*blinks* Wow... 'Dis is coolness!!!! There are so many plots this could take, and the characters are really neat! ^-^ I became absorbed in the first few sentences!
There are a few mistakes, but they're so few I wouldn't worry too much about them. The description was excellent: not too much where it gets boring, but enough for me to paint a detailed picture in my head. Excellent work! Two big thumbs up!