Welcome back to TPM, Kyuuketsuki! Hope you can stick around even longer this time!

Keep going with this fic; I think it has promise. I can see what you mean about the writing style (the tenses are a little bit skewed here and there) but there is an observational aspect to your narration that is refreshing and shows some genuine talent, I think (things like Maylene noting how her conversations with Candice are shallow, etc. - I can relate to this). So, nice work and keep it up.

Cheers!