardboard box,
    inhales the trickle of oxygen left in the air that
    I thought was for me.

    Just like the wandering flyer who aimlessly crawls into
    the cavernous jaws of Venus herself.
    The doors shut and the curtains are drawn and
    I believed this was my desire.

    The school of silvery fish must choose dolphins or the shore.
    A pod chased them to choose an endless flop on the beach,
    or a swift snap of the jaws but
    I see my charcoaled options.

    A crackling egg bursts forth, to certainly bring a new pair of eyes
    to the paths of the tangling world.
    A flash of ivory daggers swallow broken feathers, to bring
    about an undeniable closing.

    Yet between the egg and feathers, between the white and black,
    there was a questionable grey.

    An exotic display of vibrant feathers,
    An erotic melodious song invitation,
    An enormous power of urgency,
    to never be alone.

    I've made my decision.

    But...
    ... despite this growing chain,
    I want to break it.
    Last edited by Bulbasaur4; 9th November 2008 at 12:29 PM.
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  7. #247
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    Lots of stuff for me to catch up on...

    TDM: Welcome back to TPM! Yay! Well, "Birds and Bees" has a misleading title, does it not? The lyrics work really well with the music -- especially the really long line, which leads nicely back to the guitar chords. Although poetically that line seemed a bit out of place because throughout the rest of the song it's talking about bliss and ignorance in general, then you've got one cynical line about materialsm, then it goes back to the general vibe. I like the rhyme of "curious" and "luxurious" -- it works perfectly without being out of place. Plus, the phrase "politely curious" is just so... curious.

    Scrubs: Yeah, I wasn't expecting the happy vibe either. But the lyrics still work -- they're not all about wallowing in misery, they're not all about rage, but they're all about trying -- and the vibe I get from the music is that it's telling the world it's putting on a happy face. The lyrics are simple, but that's where the power comes from -- like the music, it's very direct and unafraid to express itself. The only thing I have to criticise is the video -- and of course, that's because it was still rough around the edges. But the drums seemed really hollow and echoey, eating up the bass' sound. Maybe something a bit more crunchy would work better. I'm sure it's sounding tons better now though

    Good job on getting the videos up (and not cheating by cutting and pasting like I did )

    throb: *jaw drops* the repetition is used to great effect, creating a resentful tone, almost like the speaker is spitting in "your" face. A similar thing happens with the punctuation and line breaks for emphasis. Like Kalah, I like the "cakey crust". Like the crust on a wound, but also sugary on the outside... and the cake is a lie. But for some reason, I had to read "been slurred at and never stomached well" a couple of times. Perhaps it's the "at", which weakens the impact of the phrase "been slurred at" (hehe, this is why you don't put prepositions at the ends), although I'm not sure what else would work. Also, should it read "never stomached it well"? And it feels like too many adjectives have been attached to the word "light" in the penultimate line, although the image of "heroin-blue" is really memorable. Once again, *jaw drops*

    Trap: Hehe, TPM really doesn't like formatting. In one of my poems, I had to put a string of letters with the same colour as the background colour, just to get the lines to indent properly in a list. I really like the imagery, especially the last flicker of oxygen and the Venus flytrap. It was a great idea to look into the "literal" meaning of Venus flytrap and see the desire after which it's named. The last ray of hope is portrayed so well here. The "certainly" broke up the image of the egg for me though; it seemed too objective. Maybe something more emotional would work better. Anyway, I like the shape of the poem, especially the standalone "I've made my decision" at the centre. And I like the juxtaposition of "exotic" and "erotic". Keep up the good work
    Last edited by mistysakura; 10th November 2008 at 01:04 AM.
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  8. #248
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    When Asi cant sleep shit happens o.o

    This poem is called All Things Must End:

    Whats inbetween
    the truth and the lies
    whats inbetween
    to live and to die
    I find myself uncomprehending
    longing for this worlds ending
    as I watch the simple things die
    apathy is everyones alibi
    while those who grieve must say goodbye

    when there is nothing left to try
    how will you justify
    the rape of everything pure you once knew
    there was a time that you cared
    but now its clear youve been stripped bare
    of everything pure that was you

    Is this whats true?

    Ive tried to live
    the way the world wants
    Ive tried to forgive
    the past which haunts
    But in my waking dreams
    all I hear is the heart-wrenching screams
    as I watch the simple life die
    the memories make everyone cry
    while those who forget will say goodbye

    when there is nowhere left to go
    how will you know
    when the old wounds have been healed
    there was a time it was right
    but now its clear youve brought to light
    the old wounds you still feel

    Is this whats real?



    Im sorry its depressing :<




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  9. #249
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    Wow. I haven't been here or written poetry in ages! Gosh. I really should pick it up again. I forgot how relaxing writing and reading poetry was!


    Oh, Mikachu Yukitatsu - just wanted to say that I thought it was awesome the way you changed the Blind Guardian song. Yeah.. I know its a really old one far up the page but thought it deserved a mention.

    So.. maybe I'll write something now.





    It blinks.
    Once. Twice. And then a third time.
    It is repeating itself.
    Constantly blinking.
    It's mocking me. I'm sure of it.
    It's watching me.
    It's waiting for me to begin.
    But I can't.
    No, I just can't.
    Not with it's taunting eyes, judging every moment.
    I begin to write.
    Click.
    Click click click.
    Letters form words.
    Words form sentences.
    Sentences form prose.
    I read what I have done.
    And in a flash, it's gone.
    All that is left
    is a haunting blink.



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    Mt. Moon gives me that similar feeling I used to get when I would wake up first thing in the morning as an 11/12 year old and get excited about browsing TPM.

  10. #250
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    @PancaKe: I really wanted to know what the clicking thing was! I got the feeling it was like... a typewriter, or something. Might just me being blur though.

    Here's something that I'd very much like constructive crit on. It stomped into my head over the Summer when I couldn't sleep, and it hasn't let me alone since. It's still not right though, and it's getting on my nerves... Could be those damned first 2 lines...
    If anyone can get the tv reference, cookies will be forthcoming.

    Can’t

    Too warm maybe if I throw
    the quilt away but now it’s too cold
    stick a foot out and a leg aah that’s better.

    Listen! It’s a fox! Could be
    a fox it sounds like one but
    it could be cats mating. I wonder

    why my eyes creak click
    clicking like machinery
    louder than the clock.

    But I thought horlick’s
    was supposed to help you
    sleep all chocolatey. Shouldn’t

    have watched that one extra
    episode (poor Owen) just can’t
    resist - never can even though

    it’s scary. I won’t remember
    this in the morning.


    And one more;


    Alchemy

    Change is in my blood like
    a Painted Lady, stretching
    her wings. Cold iron holds
    its fascination in transmutation,
    and I stare into liquid domes
    as they bubble to the surface.

    Is it madness, to see gold
    in quicksilver depths? No.
    I will master it. Bind it
    with circle and exchange,
    until the Golden Lady’s dances
    unfurl only for me.


    My creative writing class were super confused about the last verse. Mostly, the last two lines. If anyone has any suggestions for edits, lay 'em on me!


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  11. #251
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    The blink if sprobably the blinking icon on a word pad page that blinks on and off when you arent typing and the clicks are the clicks on the keyboard when you finally start to write. Thats just what I get from it anyway >.> lol

    As for Weasel thats awesome :O I especially liked alchemy, I think your classmates werent trying hard enough because it wasnt confusing at all to me :> the first one sounds like a song lol
    My last poem was the one just before Pancakes, would like some feedback if anyone feels like it ^-^()




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  12. #252
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    Ah Weasel Overlord - your poem made me smile. That first stanza (is that the right word lol) is hilarious. It describes me so much! Ahhhhhh yeah that's awesome.

    And yes. I hate that stupid blink of the computer. Click click can be a typewriter, or keyboard. I am just frustrated cos I'm trying to get into writing again - and this blink is constantly mocking me



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    Quote Originally Posted by shazza View Post
    Mt. Moon gives me that similar feeling I used to get when I would wake up first thing in the morning as an 11/12 year old and get excited about browsing TPM.

  13. #253
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    Hm, Asi, I thought your poem was like a song too! What's with everything sounding lyrical in here, hehe. Few things to nitpick at though... (sorry, I have to do this for creative writing twice a week. It's a hard habit to break ¬_¬)

    -I liked the effect of not using punctuation, but I wasn't sure whether it was deliberate because you're not consistent with it. If you're gonna go with nothing all the way through the poem, take out those capital letters too. It's very e.e. cummings (who is weird)
    -I really liked the repetition of the line "is this what's true?"
    -Not sure about "waking dream". It's kinda cliché sounding and it just brings Shakespeare to mind straight away. Personally, I do love the image, BUT it's just far too over-used to have any effect.

    Overall, I think it's a good poem. It has some lovely imagery ("apathy is everyone's alabi" I particularly liked), but it could really benefit from some paring down. Some of the lines seem a bit over-long on the page.

    Hope that's ok!

    OH and I wanted to comment on yours too, Gav (Throb, I mean). As the reactions before seem to have been... my jaw kinda dropped, hehe. It's kinda on the wow side. I especially love the way you use taboo language to create such a shocking effect! My favourite bits were "cakey crust" (I like cake... what can I say!?), and "a cheersquad/for your bared breasts." It just sounds so... I dunno, bitter. Lovely! Can't wait to see the rest of the cycle.


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    we have a little something called integrity

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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Is Alchemy the poem about an archaic profession? I like it! And I see nothing wrong with the nice 2 verses, they make it sound like the protagonist is trying hard to be the first one (even the only one) to achieve this goal. I don't quite understand the other poem, though. What am I missing?

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    It's one of the two, yeah! I can post the other one if people want. It was just much more successful than Alchemy, so I figured I wouldn't.

    Uhh, the first one's about not being able to sleep, lol. It generally takes me a good few hours to get to sleep, and it's meant to be a sort of... train-of-thought piece. You know, like um... argh, words, they have abandoned meee. Um. OH GOD WHAT'S IT CALLED ARGH stream of consciousness, there. *hits brain* I did literally write down what was going through my mind at the time. With a few alterations after the fact, of course, hehe.


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    we have a little something called integrity

    Weasel Overlord says:
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Ah... it makes sense now. Trains of thoughts can be odd like that. And I can very much relate to the problem. :-/

    Which reminds me... I should start trying now. Good night, and thanks for explaining.

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    Here's a short piece I wrote last summer. It's admittedly a bit hard to follow, but I'll refrain from explaining the poetry away.


    ~ The Brothers Two ~

    In times ne'er too distant, and places not far,
    Two brothers lived richly in two castle tow’rs,

    All comforts provided, protected and kept
    By huge castle walls as the brothers two slept.

    Each dreamed of a life where his hopes would be found;
    One knew he couldn't reach his, one lived his out now,

    ~

    For brother the second, he wanted no more
    Than riches and comfort and maids at his door,

    But brother the first, with an eye toward the dawn,
    Left comfort and wealth and e’er since has been gone,

    For riches and comforts and pleasures of men
    He knew would ne'er last past his life's fateful end.

    ~

    So, hopeful and tragic, they both reached their goals,
    And what they each strove for was marked on their souls:

    Young brother the second ne'er suffered a pain,
    Nor trial nor loss till he lay in the grave;

    Vast kingdoms he ruled from two towers on high,
    And such glory marked him the day that he died;

    ~

    Yet ne'er was a book writ’ of brother the first,
    Who left all behind to pursue his deep thirst,

    Save one poor man's poem, a mirror so small
    Of God's book of life where this brother stands tall,

    Where stories of poorest and widowed and lame
    For pages eternal still sing of his name.

    ~

    Still not for these stories, nor souls that he saved,
    Could brother the first earn the grace that God gave;

    The riches in heaven, his hope all along,
    Were found in his heart which had been formed to God's.

    Yea neither the men failed to dust to return,
    But one soul lives on, thus our lesson to learn;

    ~

    For after have passed all the kingdoms of lore,
    This poem alone does his brother record.

  18. #258
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    A realistic experience


    He open his eyes in a disorientation
    Where he's meant to learn the new knowledge of nations
    His classmates are sharing their everyday lives
    A girl at his side is now making him thrive

    Her mouth flows with movement, but no sound is heard
    not even the sound of the rest of the herd
    He just can't ignore her dramatic hot looks
    And starts to feel something not read in a book

    She suddenly gives him a prominent stare
    The kid is now thinking: "What's wrong with that glare?"
    She gives him a wink while creating a whim
    He's thinking of why did she do that to him

    The boy is now thinking with anticipation
    'Bout that sudden feeling that left hesitation
    But just in a second, all thoughts came too late;
    In that flowing second, he fell in her bait

    He feels a snake's crawl and the hug of a bear
    The art of her kiss gives a breathtaking flare
    The girl made her move...and she stroke through his heart
    His lips have been touched with her skill at the art

    He wanted to love her, to get her attention
    His dream has come true with her wondrous retention
    He falls to her wonderful skill with a dove
    The emblem and treat of new peace...and new love

    He closes his eyes, succumbing to passion
    while joyed for her wonderful act of compassion
    He open his eyes...and he is lying in his bed
    He's now in the real world; illusion is dead

    He's feeling frustrated: "It's only a dream!"
    and out of frustration, he gives a soft scream
    But then, a tongue movement has left him surprised
    His lips are now tasting like strawberry pie.



    ____________________



    This poem is about an dream that left me in shock for the rest of the night a few days ago. I remember waking up at 3:21am and staying awake for the rest of the night. I believe that my mind fooled me on this one, since the last food before going to bed that night was ramen, so there was no way that ramen could taste like strawberry. I just finished editing, and it needs a few extra fixing, but my mind is tired after two hours of non-stop thoughts so any kind of help is welcome.


    Optimist award 2012.

    “There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” (Linda Grayson)

    Thank you everyone... for being so kind and for bringing out the best in me! You are definitely awesome! ^_^

  19. #259
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Okay, will try to reply to a few poems - there have been so many!

    Asilynne: Well, yes, it was certainly not an upbeat piece, but that's not too far removed from most poetry. Alanis Morissette, who I am quite a big fan of, once said something about the two main forces in creativity being "love/joy" and "anger/pain". That's a pretty totalising claim, but I often keep it in mind as a reference point. It seems like pain is the core motivator of this poem, in the form of grief, almost. It's like the narrator is shadowed by the death of a simpler ideology and simply can't break out from the old way of being into the new; and at the same time, she knows she must (evidenced by the title). I found it a dark piece, yes, but mesmerising and honest. My only suggestion would be that you could shorten it and make a tighter poem out of it if you wished - maybe you could distill some ideas into metaphors or images? Then again, it does have a lyrical quality to it in its current form that you might want to preserve - it's like it's just tumbled out of your brain. Anyway, it's a good, emotive piece. I hope it was cathartic too.

    Tara: LMAO. *reattaches arse* That cracked me up. It was so ominous, like the opening scene to a thriller movie, and then when it was revealed to be the cursor blinking it was like ... biggest plot twist material. Hehe. So true though, it conveyed so well the humour and utter trauma of losing everything you've written into the cruel realms of cyberspace. And the paranoia of the embattled writer: "It is mocking me." XD. Gnarly stuff.

    Weasel: I loved "Can't", and half of that love was earned from the title. A single word that conveys limitation, struggle, helplessness and frustration all at once. You really used the stream-of-consciousness style to awesome effect here, especially because the subject matter matched the style perfectly. It embodies that awful brain chatter we seem to get right before bed. Seems like most of us poets are hopeless night owls - I could relate to this poem big time. I swear I WANT to go to sleep nice and early, but I just can't. Something always comes up. There's always a distraction. The last lines ("it's scary. I won't remember this in the morning.") don't really fit with this interpretation of your poem, but I loved them as a closing to a piece that centres on a person drifting (very, very slowly) to sleep.

    Conversely - and I'll be honest here - I really didn't like "Alchemy" upon my first reading of it. It just seemed so staid - but I think the reason I felt that way is because of what came before it. We shifted from "Can't", which was filled with everyday images and a sort of lighthearted subject matter, to "Alchemy", which just seemed too starkly different in tone to be placed right afterward. Having said that, upon reading it again, I find it a really well-flowing piece, with a very eerie, contemplative mood, though I still can't really work out what it's about. I really like the question in the second stanza ("Is it madness...?") - it was a vulnerable line that ironically strengthened the poem.

    Ceeps and Louis: Your poems both had an epic quality to them.

    In the case of "The Brothers Two", it created a medieval atmosphere, especially coupled with the phrasings like "ne'er" (which I don't think I've seen since the old hymns they used to sing at church) and the old-fashioned syntax. It had a tragic vibe to it, and I found the last line ("This poem alone does his brother record") truly devastating.

    With "A Realistic Experience", that epicness came from the surreality of the dream-like state (fairly sure I just invented two words there). It's odd that the poem should feel so ethereal, because the subject matter seems more in line with that of Firepokemon's grungy poem "Sleep" (see the Writing Sprint thread). I love writing that's based on dreams. One of my favourite Killing Heidi songs, "A Jar Labelled Small", is based on a dream that the lead singer had once. I've been listening to it for years and finding convergence in it, but I still don't know if I get what it really means. I feel a little bit that way with this poem. It seems straightforward, but it feels like there's more to it than a guy and a girl --- or is that all it is? How come it shocked you?

    +=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

    Phew. That took ... a long time.

    Thanks to everyone for their comments on throb. I'm glad it made jaws drop. And grungy is totally what I was going for --- or rather, grungy is what seems to naturally occur when I write sometimes.

    This poem, "Good Man Sam", was written in lieu of a dozen other poems I've written about this particular person. I seem to have a truckload of vitriol aimed at this person (who probably deserves it) and it's taking a lot of writing to get that anger out.

    +=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

    Good Man Sam

    dear Good Man Sam
    I’m embarrassed and
    hesitant to say I’ve been hurt by you
    because I’m hypermasculine too
    I’m stoic and I drink beer too
    and I don’t cry when I fall down the stairs

    dear Palatable Sam
    you spouted “best mate”
    mateship: the most important thing
    until that mate becomes
    an embarrassment to you

    dear Smiling Sam
    you’re not the kind for a right hook
    your smirk so subtle you temper my rage
    until I’m fighting underwater
    and kicking at air

    oh, Big Man Sam
    one day when you’re a corporate drone
    I hope your boss is a horny fag
    and to keep your swivel chair
    I hope you have to lick his ass.

    dear Good Man Sam
    the next time I see you
    I don’t want to shake your hand
    or make small-talk plans
    or buy you a coke and Jack’s
    I just want my 30 bucks back
    ...Quest for the Truth of the Legend ...

    Lisa the Legend

    Winner of 12 Silver Pencil Awards 2011 - Including Best Plot, Best Character in a Leading Role, Best Moment and Best Fic of the Forum for Lisa the Legend!

    Quote Originally Posted by mr_pikachu
    Feel free to withdraw at any time, Gavin.

    Quote Originally Posted by DragoKnight View Post
    ...Far too many references!! You're like the Swiss army knife of discussion.

  20. #260
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Gavin: Actually, the poem was based on a dream, and it describes the experience in the dream, and after waking up. How would you feel if... after you wake up from a romantic dream, you feel your lips tasting like strawberry?

    BTW, your poem made me laugh for no apparent reason. It probably was because I remembered Yosemite Sam, and thought of him as a pirate (barely reaching the streering wheel). Nevertheless, cool poem.

    __________

    Sorry for breaking the wait-two-replys-before-post rule, but I remembered a haiku I wrote some time ago, so before I forget it, I'll write it. I believe it's preety simple, though.

    Love? No thanks!

    Love is beautiful,
    But it's filled with lots of pain.
    I don't want to love.


    Optimist award 2012.

    “There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” (Linda Grayson)

    Thank you everyone... for being so kind and for bringing out the best in me! You are definitely awesome! ^_^

  21. #261
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Quote Originally Posted by shinypkmnchaser View Post

    Sorry for breaking the wait-two-replys-before-post rule

    We have no such rule -- post ahead!
    mistysakura
    2007 Golden Pens: Co-winner of Best Poem (Rain Eternal) and Best Reviewer
    2007 Silver Pencils: Winner of Best Poem (Death Sonnet -- Untitled)
    2004 Silver Pencils: Winner of Nicest Fanficcer & Least Likely Couple (with PancaKe)
    Former 3-time winner of Most Dedicated Reader at the Fanfiction Forums
    Also Keeper of the 'A'ctivator Unown

    Brimstone Diamonds. The Artist. Tightrope. Solitude. Autopsy.
    Glitter (one-shot).
    Listen to Rain Eternal -- a song.

    Random thought: 2+2=5.

  22. #262
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Memories & Photographs

    If you are reading this
    I know you are alive
    but I really wish you weren't
    I hope you are comfy
    Sit down and sit tight
    Here's a tale of what I've learned

    Here's the blow
    by blow, one by one
    Every still you need to understand
    Come on, lets go
    I'll walk you through
    Don't be afraid to take my hand

    Hello my best friend
    I'm so glad to see your face
    Hello my best friend
    Your the light in this dark place
    Hello my best friend
    You know my every thought
    Hello my best friend
    You just have to be so much more

    We were so young,
    two kids playing in
    the mud, the sticks, the sand
    I was once alone
    Then you came
    and saved me from myself

    Years and years
    of laughs, good times.
    Memories and photographs
    There was never
    anyone else for me
    I wish it were the same for you


    Hello my best friend
    Can you call me up tonight?
    Hello my best friend
    Tell me that we're going to be all right
    Hello my best friend
    I've never been so sure
    Hello my best friend
    You just have to be so much more

    I watched
    as it all fell apart
    I saw the glistening shards
    I tried to
    pick up all the parts
    The shattered remains are just too sharp

    I can't forgive
    myself for everything
    that I've put myself through
    If I can't forgive
    me, well then how
    the hell can I forgive you?

    And I would love to show you
    but I just can't show the scars
    because nothing has ever healed.
    I'd like to say we're still the same
    but I still hate you.



    ♥ Funeral for a Friend . Opeth . Faith No More . Dream Theater ♥
    Unown ! Award (2008) for Amazing Comback!
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    Best Poem (All I Can Say About You) | Best Plot Twist (Full Moon) | Best Contributor | Queen of Fanfic | TPM Addict



    Quote Originally Posted by shazza View Post
    Mt. Moon gives me that similar feeling I used to get when I would wake up first thing in the morning as an 11/12 year old and get excited about browsing TPM.

  23. #263
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    The following song is sung along the melody of Nobuo Uematsu's 'The Extreme' from the videogame Final Fantasy VIII.

    THE EXTREME BEAUTY

    Lyrics by Mikachu Yukitatsu
    Finnish-English translation

    Velhotar
    Sorceress
    Oot valtiatar mun
    You are my queen
    For what do I deserve
    To look at you
    When you look away
    I'm jealous
    When you look at me
    I feel like I melt
    My only strength is my weakness
    Aamulla unestain herätessäin jos näkisin sut
    In the morning, when I wake up from my dream, if I saw you
    Aurinko sammuisi sun ihanuutes rinnalla
    The sun would cease beside your sweetness
    Your beautiful hair is flooding my mind
    As you know
    Tunteeni syö minut sisältä käsin
    My emotion eats me from inside
    MY
    HEART
    IS
    YOURS
    Vain naisellisuutesi tuo hallitsee mun sydämessäin
    Only that feminity of yours rules in my heart

  24. #264
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Meltdown

    Average
    Adequate
    Acceptable
    Not good enough
    This is me
    How I feel
    Chained down
    Tied down
    Tied up
    I hate it

    Can’t go higher
    Can’t reach farther
    Can’t dive deeper
    Not good enough
    This is me
    What I think
    In a cage
    Reaching for you
    Reaching for it
    I hate it

    He’s so talented
    She’s so special
    A real role model
    Too good for me
    This is them
    What I see
    Too far for me
    Too high for me
    I’m second best
    I hate it

    I’m so talented
    I’m so special
    I’m underestimating
    Better than I think
    This is you
    What you say
    Not what I see
    Not high enough
    Not good enough
    I hate it

    I’m intelligent
    I’m thoughtful
    But immature
    Not good enough
    Like a child
    But also adult
    I cry inside
    I cry outside
    Doesn’t help
    I hate it

    I scream at you
    I glare at you
    You don’t deserve it
    I don’t care
    You don’t help
    You make me feel
    So moronic
    So irrational
    So childish
    I hate it

    Someone talk
    Someone listen
    Someone be there
    Talk to me!
    Empty inside
    Empty outside
    I’ll push away
    I’ll scream at you
    I’ll ignore you
    Don’t give up

    Help…
    Please…
    Understand…
    Random Quote:
    "Well-behaved women seldom make history." ~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich



    My XBox Live gamertag is gleameyes26. Feel free to add me!

    Vote for your favorite fanmade video game lyricshere!

  25. #265
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    In my little pocket
    I hold a little rocket
    Only enough to make a tiny sting
    But I stuffed the pocket rocket
    right down into my sock, it
    errupted with a tiny ding.

    The ground shook and shook
    I did not understand
    I thought I made a wise choice
    But I am merely a man

    This once so little rocket
    That rested in my pocket
    Has turned out to be a big sham
    It's small and shiny face
    Made such a big disgrace
    I cannot ever live this pain again.



    ♥ Funeral for a Friend . Opeth . Faith No More . Dream Theater ♥
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    Quote Originally Posted by shazza View Post
    Mt. Moon gives me that similar feeling I used to get when I would wake up first thing in the morning as an 11/12 year old and get excited about browsing TPM.

  26. #266
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    I wrote this around April last year, but forgot to post it. There are some references to politics at my university, so if you don't understand some bits, that's probably why.


    Demolition at University

    The Brontosaurus crane, the fittest of its synthetic habitat,
    towers over the cross-section of Biochemistry
    (map reference I11), threatening dissection.
    The penthouse crumbles in a lazy head tilt,
    concrete dust showering from steel jaws.
    The once-room surrenders to a frame of sky
    spanned by torn-vine wires, filled with absent humans.

    Territorial screeches chainsaw the nerves,
    an ambush camouflaged in growing pains.
    When the beast is satiated for the day
    and lays its head among forgotten propaganda
    nesting in the corner, birdsong rings too quiet.
    Not a scrap dares creep, save sulphuric clouds
    drifting as if from living chimneys,
    in denial as mortar holds its breath.

    All this clear through the hole ripped in the mesh forest
    of the Rent-A-Fence, demonstrating the enclosure
    mock resistance to the skyline machine
    wreaking its junkyard trail through Melbourne,
    where its clones picket their select grounds,
    to Sydney and Brisbane and wherever blueprints lie
    declaring The Evolution starts here.
    mistysakura
    2007 Golden Pens: Co-winner of Best Poem (Rain Eternal) and Best Reviewer
    2007 Silver Pencils: Winner of Best Poem (Death Sonnet -- Untitled)
    2004 Silver Pencils: Winner of Nicest Fanficcer & Least Likely Couple (with PancaKe)
    Former 3-time winner of Most Dedicated Reader at the Fanfiction Forums
    Also Keeper of the 'A'ctivator Unown

    Brimstone Diamonds. The Artist. Tightrope. Solitude. Autopsy.
    Glitter (one-shot).
    Listen to Rain Eternal -- a song.

    Random thought: 2+2=5.

  27. #267
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Hi guys, thought I'd come clean. Here are some poems/songs I wrote. You can add any comments you want, it doesn't have to be constructive critism, any comments are good, negative or positive ones.



    Easy, it's fragile

    And eventhough your life is leeched and you're half past dead,
    the sun still rises and the coin flips head.
    You realise, none of your goals were reached.
    You really did try, but your thoughts were sieged.

    With hope behind a fragile door,
    the weight of your heart on the lottery floor.
    You smile, and turn yourself in.
    The satire ends, with not the slightest grin.

    None of your goals were reached.

    You feel like you're getting schizo and he's your only friend.
    A source of redemption that'll stick with you to the end.
    A comical twist of events, like life is watching you in the pictures.
    Even the damned deserve some love, even if it is a curse.

    It's funny to realise you've been destined to love,
    but there's not a soul to counterpart.

    A trick, a sick joke, and still you are alone.
    Wake up, check, nothing, and still you are alone.

    None of your goals reached.

    ***

    Drinks on the house


    When I should stroll with my written tombstone on my back,
    perhaps they'll mourn, for it's the right thing to do.
    But in the end, it'll just be another name, another memory stored,
    in the best interest of the ones I used to love.

    So drink up that cup, with liquid relief, drink up.
    To set you totally free, since it won't allow it otherwise.
    That bittered soul. That can't forget, nor forgive.
    EVen if it knows it's wrong.

    Stubborn, stupid, selfcenteredness.

    Like individuals do not count, like they left you to process.
    Helpfully leaving alone, I loath, yet I'm tired of this advice.

    Friends is just a nameless word, help is just a careless slave.
    Time controls, yes, everything. Just as the books told you.
    They don't care, oh, but they do, they just gave up, oh, as it should.
    I spit, and smile, as hell burns again, just like old times.
    Just like old friends.

    And those who constantly care, agitate.
    And it's oh so wrong, but it feels oh so fine.
    Make them pay, for playing with those snakes,
    who's inside fill my cup, that poison, all the time.
    They're all the same. Drink up.

    Stubborn, stupid, selfcenteredness.

    And I fall back, the spiral sucks me in again.
    That crimson rollercoaster, it's so expensive.
    Here we go, let's take another ride, it's free.
    Just pay afterwards, with body and soul.

    My vision is blind and my goggles are black,
    but my stare goes all the way back.

    ***


    There's more where that came from so if you like it, just give me a ring. If you don't, just post here.

  28. #268

    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Ah, my first post in 5 years. Let me stretch on my legs.


    If Only you Existed

    A holey vacation in a cheap mexican resort.
    Little darts hit the wall behind my back.
    Jeans, straw hat, bare feet on peanut shells.
    We all know, eyes too dark to see in.
    A confident stride, a silent wink, an ocean whisper.
    Your existence isn't.
    There are those who know how to hold
    a sparkle in their eye, lovely and alone.
    One prayer.
    Two laughs.
    Three counts.
    Beckoning.
    Four steps to be there.

  29. #269
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    I've just been doing my creative writing crits, so apologies if I come across as being overly nit-picky. It's sort of encouraged in my classes, eheh.

    Otto
    : I really like the last five lines, but I can't help but be distracted by the fact that almost every line is a grammatical sentence and ends with a full stop. It really breaks the poem up when I read it. Also, I'm not exactly sure what it's about. My tutors always tell me that the central theme needs to be clear, and unambiguous, otherwise you lose the reader.

    MLG: The rhyme in the first one feels a bit contrived in places, and you repeat "damned" twice in the same line which is a definite no-no. In the second stanza, you say that "you smile" but then right after you say "with not the slightest grin" - a bit contradictory. My favourite part is the penultimate stanza, even though it's got quite a bit of repetition again - but I think that the punctuation could do a lot more work.

    And now excuse me as I bombard you lovely people with my latest thingers. It seems I am writing a hell of a lot of poetry this year, which is, frankly, bloody weird.

    Fandom is Bliss

    Reading fanfiction until
    the crack of dawn (and back),
    cocooned cosy in a quilt.

    Spotting your favourite actor
    in an episode cast list,
    wondering whether they’ll kiss (not likely).

    His ruffled sex hair (perfect
    for running fingers through),
    all stubble and trenchcoat

    Sitting reading in the kitchen while tea
    cooks, carefully hiding the screen (can’t
    let anyone see the steamy sex scene).

    Good light, good angle (phwoar, look
    at that arse!), time for Photoshop fiddling
    until, satisfied and aching, you’re finished.

    - This one is in its second proper redraft, and I'd welcome any more input people can give. I also think it's one of my faves from this year. We're getting some awesome prompts.


    Find Your Way

    She clutches the map
    precious to her chest,
    grateful that the soldier
    had died at the entrance.

    Waterways bar her path,
    and the maze is stone;
    square and unforgiving
    and all biting corners.

    She shivers in the damp.
    Got to keep going, keep walking,
    find the centre, find your way.
    But the walls won’t let her leave.

    Blood thrums loud in her ears
    and damp clings to fingertips.

    - Not as keen on this one, it needs a hell of a lot of work. Oh yes, it's also not finished. Meant to be some sort of like... story poem. Iunno. *shrug* Oh yes, it's based on the song Find Your Way from FFVIII, by Nobuo Uematsu. For fans of that, just think of Brothers' maze and you'll be there.

    Boxers Left Behind

    I bury my face in
    your boxers. Old
    cotton, soft from wear
    and blue. Enough
    scent lingers to conjure

    memory; salt sweat
    and cherries. Conversations
    in your arms mix
    Physics with language
    and glorious word-

    -play. I miss you,
    when you’re not here.
    Longing for Summer
    days, languorous and
    filled with you.

    - I farking hate the last stanza. I'll be honest, I just wrote that one so I could hand something in that was finished. This one's a little personal, but hey. I need to work on distancing it a little more, I know that much.

    ------

    Sakura ()

    I drift pinkly,
    petal-light.
    Fleeting.
    Do not weep
    for me. Itte
    kimasu.

    Cherry

    I am a drop
    of blood, curling
    into myself.
    You tie my stem
    in knots with
    your tongue.

    Itte kimasu - I’ll be back/I will return

    - This last one is two poems that are meant to be sat next to each other - that is hard to do on the internet, so you'll have to have them one underneath the other, I'm afraid. My most recent adventure, I wrote this one tonight. Our prompt was to look at a fruit from two different points of view and work from there.


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    Thanks for the feedback Weasie! I can't help but overlooking the two 'damned' in one scentence? Could you tell me where they're located. Yeah, I like contradictions, even if it makes no sense. I just write gibberish- or random poems. Smiling, with not the slightest grin is something to ponder on.

    Onto you WO:

    I like the 'boxers' one a lot. I noticed that it's personal, but that's what makes it cool IMO. The center part is really awesome. It just seems - honest. Yeah.

    The fandom-poem isn't really my style, so I won't voice an opinion on that.

    And finally, the last two are pretty nifty according to me, especially Cherry. It just fits, all of it. Good job.

    I should look into writing shorter poems. Gives you more things to think about. You inspired me.

    Anyway, think I'll put another one up.


    Morpheus with boobs

    Each time the night closes her curtain, she knocks at my door.
    Easily does she comfort me, placing my head on her lap.
    She gently whispers truthfull cries, she reaches out and paints the room in her own color, until I tumble asleep.

    I dream and throw around emotions from behind, I leave a trail, to mark the place, so that I never forget again.

    Until the curtain falls, and morningglory's hand graps my neck, shocking me into reality.
    And then, as daylight wins territory, I wish to fall back into my cave, that place where there is only thing I desire.
    Oh I wish to hear those thoughtfull cries, all over again.

    ***

    I wrote this when I was 16:

    Just stay inside the cauliflower

    They have no shame.
    I do fear them.
    Their eyes pierce my soul,
    barb my eyes and sting my clear mind.
    They come in great numbers.
    Cannot hide, smell the foe.
    Claws of sound, reach out.
    They break my isolation,
    do not fear, do not hear,
    anything.

    Nothing.


    (Two cents if you guess what the subject of this poem is.)

    Yeah, comments or feedback are/is always greatly appreciated.

  31. #271
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Interesting. I think we were modding at almost the exact same time, Gabi. You moved the thread to the main forum and I merged it in with the poetry corner at the same time as you made your post. ^_^

    Thorne_Darkrose: I'm going to have a stab and guess that the pokemon you're referring to is Scizor?

    Weasel: I liked the "Fandom is Bliss" poem - I do have a fondness for your style of poetry, though; this one reminds me a lot of the format of a poem you put up a little while ago. I think it was "Can't". Anyway, this was nice and - ahem - steamy with all the good arses and 'his ruffled sex hair' - it got me just a tad worked up. ^_^ The phrasing was nice and jumbled, and it feels like it ought to be, as you get so passionate about something you feel so strongly about.

    "Find Your Way" didn't touch me like the other poems did. It feels a bit soulless - and I don't mean that as an insult, just inasmuch as, the rest of your work is filled with tangible imagery and smells and believable streams of consciousness, and this lacks that. I think I prefer poems when they're more closely tied to personal experience or emotion.

    "Boxers Left Behind" was sexy, grungy brillance, at least for the beginning. I agree that the last stanza is a bit weaker than the rest: to be honest, I felt like the poem might end with a hint at some kind of cruel or bitter parting - a reason for 'burying my face in your boxers'. Maybe that's what it's lacking - if not that exactly, then something else strong or biting in the final stanza. I have to say, the splitting of the word "wordplay" between stanzas two and three really jarred with me, and not in a way that worked. It just felt like it needed to be cleaned up so that stanza two keeps its final phrase, or at least its final word, separate from stanza three.

    Just my criticisms, anyhow - I particularly liked poems 1 and 3, in any case. Feel free to ask for clarification on my comments if any of them came across as incoherent rambling.

    Will try to make some decent comments on the other poems at some point soon, too!
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Yep ^_^ it was Scizor, my all time favorite pokemon. I will be adding more poetry at some point and time, just need to figure out what it is I wanna submit.
    “ In brightest day, in blackest night,
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    Let those who worship evil's might,
    Beware my power... Green Lantern's light! ”
    —Hal Jordan/All Current Lanterns

  33. #273
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    Quote Originally Posted by MeLoVeGhOsTs View Post
    Thanks for the feedback Weasie! I can't help but overlooking the two 'damned' in one sentence? Could you tell me where they're located. Yeah, I like contradictions, even if it makes no sense. I just write gibberish- or random poems. Smiling, with not the slightest grin is something to ponder on.
    Yeah, I think I put the wrong word... *slaps head* It's probable that I meant "even", which is repeated twice in the same line:

    "Even the damned deserve some love, even if it is a curse."

    The Morpheus one is interesting, but I'm not keen on how long your lines are. I'm a fussy poet, lol, but if you try left-justifying it instead of centring, I think you'll see what I mean. A lot of those lines could be broken up to take a line of their own.

    An example to show you what I mean; in your first line, you have a lovely opportunity for a good line break with "closes" and "knocks":

    "Each time the night closes
    her curtain, she knocks
    at my door. Easily..."

    If you try to break a line on a word that has some meaning, like with "closes", it makes a poem much tighter, and makes the words do that little bit of extra work. I find that it also helps me to weed out phrases that are ungainly, or just don't work properly.

    A few last nit-picks; "truthful" and "thoughtful" both only have one 'l' at the end, "graps" is probably meant to be "grasps", and I'd break up "morning glory" into two words, or at least hyphenate it, if you want to keep the connection.


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  34. #274
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Again, thanks for the feedback.

    The double 'even' is intended, but I should have split the scentence in two. More like:

    Even the damned deserve some love,
    even if it is a curse.

    I can't really explain what I mean with two 'even's, but it just sounds in my head. Probably just a crazy thing, but I'll work on those shorter scentences.

    Thanks for reading!

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    twitter

    you won’t believe this. the magpie up there just texted me to announce that it’s taking a piss. how to tell it to dump its shit elsewhere in 140 characters or less?
    mistysakura
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    Quote Originally Posted by mistysakura View Post
    twitter

    you won’t believe this. the magpie up there just texted me to announce that it’s taking a piss. how to tell it to dump its shit elsewhere in 140 characters or less?
    LOL

    AWESOME. If that poem is exactly 140 characters, I applaud you. (And if not, it was a fun twist, merging poetry with the horrid social networking world, so I still applaud you.)
    ...Quest for the Truth of the Legend ...

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    Quote Originally Posted by DragoKnight View Post
    ...Far too many references!! You're like the Swiss army knife of discussion.

  37. #277
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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Ada: O.o Wow. That's somewhat unlike you...in a good way.
    Random Quote:
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  38. #278
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gavin Luper View Post
    LOL

    AWESOME. If that poem is exactly 140 characters, I applaud you. (And if not, it was a fun twist, merging poetry with the horrid social networking world, so I still applaud you.)
    It freaked me out, but completely by chance, including the word 'twitter', that poem is exactly 140 characters.

    Shonta: Yeah, somewhat less... refined. I do do that style sometimes. Although at times I verge on being a wowser and being uber-aware of the effect of coarseness when many readers probably wouldn't even notice.

    Thanks guys!
    mistysakura
    2007 Golden Pens: Co-winner of Best Poem (Rain Eternal) and Best Reviewer
    2007 Silver Pencils: Winner of Best Poem (Death Sonnet -- Untitled)
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    Brimstone Diamonds. The Artist. Tightrope. Solitude. Autopsy.
    Glitter (one-shot).
    Listen to Rain Eternal -- a song.

    Random thought: 2+2=5.

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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    Dance In The Angel’s Blood

    Walking along in the garden called Eden
    Humming a melancholy tune
    Is a creature whose temper is even
    And whose heart is as warm as the month of June

    Falling from her post, be it punishment or no
    Wings battered and scarred, but still whole
    She has no where she can go
    And in feeling betrayed, now has no goal

    The garden begins to look as though something is wrong
    Flowers wilting while the creatures die
    Every place she goes dies after hearing her melancholy song
    As she searches her thoughts and dreams asking why

    She finds herself dying now, as a man stabs her in her heart
    Finally her guilt washes over her like a flood
    The man begins to walk away, but before he would part
    He would celebrate, and dance in the angel’s blood

    I wrote this a while back and am in the process of writing a short story based on it. Hope you guys like it.
    “ In brightest day, in blackest night,
    No evil shall escape my sight
    Let those who worship evil's might,
    Beware my power... Green Lantern's light! ”
    —Hal Jordan/All Current Lanterns

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    Default Re: Poetry Corner

    (And nobody says): It's an interesting subject Rose! Do you mind if I call you Rose? I especially liked some of your imagery, like "wings battered and scarred, but still whole." The rhythm does feel a little odd in places, though, but I can't be sure; poetry's not really a talent of mine.

    So I guess it's weird that this is where I'm posting first. Oh well! Have to reply to something somewhere. This is the text to accompany a strange little graphic novel of mine. It's a fairytale, kind of like the Grimm Brothers. I mildly liked it, which is something to say considering my other attempts at rhyme... I just wanted to see if it was worth continuing.

    In Germany and some years past
    A manor stood, all wood and glass
    And flowers grew in gardens fair
    The favorite of the lady there
    Who lived alone, her husband dead
    And kept his fortune in his stead
    She tended flowers, all the same
    And people knew her by that name

    The Duchess of Marigolds

    They knew her by her beauty too
    Down in the town they thought it grew
    From day to day, and year by year
    But this thing was her secret fear
    Were she to pause and gaze upon
    A wrinkle, then her glamor gone
    An instant past and then to see
    The faces leering back with glee

    She had a friend, a baroness
    Who stood and feigned her interest
    As the duchess made quite a show
    Complaining vainly of her woe
    "Is this my fate, to always age?
    Is there no one I can engage,
    To stall the loss, this is my plea
    I am my beauty, my beauty me"

    "Darling," the baroness, she said,
    "Though you may fear what comes ahead
    None can escape old Father Time
    As birds do sing, and bells do chime
    For as all women, you must wane
    But that means not, your life in vain
    In growing old there is one prize
    For to be old is to be wise"

    The duchess, though, was not convinced
    Certainly now that and since
    A blemish really had appeared
    And there it stayed, remained adhered
    At this, the baroness, she sighed
    Lilac powder, the duchess tried
    Only to fail, and no surprise
    It made the poor old vain thing cry

    "Time now, to drastic measures take
    For my own life, for beauty's sake
    Now I resolve to take dispute
    This mortal lie, I shall refute"
    For it was said, in town there lived
    An alchemist who knew to give
    Some potions of a potent sort
    That age and even death could thwart

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