Does rejecting give women an ego-rush or something? (follow up to shazza's topic)

[Asilynne]

I for one am glad chilvary is not dead, some of us ladies love it and don't abuse it! Just be observant and avoid the bitches :3

[Zak]

I for one am glad chilvary is not dead, some of us ladies love it and don't abuse it! Just be observant and avoid the bitches :3

I'm sure the ones who do abuse it could be capable of saying those exact same words and putting on a show as part of it. Not saying you are one of them, not that it's any of my business, just pointing that out and how fake they can be.

[Greyfox]

Girls get asked out constantly. By guys they know, by guys they don't know, guys who've only seen them once, etc. Hell, just earlier this afternoon one of my coworkers got asked out by a complete stranger.

If they're attractive, then some guy's definitely asked for their number, for a date, or even just sex -- 9 times out of 10, the people asking them out are douchebags. You can only be nice about it so many times before you get tired of being asked.

If they're not interested in you, just leave it at that. The problem's with them, not you. They shouldn't hafta give a reason to why they're rejecting you, because a simple no is enough. Anything more than that is just politeness.

A girl's not shallow because she's got standards. Attraction is very important. Some people get it through appearance, some through personality, and others through a combination of the two.

So the next time you get rejected, just say "Alright then," and leave it at that. Don't call her a bitch, don't demand an explanation, just walk away.

[Zak]

Girls get asked out constantly. By guys they know, by guys they don't know, guys who've only seen them once, etc. Hell, just earlier this afternoon one of my coworkers got asked out by a complete stranger.

If they're attractive, then some guy's definitely asked for their number, for a date, or even just sex -- 9 times out of 10, the people asking them out are douchebags. You can only be nice about it so many times before you get tired of being asked.

If they're not interested in you, just leave it at that. The problem's with them, not you. They shouldn't hafta give a reason to why they're rejecting you, because a simple no is enough. Anything more than that is just politeness.

A girl's not shallow because she's got standards. Attraction is very important. Some people get it through appearance, some through personality, and others through a combination of the two.

So the next time you get rejected, just say "Alright then," and leave it at that. Don't call her a bitch, don't demand an explanation, just walk away.

Did you even bother to read the thread, or did you just blindly assume it was like the 1000 other threads having to do with the same thing? It sounds like you completely missed the point of this topic.

[Greyfox]

I'm gonna be honest with you -- everything I read from you came off as whining over someone rejecting you in a colorful way. I'm not saying that people should berate the people who are asking them out, but I can't also say that I don't blame them for it. Girls get asked out all the time by people they aren't attracted to. All. The. Time. After awhile, you'd start to feel jaded about the entire thing and either be rude about it or antagonistic.

"You could've just said 'no' doesn't cut it, because saying no doesn't work all the time. Hell, it doesn't even work most of the time, because most of the guys that are asking these girls out just refuse to take that for an answer. I'm not saying that you're one of those guys at all -- you could be the nicest guy in the world -- but they don't know that.

You hafta realize that a lot of these girls aren't laughing out of malice or spite. They're doing it because that's the only thing that works. Like I said before, they get asked out constantly. It takes way too much patience to politely decline that many people.

[Zak]

I'm gonna be honest with you -- everything I read from you came off as whining over someone rejecting you in a colorful way.

Well, that first sentence alone clearly you didn't read anything beyond the thread title and did indeed pass it off as one of the million other threads like this.
Because I clearly stated that this had nothing to do with me. And thankfully, for the record, that hasn't even happened in a long time. Nice try though.

If you actually bothered reading my post, Andy, you'd see that I was talking about second-hand comments I see on Facebook, blogs, or overhear during conversations at lunch and stuff that I'm not involved in, and my observations based on that. That is all.


Yeah, so stop talking out of your ass and pretending you actually read any of my posts. Honestly, I would expect better reading comprehension from a former Misc mod.
Not to mention that starting a sentence with "I'm going to be honest" followed by a lie about having read something when you didn't, is kind of intelligence-insulting.


So, yeah, come back when you've actually read it and can contribute something worthwhile rather than foolishly state the obvious like "don't call her a bitch, don't demand an explanation" etc., as that is also kind of intelligence-insulting.

Anyone who tries to justify that would have to be pretty messed up, and at no point in any of my posts did I condone anything remotely close to either of those things. Saying that I did, only makes it difficult for anyone to take you seriously or even believe that you read anything.

[Asilynne]

I'm sure the ones who do abuse it could be capable of saying those exact same words and putting on a show as part of it. Not saying you are one of them, not that it's any of my business, just pointing that out and how fake they can be.

So will you do as the bitchy girls do then, and punish innocents for the actions of a select few, simply because you believe attacking first will keep you from getting hurt by what someone "might" do? No, its easy to become cynical and adopt an "go on the offensive, preempt all possible attacks" policy, but that can hurt innocent people as well as yourself. You'll just become the sort of person you are complaining about.

Life is hard and people will hurt you, gender, race, religion, sexuality, the group doesn't matter and you should never take it as a group thing as the title of this thread suggests. "Why do women..." Groups us all in the same basket when the question should be "why do some people..." You need to learn to take each person as an individual, if one woman hurts you or a friend, thats on HER, not the rest of us. Give people the benefit of the doubt, man up, and face the world unafraid.

I sympathize with you, I really do, but don't use your pain to justify being unkind to any woman just in case shes one of the ones who might use you, because that isn't right, and you may miss out because of it.

As for what type of woman I am, just ask my husband.

[DarkestLight]

As for what type of woman I am, just ask my husband.

As for what type of woman I am, just ask my husband.

:wift clackity clack.::

Ben: DL! It's good to hear from you. I appreciate the letter. Thanks for asking how I am. Asi is a wonderful woman, and a great wife. I see daylight 2 hours a day. Otherwise I am downstairs, chained to our BDSM bed, or I am washing sheets that need to be used for the next night. Sometime I am allowed to interact with the family pets, but when that whistle blows, I know its time to be submissive and suck her toes. It's not a bad lifestyle, I still am allowed to romp in the yard where there a mural of Adelaide she painted for me and I kinda feel like I am at home.

GET-ME-OUT-OF-HERE!

[Magmar]

It did happen to me once, when I was 20. I was starting to find a guy attractive etc.

Interesting story... Something similar happened to me not too long ago, but the context was that I was taken, and I was on the other end of this. I had met a guy at a store I worked at, and he seemed really nice, attractive, "my type" etc. He ended up buying something heavy so I carried it out to his car, and he ultimately asked me for my number. We went on a couple of dates, and I quickly realized that he was the type that thought he could just buy my interest by taking me out on really expensive dates. He bragged about his family legacy, private school education, etc. and that stuff really turns me off because, well, I grew up dirt poor. So he went on vacation for a while and I started to see other people.

A couple months later, I was out at a bar with my roommate talking about how I had a great first date with someone (that someone is actually really special as our one-year anniversary is this week! ) and he was at the bar on a date with someone else. I ignored him.

I saw him out another time... I almost talked to him, but he left in a huff for some reason, so it went unnoticed again.

I finally ran into him while at a bar for a Shangela event. I decided it was worth talking to him and apologizing for not pursuing him and giving him a cold shoulder. He was drunk and actually flipped out on me, belittling me and trying to tear apart my character. I was mindful and purposeful in the conversation, owning what I did do wrong but not owning his accusations because they were unfounded and probably would have made a weaker-willed person break down in tears. Ultimately I told him that if he wanted to remain friends, I was okay with that, but that I am very happy with the man I am with. Turns out my boyfriend went to high school with him, was his summer camp leader, and my new friends I met through my boyfriend (as well as my boyfriend) are all people that eventually cut him off for the same reasons I cut him off. He kept saying that I somehow "stole" his friends when, in reality, they were never his friends and had cut him off long ago...

Since they're all from another state and somehow ended up in my city, that's really awkward.

Well, once this conversation finally ended, he started following me around at the bar, grabbed my butt, kissed his hand and put it on my face, etc. I was really sketched out so I stayed outside the bar for the rest of the show and ultimately ended up being in the right place at the right time, was one of the first to meet Shangela (a famous and ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS drag queen), and practically cried on her shoulder after all that happened <3 she's a sweetheart and told me I'm beautiful so it's all good! I will forever be a fan of Shangela as a result of that evening.

Nonetheless, my lesson learned here is that sometimes even assholes try to come across as nice guys, but their facade is quickly revealed once you get to know them.

As for being turned down... Well, I've done my share of turning down men, actually, turned down so many guys it's probably shameful. I can't even go to the bar without being hit on repeatedly, even once I insist I have a boyfriend and show pictures on my phone and everything. It's like a happily taken guy is the hardest to get and it becomes a challenge. I can't even just be nice to strangers sitting near me without people asking for my number. So instead, I try to set them up with my roommate and play matchmaker all night... Much more fulfilling (and fun!), and usually works out well! Apparently I define 'extravert'. But I never shame people I've rejected... unless they're persistent once I disclose my relationship status. It's not funny or cool to turn someone down... It's a necessary evil.

I guess the moral of this story is, just be yourself and smile often, and people will gravitate towards you because they will want to know you. Zak, you seem like you're highly intelligent and have a sharp wit, so maybe you should approach some introverts who also seem to be very smart. I don't think you'd be a good fit with someone who likes to turn people down for fun. You'll find her. She's out there