Poetry Corner

[Oslo]

Wow, man, your poetry always hits something deep inside ... This piece, I feel, could be even shorter and be more effective and resonant, but the images that you have included are just breathtaking. Those splayed nerves and their blue fragility. Whoa. Nice work.

Thanks! I definitely agree that less is often more, so I like the idea of trimming the fat with this particular poem. What lines specifically do you think I perhaps could/should excise? I'm thinking lines 6 to 9 could be removed and the poem would still hold together effectively. The ending also reads kind of baggy now that I think about it.